EMBRACE Imperfection!

STOP Your Suffering!

Like everyone, I’m imperfect. Want proof? See my YouTube VIDEO linked below.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Here’s what’s equally true:

Perfectionism is the Thief of Authenticity.

Perfectionism takes away our ability to BE SEEN for who we are.

And that robs us of the opportunity to develop true connection.

Imagine the girl who’s interested in a guy who’s a Football Fanatic.

Since the first time she met him, she’s known he’s into football, his face painted to match the jersey he wears for his favorite team. It’s his lifelong obsession, to worship at the alter of every televised game. He loves it!

She doesn’t.

But she wants him to want her.

So she pretends to love football.

Never mind the fact that she grew up in a house full of men who loved the opposing team. And every time the game played on the tube, she slinked away to her room, to gorge herself on the latest series of historical fiction books.

She couldn’t care less about the score or who was going to the Super Bowl.

But then he came along.

For the first time in her life, the football terms for all the plays she’s learned enter the forefront of her mind.

She’d come to understand football through osmosis, gained purely from breathing the same oxygen in the same rooms, in the same house, as her football-cheering family.

It didn’t take. She was never interested in any of it.

But her longing for him’s motivating her to recall all that subliminal messaging, that Rah rah rah! for the love of The Game.

She puts on a jersey for the same team as her potential beau, and mimics the excited expression her dad and brothers plaster on their faces, when they cheer for their team to win.

What is this?

It’s a form of Masking, and it’s also a form of Perfectionism:

It’s an attempt to look “Perfect” in her (hopefully) soon-to-be boyfriend’s eyes.

But what happens when she does catch his eye. When they do “hit it off”?

She gives him the impression that she loves football just as much as he does.

And, despite the fact that her family loves “the wrong team,” he can forgive that, because she’s not like any of the other girls he’s met before, who don’t enjoy the football he so loves watching.

Week after week, game after game, she puts on a convincing show; and, years later, they get engaged. They get married. They have a son and daughter. All four of them don the jerseys and cheer excitedly on the couch every time.

Except she’s still feigning her excitement. All these years later, what she could once mask, now makes her skin crawl. She can hardly stand football anymore.

Secretly, she wants to save up for the next book conference coming to town, to get her cherished dog-eared books signed by her favorite authors.

No, she wants to tell her husband, I do NOT want to save up to go to the Super Bowl.

But she stays silent.

Hour after hour, she sees her husband watching those plays, his face expertly painted to match the same paint on her kids’ faces…

And hers.

She’s wearing a literal mask now.

And she wants more than anything to claw the mask off.

What do you think?

Do you consider this a minor mistake?

A white lie?

I don’t.

It’s Perfectionism gone horribly awry.

Perfectionism, to appease and appeal to others.

Taken to the extreme, it’s a Mask worn so long, it will be terribly hard to pry off.

Imagine the emotions she’d feel if she finally confesses.

Her embarrassment.

She was once indifferent to football, but now her self-inflicted, “forced” participation in the football festivities has caused her to HATE all things football.

Imagine the shame of realizing one day that she’d pretended to be someone she’s not.

And, imagine his shock, if she decides to finally reveal this.

The disappointment he’d feel upon discovering the truth.

Would it destroy their marriage?

Perhaps not, if he truly loved and accepted her.

But, there’s always the risk that he’d feel he never truly knew her.

There’s the risk that their seeming closeness would dissipate and perhaps disappear in one quick Poof!

Let this be a lesson:

None of us should pretend to be Perfect.

None of us should Mask who we are.

We need to be wary of this tendency.

Because it can start in the smallest of ways.

Like in this story, something small can grow exponentially.

It’s insidious that way.

Uncontrolled, it can expand and make your life a farce.

Especially if we lie to ourselves, about who we truly are, to try to be what we think Perfection means to others, to gain other people’s love and acceptance.

Worst of all…

Trying to appear Perfect prevents us from being seen for who we truly are.

It robs us of the ability to be LOVED by people who can relate to and connect with the REAL, AUTHENTIC US!

And, it’s sadly ironic that our IMPERFECTIONS are often what others find most endearing about us.

Let’s say (to make the story palatable), her husband’s not only a football fanatic, he’s so into football that not loving football would’ve been a deal breaker. And no kids in this variation (lest we all ball our eyes out in a world where her two precious kids don’t exist).

What could have happened if she’d NEVER pretended to be the “Perfect” Football Fanatic of His Dreams?

She may not have lasted past the first date with this guy, but no matter. She was fulfilled attending many a Book Conference and, at the last one, she met a fellow Reader. He’s just as excited for the latest book release, and they’re now part of the same Book Club. Connecting, they could’ve hit it off right away. They could have bonded over many meals discussing what they were reading. He’s kind, gentle, and well-read, and he’s got the Emotional Intelligence we all hope to have. He checks all of the boxes she’s envisioned for herself, since she was a teen. Like a Knight in the historical romance of her dreams.

In this world, she would KNOW what she actually wanted, because she wasn’t wasting time trying to be fake, to “want” what someone else defines “Perfect” to be.

She would’ve saved that energy to use on herself, to focus on getting to know her wants, preferences, desires, hopes, and dreams.

So, EMBRACE Imperfection: Learn Who YOU Are, and You’ll Learn to LOVE YOURSELF!

When you EMBRACE your so-called “Imperfections,” you’ll discover all the foibles and quirks that make you unique.

These “Imperfections” are positives, not negatives.

They only look like negatives because we’re afraid of how they’ll be perceived in someone else’s eyes.

But fear is the Greatest Liar.

So, overcome the bad habit of trying to be Perfect.

Give Imperfection a chance!

You will often find that nothing bad happens!

So all your ruminating, worrying, masking, delayed actions (procrastination) or canceled actions (full-on suppression) are pointless!

Think of all that wasted time! That fruitless suffering!

That’s why it pays to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!

For example, take my most recent Thanksgiving SONG + VIDEO:

Publishing this is so unlike the Old Perfectionist Me.

• It’s not pre-planned.

• It’s off the cuff.

• It’s rushed, done right before my kids came home early for Thanksgiving break.

• There’s no background music to accompany my singing.

• I didn’t use any special equipment to record it, just my iPhone, and there was so much feedback that I had to whisper-sing it.

• As a result, some notes sound flat! The Old Perfectionist Me is absolutely MORTIFIED!

• The video lacks any transitions.

• It falls short compared to all of the other YouTubers out there.

• It’s soooooooo very NOT Perfect!

Guess what?

I posted it anyway, as IMperfect as it is!

Because I mean what I’m saying here: it’s better to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!

Take it from me, someone who was imprisoned for years trying to be a “super serious Attorney,” following the “advice” — both implicit and explicit — from family, friends, and colleagues telling me to NOT pursue Creative Work.

I tell you now, after years of suffering mentally, emotionally, and physically, with sky-high stress, anxiety, and depression, PERFECTIONISM was KILLING ME from the inside out.

Do not make the same mistake I did.

Pursuing what other people defined as “Perfect” not only put me in a cage…

I fractured my very Self by SUPPRESSING my Creative Dreams!

To hell with that!

I’m now choosing TO HONOR MYSELF and will be the perceived Imperfect Me, ON PURPOSE!

This does not mean that I allow myself to lack high standards.

This does not mean that I do not try my best, based on my current capabilities.

This does not mean that I will release videos that are terrible, replete with 10 minutes of um’s, because I value your time.

But it does mean that…

I will honor my Authentic Imperfect Self by NOT contorting myself into someone I am not.

Not again. Not now. Not ever.

And you can see, in this video, I don’t wear a Mask or fake what my Inner Critic thinks a Perfect “YouTuber” has to be: A person who never says any um’s and never pauses at all. There’s no perfectly manicured image, no hair in a perfect blowout or nails done. Nor speaking from a pedestal. I’m not a guru. I’m not trying to use vocabulary straight from the SATs.

No, my goal is to be Authentically Imperfect and “Real.”

To show my true Self and feel what it feels like to be accepted for who I truly am.

With all the honest mistakes I might make.

Because I am finally brave enough to show my real Self — in public.

Because I am done rejecting who I am.

And I will no longer hide my true Self.

That Video is PROOF.

It’s up on my YouTube page for all to see.

Like a handprint plastered onto an ancient cave, I’ve dared to not only post it, but keep it there for years to come. To prove to myself I was once brave enough.

And it taught me a wonderful lesson:

Being Imperfect ON PURPOSE lets you BREAK FREE!

• Of other people’s expectations

• Of rigid self-imposed Limiting Beliefs

It gives you the freedom to be human.

To give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn, grow, and evolve.

And the more I take actions to choose myself, as imperfect as I am, I’ve learned, I don’t have to be trapped in a life not worth living.

I don’t have to go through life like a zombie to appease other people. To make them like or love me.

I can give myself the permission to simply BE WHO I AM.

I can give myself the love that I seek.

Will you join me and do the same?

EMBRACE whatever you perceive to be “Imperfect” — ON PURPOSE!

and you’ll find it’s not Imperfect after all.

It’s the first step on the path to Self-Love and Self-Acceptance.

To discovering your Truest, Most Authentic Self.

That’s a world full of promise and potential.

It’s my greatest hope for the World I’m envisioning.

It’s the WHY behind my writing about Self-Improvement: because I truly believe the world would be a far happier and safer place if we could all stop pretending to be Perfect, to stop trying to be who we are not, to be who we are meant to be, to learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly.

Being brave enough to show the world our True, Authentic Self is not only how we find the *right people* who are meant for us…

It’s how we find out WHO WE ARE, for OURSELVES.

The Bravest Imperfect Me honors & respects the (I Hope) Brave-Enough-to-Be Imperfect You,

Marisa