Author: marisavictus

My very 1st YouTube Video!

Posted on by marisavictus

I *finally* did it!

Click the red YOUTUBE Play Button below to watch the video.

I *finally* ‘freakin DID IT!

Lessons I learned will appear in my post later this week, but for now I’m SPENT! LOL

I’m just so relieved to have DONE it. After all the ramping and revving up I had to do, all the technology and steps to figure out.

The video’s finally dropped on 5–13–24…exactly as planned!

5–13–24 = 5–4–3–2–1 🚀!

The Dreamer in me honors & respects the Dreamer in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

How the Science of Dopamine Can Help You to Regulate Your Emotions

Posted on by marisavictus
Human brain in hand with emphasis on neurotransmitters, dopamine receptors on dark background with neon lights.

How the Science of Dopamine Can Help You to Regulate Your Emotions

Lessons Learned from Pursuing Goals, publicly

In my prior posts, I described these parts of the VICTUS Method and described how we can utilize them to achieve our Goals:

#1 Synergy

#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self

#3 Identity: Scientist + Lifelong Learner 

These are like spheres intersecting on a Venn diagram.

When we adopt the identity of being a Scientist (#3), we test what works (or not) for ourselves, and we look for how we can apply what works to multiple areas of our life, to be successful (#1 Synergy).

When we adopt the identity of a Lifelong Learner (#3), we grant ourselves the time to grow and pursue goals at our own pace, in a way that honors our feelings (#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self).

Combined, we can achieve our goals and feel good while doing it, despite any discomfort we might feel when doing new, unfamiliar, and sometimes scary things.

Like my recent experience publishing my very 1st Music post. 

Here’s 3 lessons I learned:

 

Lesson BEFORE: The anticipation was scarier than doing it.

Since I promised myself to prioritize the Creative side of me, I knew I was going to begin recording myself in audio and video format. But, I felt uneasy. So, I decided to take it in stages, just one step at a time. I started with just singing. 

Before I started the recording process, I was nervous.

Not about the song itself. I picked great lyrics to sing, based on the message I wanted to convey.

But, I was worried:

I didn’t know how to record it.

I didn’t have the equipment.

I had no idea how to use the recording software.

And zero knowledge about the “mixing” or “mastering” process. (Confession: I thought they were both the same. Wrong!)

Performance anxiety was the least of my worries.

I felt lost.

 

Lesson DURING: I loved learning and applying new knowledge.

Once I got started, though, I loved learning about the music production process.

I spent a long time studying some great YouTubers who shared their extensive knowledge online.

And, it was so much fun to apply the knowledge to my work.

I felt energized.

Learning about technology I had never explored before.

Listening to differences in tone and frequency I had never considered.

Understanding music production terms and concepts I had not previously studied.

Ultimately, the anticipation of doing it was a lot scarier than the actual act of doing it.

It was the seeking & the doing that brought me joy.

And when I hit PUBLISH, I was surprised:

I wasn’t afraid.

The fear that I’d felt before — in anticipation of doing it — had vanished.

 

Lesson AFTER: Dopamine peaks and falls, and that’s perfectly normal.

When I finally hit PUBLISH, I was happy I’d kept my promise. To the Creative in me.

I rewarded myself with an incredibly fun weekend with my family.

And I enjoyed positive feedback from readers/listeners that’s encouraged me to keep going.

Which brings me to the 4th circle in the VICTUS Method Venn diagram:

 

#4 Life’s like University: Learn, Revisit, Discover Something New

When you go to college, you plan your syllabus.

You see all the courses you could possibly take.

You’re thinking about credits and how you’re going to graduate with a degree.

But learning never stops.

In my case, after college, I went to law school. Passed the bar exam. Practiced law.

But, there’s still so much I want to learn.

victus means “living, way of life.”

That’s why I named this practice the VICTUS Method: because I’m choosing to live like I’m the student and life’s the school that never ends.

So, let’s curate the curriculum of our lives.

Let’s choose the people, principles, and knowledge that benefits us, and apply what we learn to improve our lives.

 

Especially when we’re suffering.

You see, after I published my singing audio and accompanying story on Medium and Substack, I noticed something I’ve experienced many times before:

After the joy of doing it,

After the fun of publishing and interacting with readers/listeners,

After the fun family weekend,

I felt what I can only describe as…blah. More than blah.

At first, I boiled it down to the hum-drum of a Monday morning.

But then, the Inner Critic in me began to catastrophize a bit.

I wondered, “Am I suffering from ‘capital D’ Depression? Shouldn’t I be on Cloud 9 right now? After all, I had fun learning and doing it. I did keep that promise to myself.”

And I still intended to launch my YouTube Channel next.

The Plan hadn’t changed. So why did it feel like I had?

 

I ❤️ Science.

I’m so passionate about the science of self-improvement because I don’t just want to find a life hack that works for x, y, z.

It goes beyond that.

I want to understand the mechanisms for why a particular method works, based on our biology and/or psychology.

I find it fascinating and inspiring, and it motivates me to continue applying what’s worked.

 

Scientific Knowledge Helps with Self-Regulation.

So instead of thinking something was simply “wrong” with me, I decided to revisit the science of dopamine and stumbled upon something new.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone that helps to regulate many functions in our bodies and brains, and it plays a major role in our desire to seek reward.

I was familiar with dopamine already, but one of the things I’ve learned from my synergy practice is, you should revisit the same concepts multiple times, from multiple sources.

Because sometimes the way it’s explained highlights something you’ve never learned before.

Or, it’s explained in such a way that you gain some new insight.

Dr. Andrew Huberman did that for me.

Dr. Huberman’s a Neuroscientist and Associate Professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.

His insights changed everything:

(1) When an animal’s foraging for food or water and gets a whiff of it in the distance, that is when dopamine is released (upon seeking); not when the animal finally obtains the food or water (upon reward).

(2) People tend to celebrate when they finally achieve a goal, but that can lead to a bigger let down. It’s more beneficial to attach the reward to the seeking process by celebrating incremental gains (like each 1% improvement), rather than the Goal’s ultimate achievement.

(3) Why? Because it’s normal to feel “post-achievement depression,” a sort of “success hangover,” after we’ve experienced the dopamine surge. Dopamine rises and falls, and that’s normal.

Eureka!

I absolutely love when I discover a practice that works for me, and then I find that it actually makes sense scientifically, based on our physiology and/or psychology.

After listening to Dr. Huberman, it all made sense.

(1) explained why I enjoyed the seeking process so much. The most enjoyable part was when I was learning new skills and applying them. Even more than hitting publish.

(2) tells me how I can apply this knowledge moving forward. I plan to break down my goals into smaller achievable steps that I can deliberately savor and celebrate when I achieve 1% gains with each step. Doing that transforms it into a dopamine cycle that never ends.

(3) tells me I don’t have to make myself wrong for feeling the let-down that followed. Indeed, as Dr. Huberman explains, that dip in emotion spurs humans to take new action toward a new goal. In other words, it can be considered a good sign that we’re about to embark on another seeking journey.

 

Knowing that is the key to self-regulating.

I’m going to use it to maintain a Secure Attachment to myself.

I just have to remind myself:

• The down I felt was perfectly natural.

• I don’t have to worry that I’m depressed.

• I don’t have to feel depressed about feeling depressed.

• Because it’s not depression.

• It’s me, revving up to go seeking.

* * *

Are you a Seeker?

What are you seeking?

Is it something new and, perhaps, a little scary to do?

What emotions does it bring up for you?

How do you cope?

* * *

The Seeker in me honors and respects the Seeker in each of you,

Marisa

♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Here’s My First Music Post: I’M SINGING A SONG FOR YOU & FOR ME! 

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-5-3 Post 21 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS-MY-FIRST-MUSIC-POST-SINGING-FOR-YOU_1ST_PHOTO_COMPOSITE_ADDING_MUSIC_TO_MY_20POST_FOR_MY_21POST

Here’s My First Music Post: I’M SINGING A SONG FOR YOU & FOR ME!

This is how parenting my kids has taught me to build a Secure Attachment with MYSELF, and you can, too.

Even if you’re afraid, when you’re Securely Attached to YOU, there’s nothing you can’t do.

🎤🎵🎤

Please find a link to listen my music

at the bottom of this story.

🎤🎵🎤

Here’s How Co-Regulation with my Kids helped me to learn better Self-Regulation with Myself

Co-Regulation: Lessons learned from Parenting My Kids

One of the most important things I’ve learned since becoming a mom to my two young kids, is how important it is to build a Secure Attachment with them.

This means that I am physically present with them, and I am attuned to their feelings, when they’re positive and, especially when, they’re negative.

It’s so important because children do not have the ability to self-regulate as well as adults.

Adults who are emotionally mature can act as a mirror, not necessarily to agree with or share the emotion itself, but to simply help the child to witness, acknowledge, and process the emotion until the emotion can pass.

As I like to tell my kids, “ALL of your emotions are welcome, even your anger, your fear, or any of the other so-called ‘negative’ feelings. Emotions will come and they go, but they’re all helpful. All emotions can communicate what matters to us.”

• Anger might show us when a boundary between “me” and “them” has been violated. It can signal a lack of respect. It can demonstrate a need for us to speak up and protect ourselves.

• Fear might show us when we’re unsure of ourselves. Perhaps we lack experience in something new that we’re about to try. But that’s okay. We’ve all got to start somewhere.

• Excitement might give us the burst of energy that we need when we’re getting ready to do something spectacular. It might lead us to find our calling in life, to find precisely what we love and are meant to do.

All our emotions are there for us, and we mustn’t push them away.

Instead, we can let them flow through us like waves. Or pass in the sky of our awareness, like the ephemeral clouds that they are.

But, before we can do this as parents, let’s remember to read the Warning Label:

It can be SO HARD to do this in real life.

As any parent will tell you, when you’re dealing with a kid who’s inconsolable, who’s crying at the top of his lungs, or flailing her legs and pounding her fists in the temper tantrum to end all tantrums, it is freakin’ hard sometimes to stay the Zen Mom/Dad we all aspire to be.

Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult to just bear witness.

To stay in the room. To watch. Without telling them “no.” Without announcing, “Please, stop!”

Another part of us wants to end their suffering. To solve the problem. To tell them, it’s really “no big deal” that their brother wants to take a turn with their new favorite toy. They’ve been playing with it non-stop for the past two days, anyway. Do we really have to cry and whine about it for, what’s it going on now, 25 minutes? With shrieks so shrill that you swear the inner recesses of your brain are shaking to near-earthquake level?

But, stating the so-called “Facts” at your little Mini Me will do nothing to help him or her “get over it.”

And, lest you don’t have any kids of your own yet, trust me: Never, ever tell your kid to “get over it.” That’s the absolute LAST THING you want to do. PSA: It’s also the LAST THING you want to do to your spouse or significant other (if you didn’t know that already).

It’s so important to remember: All of their seemingly out-sized feelings ARE legitimate.

They are precisely the feelings that they must feel. Because they feel them. That’s the reality. Accept it. They’re human. Just like me. Just like you.

So, be there. Empathize. Be present, alongside your babies, no matter what age they are, no matter how old they become, or how much they grow alongside you.

By staying present, we SHOW with our actions that we’re capable of handling whatever horrible upset they are experiencing. And we’ll stay with them, to weather the storm with them, no matter what may come.

By just BEING present, we demonstrate that we’re there for them. We care. We love them.

And the more we do it well, the more we come to enjoy it when:

• Our children come to us, to express all their emotions.

• They trust us, to be available and willing to know and understand who they are.

• They believe we’ll never try to force them into feeling something different, into being someone they’re not.

• They stop fearing their emotions, the more they can see that all of them — even the scariest ones — will eventually pass.

• They trust that they’re loved, no matter what!

This is the transformation I’ve been so blessed to witness in our family.

 

SELF-REGULATION: Parenting My Kids showed me what’s possible, and made me realize, I need to give the gift of a Secure Attachment to MYSELF.

The more I was there for my kids emotionally, the more I realized, I didn’t have a Secure Attachment to me.

I was raised in a loving family but, in many ways, attempts were made to motivate me with the stick. Not the carrot.

And, knowing myself better now, the carrot’s what I need.

The stick can get you only so far.

Achievement can do only so much.

After a while, the carrot of closeness to oneself is the medicine that we ALL need.

Because, let’s face it: All adults struggle to self-regulate sometimes.

It’s certainly been true for me.

I doubt there’s a single adult on this planet who has never struggled with the Inner Critic that resides, like a wraith, whispering insidiously in our head.

And, when we don’t take the time to build a Secure Attachment with ourselves, and the negative emotions compound, we start to believe whatever the Inner Critic is saying.

• That Imposter Syndrome? It keeps you from going for that promotion.

• That Perfectionist? It makes you rewrite that memo for the zillionth time.

• That “I’m Not Creative” Limiting Belief? It makes you hide your creative potential, in stacks and stacks of blank pages. Pages you’ve left untouched because the fear’s become so massive, you’re too afraid to even try.

 

Build a Secure Attachment with YOURSELF and you can do anything, no matter what emotions you feel.

Even if you’re feeling a negative emotion like fear, it doesn’t stop you. When you have a Secure Attachment with yourself, you know you’ve got your own back.

You can allow yourself to feel the feeling. Without commanding yourself to just “get over it.”

You can stay with it, label it for what it is, and examine it with curiosity.

You have space to ask, “What’s this emotion trying to tell me?”

You can experiment.

You’re willing to admit, “I can’t go all-out, I’m not ready yet. But,” you can ask yourself, “What can I do? What action can feel comfortable to take, right now?”

THAT’s the gift of Secure Attachment that my children have given to me.

Yes, I might have given birth to them; but, they’ve helped me to give birth to the potential in me.

My kids have taught me that I can do what I’ve done for them, for MYSELF.

I can help myself to self-regulate in the same ways that have been effective for my children.

I can honor my own emotional response.

No matter what’s happening.

“What I’m feeling matters,” I can tell myself.

And, so many times before having kids, I couldn’t tell myself that.

Because I was too focused on doing everything “the right way.” I let myself feel wrong for feeling whatever I felt.

If a feeling didn’t serve a purpose, or allow me to make progress toward a goal, I wanted to be rid of it. To shove it out of the way, and will my way to success.

Or I just stayed there, motionless, too paralyzed to do anything.

But, now that I’m a mom, I understand the importance of NOT doing that.

I know, deep in my bones, how crucial it is to honor and respect every emotion I ever feel.

And, now that I’ve been doing it for years, I am FREE.

Not because bad emotions never come. (No one can ever experience that.)

I’m FREE because I can TRUST myself to handle my emotions now.

 

My Inner Child TRUSTS me.

She knows I’m not going to try to change her emotional response if she’s upset.

I’m not going to negate her.

I’m going to acknowledge that she’s upset and understand why she’s upset, even if the adult in me doesn’t agree.

I validate her.

And, in doing so, I’ve found strength in MYSELF.

 

That’s the Secret Ingredient: The more TRUST you have in YOURSELF, the MORE strength you have to actually DO.

Ironically, the MORE you can acknowledge your fears — of weakness, of imposter syndrome, of imperfection, and on an on — the MORE you can actually TRUST that you can handle them.

Because that’s all they are: Fears. Thoughts. Perceptions that can change, over time.

And, if you HONOR your fears, if you don’t over-step, and you give yourself just a tiny push to take only the “next right step” that you need to take, you can actually accomplish the Goal you set out to achieve.

You can be your own parent. You can give your mind, body, and spirit the love that you need.

Headphone and vivid color powder. Creative music and festival c

I’m practicing this Every. Single. Day. And today, I’m publishing my first audio recording!

Fear is ever-so-slowly becoming “just fear.”

It’s not that I want to feel the fear flickering, like an arrhythmia in my heart.

But, I’m also not trying to chase my fear away, like it’s some Capital F monster haunting my dreams.

Instead, I’m making room to honor its presence:

• I’m NOT telling myself I have to perform a whole entire song with music to accompany it.

• I’m NOT telling myself that I have to figure out how to do complex things, like music licensing.

• I’m NOT beating myself with a stick, to get myself to comply with the Gold Standard of Audio-Video Recording.

Instead, I’m easing myself into it.

I’m feeding myself a carrot in mini-bites, because I recognize that is what I need.

So, I invite you to listen to me here, where I’m singing these lyrics, not to a lover (as in the original song), but to MYSELF & to YOU, to the Inner Child in both of us:

Love will lead you back.

Someday, I just know that

Love will lead you back to my arms

Where you belong

I’m sure, sure as stars are shining

One day you will find me again

It won’t be long

One of these days

Our love will lead you back

With these words, I’m regulating my own emotions, the way the Mother In Me knows how.

I invite you to listen to the Child that’s inside of you, too.

Because that’s the meaning of love: to listen.

The love in me honors and respects the love in each of you,

Marisa

♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear more of my music, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Captain, BEWARE: That Compass May Not Guide You When You Go Ashore!

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-4-26 Post 20 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS-Captain-Beware-Compass-May-Not-Work-When-You-Go-Ashore

Captain, BEWARE: That Compass May Not Guide You When You Go Ashore!

You must use the RIGHT Inner Compass to navigate your life, to become the person you’re MEANT TO BE!

If you’re going to Captain the grandest vessel — the Ship that is YOUR LIFE — you need to use your Inner Compass to detect what you’re going through, and point yourself in the right direction.

Be aware of what’s happening around you, not just in your environment, but — perhaps even more importantly — mentally and emotionally.

You need to be aware of what is going on in the turbulent ocean of your life!

You cannot close your eyes at the wheel and hope, through sheer luck, that if you stay quiet, keep your head down, and ignore everything going on around you, your ship will end up where you want it to be.

No, you must use your Inner Compass to guide you.

That requires more than intuition. More than “just a hunch.”

It requires experience tested and wisdom gained, forged through the hardships that you encounter, not when you’re moored, but when you’re sailing, out in the open sea.

Grit. You take it with you. The determination to be an Explorer, willing to explore life. Sometimes afraid, but undeterred, you’re ready to journey into uncharted territory.

 

But, BEWARE: We all think we’ve got a map for our lives — a general sense of where we’re expected to go — but when the landscape begins to change…

Like a slow subtle creep, or a drastic shift that carries your ship away against your will, threatening to pull you under the fast flow of currents swirling around, you have to have your wits about you.

“Sea legs,” they call them.

Though, on land, you might call it “self-awareness.”

There ought to be a warning, though, BEFORE you set sail: You may come across a Distant Land, a place too enticing to be left unexplored.

Let your Inner Compass guide you to new heights, to become the person that you’re meant to be.

– The VICTUS Method

I chose the title The VICTUS Method: Synergy of Science & Self because “victus” means “way of life,” and the VICTUS Method combines many different modalities to calibrate the Inner Compass I’ve used to survive the sea change I’ve experienced in each season of my life.

At its core, my Inner Compass is supported by the Meditation I’ve practiced since I was a child. But, I didn’t stick to sitting lotus style, eyes closed.

I meditate, like a Captain checking my Compass, no matter what activity I am doing.

But recently, it’s led me to a discovery that’s quite startling:

My Inner Compass — that’s been tuned to the open sea — isn’t calibrated to the new environment I find myself in:

I’m not out at sea anymore.

My gaze has brought me to the shore, to a path that’s unstable and rocky beneath my feat, as I find myself walking, climbing upward, toward the Summit of a Mountaintop I hadn’t imagined climbing since I was young.

I find the Compass I’ve carried in my breast-pocket, held so closely to my chest, no longer serves me.

The measurements it takes are of no use in this new Quest.

All is not lost, though.

There’s a new Compass, glittering in the distance.

But, it’s not whole — not yet.

It exists in tiny, shimmering parts.

Small, intricate, moving pieces that glisten in the sun.

I search for them daily, by following the energy that rises and falls as my inspiration guides me, like a magnet to each tiny piece.

Little by little, they reveal themselves to me: A gauge. A gear. A spinning set of instruments.

By day, I collect.

By night, I piece them together, under the starry, moonlit sky.

They fit, like tiny puzzle pieces I’ve just barely begun to find, hidden here and there, nestled in the nooks and crannies of the Nature that surrounds me.

I look ahead, to the path I must climb, and see how it’s winding upward, on a steep incline.

The terrain’s not clear.

And, I realize, I have to be bold.

I take a step, then another. I strain and brace my legs.

I stumble under the weight of the boulder, invisible, but always there; it’s my past, that weighs heavy upon my shoulders.

But, I trudge along, buoyed by what I imagine is waiting up there, at the Summit, for me to see.

Days pass and, still, I cannot yet see it from where I stand, but I imagine the view at the peak.

I imagine the grandeur.

More magnificent than the brightest sunset I have ever seen at sea.

Where, once I reach the top, I can see, not only the valley down below, but the ocean I’m so familiar with, glittering in the distance.

Except now, I can see the water with new eyes, from a new vantage point.

The 30-foot waves that crashed against my ship won’t appear so severe, so life-threatening.

The salt won’t crack my lips, the way it did, many times before.

That day, when I reach the pinnacle,

I’ll see how far I’ve come, having traveled the path I never dared to walk,

to climb a Mountain I never dared to climb,

to become the person I never dared to be.

And I will know it then:

It was worth it.

To dare.

To dream.

To do.

To become who I was meant to be.

 

The Explorer in me honors and respects the Explorer in you,

Marisa

This story is based on what it feels like for me to pivot from practicing law as an Attorney, to prioritizing more of my Creative Self as I get ready to publish my first audio singing and plan to launch my YouTube Channel.

If you enjoyed this story, you may also like to read these companion pieces: Sailing in a Storm and Synergy’s The Music That’s Inside of You.

♫ Singing coming soon ♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Synergy’s The Music That’s Inside of You

Posted on by marisavictus
Color of Music series. Background composition of musical symbols and color paint on the subject of performance arts, music, sound and creativity

Synergy’s The Music That’s Inside of You

How I’m using Music to Reduce My Fear of Performing Publicly, and YOU can too!

SCENARIO #1

Picture a day at the spa, or a restorative series of asanas in your favorite yoga class.

What’s playing in the background?

Most likely, it’s soothing, peaceful music that’s lulling your body and mind, telling your Parasympathetic Nervous System that it’s safe for you to relax.

I can already hear it now: my inner voice, whispering to me, “Reeeeelllllaaaxxxx.”

🎵

SCENARIO #2

Now, imagine this:

The flash of a bright light switching on.

The camera lens is pointed right at you.

And the red light’s flashing BLINK BLINK BLINK.

Yes, you’ve hit record.

Your shoulders are already starting to hunch up.

Your breathing’s shallow.

And what’s that? It’s the trickle of sweat that’s already formed on your brow.

🎵

Now, which of these two scenarios would YOU rather be in?

‘Cause I find myself firmly planted in Scenario #2.

Why?

Because I had to go and get inspired by a few of my fellow amazing writers and musicians here on Medium and Substack.

They just had to spark something in me that said, “You know what? I should find a way to overcome my fear of Putting My Creative Self Out There! Of letting my Authentic Self be SEEN.

I should start a YouTube Channel and share my love of music that way!”

Good god, why did I decide to do that?!

Because all it’s led me to is Scenario #2.

No, I am NOT blissed out, loving myself on the yoga mat or massage table.

I’m sweating profusely, stuttering into the silence that surrounds me, with the flicker of that damned red light eyeing me like a judgmental mother-in-law.

 

So what’s a Creative to do?

Well, I’m not giving up, if that’s what you were thinking.

No, as I’ve said in many of my posts, I’ve wasted too many years focusing on myself as an Attorney.

And I remain steadfast in my dedication to unleashing the Creative in me.

But how can I do that, without unleashing the snarling Perfectionist in me, too?

 

Find the Synergy in What You CAN Do.

On the one hand,

🎵 I love music;

🎵 I love singing;

🎵 I love playing piano.

 

On the other hand,

as my palms sweat and my lips quiver at that blinking red light, I CLEARLY need to regulate my emotions to do all of these creative performances — publicly.

Why?

Because I started 2024 with a vow:

I’m making my Writing & Creativity a priority in my life!

 

But, to do that, I’ve got to get over my fears.

Like…

⚠️ the fear of practicing in public, or

⚠️ the fear of being imperfect, or

⚠️ the fear of not knowing the best way to do things when it comes to recording audio or video.

 

So, what’s a girl to do?

  1. I’m not waiting for motivation.

  2. I’m not waiting to get everything “just right.”

  3. I’m not waiting to research anymore than I already have.

  4. I’m not waiting to feel ready!

 

I’m jumping in — but I’m also going to honor my Self.

That means, recognizing that I do not feel comfortable.

That means, I have to find a way to support myself throughout the entire uneasy process of recording myself and hitting Publish!

But how?

 

By finding the synergy inside of me.

As I described in detail in this story, I have a unique definition of synergy: It’s the practice that requires us to unify all aspects of who we are and honor all of our feelings, so that we can build a Secure Attachment to our Self, and allow ourselves to BE SEEN for who we truly are.

That means that we’re NOT shoe-horning ourselves into situations that are beyond our capacity.

We’re NOT forcing ourselves to do anything more than what’s right for us, right now.

At this moment, that means that I have to honor the part of me that feels unsure and unsteady. The part that’s dreading the moment I hit record. And may want to faint when I do hit Publish on that video or audio, for the whole world to see.

I imagine it’s what most people would feel, if they were asked to give a public speech. After all, statistically speaking, Glossophobia (the fear of public speaking) affects approximately 75% of the population, some time or other in their life.

And, that’s ok.

As is my fear.

Because I’m not going to let my fear hold me back.

Instead…

 

I’m bringing Synergy to everything I do, including my Music:

That means, I’m going to align what I need emotionally (to soothe my emotions) 

with what I need to do (to record and publish successfully).

How?

By choosing to sing the right songs: I can honor my fear and soothe myself if I begin with singing the most relaxing, calming songs, and share them with you.

It’s my hope, that in putting myself a little bit out there, I will not only help myself to get over my fear, but I can also find a way to help others, too.

Because…

 

That’s always worked for me: Thinking of others, instead of myself.

Since the very first time I took a Public Speaking Class in high school, and throughout my career as an Attorney, there’s always been something magical about using my voice to help others — instead of focusing on myself.

When my mind focused on me, my voice was there but, inside, I felt timid, shy, not sure of what to say or do.

But, when I focused on what I could say to help others…

like speaking up in class because I knew a classmate was too afraid to;

or,

making oral arguments for clients who can’t advocate for themselves…

That’s when the magic happens!

My fear disappears, and I can just focus on what I can give.

 

I’m choosing to focus on that: on what my voice can do to soothe, not only myself but other people, as well.

Because we’re all so anxious these days.

There’s always “more and more” to do, and not enough “less.”

And music is the perfect language to bridge the divide between me and you, like a gateway I can use to invite you to relax alongside me.

Together, we can listen to the lyrics. Lyrics I’m going to carefully choose, for their power to soothe, and to remind ourselves:

Life doesn’t have to be so complex all the time.

Sometimes, all we need is a little lullaby, a moment of peace to give our hearts and minds a few minutes to recharge and, perhaps, lull us into a restful sleep.

 

So — tell me — what’s YOUR favorite comforting relaxing song?

I’m compiling a list of my favorites.

Then get ready to hear me, ‘cause I’m literally telling myself, “Marisa, you promised yourself: You’re doing this!”

And, I mean it.

As I hit publish on this story, I’m casting my vote: to sing out loud and proud, the Synergy, the Poem, the Song that’s inside of me.

Because songs deserve to be sung. Especially the songs that are inside of us.

And like I’ve said before, and I’m reminding myself again, success in life’s all about “the yin and yang of affection embracing you, along with the hard push you need to make.”

So, here I go, guys. I’m pushing forward. Come what may.

The song in me honors and respects the song in each of you,

Marisa

♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Synergy’s the Poem I’m Writing Inside of Me

Posted on by marisavictus

Synergy’s the Poem I’m Writing Inside of Me

What is “synergy”? 

It’s listening to all the parts of you that deserve to be heard.

It’s accepting the Inner Child that, now more than ever, deserves your connection and care.

It’s being deliberate about your decisions, about what you want, every day, from your life.

It’s carving time in your schedule for joy, experimentation, and flow.

It’s giving yourself the gift of time, not just a few minutes or a couple of days, but the rest of your life to grow.

It’s the yin and yang of affection embracing you, along with the hard push you need to make.

It’s being a high achiever, who can still be kind to yourself.

It’s strengthening your competitive spirit, while healing your inner wounds, too.

It’s training your inner warrior to do battle and nurturing the loving-kindness, the mindful awareness, inside of you.

It’s balance to be strong like bamboo, able to withstand the pain, yet sway softly in the wind, of life.

It’s carving rock like the strongest, relentless water, while flowing softly, gently within.

It’s loving all the parts inside yourself, not just the brightest most exuberant happiness, but the deepest, most sorrowful ache in your heart.

It’s discovering how to end the fragmentation you feel deep inside yourself.

It’s experiencing the abundant joy of unification, of wholeness.

It’s not feeling wrong or unloved again.

Not because someone gave this to you, but because you gave it to yourself.

To finally feel free.

To accept your Self.

To unify, completely.

That’s synergy:

To be ONE with your truest, most authentic Self.

The synergy in me honors & respects the synergy in each of you,

Marisa

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

I hope you’ll join me as, together, we explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

Just signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

  • Enliven our emotions & creativity;

  • Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

  • Foster a greater depth of Self;

  • Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

  • Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared!

It’s my goal to serve something greater than myself, and there’s nothing greater than helping others to end suffering in their Inner World. 

I wish I had had someone back in the day to help me.

And I love to create systems  — I’ve won awards for the ones I’ve created in my legal work  — and, believe me, I’m even more passionate about this!

So, join me and let’s create a like-minded community! Receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, get all the FREE goodies I’ve made, and signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

The Definition of Synergy: Why Synergy of Science & Self is the secret to achieving Success

Posted on by marisavictus

“Synergy” Defined: 

Why Synergy of Science & Self is the secret to achieving Success

The VICTUS Method, explained.

What does “synergy” mean?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “synergy” as:
1. A combined action or operation;
2. A mutually advantageous conjunction or compatibility of distinct elements.

But, doesn’t that definition sound a bit boring and sterile to you?

“Synergy” — as I define it — means so much more.

 

“Synergy” can make you WHOLE.

If you’ve read my prior posts, you’ll notice an overarching theme in most everything I write:

The desire to unify our Self, to be whole and bring synergy and success to everything that we do.

Here, I dared you to aim higher, to be the HERO of your own life story. To take your pen in hand, to write, rewrite, refine, and redefine your story. Because we only have one life to live. So, let’s not waste it being afraid to become who we’re meant to be.

Here, I explained that the Mountain of our greatest dreams isn’t just ahead of us on the horizon. The Mountain we’re climbing is mostly in our minds. But, we’ve got formidable foes lurking in there: they’re the Limiting Beliefs that swarm in our heads, like wraiths whispering or yelling “You can’t!” whenever we gear up, to do the hard work we’ve got to do to scale the summit. 

Here, I showed you how I used Better Words to “Flip the Script” to banish the Limiting Belief that we’ve got to be “Perfect,” to do everything right.

Here, I explained how important it is for us to build a Secure Attachment with OURSELVES. 

And, here, I explained what we can do, to be happy, when who we are is not who we are meant to be.

In all, what’s the antidote to the misery of our unrealized dreams?

Happiness is Found In Synergy.

Happiness is the Wholeness That’s Inside of You.

— The VICTUS Method

 

Yes, “Synergy” can 10x your Life, the same way it’s doing it for me.

Because I define “synergy” as much more than the definition in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

“Synergy” means:

  • You STOP denying who you ARE.

  • You focus on being WHOLE, on expressing and sharing every part of you.

  • You refuse to be ashamed of past mistakes.

  • You take pride in lessons learned and wisdom gained.

  • You honor the Inner Child that’s still inside of you.

  • You feel safe, to become your highest, most authentic Future Self.

  • And, you don’t have to have all the answers to achieve greater synergy in your life.

  • You don’t have to be some guru or know-it-all.

Instead, you adopt the Identity that serves you best in each season of your life, and you THINK, DO, and BE your way to achieving our Goals.

You’re an Explorer, a Captain. Though you may not yet have a map, you’re ready to steer your ship through uncharted waters, knowing full well that there’s no such thing as a “Perfect” Captain when you’re out at sea, in the middle of a storm. 

You’re a Lifelong Learner, ready to study your way to greatness, learning little by little, applying what you learn day by day, until you achieve your goals. 

You’re a Creative Artist, no matter your chosen discipline. Because you have a creative spirit. One that thinks outside the box, beyond the lines that are meant to confine you. You see beyond perfectionism and welcome the messiness of life, where mistakes are only stepping stones to learning, and there’s beauty in the losses as well as the gains. 

 

Most importantly, you’re your very own Expert Scientist.

You can become the Expert at what works for YOU.

Because synergy isn’t just a state of wholeness that we can achieve. It’s also an investigative process that’s constantly evolving as we:

  1. Identify what works in our life;

  2. Study the science, so we can understanding why;

  3. Develop enough mindful self-awareness and curiosity to apply the lessons we’ve learned in one area of our lives, to other areas of our lives;

  4. Achieve small incremental wins that can compound into massive gains;

  5. And, we do all this, using the THINK-DO-BE practice, to find and test the best, most effective habits for us, using experimentation and constant iteration.

That’s why I’ve named this practice The VICTUS Method.

Because victus means way of life. 

It isn’t static or unchanging.

It’s as fluid as we are, as changing as life itself.

But, how can we feel whole when there are many changing, and sometimes competing, parts of our Self?

 

The VICTUS Method focuses on finding “Synergy” of Science & Self

Synergy allows us to adopt the Growth Mindset that we need to not only study, but apply the knowledge we’ve gained, to become a more complete, unified Self.

Not just inwardly, but outwardly, based on what we choose to become.

If you’d like to learn more and practice along with me, sign up for my Substack Newsletter, where we’ll take the scientific principles and concepts that we can learn from peer-reviewed scientific studies and experts in many scientific fields (biology, psychology, epidemiology, etc.), and apply it to all areas of our life.

Not just to benefit our chosen careers, but to:

• Enhance our sense of purpose;

• Pursue value-driven goals;

• Devote ourselves to creative pursuits;

• Cultivate a healthy mind and body, both physiologically and deep within our soul;

• Honor our aspirations;

• Achieve our dreams; and,

• Most importantly of all, become WHOLE, with a Secure Attachment to our Self.

So much so, that our sense of security isn’t theoretical.

It’s felt in our body:

The Sympathetic Nervous System that revs up the fight-flight-or-freeze reaction becomes less of a threat.

And the Parasympathetic Nervous System takes over, because we feel safe to relax into the new habits, routines, and systems that synergy can provide for us.

The end result isn’t just the achievement of some goal, but the peace it brings to us.

It’s the happiness we gain when we realize, one day, that we’ve overcome our fears and obstacles.

What once held us back, simply can’t anymore.

 

Synergy’s the secret to achievement.

To success in more areas of our life.

To doing what’s hard, with greater ease, more self-love, and significantly less anxiety and stress.

We don’t have to live with a Fractured Self.

We can be WHOLE.

We can bring synergy to everything we do.

So, let’s do this.

Together, we can unify our Self and embody what truly makes each of us special and unique.

The synergy in me honors and respects the synergy in each of you,

Marisa

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

I hope you’ll join me as, together, we explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

In my Substack Newsletter, we’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

  • Enliven our emotions & creativity;

  • Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

  • Foster a greater depth of Self;

  • Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

  • Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared!

It’s my goal to serve something greater than myself, and there’s nothing greater than helping others to end suffering in their Inner World. 

I wish I had had someone back in the day to help me.

And I love to create systems  — I’ve won awards for the ones I’ve created in my legal work  — and, believe me, I’m even more passionate about this!

Let’s create a like-minded community! Receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, and get all the FREE goodies I’ve made in my Substack Newsletter.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

If You Struggle with Perfectionism, Change Your Identity: Don’t Be a “Perfectionist”, try these 2 Identities instead!

Posted on by marisavictus

If You Struggle with Perfectionism, Change Your Identity:

Don’t Be a “Perfectionist”, try these 2 Identities instead!

You must adopt the right Identity to Build a Secure Attachment with Yourself, Be Resilient, & Achieve Your Goals in Life!

Are YOU a “Perfectionist”?

I was. Most definitely. I was raised from a very young age to always go for the A and, if extra credit was there for the taking, I better get that A+, too.

Where did it get me?

It helped me to become an Attorney.

But, there’s so much more to me.

Don’t get me wrong. There are so many fantastic upsides to practicing law. Most of all, I love how I’m able to use my writing and advocacy skills to help my clients succeed. I feel a great sense of purpose in doing that.

But…

There’s more to life than your profession. For me, there’s a completely distinct “Creative” inside of me.

She’s the inner child, whom I’ve silenced for far too long.

Not anymore.

After many years, I’m giving her permission to come out and play, to let her Creative flag fly freely in the wind.

And I’ve got my hands full, because I’m in love with many things:

1. Creative Writing: I’m about to publish the 2nd book in my science fiction series, THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. And, I’m also posting my non-fiction writing on Medium and free Substack Newsletter.

2. Music: singing & piano.

3. Art: painting, both traditionally and digitally.

4. Fitness: dance, nutrition, and a combination of other fitness activities.

5. Putting Myself Out There: This is the hardest for me. Working away for hours, I can do. I wake up at 5 am every day — even on the weekends — just to do it. That’s how much I love creating.

But putting myself out there? That’s significantly harder. It’s why I’ve finished writing 3 books in my science fiction series, and I’m working on my 4th book in the series now, but Marketing? Oh my. I’ve barely done a thing!

That obviously needs to change, as I gear up to publish the 2nd book.

And I’m eager to do it, this time around, because now I know other people who enjoy creative activities!

I’ve since discovered Medium and Substack, and fellow writers who’ve inspired me to consider posting audio and video of myself, too.

So, here I go. This is the area where I’ve got the most to learn and experience, and it will take the most time to get used to recording myself and being brave enough to post it.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

As I take a step back to look at my list, I see there’s a LOT going on.

I want to do all of these things well, but I am not “perfect” at doing them.

 

The OLD “Perfectionist” in me would have been bothered by this.

If I were my old “Perfectionistic” Self, I would have stressed myself out, worrying and fretting over the need to do everything as perfectly as possible.

Back then, I would’ve told myself I better learn EXACTLY how to do everything, and I would’ve spent a massive amount of time and sleepless nights studying how.

Because that nasty wraith — that pernicious Limiting Belief — “You Have to Be PERFECT” would’ve been more than whispering in my ear. It would’ve been shouting with a megaphone at me.

 

NOT anymore!

All that stress has melted away over the years. And it’s not because I got some sort of lobotomy to excise the wraith out permanently.

No, I simply changed my mind with the THINK-DO-BE Method that I love to use, to rewire my mind and change my life:

 

1)  THINK. Re-think your chosen Identity.

THINK:

I’m a “Perfectionist.”

RE-THINK:

Whenever I struggle with how I’m seeing myself, I remind myself to re-think.

I know, for a fact, that the “Perfectionist” identity does not serve me. Thinking that I have to be perfect immediately makes me feel like I’m “starting too late” or “falling behind” because I’m not farther along on my creative journey.

So, how can I do these creative activities without falling prey to a “Perfectionist” mentality?

 

2)  DO. Try your new chosen Identity.

Keep in mind that the Self isn’t static. It’s malleable and can change over time. You can direct it the way you want it to be!

So, try on other Identities!

Here are 2 of my recent favorites:

 

1. Be a “Creative Artist”!

When I think of an Artist, I imagine someone with a free spirit, who isn’t strict and doesn’t like to be confined by what’s considered “the right way to do things.”

An Artist is a bit of a rebel — and I love that.

S/he’s not concerned with producing something so “perfect” that it lacks humanity.

In fact, I picture the opposite: a work of art that captures the messiness and beauty of a life well lived.

I expect the art or writing to move me, precisely because it captures the imperfection that surrounds us.

That imperfection makes me feel something because it resonates with the imperfection inside of me.

The Artist doesn’t try to be perfect. Because s/he knows she doesn’t need to be.

And that gives me permission to be imperfect, too.

When we’re not perfect, there’s room to grow.

So, don’t be a “Perfectionist”! Be a “Creative Artist” instead!

 

2. Be a “Lifelong Learner”!

What’s the opposite of a “Perfectionist” who’s supposed to be Perfect from the day they were born, until the day they die?

A “Lifelong Learner”!

When you’re a “Lifelong Learner,” you do NOT need to have all the answers. In fact, you’re expected NOT to.

And that’s perfectly OK.

Because you’re always willing and able to learn.

And you have your entire life to study, practice, and apply the new knowledge you acquire, little by little.

I love this Identity because it makes me feel safe to take the action I need to take to make progress.

That’s critical because action beats motivation — always.

That’s why I frequently remind myself:

• Do NOT wait for motivation to come.

• All you have to do is take action and MEASURE your progress to see your gains.

• As your progress begins to compound and you gain momentum, you’ll feel inspired and motivation will come automatically.

Best of all, the more you behave like a “Lifelong Learner,” the less tightly you have to grip onto your sense of Self, because your Self is not so consumed by the Ego anymore.

You feel free because NOT knowing is simply no longer a threat to who you are, or your worth as a person.

 

3) BE. Having tried both Identities, I’m no longer a “Perfectionist.” Instead, I choose to be a “Creative Artist” and a “Lifelong Learner” Every. Single. Day.

What about you?

Which Identity or Identities have you tried?

Who are YOU choosing to be?

Whether you’re an “Creative Artist”, a “Lifelong Learner,” or another Identity entirely, I wish you the freedom to be as Perfectly Imperfect as you are, just as I am, too.

 

The light in me honors and respects the light in you,

Marisa

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

I hope you’ll join me as, together, we explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

Just signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

  • Enliven our emotions & creativity;

  • Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

  • Foster a greater depth of Self;

  • Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

  • Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared!

It’s my goal to serve something greater than myself, and there’s nothing greater than helping others to end suffering in their Inner World. 

I wish I had had someone back in the day to help me.

And I love to create systems  — I’ve won awards for the ones I’ve created in my legal work  — and, believe me, I’m even more passionate about this!

So, join me and let’s create a like-minded community! Receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, get all the FREE goodies I’ve made, and signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

The VICTUS Method merges the THINK-DO-BE practice with Art Therapy: You Might’ve Forgotten the Artist Inside of You, But the Child in You Has Not.

Posted on by marisavictus

The VICTUS Method merges the THINK-DO-BE practice with Art Therapy:

You Might’ve Forgotten the Artist Inside of You, But the Child in You Has Not.

The VICTUS Method combines the THINK-DO-BE Practice with Art Therapy, to demonstrate that, even when we forget the Artist that lives inside of us, the child in us has not. The Limiting Belief “I am not creative” is simply not true. Indeed, when we DO a 5-day Art Exercise, we can PROVE that we are, in fact, highly creative. And, the more we engage in regular creative activities, the more we can actively BE creative, until we can SEE ourselves clearly, as the resilient, Creative people that we are.

 

My friend, the Artist? She doesn’t think so, but somewhere inside, I believe the child in her is.

The other day, my friend who’s an Accountant came over and asked me if I had a black marker she could use.

I reached into the cabinet and pulled out a Huggies wet nap bin. You know, the kind that has the button that pops up so you can dispense wet naps for your kids without drying out the whole pack.

Now that my young kids are done with diapers and they don’t need to have a pack in Every. Single. Room. of the house anymore (hooray!), I decided to repurpose the Huggies wet nap bin to store loose things like pens, so I pulled it out, and handed her a Sharpie.

My friend’s eyes widened and, as she arched her eyebrows in surprise, she said, “Oh! What a great idea! We threw away all of our wetnap bins. You’re so creative to reuse them like that. We have so many pens and nicknacks everywhere, it makes our drawers messy. I should’ve done that with our bins, too — but I’m not creative. I’m just not creative at all.”

It seemed like such a small thing to say, but it wasn’t.

She said it so matter-of-factly, like it was a given. An obvious, certifiable fact.

It broke my heart.

I mean, just think for a moment: When have you seen a child say that?

Have you ever heard a little boy or girl say “I’m not creative” about themselves?

No, the vast majority of children are born with a sense of pure joy and fearlessness, not only about who they are, but in what they create. They’re born confident in their creativity.

They pick up their crayons and colored pencils and attack the page, drawing all the images they can imagine. Their fingers move with abandon. Their eyes gaze down at the paper, without any sense of self-consciousness or embarrassment. And they smile and show-off their creativity, with a great sense of accomplishment and pride.

Comparison — the thief of joy — comes later.

Children — in all of their purity — simply don’t start out like that.

They have to be told by someone — perhaps a judgmental parent or teacher or other authority figure — that they’re NOT creative, or their work has to be picked apart and criticized, to think something like that.

It hurt to hear my friend say that about herself.

How could someone who seemed confident lose her sense of self like that?

And the look on her face, as she sighed and forced a grin. She looked unhappy, but sure. She’d meant what she’d said. She looked at me straight in the eye and said it — twice.

I’m just not creative.

It shows you how far we can lose our sense of Self.

I’d venture to say, we all feel it in some way or another. That disconnection from who we used to be as children. From who we’re meant to become as adults.

I refuse to accept that this is how we have to live: without the spark in our eyes!

Whoever planted that false belief in her head should be ashamed of themselves.

And if you have something similar floating around in the nooks and crannies of your noggin’, there’s hope. All we have to do is tune in, to repair that.

 

You Can Begin An Art Practice to Build a Secure Attachment with Yourself: Repair  Your Fractured Self

If we want to be happy, if we want to transform ourselves from who we are to who we’re meant to be, we have to be willing to ask ourselves tough questions — like “Who hurt me?” And, “Whose thoughts am I thinking?”

The THINK-DO-BE practice is a great way to point our Inner Compass in the right direction, to correct the disempowering thoughts that keep us from seeing who we actually are.

1) THINK. Then, Re-Think.

Original Thought: I’m not creative.

Re-Think: Is that really true?

Sometimes, it only takes a willingness to experiment, to look and try again, with an open mind.

 

2) DO. Commit to this 5-day Art Exercise.

Begin with a simple piece of artwork.

If you’d like, you can print the black and white coloring page I used above.

As you follow the following 5-day exercise, take notes:

• Notice the way it feels for you, to use some colors more than others.

• Notice the way the imagery feels — serene or severe — as you vary the thickness or pressure of each line.

• Notice the emotions that arise. Depending on the guidelines that are listed for each day, how do you feel? Do you feel resistance or a sense of expansion and excitement? How do your feelings shift each day?

DAY 1:

• Put all of the colors out in front of you.

• Use just the grays, browns, and blacks, to vary the thickness of each line and highlight certain parts of the scene, based on your preferences.

• Notice any urge you might have to use the colors, but don’t. Which colors are you drawn to? What’s the color you can’t wait to use?

DAY 2:

• Color the same image, using only the blues.

DAY 3:

• Color the same image, using only the reds.

DAY 4:

• Color the same image in a rainbow gradient, from reds on the left, through the oranges and yellows, to the greens, blues, and violets on the right.

• Did you decide to make each band of color equal? Or, are some bands of color wider than others?

• Did you make the image look realistic?

• Or, are flowers multi-colored, mixed like a rainbow, with blue or purple leaves? Perhaps, you colored in a bright pink or maybe green sky?

DAY 5:

• Use the full color spectrum.

• Use every possible color variation you can use from your crayon, pencil, or marker set.

• Did you choose to make the image look realistic this time?

• Did you color inside or outside the lines?

• Did you add any geometric shapes or patterns?

• Did you have the urge to make your own drawing, unburdened by any boundaries, using a blank, white page?

 

3) BE. Be willing to create art, again and again, and one day you will SEE the Artist inside of you.

Look at all 5 of your colored pages, side by side.

What did you learn about yourself?

Did your expectations match your results?

Did you surprise yourself in any way?

In less than a week, you probably discovered that you are far more creative than you originally thought.

 

Take the time, to appreciate the knowledge, the Self-Awareness, that you’ve gained.

What this simple 5-day exercise demonstrates is that we have to put ourselves out there, to try new experiences or re-try familiar things, if we truly want to challenge our Limiting Beliefs.

Here, the coloring page and instructions were “forcing functions” that required you to make artistic choices.

As those choices changed from day to day, you could see how your creativity impacted the look and feel of each piece.

At the end of 5 days, you had 5 distinct works of art — quantifiable proof that you are, in fact, creative.

There is no “wrong way” to be an artist. Just follow the spark of creativity that’s inside of you.

Don’t underestimate yourself.

Be willing to try. Be willing to see. Be willing to go where inspiration strikes.

 

Join us, for more artistic fun.

If you enjoyed this exercise and would like to explore more of your creative Self, signup for my free Substack Newsletter, where I’ll be hosting new art activities, to bring more creativity, self-care, and meditation to my Subscribers’ lives.

There will be free flowing, open-ended opportunities to draw/paint based on a theme/subject, as well as downloadable coloring pages, so we can see the color and design choices we make, as a community.

What will the child in you create?

Vita est pro victus.

Life is for living.

The child in me honors and respects the child in each of you,

Marisa

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

I hope you’ll join me as, together, we explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

Just signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

  • Enliven our emotions & creativity;

  • Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

  • Foster a greater depth of Self;

  • Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

  • Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared!

It’s my goal to serve something greater than myself, and there’s nothing greater than helping others to end suffering in their Inner World. 

I wish I had had someone back in the day to help me.

And I love to create systems  — I’ve won awards for the ones I’ve created in my legal work  — and, believe me, I’m even more passionate about this!

So, join me and let’s create a like-minded community! Receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, get all the FREE goodies I’ve made, and signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

The light in me honors & respects the light in each of you,

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Sailing in a Storm: At sea, there’s no such thing as a “Perfect” Captain. 

Posted on by marisavictus

Sailing in a Storm: At sea, there’s no such thing as a “Perfect” Captain.

You’ve got to raise the anchor, hoist the sails, and use your Inner Compass, to reach the Land of your Dreams.

What makes a Captain, steering a ship in turbulent waters “perfect”?

There’s simply no such thing!

A “Perfect” Captain…

❌Cannot make the stormy clouds clear.

❌Cannot make the turbulent water still.

❌Cannot make the wind pick up the sails.

It’s impossible!

What makes a Captain great is that s/he gets the ship & crew safely from Point A to Point B!

Everyone’s alive.

No one’s died from scurvy.

And most (if not everyone)’s got all their limbs intact.

Life is the precisely same way!

We are all just trying to traverse the ocean of our lives, to get from where we are (Point A) to the New World (Point B) where the land of our Dreams awaits.

 

So stop having unreasonable expectations for yourself! Stop telling yourself that you have to be perfect!

All we have to do is take control of the direction in our lives, to steer the ship and be confident & capable Captains!

Stop expecting perfection & focus only on measuring your GAINS.

Because it’s not about whether the weather or storms in our life are cooperating or not.

We must stop measuring ourselves based on if something is hard or challenging for us to withstand.

Because the water in our lives does not always cooperate.

Like any ocean a Captain’s got to face, we’ve got to expect that storms will come to our waters, both large and small.

At most, we can prepare.

And practice.

And set sail, once more.

And find a way to TRUST that we have it within us, to be strong enough to survive and weather any storm.

But, how?

How can we learn to trust the wisdom inside of ourselves?

 

We must MEASURE OUR PROGRESS!

When the storm pushes us x degrees south, west, or wherever, driving us off-course, did we correct?

Did we navigate ourselves, to get back on track?

How long did it take?

Were we better at recognizing our drift than the last time it happened?

Because THAT’s the progress we need to measure.

THAT’s what takes us from an inexperienced novice to a Great Captain.

 

Today, I invite us to reflect on that:

• In what ways are we unfairly judging ourselves based on the quality — the turbulence or serenity — of the surrounding sea (the environment in our lives), which is largely beyond our control?

• In what ways are we being accurate (or not) in our measurements?

• Do we employ accurate methods, to track our progress?

• Are we even looking at the measurements that matter?

• Or have we anchored ourselves somewhere far behind, because we’re afraid to even set sail?

 

We have to take the time to be still, and ask ourselves these questions.

Otherwise, the seas will whip us around, this way and that.

The roar of the ocean will drown out our thoughts and emotions.

And we’ll never get in touch with the Inner Compass, the one tool that can truly guide our minds and hearts to the precise coordinates we were born to reach.

In my mind’s eye, I can see the coastline already.

It’s the New World, where our greatest Dreams await.

I’m ready.

Are you?

Get on board. It’s time to set sail!

The Captain in me honors & respects the Captain in each of you,

Marisa

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

I hope you’ll join me as, together, we explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

Just signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

  • Enliven our emotions & creativity;

  • Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

  • Foster a greater depth of Self;

  • Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

  • Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared!

It’s my goal to serve something greater than myself, and there’s nothing greater than helping others to end suffering in their Inner World. 

I wish I had had someone back in the day to help me.

And I love to create systems  — I’ve won awards for the ones I’ve created in my legal work  — and, believe me, I’m even more passionate about this!

So, join me and let’s create a like-minded community! Receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, get all the FREE goodies I’ve made, and signup for my Substack Newsletter here.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

The light in me honors & respects the light in each of you,

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.