4 MINDSET RESETS to Stop Chasing Perfectionism! You’ll never be Resilient if you have to be “Perfect.”

DONE’s always better than Perfect.

We all want to be resilient.

We want to be able to withstand life’s hardships.

We want to see ourselves as strong and capable, no matter the circumstance.

But you’ll never get there if you’re a Perfectionist.

Why?

MINDSET RESET #1: Perfectionism’s Inextricably Tied to Your Ego

The worst part about being a Perfectionist, is you personalize your results far more than you should.

You over-identify with your performance.

Your results are too intertwined with your Ego.

It all comes down to the thoughts you think, to what you’re saying to yourself.

Like, “You have to get 100%!”

But, no, that’s not all.

As all Perfectionists know, your brain might not verbalize it, but deep down, you’re thinking, “I have to get 100% to be worthy.”

Or worse, “to be loved.”

Oh, how insidious this Limiting Belief can be!

Thinking this way makes it significantly harder to bounce back, when you fail to achieve everything you’d set out to do.

Falling short becomes extremely painful.

Because you feel not only dejected, you feel rejected.

Like you’ve been cast out of the tribe.

Like you’re less-then.

Like you simply don’t belong.

No matter how badly you feel, you have to realize Perfectionism is a liar!

You’re suffering emotionally more than reality requires.

So don’t.

Don’t attach so much meaning to your results.

Your results don’t define you or your value.

You are worthy, no matter what.

MINDSET RESET #2: Perfectionism Makes You Less Likely to Seek Out or Lean Into Challenges

The fear that comes with pursuing Perfectionism can make you avoid challenges.

I mean, why would you want a challenge that would cause immense emotional suffering if you fell short by even a little bit?

You wouldn’t. If you’re a Perfectionist, you’d want to stay put, where you are, where you know what to expect, where you’re sure you can get that 100%.

You’d avoid.

Problem is: Avoidance is not the answer.

Because challenges are precisely what we need to grow.

Challenges are required to build our resilience.

To train our minds to learn from our mistakes.

To gain the lived experience that we need, to see where potential pitfalls may be in the future, so we can avoid or address them better next time.

MINDSET RESET #3: Perfectionism Blinds Us

Being a Perfectionist prevents you from seeing the full picture.

You fail to realize that every failure is actually a lesson that provides valuable insight in what not to do, in what doesn’t work.

You fail to see those crucial details because you’re focused on seeing lack rather than knowledge gained.

MINDSET RESET #4: Perfectionism Wastes Your Time & Energy on Feeling like *@@*!

If you’re not careful, you end up wasting your time and energy, focusing on the fact that you “failed.”

Criticizing yourself endlessly.

Getting lost in a never-ending loop of “what if’s” and “if only’s.”

You waste time blaming yourself for not being more than you think you should have been.

You bring in all of these negative emotions — like shame, guilt, anger, and despair — that make your nervous system dysregulated and flood your body with neurochemicals that don’t serve you.

This is wasted energy.

Get Rid of Perfectionism!

Use all of your biochemical resources to coach yourself to success.

Breathe deeply.

Focus your sights on the future.

Be calm and centered in your analysis.

Take an objective, well-reasoned approach to understanding what happened, so you can improve in every practical way you can.

Do this and, over time, you’ll gain wisdom. A broad perspective to analyze your shortcomings.

You’ll understand there are opportunities to improve your performance, but you’ll be able to maintain a healthy dose of optimism.

Setbacks can be viewed in the proper perspective.

And sometimes, you’ll realize the problem isn’t even related to you.

Often, at least some aspect of your “results,” are completely out of your control.

Or, a setback can be limited to this one specific circumstance.

JUST REMEMBER: Pruning a Bad Habit is all about Repetition, Repetition, Repetition!

So maintain a healthy perspective.

It’s okay to realize, “Once a Perfectionist, a Longtime Perfectionist you’ll most likely be.”

Give yourself grace!

It takes an extensive amount of time to get rid of any bad habit, and Perfectionism’s one of the absolute worst.

After all, most Perfectionism is deeply rooted in fear. From childhood. Or some other long-lasting, high-impact scenario.

It wasn’t wired into our brains in one day.

So, it doesn’t do us any good to think we can get rid of it fast, “once and for all.”

It’s about getting rid of it “one day at a time,” one challenge at a time.

To do that, we must slow down.

When an outcome is less than we might have hoped for, we have to take the time to explain in objective, rational terms how we could improve upon our performance the next time.

Without wasting precious time or energy.

Without finding fault with ourselves as a person.

Without making it a sign that we’re defective or less-than somehow.

That can be hard when the Inner Critic’s yapping away.

But that’s the real battle that’s being waged.

Because it’s not always the external challenge that’s the most formidable foe.

Sometimes, it’s the Inner Critic we need to fight, until s/he backs down.

The Mindset Resets above may just be what it takes.

To re-direct our focus and attention on what truly matters.

Do that again and again, over and over, in situation after situation, and eventually we won’t see “less-than-100%” as a “failure.”

We won’t even call it a “setback” anymore.

Because, the more we do this deliberate practice, the less “less-than-100%” will threaten our sense of Self.

We’ll move forward faster.

Maintain accurate self-esteem.

Have the resilience to keep doing and trying harder things.

And know we’re worthy. We’re always learning and forever valuable.

The Recovering Perfectionist in me honors & respects the Recovering Perfectionist in each of you,

Marisa

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