Their words echo in my mind. No wonder why I’m Bleeding Love.
“YOU can’t make money doing Creative Work.”
As you know, in my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (“JC”). This week turned my world upside down because we are on Week #6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance.
Do not let that title fool you. This Chapter is really not for the faint of heart.
It struck me like a lightning bolt, to the core of Who I Am.
I’m not talking about some little gut punch, or a blissful A-ha moment.
That doesn’t capture how much it’s transformed my mindset, changed my trajectory, and altered the structure of my life, to become the person that I choose to be.
You’re probably wondering, What could possibly be so scary about abundance?
I can tell you right now, it’s because JC’s asking us to…
Tackle the monster of all Limiting Beliefs:
💵 Money, Money, Money! 💴
JC says some people believe money is bad. Others will only spend money on necessities, but refuse to spend money on things that are frivolous “luxuries” — when, really, buying them nurtures our creative spirit and is therefore necessary self-care.
And, beyond the necessities, money can allow us to be better stewards, to take care of ourselves, those we love, and society.
Most of all, money can give us freedom. To spend time doing what enlivens us. To live where we want to. To travel the world. To enjoy life’s many pleasures. To broaden the potential experiences we can enjoy in our lives.
Money matters! We all want it. We all need it. But do we have Limiting Beliefs about how we have to earn it?!
According to JC, people often believe that it’s hard to make money doing Creative Work. That the Universe will help us to make money if we’re working a serious, usually stressful, job, but the Universe wouldn’t help us just as easily to make money doing a job that’s fun or creative.
As JC puts it, “Most of us harbor a secret belief that work has to be work and not play….”
It’s time to get real.
I confess, I find it hard to believe that I could make enough money to not only survive, but thrive with Creative Work.
Even though there’s obviously tens of thousands of people making money with their Creative Work, I have a hard time envisioning me being able to do it. Because of how I was raised and told to pursue a limited number of “professions” — all of them “serious” and stressful — I often feel like other people are “allowed to have” creative careers, but not me…. Never me.
At my age, it’s laughable that I still feel this restriction inside of myself. But it’s rooted so deep in my lived experience, felt emotions, and sense of Self that I need to make a concrete plan to overcome it. Not just intellectually, but in my emotions and body. Or I will not be able to remove this. It’s blocking my ability to make money with my Creativity.
How can I do that? The practical mindset. The Type A, To-Do List Go-Getter inside of me immediately says, “You have to research exactly how other people make money doing creative work. Then see, if you do the same exact thing, will it work for you?“ In other words, reverse-engineer all of it and do everything methodically step-by-step until you achieve success. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful plan? It sounds perfectly reasonable.
But, when journaling, I found myself troubled by a specific Limiting Belief: I don’t have enough time. Because I’ve taken so damn long to honor my Authentic Self and go on this “Attorney-to-Creative” Journey.
I thought I was “over it” — that I had gotten rid of the Limiting Belief “I don’t have time” — by committing myself to making 1 Substack Post per week. I might be slow, but at least I’d be making progress every week. That helped me to calm down and ease some of my anxiety about my Creative Work. But, then I had my recent health scare, and the same Limiting Belief came roaring back, screaming, You don’t have enough time! You’re too late! Game’s over!
That’s the record that kept replaying in my mind the entire time I waited for the results of my breast biopsy. Thankfully, it was benign.
But, my mind still whispered, “For now.” There’s been many cancer-related deaths in my family, on both sides. I’ve accepted that I might be diagnosed with cancer one day. It’s not certain, but it is a likely possibility. Sadly, that record’s going to keep replaying.
BUT, what if “You don’t have enough time” is a blessing in disguise?
While I was waiting for the results, I experienced an amazing synchronicity.
I logged into my YouTube and watched a video posted by Substacker Marketing Pro, Kristina God, interviewing one of my favorite writers, Karen Salmansohn.
This was a match made in heaven. Kristina’s shows everyone how they, too, can make money writing on Substack and Medium. She’s generous with her knowledge. She & Patrick just created a Collaboration Tool for Substack. And she inspires me as a fellow YouTuber, too!
And here she was, interviewing Karen, a bestselling author & designer. I’ve been a fan of Karen’s for a long time! I distinctly remember reading her books years ago, when I was deciding whether I could be brave enough. To ignore the naysayers who could only see me as an Attorney, who warned me to not-write fiction or pursue music or art, lest I be seen as “not a serious Attorney.” I loved reading Karen’s books. I saw how she’d melded her writing with awesome visuals that spoke directly to the Artist inside of me. And she gave advice about how to navigate life’s ups and downs in a way that was realistic, engaging, and funny!
As you know from reading my Substack Bio, or any of my work on Substack/Medium/YouTube, I firmly believe that self-improvement doesn’t have to be boring or stuffy; we can entrain our brains to get rid of Limiting Beliefs and adopt unstoppable self-belief in a way that’s not only science-backed, but FUN!
Ultimately, Kristina, Karen, and many other Creatives on Substack are PROOF that there is a way for me to make a living with my Creative Work, too.
And, what perfect timing, too! Check out the title of their YouTube Video: “Life is Short! Write NOW!” That’s the message in Karen’s new book, Your To-Die-For Life!
Seriously, could the topics they discussed be any more timely for me? Like this one:
- Why writing with the end in mind, even imagining your own eulogy, can fuel your most meaningful work, among many other insightful topics.
The Creative in me was screaming, “YASSSS!” 🔥
It felt MAGICAL…like synchronicity!
Even though I’m an I-want-it-to-be-science-backed type of person. A skeptic.
Even though my mind loves data & always asks, “Is that true?” Despite all that…
Just like JC said, it felt like the Universe was showing me a SIGN: You better pay attention, because their message is MEANT FOR YOU.
So, OF COURSE, I had to let them know:
Their Video was the message that I really needed. I was so grateful to hear it, especially while my nerves were frayed, waiting for those biopsy results.
And, how blessed I was to finally get the results later that same afternoon: Benign.
Not like my great aunt, who’d died from breast cancer.
Not like my two friends who’d had cancer, too.
Not cancer. Not for me. At least not now.
I could be GRATEFUL. I could relax a bit.
I did have time. And renewed motivation to not waste it.
I felt BLESSED. So blessed, I wrote this Post, dedicating myself to having a regular Death Practice: Memento Mori vs. When Shit Gets Real, are you ready?
I thought that was it.
But WAIT…there’s MORE!
Out of the blue, a few days later, Kristina let me know I WON a Paid Subscription to Karen’s Substack Newsletter, The Stand Up Philosopher: Weighty Musings, Lightly Served.
The Creative in me was screaming, “YASSSS!” 🔥 — again!
What does it all mean?!
The meaning I’m choosing to give it:
I’m letting Julia Cameron’s message sink in, too. I’m ready to launch into the Unknown.
Instead of relying solely on my typical preference for the highly-practical and logical Left Hemisphere of my brain, that relies heavily on me being able to control all of the inputs in the hope that I can control the outcome of everything I do, I’m going to…
- Study the Business side of making a Creative Career work: Marketing, Advertising, and — YES — Monetization
But — for the first time in my life — I’m going to take the completely opposite Right-Hemisphere approach, as well. Why? Because I’ve lived my life for decades the Left-Hemisphere-ONLY way, and it hasn’t worked for me: For the longest time, I didn’t publish any of my creative work. I didn’t share it with the world because I far too logical and “sensible.” I tried to stay in my box, to draw inside the lines, to do what other people said I “should do.” To check off all the boxes that people said I “have to” check off.
Where did that get me? It’s gotten me far enough that I’m actually publishing my creative work — whether it’s my science fiction series or my artwork or my music. But it’s never gotten me over the finish line. It hasn’t allowed me to eradicate this Limiting Belief that “YOU, Marisa, cannot make money doing creative work.”
So I plan to take the exact opposite approach: Instead of only creating a To Do List, and following it to a T, I’m going to lean into my intuition, into the creative Right-Hemisphere side of my brain, and just see what happens.
Like JC recommends, I am going to clearly identify the WHAT that I want:
“I want to make so much money with my creative work that I can choose to do it full-time if I want to.”
Omg. Did I say that out loud?! Did I just write that — where people can actually see it?!
I can’t stop laughing. It sounds absolutely ridiculous to me to be writing that right now.
No part of my intellectual side believes that this is ever going to be a possibility.
But the Dreamer inside of me, the Creative inside of me, is screaming from the depths of my soul, “THIS is what I want!”
But, my dear fellow classmates, that’s not even the hardest part. Teacher says:
JC says that we need to identify the WHAT, then let the universe take care of the HOW.
Honestly, I find this incredibly hard to believe. IT FEELS EXTREMELY WOO-WOO.
But, at the same time, it also feels strangely comforting.
To believe that the Universe will bring me the opportunities, people, and experiences that I seek, and — if I accept them & take action — my actions will propel me closer to my goal…it will WORK?!
That I can feel my way through the darkness, using my intuition as a guide?
It makes me feel…what? Uncertainty yes, but also a bit of comfort, and excited as well.
WISH ME LUCK!
- I am going to try to have a more open mind.
- I am going to lean into not-knowing.
- I am going to meditate & enter a state of Receivership.
- I am going to leave room for the Universe to surprise me with the HOW. And,
- I am going to listen to my intuition, just like Kristina & Karen said: starting right NOW!
So, this morning, I recorded this song.
If you listen to the lyrics, you’ll see how perfectly it describes how I fractured my Self when I failed to honor my creative dreams for so many years.
These words capture my pain and the fear that I’ve had for most of my life: That if I truly embodied my Authentic Self and went 100% all-in, to being a Creative who makes money doing creative work, I would not be loved or accepted.
But I’m no longer willing to make the mistake of listening to those naysayers, to those gatekeepers who are keeping me from being my true Authentic Self.
Ignoring my Authentic Self is what cut me open, and failing to honor my Creativity is what caused my Bleeding Love.
That’s why I’m singing this “Bleeding Love” song today, not as me singing to some lover, but me singing to the Creative I long to fully be. The Creative I wish I could be in this world.
Could I ever make money doing creative work?
Would people pay for my music, my creative writing, or my artwork?
Would people part with their hard-earned money to buy
- A Paid Subscription to my Newsletter?
- my music on SoundCloud?
- my science fiction books on Amazon?
Can I make $ with my Creative Work, anywhere?
I don’t know. But singing this song lets me express the longing I feel, to be who I truly am. And I’m going to keep singing & using my voice. In writing. In music. In art.
Here’s to not-knowing, but doing the work anyway.
Here’s to proclaiming the WHAT and not-knowing the HOW.
Here’s to being who you CHOOSE to be.
The Mind That’s Open to Receiving in Me honors & respects the Mind That’s Open to Receiving in You,
Marisa
🤔 Now, take a Mindful Minute to reflect on your life: 🤔
⭐️ Do YOU have Limiting Beliefs that are blocking you from making money doing what YOU love to do? What actions are you taking, to pursue what you really want before Death comes knocking? ⭐️
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