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Every day, I share 1 FREE M&M (Mindset & Meditation) Post to build Unstoppable Self-Belief.

You tell me, “I have low self-esteem.”

I say, “NOPE!”

You give me the stink eye and probably want to cuss me out. You think, What does Marisa know about me anyway?! We’re strangers. She doesn’t know what I go through, mentally or emotionally.

I nod my head as if I know what you must be thinking, and admit, “I don’t know you. I don’t know what you think when you’re down on yourself. But,” I say, quite confidently, “I’d bet a million dollars you’re just like me…and we all suffer from the false belief that we’ve got a pretty good memory.”

You balk at this, too. You do think you have a good memory.

You tell me, “If I’d planned to make dinner tonight, I’d be able to go to the grocery store and get everything I needed for one of my go-to recipes. No need for a grocery list. My memory’s reliable.”

“Sure, sure,” I agree. “But that’s when your emotions aren’t running high. That’s not when you’re feeling fearful or anxious. And again, I’d be willing to bet, that whenever you’ve felt bad about yourself, whenever you’ve felt like you have low self-esteem, it’s not actually true.”

You don’t suffer from Low Self-Esteem. You’ve simply forgotten who you are.

Just think about it.

Let’s say you’re about to go to a party. There will be people there you do not know.

All of a sudden, your palms start to sweat. You imagine saying Hello and choking up.

You picture yourself needing some liquid courage to get the words out.

You’re reminded of those times that you were excluded back in grade school.

Then you start telling yourself a story — maybe it’s your longtime Limiting Belief that says, I have capital S, capital A, “Social Anxiety.”

Now you’ve only got about an hour until you have to leave for this party, and you’re coming up with excuses for how you’re going to get out of it.

Would that serve you?

Of course not.

Not only will you be telling your brain that there really is something wrong with you, you will be subconsciously reinforcing the belief that you suffer from a serious mental impairment.

If you do skip the party, you will absolutely keep your comfort zone small. You will never grow beyond that, and the next time you’re invited to a party, you’re going to be just as afraid to go, if not more so.

But what if all of this is completely avoidable?

What if a simple Mindset Reset could solve it all?

What if you didn’t need any liquid courage to get you from point A to point B, from holing up at home, to driving over to that party?

Tell yourself the TRUTH: You do not have low self-esteem! You simply have AMNESIA!

The truth is, you do not have social anxiety.

Unless you have seen a psychiatrist and been formally diagnosed with a severe chronic fear that is debilitating, you do not have “social anxiety,” so stop telling yourself that!

The story you need to tell yourself is clear and simple:

The truth is, you simply need to develop ACCURATE self-esteem.

How do we define “self-esteem”?

Self-Esteem is what we think about ourselves.

But — to be ACCURATE — we need to have a clear assessment of who we actually are.

We need to see and actually remember our strengths when we need to. Not only when we’re already in a positive mood, but especially when we’re afraid and fearful, when our nervous system is dysregulated.

Does that mean that we need to artificially inflate our egos?

No.

In this example, having positive self-esteem doesn’t mean you believe you’re going to enter the room like some movie star or Mr. 007, all suave, like everyone’s going to be hanging on your every word at this party. No, you don’t have to take it that far, obviously.

But, you do need to force yourself to make an accurate self-assessment.

No matter who you are, no matter what level of anxiety you may feel in social situations, there has to have been at least a handful of times in your life when you felt comfortable among other people.

Maybe it was with your family. Or your best friend.

Times when you might have been able to tell stories that were entertaining.

When you got other people to laugh.

When you got other people to smile.

When you supported other people and were a great listener.

These are all instances that you need to force yourself to remember when you’re feeling afraid.

Build Your Arsenal of Accurate Self-Esteem!

The easiest way to do that is to stop telling yourself a false story, and to start collecting evidence.

Simply think of at least five times in the past that you have succeeded socially.

Remind yourself that you have the capability to do it again.

Then get yourself to that party.

And just be open to seeing where it might lead.

Even if you utter only a few words, or say hi to just a few people before you leave, that’s still better than sitting around at home and expecting yourself to get better by keeping your comfort zone small.

When you go to that party and you have even the smallest positive reaction — maybe it’s just a simple smile — that is a WIN.

That is evidence that you can use to Build Your Arsenal of Positive Self-Belief and actively change the false narrative, the false story, that you are telling yourself about yourself.

Apply the same process, no matter the scenario.

The next time you think, Oh I feel so bad about myself, and you sense that horrible feeling of low self-esteem, STOP it immediately.

Use the Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice that I explained in this separate post, and apply it to this M&M that I wrote (handwritten, just for you):

Every time I am down on myself,

I give myself a reality check:

I list five things I am good at.

I remember my strengths.

I see who I actually am, and who I choose to be:

A person who protects my Positive Mindset.

A person who maintains Accurate Self-Esteem.

And commit to this M&M practice.

Every single time you are down on yourself, give yourself a reality check.

List five things you are good at.

Remember your strengths.

Remember who you actually are, and who you choose to be:

Tell yourself,

I am a person who protects my positive mindset.

I am a person who maintains accurate self-esteem.

Then repeat, repeat, repeat, until it’s second nature and you don’t feel the need to repeat it anymore.

It’s that simple.

You don’t need to over complicate it.

You CAN coach yourself to success.

All it takes is repetition to develop Accurate Self-Esteem.

The Coach inside of me honors & respects the Coach in each of you,

Marisa