When we strive to achieve our Goals, we often forget ourselves.
Why?
Because our Inner Critic can give us the wrong impression: that other people “have what it takes.”
When we see someone who’s achieved massive success, a part of us thinks, “That’s just how winners are.”
We forget that people who are successful at what they do were not born with the same personality, determination, or grit that they now have.
They’re human, just like us.
And we are not beings with immutable traits.
From the moment we’re born, we slowly mirror, practice, learn, and adopt the skills that we have now.
Let’s not forget that that process never stops.
Let’s not hold the false belief that others have what it takes while we do not.
We can become who we truly wish to be.
We can identify, practice, and learn the skills that we need.
And one day, we will have the skillset, temperament, and resilience to achieve the success that we want.
So the next time your Inner Critic begins to compare “you” to “them”…
Flip the Script:
from “I can’t” to “Of course, I CAN.”
Remind yourself:
“Skills are not traits.”
“Skills can be learned.”
“Other people have learned these skills.”
“I can learn them, too.”
Shift your mindset.
Which skills are you opening to learning, today?
The Learner in me honors & respects the Learner in each of you,
Marisa
🎤 📺🎤
If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
When I took a challenging class and was forced to focus intently on my yoga teacher’s instructions, I completely escaped my rumination. I found myself FREE, and it was such a relief! To want to stay present in my body, in this positive way, when usually migraines make me want to escape my body the most. This was the power of a somatic practice! I’ve been on a mission to explore other somatic practices, ever since.
Two weeks ago, I decided to try Cold Exposure Therapy.
Cold Exposure Therapy, a.k.a. cryotherapy, has been around for decades.
Many professional athletes submerge themselves in ice-baths to soothe their sore bodies and reduce inflammation.
And I’ve discovered other doctors and scientists, including a fave Neuroscientist, who take cold showers and praise the powerful effects, too.
It’s no wonder then, that in recent years, the practice has exploded in popularity.
One of the most well-known proponents is none other than “The Iceman” himself, Wim Hof.
If you’re not familiar with Mr. Hof, you can easily take a gander at his approach to cold exposure by reading his book on Kindle Unlimited.
Reading a book about it…that, I could do.
But was I willing to give it a try?
I had to overcome my resistance.
We’re human. We all want to avoid pain and discomfort.
Still, I think I took more convincing than most.
You see, I’m one of those people who hates the cold.
I love to be warm and cozy.
You know, the concept of hygge, where you’ve got layers upon layers of soft fuzzy clothes on, a bowl of hot soup, and soft candles flickering in the corner of the room?
That’s my idea of heaven.
A super cold shower’s NOT my cup of tea — not by a long shot.
But letting such a promising somatic practice go unexplored just didn’t jive with my new identity:
To be a “Scientist of Self,” you have to give new thoughts and experiences a try, to be the N of 1, and examine your unique results for yourself.
These past few years, I’ve devoted myself to finding synergy, to identify what works for me in one area, and translate that to achieve greater success in all areas of my life.
Sometimes, the goal is:
• to maximize my work.
• to reach my creative potential.
• to relax into peace and flow.
In other words, sometimes the goal is aspirational.
But, other times, it’s a matter of survival.
Sometimes, I have to find synergy, to alleviate my physical or emotional pain.
Whatever the goal might be, I decided a few years ago to adopt a mindful mindset when it comes to reaching my goals. But, I had to get over my resistance. And the identity of a Scientist helped to do that for me.
By seeing myself as that N=1, I was able to loosen the hold that my old Identity (a Perfectionist) had on me.
Even if I wasn’t great at it, even if my experiment “failed,” I could see that “failure” as helpful data.
So what did I have to lose?
On the heels of my miraculous mind-body transformation with yoga, I figured I had much to gain.
It wasn’t long before I warmed up to the idea and thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I test it for myself, and cold showers actually help me? Wouldn’t it be awesome, if it’s as beneficial as Mr. Hof claims?”
Benefits like:
1. Fortified immune system
2. Reduced inflammation
3. Improved blood circulation
4. Boost in energy
5. Rise in dopamine levels
6. Reduced stress response
7. Enhanced metabolism
Now, Mr. Hof espouses a particular breathing method in tandem with cold exposure, both in and out of the water. To many, it’s an extreme practice that most would not want to endure.
But, we don’t have to go that far if we don’t want to.
Cold exposure can be beneficial at a far lower threshold.
Take a COLD shower.
When we enter the cold, our circulatory system gets a total body workout.
This is no small feat.
Your circulatory system is 70,000 miles long; that’s like going around the world 3x.
The cold acts as a positive stressor. It trains our body’s cardiovascular system to contract and dilate, improving the elasticity of our blood vessels.
Our blood’s rerouted, away from our extremities and towards our core.
And that benefits our body long after the shower’s over.
Better circulation means a stronger delivery system for the oxygen and nutrients in our body.
The immune system also produces more white blood cells, which bolsters our protection against infection and disease.
And, the benefits aren’t limited to the physical.
It also improves our mental health, by releasing the “feel-good” hormones (endorphins) that reduce our stress. Cortisol drops and the result is a natural high, a state of calm that can last for hours, if not the entire day.
What’s more, we’ll accelerate our metabolic rate when our bodies generate heat to maintain our core temperature, a process known as “thermogenesis.” The end result? Burning more calories, all of the time.
Sounds good to me!
The only catch?
We’ve got to get a little…uncomfortable.
What do we have to lose?
Only 15- to 20- to 30-seconds of our warm and cozy comfort.
“It’s just a short amount of time,” I reminded myself.
Yes, even The Iceman recommends easing into it for just fifteen to thirty seconds at a time.
The immediate goal’s not to plunge into an icy cold sea.
Instead, he recommends taking a warm shower, as usual; then, end it with a steady stream of cold water. For gradually longer periods of time.
Let’s Get Personal: Here’s How I Prepped for My Experiment:
I decided it wouldn’t make any sense for me to make the contrast between hot and cold more pronounced than it had to be. ’Cause that would make it more painful.
So, my standard 90+ degree showers had to go.
I settled on 80 degrees as a reasonable starting point.
And, I confess, even that took some getting used to.
Then the mental gymnastics started. Every morning, my brain got a workout, as I told myself, “You’re going to drop that dial down to 60 degrees.”
In the beginning, just the idea of it made me hyperventilate. Like most anything difficult, the anticipation of it was something I had to overcome.
But, I stayed the course, grabbed hold of that dial and eased my way down.
I shampooed my hair.
80 dropped to 75, and I started to take deeper, slower breaths.
Conditioner went in. 75 dropped to 70.
I soaped and, as the bubbles streamed down, my breaths became steadier.
Then came the hardest part:
The drop from 70 to 60.
I decided the most painful part had to be paired with the greatest reward, to make this process as painless and as enjoyable as possible:
For that, I reserved my favorite, most luxurious body wash.
I turned the dial those last 10 degrees and Breathed.
Breathe!
“Damn it, that is so freakin’ COLD!”
That’s literally all I could think.
1 Mississippi. 2 Mississippi. 3 Mississippi.
On and on.
Until 1 Mississippi became 15.
15 became 30.
30 became 40.
40 became 50.
50 became 60.
And on and on….
The hilariously awkward shuffling of my legs and vigorous rubbing of my goosebump-covered arms transformed into something I absolutely NEVER envisioned for myself:
Two weeks later and I’m like a swan, arms open wide, my chest rising up to meet the steady stream of icy COLD water.
I’ve graduated. From bracing myself against the painfully cold water, to welcoming it, like it’s bringing me my very first breath.
Just like The Iceman said would happen, I’ve noticed a shift in me:
I’m able to control my body to receive the cold.
It’s not to the point that I feel no reaction whatsoever. I’m not there yet.
But, the cold’s not frightening to me anymore. I’m strangely eager to experience it now.
And, something even odder has happened: I’ve found warmth in the cold.
I don’t know how to explain it.
After the first few moments of sensing cold, something else happens:
It’s like the temperature dial in my shower’s been moved up, even though it hasn’t changed.
It’s still set to 60 degrees.
But, it feels like it’s warm.
And, best of all, I feel fantastic. Highly energized.
And, long after the shower’s over, I find a better sense of Self:
My breathing is steadier. I am more aware of my breath, whether I’m meditating or not.
And I feel more regulated — emotionally — throughout the entire day.
What do you think? Are you intrigued? Does it sound like something you’d like to try?
If you do, I’d love to hear about your experience.
I’m loving my results so far.
Not just in my body, but in my mind:
It’s shown me the power behind what a little discomfort can do.
As the cold water’s streaming down on me, I can tell myself, “There’s hygge in the cold. There’s magic inside of you.”
The Iceman in me honors & respects The Iceman in each of you,
Marisa
🎤📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
I used to think the best way to save myself — to avoid the migraine — was to think my way out of it.
To use better thoughts.
To Flip the Script.
It was a very cerebral thinking vs. better thinking approach.
It’s worked before, and it’ll work again.
But, I found an even better solution:
Yoga’s taught me the Power of a Somatic Practice: SOMETIMES, Entering the Body’s a Better Method
I didn’t come to this realization on purpose.
It happened after I decided to add yoga to my schedule as a form of self-care.
As a way to show myself, “Even if you don’t feel like you have the time, even if it feels like there’s still too much to do, you deserve to take time for yourself.”
In other words, I saw it as a form of self-love.
And that’s precisely what it’s become for me.
Every week, I carve out that hour for myself. And I feel so much more relaxed and energized because of it. Not just for the hour, but for the entire day afterward.
And sometimes days before, too. Because I can look forward to giving that time to myself.
It’s lessened my stress. It’s enhanced my balance. It’s strengthened my body.
Most importantly…
Yoga’s refocused my mind.
One morning, I was feeling the beginning of a migraine coming on.
A part of me wanted to skip yoga.
To grab my migraine mask (this too-embarrassing-to-be-seen-in-public, but highly-effective neoprene sleeve) that covers the entire top of your head, from the crown of your head, over your eyes, to the tip of your nose.
That’s the Total Blackout I wanted. To sleep it off in bed.
But, I didn’t.
I remembered the calm bliss I felt after an hour spent focusing on my breath.
That slow and subtle shift out of the Sympathetic Nervous System, and into the Parasympathetic Nervous System that lets your body relax and rest.
So I drove myself to the gym, doubting it would be enough to ward off the migraine.
Still, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.
And, some time in the middle of class, in the midst of following the teacher’s instructions, to repeat the somewhat complex vinyasa — but faster, this time, on the opposite side — it dawned on me:
By focusing on following my Yoga teacher’s instructions, I had no option but to ignore any ruminating thoughts.
Which is a big deal. Because my rumination’s not your run-of-the-mill rumination when I’m having a migraine.
It’s far worse, the worse the migraine gets.
And this is where yoga surprised me.
Of all the benefits to yoga,
I love the focus on the breath.
I love the benefits of going inward.
I love the enhanced flexibility and tone it’s giving my body.
I love the better balance I can sustain.
And, most of all, I love the introspective space it gives, to heal yourself, to give yourself the time and grace that everyone needs to see their body and their Self as the fallible and sometimes frail or fragile human beings that we are.
But what I never expected was the sudden realization, as I focused intently on how to twist out of a move and into the next — in a way that we had never done before, at faster than ever speed — that I had completely escaped my rumination.
I suddenly found myself: FREE.
It was such a relief!
To want to stay present in my body, in this positive way, when usually a migraine makes me want to escape my body the most.
Yoga’s inspired me to pursue more somatic practices.
Ever since this happened, I’ve been exploring other somatic methodologies.
To see what other somatic practices could help me do.
And I haven’t found this level of freedom in other forms of movement.
I think it’s because this particular Yoga Teacher does a new routine every week. And since I only take her class once a week, I might be familiar with the poses, but the specific combinations are fresh and new.
And her vinyasas move quickly, from one pose to the next, like a sophisticated game of Twister. Where you have to listen carefully. To focus. To follow.
I think that’s what keeps my mind so attuned to my body, from the neck down, instead of my own internal thoughts.
Give it a try!
The next time you’re over-stressed, or you can’t escape a bad bout of rumination, find a challenging Yoga class. And if your local gym doesn’t have one, look for one on YouTube.
If you’re anything like me, focusing into your body just might be the faster path out of your pain.
Not just physically, but mentally.
And if you’re thinking, “I don’t have the time”….
Well, that’s precisely the time you might need to go.
The Flow in me honors & respects the Flow in each of you,
Marisa
🎤📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
And as I sit here, rewatching it in silence, I feel a greater sense of strength, not in my voice, but deep in my core.Yes, there is power in SILENCE.Have you experienced it, too?
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
When You Lose Your Voice (literally or figuratively), Harness the Power of SILENCE + You Can Use Your Voice In a BETTER Way!
From my series: How to “Flip The Script” with the VICTUS Method.
I was feeling a bit under the weather this week.
I was still able to follow my routine, but the more I talked when working or socializing, the more I discovered I was losing my voice.
Literally.
But, that wasn’t what worried me.
The worst part was, it felt like I was losing my voice emotionally.
I know precisely why:
Because losing my voice was impacting my productivity.
It wasn’t the end of the world, though.
I was able to shift my schedule and reorganize some of my plans.
All should’ve been well.
But, pretty soon, I felt this sense of sinking, of falling behind.
Of stress.
And, unfortunately, I know that when I get stressed, the likelihood of a horrendous migraine starts to rear its ugly head.
So I had to perform a Mindset Reset. To lessen the stress, not only in my mind, but also in my body.
Because I’ve learned this the hard way: If I don’t get a handle on my stress levels, my body will keep the score. The throbbing will start to set in my head, and there’ll be hours of pain, and worse — rumination — to endure.
Here’s the Mindset Reset I used to avoid that:
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
1. I remembered, Now is not the time to strive. Instead of using FORCE: Relax. Let go. Accept.
2. I asked, “How can this actually serve me?”
My mind quickly railed against the question: “How could your voicelessness help you?! You barely have enough time as it is to do your work and creative activities, not to mention what’s most important of all: the need to tend to your family! And, that long list of To Do’s!”
But…
3. I pushed back, telling myself “Nothing good will come from focusing on what you’ve lost, on what you lack.”
4. I told myself, “You have to focus on what you HAVE.”
And, when I finally got my mind to cooperate, I found 7 BLESSINGS, significantly more than a stressed-out-state would ever let me know:
BLESSING #1:
To save my voice, I whispered. And my two young kids whispered so gently, right back at me.
Even though I had never asked them to. They just did it naturally.
My daughter pat me gently on the back, and mirrored what I’ve often done for her.
In the gentlest voice, she comforted me. She helped me to relax into and accept my current reality — not in a complex, intellectual way, but in the simplest, most important way: by helping me feel better. So, so quietly, she whispered, “Aww, it’s okay, Mommy. We’ll play together quietly while you rest.”
And my younger son did the same. He gave me hugs and read a book — a quiet activity — that’s the opposite of his usual rambunctious, bouncing-off-the-walls self. And, that softened me, too, to see how even a child with his age and temperament wants to show his love and concern.
I realized, “These are gifts that the silence has given me.”
It gave me the opportunity to witness how kind, caring, and loving my children are.
BLESSING #2:
So we decided to make reading a quiet activity to do together as a family.
While snuggling in bed.
I had embraced the silence by then, and it brought me an unexpected serenity.
And as my children nestled in close to me, I realized — with some sadness — how precious these moments are.
Yes, all our days are numbered, given our frail human condition, but then it dawned on me:
So, too, are the years, weeks, and (dare I think it) days when my children will allow me to cuddle them like this.
They’re at that tender age when they still depend on me.
But, the day will come when (if we’ve raised them right) they will want to spread their wings and soar all on their own.
One day, my kiddos won’t want to hold my hand, anymore.
Or, they might shy away when I go in for that kiss.
But — for now — in this blissful silence, they are here, together with me, cuddling close, where my lips can peck them on the cheek and tell them everything they need to know, silently.
And they’re meeting me where I am: kissing me back with so much tenderness.
It was lovely.
And it brought me to my next epiphany:
BLESSING #3:
Love is always the best path forward, to deal with any difficult feeling.
So, I relied on the 2 C’s that always re-center me:
C #1’s INWARD = Compassion for my Self &
C #2’s OUTWARD = reaching out to likeminded Community.
For #1 = I gave myself the best self-care I could, by relaxing into the belief that this Silence could serve me.
For #2 = I allowed myself to rest into the Power of SILENCE, and found a BETTER way to use my Voice:
❤️🙋🏻♀️Writing / Creating = How to Love your Self🙋🏻♀️❤️
💕👫Sharing Other People’s Writing / Creations = How to Love Others👫💕
💜🔮Either way, your Love expands. The Love you give comes back to you.🔮💜
And, I kid you not, it did:
BLESSING #5:
One of the very first writers who ever supported me on Substack wrote me the most kind and uplifting message, to let me know that he wishes me well, he appreciates our conversations as we comment on each others’ work, and he encouraged me to keep going.
And I received such a thoughtful comment from a new Subscriber as well. It was in response to a post I had made about a difficult experience in my life, after spending many years practicing law as an Attorney, and how it gave me the courage to pursue the Creative side of me. He let me know I wasn’t alone in feeling that way, and also encouraged me to keep going.
It really lifted my spirits.
I may not know them in real life, but their reaching out meant a great deal.
Because I felt supported. And I haven’t always had that.
As I told them,
“I feel like I am finally giving myself the permission and space I have needed for far too long to become who I truly wish to be.
And it has been such a long and isolating road.
Because no one around me ‘gets it.’
I hardly know anyone who loves the things I do — creative writing, making art and music, and creating videos.
And, unfortunately, I’ve received so many messages (both explicit and implicit) to not pursue these things.
It’s taken more courage than I ever anticipated to do these things anyway.”
Their kind comments meant more to me than they might realize.
So I did keep going. I didn’t give up.
I asked myself, “How can I use my voice, even in silence?”
I started to think outside the box.
BLESSING #6:
I decided I could, in fact, use my voice, if I edited my latest video recording.
I had recorded it last week, when my voice was just fine, but I hadn’t had time to do the post-production.
I realized, “This is the perfect opportunity to try to make the message better — not by using more words, but by using more of my creativity.”
I used silent magic:
• I learned how to layer better imagery (“B roll”) on to the video, to hopefully convey the message in a way that was more entertaining.
• I added animation, to hopefully keep the viewers’ interest.
• And, I created a new Logo, to highlight
What I hope to accomplish with the VICTUS Method:
To help others find more peace and serenity, by accepting and becoming more of who they want to be, as I try to do the same.
In other words, I tried harder to serve others.
And, with each subtle shift, I proved that I could still use my voice.
Ultimately, by not speaking, I found a deeper understanding inside of me.
BLESSING #7:
This was, perhaps, the most surprising revelation of all:
By talking less, and delving inward, the fear of posting another video slowly began to fade.
I posted my 2nd Video here:
And as I sit here, rewatching it in silence, I feel a greater sense of strength, not in my voice, but deep in my core.
Yes, there is power in SILENCE.
Have you experienced it, too?
If not, give it a try.
Ask yourself:
What’s in your world, without words?
May you find the silent magic, some time today.
The Silence in me honors & respects the Silence in each of you,
Marisa
🎤 📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
