Which Motivational Mindset wins?

Your Mindset will Make or Break you

The 1 Question To Lock In Your Motivational Mindset

STOP! Don’t waste time.

Here’s the ONE Question you must ask yourself if you want to achieve.

In the rush to achieve, we often jump right in, guns blazing.

Only to stop a short time later, when we feel the first twinge of uncertainty.

A part of us recoils and wonders, “Do I really want to do this?”

Or maybe our reaction’s stronger, like a whiff of Limburger — the world’s stinkiest cheese — that assaults your nose and tells your brain to stop in its tracks.

“Nope!” Your mind discourages you. The Inner Critic lulls you into thinking, “We’re not gonna take action today. At least, not right now….”

Your brain comes up with all sorts of barriers to action. Random fences go up. Like, “It’s got to be perfect before I can post it.”

Or, maybe you don’t even get that far. You think, “Look at all these papers lying around. I have to clean my office before I can get to work.”

Or, your mind wanders, thinking of that new bottle of wine you’d much rather enjoy. After a long hard day, you give up on your side hustle, thinking, “I deserve a nice glass of wine. I need this break.”

Or friends shoot you a text, inviting you to come over for trivia and you think, “I can’t miss that.”

STOP!

No, I don’t mean stop taking action.

I mean the exact opposite.

The very FIRST ACTION you must take is to…

Ask yourself the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: “What’s my motivational mindset — right now?”

See those italics? That’s no accident.

Right now is what’s critical because, let’s face it, our Motivational Mindset changes, depending on our mood, depending on what outer circumstances are affecting us.

Or, more accurately, depending on how we allow or don’t allow those outer circumstances to affect our emotions and change our plan or not.

It’s not our fault.

We’re human. We cannot shut down our feelings as they arise. We are not robots.

So let’s not expect our Motivational Mindset to stay static like a machine.

But…that doesn’t mean we’re not responsible.

It’s not our fault, but it IS our responsibility:

We must choose the RIGHT mindset,

at the RIGHT time,

to take the RIGHT action.

Why the emphasis on the RIGHT mindset, time, and action?

Because we often choose the WRONG mindset.

It’s not that the Mindset is wrong, per se.

It’s just that the Mindset is not effective for us at this moment in time.

Take, for example, the guy or gal who’s a Type A personality. Let’s imagine that they were raised from a young age to kill it in sports. This has instilled a strong drive to attack their personal or work goals in the same way. Their favorite Coach was a David Goggins-type leader.

For the uninitiated, David Goggins is famous for his relentless dressing-down of his Inner Self. He was once obese, but coached himself to not only lose the weight, but become a celebrated Navy SEAL. Did he accomplish this feat by singing kumbaya or looking in a mirror to tell himself, “I love you”?!

No, the great DG is famous for telling himself things like, “You’re a lazy piece of shit!” He became his own Inner Drill Sergeant.

To many people the things that he said to himself would be considered abusive.

But, hey, it worked and continues to work for him. He’s become a massive success, not only within the military, but as an accomplished Author and Speaker.

So, what’s that mean for us?

Naturally, we see how Successful People do it, and we choose to emulate them.

“If it worked for them,” we think, “it will work for me.”

Or, from a young age, we’re taught to achieve in a particular way.

For the David Goggins of the world, I like to call their approach “Going Hard.”

It’s the easy shorthand I use, to identify what it means when people motivate themselves…

To achieve with grit and determination — on one end of the spectrum —

To “put in more hours” and “work harder than the competition” — in the middle —

To abusive self-hatred, like “you’re worthless” — on the farthest, opposite end.

Oh, it’s astounding what humans will say, the pain they’ll willingly inflict upon themselves, to achieve their goals and dreams!

For many years, I aligned myself with the “Go Hard” approach.

Not because “Going Hard” came naturally to me.

But because of how I was raised.

When I think back on my childhood, I believe I was born a natural Introvert.

But, my family raised me with a strong emphasis on education. I was expected to not only get the A, but I better get the A+.

So, naturally, I sensed I ought to be like the high achievers I saw around me.

I learned to practice and master the skills I needed to achieve, so much so that I now consider myself an Ambivert: someone who can pivot to Extrovert when needed to accomplish my goals.

However, I made a mistake.

The mistake wasn’t in acquiring the skills.

My mistake was becoming too RIGID, when choosing my Motivational Mindset.

Again, if you do this, I don’t blame you.

You’re probably like me:

We live in this accomplishment-driven society.

We see the “Go Hard” approach everywhere we look.

We want to do well in school and in life.

So, yes, we’re constantly “Going Hard.”

“Going Hard” works. So why change it?

Because “Going HARD” works…until it doesn’t.

How do I know?

When I became an Attorney and started to practice law, old habits died hard.

I couldn’t help but look at the Partners in the law firm and there was one in particular I’ve written about multiple times because of his relentlessly unsavory behavior (#1, #2, and #3).

Yes, he’d “made it” to a very lucrative position and high status in the firm with a “Go Hard” approach, but it was so Hard that I like to call him Mr. Pitbull Partner. Because that’s what he was. A pitbull.

You see, there are many ways to practice law.

Some Attorneys focus on transactional work.

Some focus on counseling clients.

And some are litigators.

Mr. Pitbull was a “born litigator.”

And he was successful. He got results.

But where?

In the courtroom.

But that was it.

Not in the boardroom.

Not much in meetings.

And certainly not in his personal life. Last I heard, he was on his 4th wife.

In other words, he could never shut the Litigator in him off.

And that’s what changed my mind about how I was approaching my own professional and personal life.

Slowly, I realized that, in the rush to achieve and do well in school since I was young, without realizing it, I had never stopped to consider a SOFTER approach.

I emulated “Going Hard” like the Litigators around me because that’s what appeared to lead to success.

Until I couldn’t help but see how “Going Hard” could lead to failure, too.

Mr. Pitbull was winning in court, but losing in life.

Even in the office, I began to sense it: this subtext beneath every interaction I witnessed him having.

The side-eyes and knowing nods between the other attorneys when he wasn’t looking.

Yes, these attorneys nodded at him, as if they agreed with his blustering, but there was so much being said in the unspoken.

At least the wise attorneys around me didn’t admire him as much as one might think at first glance.

And, the wisest Partner was highly skilled in the art of subtly swaying others to see his position.

Not by strong-arming anyone.

Not by talking louder than Mr. Pitbull.

But, by doing the opposite.

By taking a SOFT Approach.

Utilizing Soft, yet supremely powerful, skills.

This Partner knew how to persuade in a politically effective manner.

He was not a Litigator.

But, he was the lightbulb in my life. Because he shone a light on the road not taken, and I was able to observe him closely. I was able to see that this guy had figured out a different path to success.

One that did NOT require me to transform myself into Ms. Pitbull.

And the Inner Introvert in me let out a massive sigh of relief.

I practiced my SOFT skills — with negotiation, writing, and counseling — with renewed vigor.

It led to wins and awards.

And, ironically, it gave me the strength and confidence to improve my HARD skills in litigation — naturally.

I didn’t have to contort myself to become someone I am NOT.

As the Soft skills grew, the Hard skills grew exponentially.

Yes, I could litigate, yet stay true to my natural temperament.

BEST of all? I did it in a way that honored my Self — not only my temperament, but in my actual body.

You’re probably wondering, “What does that mean, ‘in your body,’ Marisa?”

I mean, when you choose the RIGHT Mindset — whether that’s “Going Hard or Soft” — based on how you actually feel in the present moment, you do NOT throw your nervous system out of whack.

The RIGHT Mindset for you — at any given moment — will feel natural.

You will feel your energy expand and grow.

It will not feel forced.

You will not have to white-knuckle your way into achieving your goals, if you choose the RIGHT Mindset.

What about YOU?

Do you have a preference for Going Hard or Going Soft?

Where do you think you acquired this preference?

From your natural temperament?

From how you were raised?

Or, perhaps you acquired it through sports or on the job?

Have you ever tried the alternative: Going Soft, rather than your default of Going Hard? Or, vice versa?

How did you feel, in your body?

Did it feel natural or strange?

Was it effective? And why?

Stay Tuned for PART 2: The 1 Thing You Might Be Guilty Of

The Motivational Ambivert in me honors & respects the Motivational Ambivert in each of you,

Marisa