You’re Inconsistent. Here’s how to STOP it!

Flip the Script for Unstoppable Self-Esteem and Gain Consistent Results!

When I was in Middle School, a teacher wrote on my mid-semester report card, “Marisa is an intelligent, highly capable student who’s a pleasure to have in class. However, on occasion, her performance is inconsistent.”

Ouch.

“Inconsistent.”

Not the word I wanted to describe me.

Not the word my parents wanted to hear.

And certainly not the word that would earn me the A that my parents expected me to earn by the end of the year, or rather, A+, if extra credit was available. Can you sense the immense pressure?

I improved my performance. But, it wasn’t easy.

I doubled down. I improved through sheer will. By studying more. By rote memorization. Eventually, by learning how to learn, like applying creative methods that made learning stick, not because it’d be on some exam, but because it interested me and it could be applied in real life.

My consistency improved, as did my grades.

But, I began to notice a trend in myself:

The teacher was right. I was inconsistent.

But not because of my studying habits.

Not because of something intellectual, at all.

Looking back, I realized when I was older and wiser, that when I fell short, it was because of how I was feeling at the time.

Whenever I felt good about myself or my life around me, I had the self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-discipline to study well.

But if I was struggling with something else in my life, at home or with one of the traumatic things that’d happened to me in my youth, I felt terrible. My self-esteem would suffer. And I would lack the motivation or discipline to study well.

I was inconsistent because my sense of Self was inconsistent.

I was inconsistent because I lacked security or stability in my Self.

Inconsistent and/or Low Performance is a Symptom of the Problem, Not the Problem Itself

You don’t fall off your diet plan because you suddenly “forget” that a head of broccoli’s better for you than a Krispy Kreme donut.

It’s because you tell yourself “I’ve had a hard week. I ‘deserve’ to give myself a treat.”

You don’t skip piano practice for the second night in a row, even though you have to walk by the piano every time you go up and down the stairs, because “you don’t have time to practice a new piece the entire way through.”

You could do the bare minimum. A few bars, played repeatedly. Or, skip the piece entirely and focus on practicing all the scales. Instead, you skip practice entirely, thinking that if you can’t do it all, there’s just “not much” you could do.

You don’t spend 30 minutes every night to make your side hustle lucrative. Instead, you opt for that interesting spin-off from Game of Thrones. A colleague at work told you about it…“Home for Dragons,” was it? You can’t recall the precise name, but five minutes of searching Google and another five minutes to sign up for that streaming platform should do the trick.

What’s 10 minutes, plus another hour or so of watching? A quick dip into the series, and you’re bound to binge Season after Season.

That’s where all our time goes.

Our time’s spent avoiding.

Not because we don’t have ambition.

Not even because we’re lazy.

We avoid to escape our feelings.

Can you blame us?

We’re tired…because we spend the majority of our time doing things that are not for us.

Whether it’s a job or a personal obligation.

We put that first, and it leaves very little time for us to devote to our own lifelong education or to pursue our innermost dreams.

We might start and put in a few reps.

But then doubt creeps in and we lose our nerve.

We think someone else we know is already successful at that. They’ve been doing it for so long, they’re already far ahead of us.

How could we ever hope to accomplish that, when they’re that much farther ahead?

Everything else suddenly becomes enticing.

It’s much easier to allow ourselves to be distracted. To give into a quick fix, a quick surge of dopamine, and let the time pass, thinking of or doing anything else.

In moments like this, we give up.

We stop before we’ve put in enough reps to get good.

It all boils down to the thoughts that we think.

Did you know that every single thought that you think automatically forms new neural networks (“programs” that are wired into our brains) or strengthens the existing programs (good or bad) that repeatedly loop and form the basis for our thoughts, habits, routines, and personalities?

Like an opening in the forest that turns into a path the more we walk upon it, our neural networks transform from paths, to roads, to streets, to highways, to superhighways, the more we think the same (or similar) thoughts.

We all know the path, the road, the street, the highway that we need to take, to reach the superhighway of our dreams.

But when the path ahead requires us to lay the road, brick by brick, rep by rep, and it requires effort, and sometimes pain and sacrifice, we grow weary.

Then that overhead lamp of self-doubt flickers on, illuminating another superhighway filled with bright flashing lights and fun distractions. Like a massive autobahn filled with race cars and thrills, just beyond that fork in the road, and we change course.

We turn on our heals and take the fun road. The easy road. The comfortable road.

It’s a trap that leads us to Nowhere.

It’s only “more of the same” over there.

It’s where you go if you DON’T want to grow.

If you want to die, without even trying.

Without finding your purpose.

Without having lived.

Whenever you fall short, look for the Emotional Reason behind it.

Do you ever look back on your life, and wonder how much farther along you’d be, if you’d never given up on that new habit, routine, or goal?

Do you ever question why you fell short of the standard you know you’re capable of?

Look past the circumstances surrounding what happened.

Look past the explanations, the possible excuses, for why it happened that way.

Instead, ask yourself the deeper question. Ask, “What’s the emotional reason behind it?”

Most likely, it’s some Limiting Belief, like:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I’m not naturally talented like him/her.”

• “I’m too busy.”

• “I don’t care about it that much, anyway.”

Commit to “Flipping The Script” with at least 30 days of Positive Self-Talk.

• “I’m not good enough” turns into “I’m not good enough yet.”

• “I’m not naturally talented like him/her” turns into “They weren’t born talented, either. If I put in the reps, I can be good and, eventually, great.”

• “I’m too busy” becomes “I’m scheduling time for it.”

• “I don’t care about it that much, anyway,” becomes “I do care about it; otherwise, I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I want it, so I’m going to do it. I’ve decided to do it now.”

Finding Synergy of Self is a Deliberate Practice: Nurture Your Self-Esteem.

The Reticular Activating System (“RAS”) in your brain is the bundle of nerves in your brainstem that helps you filter information that’s relevant and important to you.

It’s why you notice all the SUVs on the highway when you’re narrowing your preference before you decide to buy your favorite SUV.

It’s also what’s going to help you to cultivate greater Self-Esteem, when you give yourself credit when credit is due, then transfer the Self-Esteem that you gain in one area to another area of your life.

This takes mindfulness.

It requires us to slow down enough to notice when and how we’ve done something good for ourselves, no matter how seemingly small.

It’s not small, in fact.

When we take the time to acknowledge the gains we make in one area of our lives, it enhances our self-esteem in that area.

It affirms that we can do hard things, and builds confidence that we can do hard things in other areas, too.

It’s especially helpful when we feel uncertain. When we’re trying something new that we’ve never done before. When fear and doubt have already entered our mind, and we need Positive Self-Talk to motivate us to keep walking, to follow the right, though difficult, path.

Why enter any challenge with a mindset that says we can’t when we can clear a path with a mindset that reminds us, we’ve done other difficult things; we can do it again.

“Just take the next right step,” is all we have to do, as we tell ourselves the right words to give us a consistently resilient sense of Self.

The more we make it a deliberate practice to see ourselves clearly, the greater our self-esteem can be, and the more synergy of Self we can achieve across all areas of our life.

Synergy of Self: The Path to REALISTIC Self-Esteem.

Merging my mindfulness practice with building realistic self-esteem has made a massive difference in my life. I can take an objective, realistic look at my strengths and weaknesses, opportunities to improve no longer threaten my sense of Self, and I deliberately take the time to celebrate my wins — no matter how small.

What’s more, I’ve made some big gains:

✅I’ve mastered my morning writing routine.

✅I have a dedicated workout regimen and am the fittest I’ve ever been in my life.

✅For the past two, going on three, months, I’ve 10x’d my cold shower practice, too.

I’m not stopping. There’s more distance I’ve got to go, but I’m traveling in the right direction.

✅And I’m consistent now.

✅Because now I know that, no matter what, I keep the commitments I make to myself!

That’s why my gains are compounding. I’ve broken free of the Limiting Belief that I have to do anything for someone else. Instead, I’m choosing to do what’s right for me. That’s the monumental mental shift that’s taking me farther and farther, closer to where I aim:

I’ve set my sights on loving the Creative side of me, the me that I’ve ignored for far too long, the side of me that loves to write, to create art, to sing and play music, and wants to let myself be seen for my truest, authentic self.

But how?

By taking the momentum from my writing, workout, cold shower, and other gains, and applying the lessons I’ve learned (about grit, perseverance, and determination) to stick with it and grow my Creative Self, when:

🎯(1) Marketing my science fiction writing;

🎯(2) Publishing more non-fiction writing (like this post!);

🎯(3) Growing my YouTube Channel; and,

🎯(4) Focusing on learning, practicing, and writing music to perform on the piano.

These 4 areas are insanely hard.

Because they’re not what I’m familiar with.

The writing itself, I’m used to and love to do, but the marketing, video/audio production, and music are not one, but four superhighways of knowledge and experience I have to build, brick by brick, rep by rep.

And, not in private either.

In public.😱

Honestly, each of them’s massive; all four’s a formidable undertaking.

But just like before, it’s not merely an intellectual Goliath to vanquish on the path.

It’s an emotional Hydra trying to block my way.

Doubt’s there.

Uncertainty’s there.

The desire to retreat and avoid is there.

All the distractions and invitations to have fun are there.

And fear remains. No matter what we choose to do, no matter what we’ve accomplished, fear will always be our most unwelcome, but ever-present, shadow.

Unfortunately for me, fear makes me forget what I’m capable of. When I feel uncertain, when I feel afraid, when I’m trying something new and I’m not accustomed to it yet, fear gives me tunnel vision. Fear whispers those Limiting Beliefs in my ear.

Lucky for me, I’m not a Middle Schooler anymore.

I have decades of experience to look back upon. Opportunities I’ve gained. Lessons I’ve learned. Cases I’ve one. Milestones I’ve met.

So I’m giving myself credit where credit is due, reminding myself often of — not only what I aim to improve — but also what I have already accomplished.

And building my road, my street, and my highway, brick by brick, step by step.

What about you? Are you building the Superhighway to your own Super YOU?

What are the tips and tools you use to “Flip the Script”?

The Bricklayer in me honors & respects the Bricklayer in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa