Author: marisavictus

The Beauty of Fall: How to Hygge & Savor Your Life

Posted on by marisavictus

The Beauty of Fall: How to Hygge & Savor Your Life

A Reminder to Soften, Rest, and Recover

So often, in the rush to excel and achieve our goals, we push and strive and grind. We think that our lives need to be “perfect,” highly structured, precise, accurate, and regimented to be successful.

When that happens, think of the seasons. Think about their willingness to let go.

Think about their openness to change.

Fall is beautiful because it reminds me to soften.

As the trees let go of their foliage and the leaves fall and crunch beneath my feet, I am reminded that, like nature, I, too, am allowed to soften.

I, too, am allowed to let go of what no longer serves me.

I, too, am allowed to go within myself, to hibernate, rest, and return rejuvenated, come spring.

I, too, am allowed to give myself the gift of time, to give myself precisely what I need.

Welcome fall into your Mindfulness Practice

As the leaves begin to change color, take the time to slow down and truly see them transitioning from green to red to orange to yellow to brown.

Allow nature to usher in its resplendent beauty, and accept it, graciously, into our lives.

Faaallllll!

Sigh it out, like a deep, unending breath; marvel at all its fun and festive delights; and savor its deliciousness.

It’s a feast. It’s the season of pumpkin lattes, persimmons, wreaths adorned with acorns and pinecones, and that gorgeous scent of cinnamon and clove.

We bring out our plush throws and zip ourselves in the softest down-filled vests and fur-lined boots. Plaid skirts and shirts are everywhere, as we run through the corn maze and pose for photos next to an old-school, classic red Chevy truck.

As we walk across the overlook, the wind whips through our hair, the sun warms our shoulders and, across the vista, the hills are peppered with pumpkins of all sizes. Pumpkins so big grown men can sit on them and youngsters can pile on them in twos and threes.

We amble through the rows, picking pumpkins and gourds. We stir our hot apple cider with a fresh cinnamon stick.

And we go indoors, to enjoy a big bowl of piping hot butternut squash soup, with a creamy dollop of ricotta in the center.

Ahhhhh, yes!

It’s the grandest season to enjoy all things pumpkin. Pumpkin muffins, pumpkin rolls filled with light fluffy creme, pumpkin pies after dinner, and more pumpkin lattes to welcome the meek morning light.

Then, of course, my favorite activity: Trick-or-treating to celebrate Halloween with my kids. We get all dressed up for it. My kiddos in their favorite costumes that change year-after-year. And me — with a lil cat nose, whiskers painted on my face, and a pair of fluffy cat ears — that remind me of when I was a kid, so excited to hand out all of the candies I’d prepared for my friends.

To this day, I love carving pumpkins. I’ve done so many, and can’t wait to share them with you all. They’ve gotten more intricate over time. Morphing from the black cat with its arched back, to Elsa & Olaf one year, to Harry Potter and a Dragon next.

It’s the season for cool crisp nights. Laughing around a roaring fire pit. And the warmth of time spent enjoying the season with family and friends.

Together, we gather that warm energy, like fluffy little squirrels, squirreling away our nuts to be stored and savored over the cold winter months.

All of this reminds me of the warmth we can gather, when we truly savor our lives.

Perhaps the best word to describe it is hygge.

Hygge is the Danish and Norwegian word that captures this cozy, contented mood, that’s all about comfort and conviviality.

But, what I love most about hygge is the idea that we needn’t wait for any particular season to create more hygge in our lives.

We needn’t wait for fall.

Or winter.

Indeed, we must not wait at all.

We must shore up our reserves!

Stock up on the warmth that hygge can give us — any time of of the year.

Let’s remember to hold ourselves in a warm hygge embrace, every day.

Our biology’s wired for it.

It’s why we love to snuggle. It’s why we love to spoon.

It’s wonderful, how it feels…so right.

It’s replenishing.

Soul-nurturing.

It’s the perfect gift to give ourselves any day, any time.

And it’ll sustain us, when the going gets rough.

Join me, this fall.

Make it a fun mindful practice, to meditate on our Earth’s natural ebb and flow.

Each and every time you enjoy some aspect of fall, be deliberate:

Let yourself soften.

Relax…without any guilt.

Don’t postpone your happiness!

Let your mind & body relax.

Allow your senses to bask in the warm, autumn glow.

I know I will.

Whether it’s with my morning pumpkin latte, or my afternoon pumpkin muffin, I’ll be telling myself the most wonderful things, like:

“I take the time to rest, relax and recover.”

“I trust I’ll return, well-rested, rejuvenated, and ready to grow once more.”

What delights will you discover? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you.

The Hygge-filled Fall in me honors & respects the Hygge-filled Fall in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

BEWARE your brain!

Posted on by marisavictus

BEWARE Your Brain!

Chances are, your brain is lying to you.

There are serpents hiding in the grass!

Our brains are amazing…but, BE CAREFUL!

Because our brains are wired for survival, not success.

If our brains think we can handle a situation, that we can survive or even thrive with a particular task, our brains will help us to move towards it.

We’ll accept the invitation to the party.

We’ll agree to Chair the seminar.

But, if our brains see the event or task as something unfamiliar, our brains will immediately make us fearful.

Palms sweaty, our heart will palpitate, our stomach will feel queazy, like we’re about to barf, and our Inner Critic will tell us things like, “No! You’re terrible in social situations, don’t go!”

Suddenly, you’ll go from calm and centered to a jittery ball of anxiety.

And your brain reminds you of that time you choked, like when it was your turn to recite that poem in 5th Grade. “All you had to do was read a couple stanzas from the book that was right in front of you! But you couldn’t even do that,” your brain reminds you. And you remember what it felt like to stand there, trembling.

In the blink of an eye, your brain’s tormented you into submission.

You make up some excuse. You say you’re busy. You already accepted another invitation to do something else that day.

And, when the appointed time comes, you chill out at home, believing you’re safe.

Only you’re not.

Your brain’s used your emotions and memories to trick you into thinking all’s well.

But you’re lonely. Your list of awesome life experiences is shrinking. And, shh! You know you’ve secretly given up.

If this sounds like you…

Your brain’s NOT wired for success.

Just think about it:

To be successful, what qualities do we have to have?

What actions must we be willing to take?

• We have to be open to trying new, unfamiliar experiences.

• And we have to be willing to suck, often. Sometimes publicly.

That requires us to move toward fear.

To risk rejection and/or embarrassment.

To feel uncomfortable sensations in our bodies.

To withstand sometimes terrible feelings.

To ignore bad memories while we practice.

And stick with it, until we get better.

…if we get better.

Yes, that IF bears repeating:

We have to sacrifice comfort, for the mere possibility of future gain.

That’s a tall order.

Especially when our success isn’t guaranteed.

So, our brains will lie to us, to keep us exactly as we are, where we are — not growing.

Or…

Our brains might let us try, but become hyper-critical when scrutinizing our results.

When our results aren’t as great as we’d hoped, fear rises in our chest and we sense an internal resistance, urging us to stop.

We think things like, “Maybe I should give up. Maybe I’m just not smart enough.”

Perhaps we self-sabotage. We don’t study for the exam. Or wake up in time for that critical meeting, to discuss our potential to move up in the company.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

It all boils down to what we say when we talk to ourselves. To the negative self-talk we’re used to playing and replaying.

We could change it if we wanted to.

We just have to ask ourselves, “How often do we take the time to assess what we’re saying, thinking, feeling, or remembering?”

If we don’t, we’re in danger because…

Our brains are like a computer, recording and replaying each and every message we type into it, whether it’s true or not.

Really allow that to sink in:

Your brain doesn’t distinguish between what’s true or false.

Your brain will tell you the truth if and only if YOU tell yourself the truth.

And your brain will tell you — and believe — anything that’s false, if that’s what you’re programming into it.

Chances are — because you’re human — you’ve fallen victim to many a false narrative.

It could be something you picked up implicitly, when you witnessed other people’s interactions.

Or, maybe it’s a falsehood that was explicitly said to you, like how “men don’t cry” or some other nonsense like that.

Whether you got the message explicitly or implicitly, it doesn’t matter.

Your brain records and replays each and every message that’s typed into it, whether it’s true or false.

It retrieves the message with greater strength and speed if it’s reinforced by a powerful emotion, like fear, dread, shame, or embarrassment, to name a few.

And the more times anything false is repeated — without being challenged, questioned, or edited — the deeper that thought or memory will be ingrained.

That’s why it’s crucial to ask ourselves:

• “Are we allowing the wrong people to type the wrong messages on our keyboard?”

• And what about us? Are we guilty of typing in the wrong messages, too?

Take the time to ask yourself:

• “Who’s in charge of your conditioning?”

• “Are you giving yourself the most uplifting, inspiring messages?”

• “Or, are you letting yourself and others destroy your mindset?”

It matters.

Where we are in life — whether we’re successful or not — boils down to our mental programming.

That gal who feels like a million bucks, who’s taking charge of her new Marketing Team, trusts in her ability to command an audience, deliver a targeted message, and inspire the people she manages to reach their quarterly goal.

That doctor who’s trained in traditional oncology knows he’s fully capable of learning the latest in AI- and DNA-targeted techniques.

Not necessarily because either of these individuals have done it before.

But because they have the Positive Self-Talk to coach themselves to get themselves there.

Think of how much harder it would be if they didn’t. If every other moment, they let fear dictate what they told themselves. If they allowed themselves to question, endlessly, if they’d have what it takes.

Our ability to bring forth the absolute best in us depends on what we think.

So, let’s be mindful.

Let’s notice when our brains are recalling unhelpful messages, memories, or emotions, and ask whether they’re true or not.

Then, challenge all the lies.

If you don’t, and you allow your negative thinking patterns to keep running — mindlessly — you’ll make a monumental mistake:

You’ll believe that something false — about YOU — is actually true.

And it’s a quick slide down a slippery slope, to Low Self-Esteem.

Sure, it might start small.

After all, in any given day, there are many times things might not go your way.

But each time, your Inner Critic lets you have it.

“It’s all your fault,” you hear yourself say, and your brain quickly reminds you of all the similar memories and messages you’ve received in the past.

Your self-perception becomes cloudy, and you fail to maintain an accurate assessment of yourself.

What if you had no choice but to work on a project you were given last minute, and you were so sleep deprived the next day you forgot to do something important after work?

Is that really “all your fault”?

Maybe you’ve been too stressed because your lease is coming up and you still haven’t found a new apartment to move into. It’s been distracting, to say the least.

Or, it’s that time of the month for you ladies out there, but you know something’s off because you’re older now and your period’s all out of whack. You can tell your hormones aren’t like they used to be, and your OBGYN’s not being that helpful when it comes to troubleshooting your brain fog.

In all of these situations, you’re at risk for slipping into a negative thought pattern — of blaming yourself — and actually believing “It’s all your fault” is true.

No!

Protect your Self-Esteem! Whenever you find yourself in a negative pattern of self-blame, STOP!

Beware your brain!

Tell yourself to “Do no harm.”

Remind yourself that your brain could be lying to you.

Ask yourself, “What are the reasons to believe what you’re thinking?”

“Is there any possibility that your belief could be wrong?”

Counteract it with facts, logic, and reasoning.

And wait for any emotions to pass.

Then think about it critically — again.

Always pay attention to any trends: Is what you’re thinking now, different from what you’d think when you’re in a better mood?

Is this a pattern?

If it is, tell yourself to suspend belief.

Attack the thought from all angles.

Find the holes. Identify any improper reasoning.

Most of all, remember: Believing Anything is a Choice

A feeling’s just a feeling; a thought is just a thought.

No feeling or thought can hurt you if you don’t let it change the actions you know you need to take.

If you still do what needs to be done.

If you still do what’s best for you and your future.

So, if you can’t reason your way out of it, you can ignore it.

Yes, IGNORING negative thoughts is a life-changing way to stick to your long-term goals!

It’s precisely how I dig myself out of the mental/emotional hole I find myself in when I don’t feel like doing something.

Take writing, for example.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like it.

But I make myself ignore the falsehoods that keep firing in my brain: the Limiting Beliefs that say “I don’t have the time. Writing today? My schedule’s booked. It’s just too hard.”

When I feel that inner resistance, willing me to give up and do something else instead…

I talk it down, remind myself of all the reasons why I want to write, and do it!

But if reasoning with it doesn’t work, I do the next best thing:

I ignore the negative thoughts.

I ignore the negative feelings.

I remind myself, “They’re just a negative mental program that’s re-running. It’s just a loop that needs to be pruned away,” and I tell myself, “Ignore it,” because I realize, “My brain’s not being my friend right now.”

I don’t allow my brain to sway me away from taking the actions that I need to take, that I know will bring me closer to achieving my goals.

With a deep cleansing sigh…

I do the work anyway, and trust that my brain will get on board.

I open my laptop or take pen to paper and write.

And I see myself doing it.

I explicitly acknowledge, “I’m doing it — regardless of what my Inner Critic’s saying.”

Those few brief seconds make all the difference.

It allows me to see that I wrestled back all the control.

I distanced myself from my Monkey Mind, and let it continue chittering away.

It’s reassuring to know, “It’s just a negative thought pattern that I have to prune away. That takes time. But, this one instance counts as a rep. One rep will become two. Two will become four. On and on, it will compound until I have a new mental program — to do it anyway — that’s stronger than the Limiting one, that once played in the background.”

This is the best way to train yourself to SEE: You are NOT your negative thoughts or feelings.

As long as you’re AWARE, you have all the power.

What you see, you can avoid.

What you see, you can reject.

What you see, you can ignore.

What you see, you can overcome.

The Mental Master I see in me honors & respects the Mental Master I see in each of you,

Marisa

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend, and Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here (or visit https://marisavictus.substack.com/account) to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

4 MINDSET RESETS to Stop Chasing Perfectionism!

Posted on by marisavictus

4 MINDSET RESETS to Stop Chasing Perfectionism! You’ll never be Resilient if you have to be “Perfect.”

DONE’s always better than Perfect.

We all want to be resilient.

We want to be able to withstand life’s hardships.

We want to see ourselves as strong and capable, no matter the circumstance.

But you’ll never get there if you’re a Perfectionist.

Why?

MINDSET RESET #1: Perfectionism’s Inextricably Tied to Your Ego

The worst part about being a Perfectionist, is you personalize your results far more than you should.

You over-identify with your performance.

Your results are too intertwined with your Ego.

It all comes down to the thoughts you think, to what you’re saying to yourself.

Like, “You have to get 100%!”

But, no, that’s not all.

As all Perfectionists know, your brain might not verbalize it, but deep down, you’re thinking, “I have to get 100% to be worthy.”

Or worse, “to be loved.”

Oh, how insidious this Limiting Belief can be!

Thinking this way makes it significantly harder to bounce back, when you fail to achieve everything you’d set out to do.

Falling short becomes extremely painful.

Because you feel not only dejected, you feel rejected.

Like you’ve been cast out of the tribe.

Like you’re less-then.

Like you simply don’t belong.

No matter how badly you feel, you have to realize Perfectionism is a liar!

You’re suffering emotionally more than reality requires.

So don’t.

Don’t attach so much meaning to your results.

Your results don’t define you or your value.

You are worthy, no matter what.

MINDSET RESET #2: Perfectionism Makes You Less Likely to Seek Out or Lean Into Challenges

The fear that comes with pursuing Perfectionism can make you avoid challenges.

I mean, why would you want a challenge that would cause immense emotional suffering if you fell short by even a little bit?

You wouldn’t. If you’re a Perfectionist, you’d want to stay put, where you are, where you know what to expect, where you’re sure you can get that 100%.

You’d avoid.

Problem is: Avoidance is not the answer.

Because challenges are precisely what we need to grow.

Challenges are required to build our resilience.

To train our minds to learn from our mistakes.

To gain the lived experience that we need, to see where potential pitfalls may be in the future, so we can avoid or address them better next time.

MINDSET RESET #3: Perfectionism Blinds Us

Being a Perfectionist prevents you from seeing the full picture.

You fail to realize that every failure is actually a lesson that provides valuable insight in what not to do, in what doesn’t work.

You fail to see those crucial details because you’re focused on seeing lack rather than knowledge gained.

MINDSET RESET #4: Perfectionism Wastes Your Time & Energy on Feeling like *@@*!

If you’re not careful, you end up wasting your time and energy, focusing on the fact that you “failed.”

Criticizing yourself endlessly.

Getting lost in a never-ending loop of “what if’s” and “if only’s.”

You waste time blaming yourself for not being more than you think you should have been.

You bring in all of these negative emotions — like shame, guilt, anger, and despair — that make your nervous system dysregulated and flood your body with neurochemicals that don’t serve you.

This is wasted energy.

Get Rid of Perfectionism!

Use all of your biochemical resources to coach yourself to success.

Breathe deeply.

Focus your sights on the future.

Be calm and centered in your analysis.

Take an objective, well-reasoned approach to understanding what happened, so you can improve in every practical way you can.

Do this and, over time, you’ll gain wisdom. A broad perspective to analyze your shortcomings.

You’ll understand there are opportunities to improve your performance, but you’ll be able to maintain a healthy dose of optimism.

Setbacks can be viewed in the proper perspective.

And sometimes, you’ll realize the problem isn’t even related to you.

Often, at least some aspect of your “results,” are completely out of your control.

Or, a setback can be limited to this one specific circumstance.

JUST REMEMBER: Pruning a Bad Habit is all about Repetition, Repetition, Repetition!

So maintain a healthy perspective.

It’s okay to realize, “Once a Perfectionist, a Longtime Perfectionist you’ll most likely be.”

Give yourself grace!

It takes an extensive amount of time to get rid of any bad habit, and Perfectionism’s one of the absolute worst.

After all, most Perfectionism is deeply rooted in fear. From childhood. Or some other long-lasting, high-impact scenario.

It wasn’t wired into our brains in one day.

So, it doesn’t do us any good to think we can get rid of it fast, “once and for all.”

It’s about getting rid of it “one day at a time,” one challenge at a time.

To do that, we must slow down.

When an outcome is less than we might have hoped for, we have to take the time to explain in objective, rational terms how we could improve upon our performance the next time.

Without wasting precious time or energy.

Without finding fault with ourselves as a person.

Without making it a sign that we’re defective or less-than somehow.

That can be hard when the Inner Critic’s yapping away.

But that’s the real battle that’s being waged.

Because it’s not always the external challenge that’s the most formidable foe.

Sometimes, it’s the Inner Critic we need to fight, until s/he backs down.

The Mindset Resets above may just be what it takes.

To re-direct our focus and attention on what truly matters.

Do that again and again, over and over, in situation after situation, and eventually we won’t see “less-than-100%” as a “failure.”

We won’t even call it a “setback” anymore.

Because, the more we do this deliberate practice, the less “less-than-100%” will threaten our sense of Self.

We’ll move forward faster.

Maintain accurate self-esteem.

Have the resilience to keep doing and trying harder things.

And know we’re worthy. We’re always learning and forever valuable.

The Recovering Perfectionist in me honors & respects the Recovering Perfectionist in each of you,

Marisa

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend, and Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here (or visit https://marisavictus.substack.com/account) to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

10 MINDSET RESETS to Stay On Top of Your Fitness Goals

Posted on by marisavictus

10 MINDSET RESETS to Stay On Top of Your Fitness Goals

“No Setbacks Are Gonna Set Me Back!”

You’re a Goal Getter.

You have what it takes.

You put in the reps.

You do the work.

In the gym.

In the kitchen.

It’s not some quick fix or diet fad.

You’re healthy.

And your routine is a well-established habit.

A lifestyle.

But then…

You go on vacation.

You eat the most delicious food with friends & family.

Day after day…

You relish all those unctuous umami-filled flavors that titillate your mouth and make you yearn for more, more, more!

Savory or sweet…there’s plenty of room in this tummy of yours.

Meanwhile, you don’t step foot in the gym.

Gone are the weeks of multi-day workouts.

Lifting’s a quickly forgotten memory.

But you haven’t let everything fall by the wayside.

You use the vacation to rest your soul.

You maintain your early Morning Body + Mindset Reset:

You give yourself a healthy dose of

  • Daily Meditation,

  • Bodyweight Exercises, and

  • Deep Cleansing Breaths.

And you double-down on your

  • Daily Gratitude and

  • Positive Self-Talk practice.

Then, the vacation’s over.

You feel that subtle twinge of fear slowly starting to creep in.

What’s this?

You feel (felt?) happy.

Renewed, after that much needed vacation, right?

You know why that pesky fear is here:

It’s that scale staring — no, glaring — back at you.

Part of you doesn’t want to step on it, to see the “damage that you’ve done.” (At least, that’s how your Inner Critic likes to describe it.)

But — you’re NOT letting the Inner Critic call the shots.

Not anymore.

“Damage” is NOT the word you want to choose.

That’s an unhealthy perspective, one that’s restrictive, one that would never allow your body to indulge, to enjoy the glorious food and wonderful company dining with you.

So you renew that promise you made to yourself, years ago, when you decided to be your own Best Friend instead of your own worst enemy.

You tell yourself,

1 • “You deserved to enjoy what you ate!”

2 • “Food is meant to be savored!”

3 • “Your body can bounce back from any break!”

You remember,

4 • “You got this!”

5 • “No matter what you now weigh, you know precisely how to get back on track.”

6 • “You have a healthy workout regimen and a healthy eating plan. All you have to do is go back to that.”

7 • “It works, and your body remembers that.”

These are the reminders that get your Mindset back on track.

This is the motivation you need to get your Brain to work in your favor, instead of falling into fear.

You tell yourself,

8 • “No setbacks are gonna set me back!”

And you step on that scale.

You see you haven’t strayed that far from your pre-vacation Set Point.

It’s not nearly as bad as your Fear-Fueled Brain had tried to convince you it’d be.

Now your Positive Mindset is ready for the Healthy Reset you know you can achieve.

The trick to all progress is the determination to stay on track, to succeed.

Don’t let fear make you avoid the knowledge you gain when you track and measure.

What’s tracked gets done.

Whether it’s related to our fitness, our weight, our health, our work, or our mindset goals.

All that’s left to do now is

9 • “TRUST!”

TRUST in the routines that you’ve tried, that are tested and true.

TRUST in your ability.

Remember how awesome it was to relax & enjoy your vacation.

And

Remember how awesome it will feel to RELAX into your healthy routine.

Yes…

10 • “RELAX INTO ROUTINE!”

The routine, the rep, and the repetition will take you back to the YOU you remember you can be.

Do YOU remember who you can be?

Take control of your thoughts. Give yourself a healthy Body + Mindset Reset.

The Relaxed Routine in me honors & respects the Relaxed Routine in you,

Marisa

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend, and Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here (or visit https://marisavictus.substack.com/account) to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Marisa

 

 

 

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

ENTRAIN YOU BRAIN: Remember WHY you MUST write!

Posted on by marisavictus

REPETITION’s the key to programming & growing our Brains!

So stay tuned as this list grows.

Re-read this list on the 1st of every month!

🔮🧠ENTRAIN YOU BRAIN:🧠🔮

🔮🧠Remember WHY you MUST write!🧠🔮

Write, not because you have all the answers or see yourself as some guru. No one can be the Expert at everything.

Instead, be a Lifelong Learner:

Write to learn more about yourself.

Write to clarify your thinking.

Write to challenge your hidden assumptions.

Write to improve your expression.

Write to share tried & tested ideas.

Write to explore what sparks your interest.

Write to inspire the best in you.

Write to invite conversation.

Write to feel a sense of belonging.

Write to foster understanding.

Write to grow community.

Write to empower & protect others.

Write to further your mind.

Write to foster a Secure Attachment to your Self.

Write to discover who you actually are.

Write to take off the mask.

Write to see your truest, genuine Self.

Write to find your Purpose.

Write to break free, to taste freedom.

Write to be brave.

Write to cure loneliness.

Write to prove you’re never alone.

Write to quash self-doubt.

Write to overcome all your fears.

Write to express yourself honestly.

Write to show your real Self.

Write to be authentic.

Write to love your life.

Write to live with love in your heart, words, and actions.

Write to be true to you.

Write, for in doing so, I see myself in you.

Please comment with any reasons you would like to add.

To read in the moments when we need to remember: We matter.

Let’s use the voice that we have.

The Writer in me honors & respects the Writer in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

MINDSET RESET: Let Your Music Flow

Posted on by marisavictus
Human brain with vibrant melody wave and music notes, self care and mental health concept, positive thinking, creative mind

MINDSET RESET:
Let Your Music Flow

Toxic Perfectionism vs. The Freedom to just BE.

In music, I find flow.

A release

A vision

A story I’d left untold.

But dreamt of — always —

This feeling, this longing

Ethereal, in my dreams.

The melody takes me there,

To where I long to be.

Where mood melds with sound.

Note by note.

I feel that rising in my chest

That free-flowing ease

Welcoming me, inviting me to rest.

Gone is the torment

To restrict

To perfect

To contain what’s inside of me.

Here,

I flow freely

Allow my true Self to be seen

There’s cadence

There’s lyric

Words meant for me to sing

Along slow moving fingers

A breath

Two

Released

Easily, I unfold.

Charmed by the words once whispered.

Eagerly, I voice what’s longed to be told.

What I long kept hidden

Resounds, reverberating deep in my chest

Sound captures heart

Releasing tears I must shed.

’Til a smile breaks forth.

I can breathe the fresh air.

The music, alive, enlivened in me.

I am one with the notes

My hands dance

My fingers glide

Swiftly over black, then white.

From one turn of phrase

To another

From chorus to verse

In this magical place

There’s no need to be terse

To be any specific thing

To fit in any mold, no

I flow freely instead.

Unencumbered by thought

By judgment

By fear

By all the ought’s

The must’s can disappear.

For once

They are choices,

to be made (or not) by me.

I’m no longer encumbered.

I am free of the dread.

To be perfect,

I am not.

For once, I feel no need

But to be perfectly imperfect.

My truest Self, let loose.

For once, I hear my own music,

My breathing,

My thinking,

My voice, resolute.

This poem is inspired by the tension I often feel between toxic perfectionism and the freedom to just be.

The constant drive to “do better” is tiring.

So I give myself quiet moments to reflect.

Recently, I’ve made this part of my music practice. I use my piano time to deliberately rest. To relax into the notes. To slow down the tempo of my life.

When I let go, I allow myself to fully experience the music. I notice I’m much more relaxed every time I do. And the music lingers. It stays with me. Reminding me, that no matter what I’m doing, I need to soften, to take the time to listen, to actually hear the music that’s inside of me.

What about you? Do you take the time to listen, to let your music flow?

The Music in me honors & respects the Music in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in & receive my Fiction writing!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

BREAK FREE of Other People’s Opinions

Posted on by marisavictus
Picture of woman Astral body Psychedelic journey near death experience made by Generative AI.

BREAK FREE of Other People’s Opinions

YOU control who YOU choose to be!

We’ve all been there before.

We all want to be accepted.

We know “what’s expected.”

What it feels like to be “in the group” and, unfortunately, what it feels like to be rejected.

Whether it’s our immediate or extended family, or a group of friends or colleagues, we want to feel welcomed, seen, and validated by those we respect, love, and/or cherish.

But, we all know how that can lead us down a slippery slope if we’re not careful.

When we change who we are to “fit the mold,” it can lead us to growth, or it can lead us down the wrong path. One in which we stop listening to our own Inner Voice, to what feels right and is appropriate for us, because we’ve turned into People Pleasers to stay in other people’s good graces, to earn or retain their respect.

When it happens a few times, it may not be something to fuss about, but when it happens repeatedly, it can cause us to lose what matters most — our own self-respect.

When we focus on other people’s opinions more than we listen to our own, we forget that we deserve to be respected for who we are, without the need to earn anything.

All of us have positive and negative attributes, but no one has the right to look down upon us, to mistreat us, or to decide the right personality for us to have, or the right path for us to take.

It is ultimately our life to live.

If we don’t remind ourselves of that fundamental truth, again and again, other people’s disapproval can not only sting, but linger for too long, if not permanently.

Worst of all, we can lose sight of what makes us us and we’ll fail to honor our truest, most authentic Self.

It happens all too often.

Consider the teenage girl whose mother wants her to continue competing in pageants, like she’s done since she was a toddler. Winning that state crown “is what you’ve worked all your life to achieve,” her mother says — except it’s not. It’s what Mom’s always wanted, she thinks — secretly, privately, always to herself. She’d much rather win a Gymnastics Championship, but her mom always said that’d make her body “too bulky….Who’d want that?” So the girl stays mum, too afraid to disappoint her mom, the former Beauty Queen.

Or, imagine the young man who’s in his second year of Dentistry, whose Father is depending on him to continue the family practice. Except the young man’s secret ambition is to travel the world and become a Chef. There’s time to study the culinary arts when I’m older, he tells himself, but he knows — deep down — that he’s really afraid to tell the truth because of his Dad’s lifelong rage.

Then there’s the girl who jumps on the new kid, teasing him more harshly than she was teased, because at least now the head Mean Girl’s setting her sights on him instead of her.

And, too often, there’s the businessperson who toes the line, puts in the overtime, and works him- or herself into the ground. S/he’s overworked and weary, just hoping and praying to get through the weekdays, to get to that retirement, so they ignore the call

— the constant urge — to start a business, try a new career path, be their own boss, or explore what’s truly right for themselves.

In so many instances, our Internal Voice is not the primary voice that we hear. We listen to other people’s opinions and favor their agendas far too often than most of us would like to admit.

We change who we are, our actions, our words, maybe our very temperament to fit what they would like us to be.

The introverted intellectual forces himself to be an extrovert, to “get the girls” or “be one of the guys.” The guy who loves poetry pretends to be into sports. The girl who hates dressing up, dolls herself to the nines to go along with the crowd.

And, for what?

In the right environment, with the right employer or with a true friend, we might survive unscathed and, perhaps, find ourselves improved in some way.

But, in the wrong environment, we can find ourselves cogs in a wheel, unappreciated, poorly compensated, and/or hurt in ways that are hard to fix.

How can we break free?

We must be careful to protect what matters most: our sense of Self.

We must learn to make our Internal Voice louder than all the rest.

We must be diplomatic among others, but we must think critically about who people ought to be to us.

  • Do they truly have our best interests at heart?

  • Do they have a conflict of interest?

  • How well do they treat others?

  • Do they use and abuse others? If so, it’s only a matter of time before they set their sights on you.

  • Do they have actual experience to support their “advice”; or are they just trying to exercise control over you?

By slowing down, to think critically, we can stop caring so much about what they think. We can put our own opinion about them in proper perspective.

We can ask ourselves,

  • Do we even respect them?

  • Do they have the life and values that we aspire to have?

  • Do they cause others pain and suffering?

  • Do we truly want to be more like them?

  • What’s the cost of doing so, and is it worth it?

I’ve learned this lesson many times.

Most definitely at work, where there are many types of Attorneys, but the type you most often see in the media, in TV, is the Pitbull Litigator.

I’ve come across many and, when I was just starting out, I noticed many of my colleagues aspired to be like one Partner in particular. Despite the fact that he was a braggart, with multiple complaints against him around the office, and he likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

For the first time in my life, what was modeled as “Success” simply did not appeal to me.

I wasn’t used to that.

I was used to meeting people I admired, and having a Goal — a Vision I could aspire to — was the norm.

I had never been presented with a situation like this: one where many openly praised and admired Mr. Pitbull’s unsavory behavior (like #1 and #2), because he had “made it” with a very lucrative position and high status in the firm.

No matter how I tried to envision it, I just couldn’t see myself wanting to become someone like that.

So I separated what I could, between his work persona and his personality. I tried to see what worked well for him professionally and take what lessons I could from that.

But, personally? That side of him was a hard pill to swallow.

I tried to look past his social behavior, at first. After all, I would need to work with him. So I often avoided non-work-related conversations, but still he’d come around and make subtle digs that certainly didn’t improve my opinion of him.

It happened in the smallest of ways. Very subtly. So he could deny his Mean Guy behavior. Like all Narcissistic people love to do.

Little petty digs. Little by little. Like a slowly and steady war of attrition, to try to get me to break my professional composure. So he could unleash the rage and vindictiveness he was known for.

If I lost my cool.

It didn’t work.

It was annoying.

But I found ways to get through it, to see him clearly for what he was.

For example, one day all the attorneys got together for lunch and, after the meal, we were invited to come have ice cream.

I stood in line with the rest but, as I did, he slid up alongside me and asked loudly in front of everyone, “Marisa, you’re an only child, aren’t you?”

I immediately knew what he was getting at. What did he want me to do, skip the line and push my way to the front, with some boisterous remark, to call attention to myself, like he was fond of doing on the regular?

I could tell he didn’t like that my temperament was more reserved and — dare I say polite — because I wasn’t like him.

But I pretended not to get what he was insinuating and just said, “No, I have a brother.”

“An older brother,” he added, as he narrowed his eyes at me and tried to lodge the insinuation deeper, like a dagger.

It was rather silly, when you think about it.

He seriously thought that an only child or younger sibling must be introverted, as if that were automatically true.

And he clearly thought that being an overbearing extrovert would be better, because they’d be like himself. To him, louder was better — no matter what.

After so many annoying instances of this, I had to stop myself from laughing at his ridiculousness.

I got my ice cream and walked away as he nodded happily to himself, as if he’d won some sort of contest.

As if being more reserved was less-than his beyond-extroverted, narcissistic self.

He simply failed to realize that my not putting him in his place was the smart thing to do, professionally.

I could have. But I chose not to.

I chose to exercise restraint.

Even though he gave me the ick, I didn’t show it. I didn’t squirm under his gaze.

I answered matter-of-factly, “Yes, I have an older brother,” and showed his prodding didn’t bother me.

It paid off.

As I looked up, I made eye contact with the other Senior Attorneys who’d witnessed all of this. We locked eyes and they gave me a knowing smile. Because they knew what a blubbering fool he was.

Without realizing it, Mr. Pitbull Partner had shown his true colors, yet again, in front of the entire office, and my colleagues were secretly laughing at him.

At his petty need to put people down.

Not just adversaries in court. But colleagues in the office.

Over the years, these colleagues have told me more stories, and I’ve learned this is his M.O.

His desire to win at all costs, cost him the respect of his colleagues and impacted his personal life with four failed marriages.

And, like a door creeping open, I began to have a subtle shift in perspective. I came to understand that those who appear to “be successful” are not always rich in the ways that matter. And no one deserves to be put on a pedestal, purely because they have Followers or Hangers-On.

The more critical thinking I applied to my interactions with him over the years, the more I saw the contrast between him and others. I quickly realized that it was often the quiet people in the room who were the most brilliant.

One Partner in particular knew how to be kind, motivating, and inspiring without ever raising his voice. Without arguing. And without ever losing his temper. In fact, his words held more sway the less he spoke.

And other Partners who appeared to be champions of a particular political cause were often not what they appeared to be.

I learned so much through observation. There was tremendous knowledge to be gained in the subtle, nearly imperceptible shifts in people’s demeanor, in what was said and left unsaid.

Most of all, I learned to think for myself. To not trust anyone blindly, no matter what they said. To place greater trust in people’s actions and to look for consistency in people’s values.

Thankfully, I learned the greatest lesson: to trust in, most of all, myself. In my own intuition and, as much as possible, in learning from my mistakes when I misplaced my trust or believed someone to be someone they were not.

Discernment is a skill.

It takes practice. But it’s worth it.

Trusting my intuition has helped save me and even my kids from real danger on more than one occasion, but those are crazy stories best left for another day.

For now, I just thank my lucky stars that I learned to stop people-pleasing and to start believing in my Self.

What about you? Are you a People Pleaser? How does it serve or hinder YOU?

The Strength of Self in me honors & respects the Strength of Self in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

You’re Inconsistent. Here’s how to STOP it!

Posted on by marisavictus
Inconsistent word on a ball in a stack or pyramid of Consistent spheres to illustrate one who is different, unique, out of the ordinary or an oddball

You’re Inconsistent. Here’s how to STOP it!

Flip the Script for Unstoppable Self-Esteem and Gain Consistent Results!

When I was in Middle School, a teacher wrote on my mid-semester report card, “Marisa is an intelligent, highly capable student who’s a pleasure to have in class. However, on occasion, her performance is inconsistent.”

Ouch.

“Inconsistent.”

Not the word I wanted to describe me.

Not the word my parents wanted to hear.

And certainly not the word that would earn me the A that my parents expected me to earn by the end of the year, or rather, A+, if extra credit was available. Can you sense the immense pressure?

I improved my performance. But, it wasn’t easy.

I doubled down. I improved through sheer will. By studying more. By rote memorization. Eventually, by learning how to learn, like applying creative methods that made learning stick, not because it’d be on some exam, but because it interested me and it could be applied in real life.

My consistency improved, as did my grades.

But, I began to notice a trend in myself:

The teacher was right. I was inconsistent.

But not because of my studying habits.

Not because of something intellectual, at all.

Looking back, I realized when I was older and wiser, that when I fell short, it was because of how I was feeling at the time.

Whenever I felt good about myself or my life around me, I had the self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-discipline to study well.

But if I was struggling with something else in my life, at home or with one of the traumatic things that’d happened to me in my youth, I felt terrible. My self-esteem would suffer. And I would lack the motivation or discipline to study well.

I was inconsistent because my sense of Self was inconsistent.

I was inconsistent because I lacked security or stability in my Self.

Inconsistent and/or Low Performance is a Symptom of the Problem, Not the Problem Itself

You don’t fall off your diet plan because you suddenly “forget” that a head of broccoli’s better for you than a Krispy Kreme donut.

It’s because you tell yourself “I’ve had a hard week. I ‘deserve’ to give myself a treat.”

You don’t skip piano practice for the second night in a row, even though you have to walk by the piano every time you go up and down the stairs, because “you don’t have time to practice a new piece the entire way through.”

You could do the bare minimum. A few bars, played repeatedly. Or, skip the piece entirely and focus on practicing all the scales. Instead, you skip practice entirely, thinking that if you can’t do it all, there’s just “not much” you could do.

You don’t spend 30 minutes every night to make your side hustle lucrative. Instead, you opt for that interesting spin-off from Game of Thrones. A colleague at work told you about it…“Home for Dragons,” was it? You can’t recall the precise name, but five minutes of searching Google and another five minutes to sign up for that streaming platform should do the trick.

What’s 10 minutes, plus another hour or so of watching? A quick dip into the series, and you’re bound to binge Season after Season.

That’s where all our time goes.

Our time’s spent avoiding.

Not because we don’t have ambition.

Not even because we’re lazy.

We avoid to escape our feelings.

Can you blame us?

We’re tired…because we spend the majority of our time doing things that are not for us.

Whether it’s a job or a personal obligation.

We put that first, and it leaves very little time for us to devote to our own lifelong education or to pursue our innermost dreams.

We might start and put in a few reps.

But then doubt creeps in and we lose our nerve.

We think someone else we know is already successful at that. They’ve been doing it for so long, they’re already far ahead of us.

How could we ever hope to accomplish that, when they’re that much farther ahead?

Everything else suddenly becomes enticing.

It’s much easier to allow ourselves to be distracted. To give into a quick fix, a quick surge of dopamine, and let the time pass, thinking of or doing anything else.

In moments like this, we give up.

We stop before we’ve put in enough reps to get good.

It all boils down to the thoughts that we think.

Did you know that every single thought that you think automatically forms new neural networks (“programs” that are wired into our brains) or strengthens the existing programs (good or bad) that repeatedly loop and form the basis for our thoughts, habits, routines, and personalities?

Like an opening in the forest that turns into a path the more we walk upon it, our neural networks transform from paths, to roads, to streets, to highways, to superhighways, the more we think the same (or similar) thoughts.

We all know the path, the road, the street, the highway that we need to take, to reach the superhighway of our dreams.

But when the path ahead requires us to lay the road, brick by brick, rep by rep, and it requires effort, and sometimes pain and sacrifice, we grow weary.

Then that overhead lamp of self-doubt flickers on, illuminating another superhighway filled with bright flashing lights and fun distractions. Like a massive autobahn filled with race cars and thrills, just beyond that fork in the road, and we change course.

We turn on our heals and take the fun road. The easy road. The comfortable road.

It’s a trap that leads us to Nowhere.

It’s only “more of the same” over there.

It’s where you go if you DON’T want to grow.

If you want to die, without even trying.

Without finding your purpose.

Without having lived.

Whenever you fall short, look for the Emotional Reason behind it.

Do you ever look back on your life, and wonder how much farther along you’d be, if you’d never given up on that new habit, routine, or goal?

Do you ever question why you fell short of the standard you know you’re capable of?

Look past the circumstances surrounding what happened.

Look past the explanations, the possible excuses, for why it happened that way.

Instead, ask yourself the deeper question. Ask, “What’s the emotional reason behind it?”

Most likely, it’s some Limiting Belief, like:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I’m not naturally talented like him/her.”

• “I’m too busy.”

• “I don’t care about it that much, anyway.”

Commit to “Flipping The Script” with at least 30 days of Positive Self-Talk.

• “I’m not good enough” turns into “I’m not good enough yet.”

• “I’m not naturally talented like him/her” turns into “They weren’t born talented, either. If I put in the reps, I can be good and, eventually, great.”

• “I’m too busy” becomes “I’m scheduling time for it.”

• “I don’t care about it that much, anyway,” becomes “I do care about it; otherwise, I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I want it, so I’m going to do it. I’ve decided to do it now.”

Finding Synergy of Self is a Deliberate Practice: Nurture Your Self-Esteem.

The Reticular Activating System (“RAS”) in your brain is the bundle of nerves in your brainstem that helps you filter information that’s relevant and important to you.

It’s why you notice all the SUVs on the highway when you’re narrowing your preference before you decide to buy your favorite SUV.

It’s also what’s going to help you to cultivate greater Self-Esteem, when you give yourself credit when credit is due, then transfer the Self-Esteem that you gain in one area to another area of your life.

This takes mindfulness.

It requires us to slow down enough to notice when and how we’ve done something good for ourselves, no matter how seemingly small.

It’s not small, in fact.

When we take the time to acknowledge the gains we make in one area of our lives, it enhances our self-esteem in that area.

It affirms that we can do hard things, and builds confidence that we can do hard things in other areas, too.

It’s especially helpful when we feel uncertain. When we’re trying something new that we’ve never done before. When fear and doubt have already entered our mind, and we need Positive Self-Talk to motivate us to keep walking, to follow the right, though difficult, path.

Why enter any challenge with a mindset that says we can’t when we can clear a path with a mindset that reminds us, we’ve done other difficult things; we can do it again.

“Just take the next right step,” is all we have to do, as we tell ourselves the right words to give us a consistently resilient sense of Self.

The more we make it a deliberate practice to see ourselves clearly, the greater our self-esteem can be, and the more synergy of Self we can achieve across all areas of our life.

Synergy of Self: The Path to REALISTIC Self-Esteem.

Merging my mindfulness practice with building realistic self-esteem has made a massive difference in my life. I can take an objective, realistic look at my strengths and weaknesses, opportunities to improve no longer threaten my sense of Self, and I deliberately take the time to celebrate my wins — no matter how small.

What’s more, I’ve made some big gains:

✅I’ve mastered my morning writing routine.

✅I have a dedicated workout regimen and am the fittest I’ve ever been in my life.

✅For the past two, going on three, months, I’ve 10x’d my cold shower practice, too.

I’m not stopping. There’s more distance I’ve got to go, but I’m traveling in the right direction.

✅And I’m consistent now.

✅Because now I know that, no matter what, I keep the commitments I make to myself!

That’s why my gains are compounding. I’ve broken free of the Limiting Belief that I have to do anything for someone else. Instead, I’m choosing to do what’s right for me. That’s the monumental mental shift that’s taking me farther and farther, closer to where I aim:

I’ve set my sights on loving the Creative side of me, the me that I’ve ignored for far too long, the side of me that loves to write, to create art, to sing and play music, and wants to let myself be seen for my truest, authentic self.

But how?

By taking the momentum from my writing, workout, cold shower, and other gains, and applying the lessons I’ve learned (about grit, perseverance, and determination) to stick with it and grow my Creative Self, when:

🎯(1) Marketing my science fiction writing;

🎯(2) Publishing more non-fiction writing (like this post!);

🎯(3) Growing my YouTube Channel; and,

🎯(4) Focusing on learning, practicing, and writing music to perform on the piano.

These 4 areas are insanely hard.

Because they’re not what I’m familiar with.

The writing itself, I’m used to and love to do, but the marketing, video/audio production, and music are not one, but four superhighways of knowledge and experience I have to build, brick by brick, rep by rep.

And, not in private either.

In public.😱

Honestly, each of them’s massive; all four’s a formidable undertaking.

But just like before, it’s not merely an intellectual Goliath to vanquish on the path.

It’s an emotional Hydra trying to block my way.

Doubt’s there.

Uncertainty’s there.

The desire to retreat and avoid is there.

All the distractions and invitations to have fun are there.

And fear remains. No matter what we choose to do, no matter what we’ve accomplished, fear will always be our most unwelcome, but ever-present, shadow.

Unfortunately for me, fear makes me forget what I’m capable of. When I feel uncertain, when I feel afraid, when I’m trying something new and I’m not accustomed to it yet, fear gives me tunnel vision. Fear whispers those Limiting Beliefs in my ear.

Lucky for me, I’m not a Middle Schooler anymore.

I have decades of experience to look back upon. Opportunities I’ve gained. Lessons I’ve learned. Cases I’ve one. Milestones I’ve met.

So I’m giving myself credit where credit is due, reminding myself often of — not only what I aim to improve — but also what I have already accomplished.

And building my road, my street, and my highway, brick by brick, step by step.

What about you? Are you building the Superhighway to your own Super YOU?

What are the tips and tools you use to “Flip the Script”?

The Bricklayer in me honors & respects the Bricklayer in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

The Secret to Unstoppable Self-Belief: Maximize Meditation to Raise Your Self-Esteem

Posted on by marisavictus

The Secret to Unstoppable Self-Belief:

Maximize Meditation to Raise Your Self-Esteem

From my “How to Find Synergy” Series:

Mindful Mental Notes

Be Mindful! TAKE NOTE of all the positive things you do, each and every day!

How often do you find yourself feeling down?

Once a week?

Twice a week?

Numerous times a day?

If you don’t have a clue, be more mindful. Pay attention to your thoughts.

Take a day to observe your mind closely.

Count the number of times your thoughts are positive, negative, or neutral.

Tally them.

If your thoughts are predominantly negative, realize you do NOT have to continue living this way.

The solution is far easier than you might think.

THINK-DO-BE your way to Unstoppable Self-Belief: The Power of a Positive Mindset.

There are many reasons why we struggle to feel positive emotions and think positive thoughts in our lives.

Work responsibilities pile up on us.

We may not be getting along with our significant other.

Our kids might be struggling in school.

Many people may want our time and attention, and we feel obligated to give it to them, even if we feel depleted.

(1) THINK.

While all of these are legitimate causes for concern, and we do need to find ways to address stressful situations like these, we can’t find immediate solutions — not every time.

Even so, we can find immediate relief.

We just have to focus on one basic, fundamental truth:

RE-THINK: Your Low Mood Likely Starts with YOU

I say this, not to cut you or me down.

I say this, to empower each of us.

Because we hold the power to change our beliefs; we can change how we feel, by simply changing our perspective.

It all boils down to one decision: to adopt a Positive Mindset.

And the best time to do it is now.

But, what if things are going well right now? What if life’s already going your way?

You might think you don’t need to build a Positive Mindset, but that’s a mistake.

As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

It’s always better to cultivate a Positive Mindset before your life depends on it.

Because, eventually challenges arise.

Problems will always exist.

And we often make it harder on ourselves, because we fail to TAKE NOTE of all the positive things that we do.

Consider:

How many amazing things do we do each and every day, that improve our lives, and the lives of our loved ones — but, we gloss over them?

We boil them down to “just getting things done.”

We tell ourselves it’s simply “part of our routine.”

We just do it, without a second glance, and we move on with our day.

Glossing over our daily WINS, no matter how small, is a MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

When we fail to acknowledge the things that we do, we fail to see ourselves clearly.

It might seem like something small to overlook, but it’s NOT.

At the very least, it demonstrates that we’re living our lives without mindfulness. By failing to acknowledge the good that we do, we fail to recognize our Self as we truly are in the present moment.

At its worst, when done repeatedly, it can become a big problem, because it leads to low Self-Esteem.

What is Self-Esteem?

“Esteem” is a word that’s derived from the Latin word “aestimare,” which means “to estimate.”

Therefore, “Self-Esteem” means “self-estimation.”

But, “estimation” doesn’t capture the full meaning we give the word “Self-Esteem.”

When we refer to our “Self-Esteem,” mere estimation doesn’t cut it.

What we’re after isn’t just a vague approximation of our strengths and weaknesses.

What “Self-Esteem” really requires, is a realistic impression of oneself.

“Self-Esteem” is your estimation of who you believe you are. It is the opinion you have about yourself.

The problem is, if we never take the time to recognize the good that we do as we go about our lives, day by day, we’ve lost many opportunities to build up our Self-Esteem. Which means we will not have a realistic impression of who we are.

Even worse, when life eventually gets us down, it clouds our vision even further. Stress narrows our focus — we see only the problems and have a harder time seeing the wins we ought to be tallying in our favor, every day.

As the days and weeks and months and years progress, we “forget” what we do well for ourselves, and our self-estimation falls to the point that we put ourselves down or think we’re not as great as we truly are.

The truth is…

Most of the time, you DON’T have LOW Self-Esteem.

You just have an INACCURATE estimation of yourself.

 

(2) DO — Be Mindful: Build REALISTIC Self-Esteem

The easiest way to build high Self-Esteem, feel better about our lives, and believe we can handle the obstacles we face, is to give ourselves credit when credit is due.

The easiest way to do this, is to make it a part of our daily Mindfulness Practice.

If you’re feeling down, pause. Realize you are not seeing yourself clearly.

Then, force yourself to have a clear estimation of your positive attributes.

This isn’t about puffing yourself up beyond your actual capabilities. Or ignoring your faults.

It’s taking an objective, realistic look at your strengths and weaknesses, and taking the time to celebrate your wins — no matter how small.

Because they’re NOT small. They’re the present, moment-to-moment happiness that compounds into your entire, happy life.

Don’t take for granted the amazing things that you do — not once in a while, but every single day.

Again, this takes mindfulness.

Because our brains are apt to pay less attention to what’s familiar. Our brains often gloss over the great things that we do…

Especially if they’re part of our daily routine.

Our brains don’t seem to register them. Not really. Even if they move our needle forward.

We have to be mindful, then, so our brains will recognize the salient tasks that we complete, so we can celebrate them for the gains that they are.

The more we do this, the more Self-Esteem we will have, and the more confidence we will gain, knowing that we can do things to help ourselves THINK, DO, and BE better.

 

(3) BE — BE a Person with REALISTIC Self-Esteem

It only takes a few seconds, to be mindful and appreciate the good.

But when you make Mindful Self-Esteem a daily practice, it can make a tremendous difference in your mood and self-confidence.

I see the weekend as a time to relax and deliberately slow down. It’s also the perfect time to practice boosting your Self-Esteem.

Not by adding more to your To Do List, but by simply acknowledging anything good that you DO.

Even if it’s part of your regular routine.

Take this Sunday, for example. I made the following mental notes.

Mindful Self-Esteem Notes:

• 5am — Woke up, read, and wrote. And celebrated the fact that I’d honored my Creative Self by making time for this previously-neglected part of me.

• 6am — I Habit Stacked something I’d been dreading in the back of my mind (cleaning), with something I wanted to do (enjoy my morning coffee).

After a busy week, cleaning wasn’t what I wanted to do, but you know how it feels to have something on your To Do List that keeps bugging you? It depletes your mental energy, simply because it keeps popping up in your mind. So I knew I had to get it done; I didn’t want to waste my mental energy, to think about it anymore. I resisted the urge to postpone, did a deep clean, organized my things, and celebrated the immense joy of crossing off that To-Do.

Then I took a break, to enjoy my coffee and relish that great feeling of having done something I didn’t want but had to do. And as I took the time to celebrate my having done it, I realized that it wasn’t actually a “chore.” Because I love a clean house, I was looking forward to enjoying that cleanliness, and it was a great way to start the week, with one less stress to worry about. And — because I deliberately slowed down to think about it — I learned that a “chore” didn’t have to pull me down; I could view it as fuel to propel me forward.

• 7am — My Cold Shower. I’ve been doing this for about 2 months now. I absolutely love it. It allows me to prove to myself that I can do hard things, first thing in the morning.

This Sunday, I had an epiphany as I slathered myself in the most resplendent body wash, in the midst of the 50-degree water flow. I noticed my Self-Talk had changed — yet again — in a most unanticipated way, and there was my 3rd win for the day: that awesome feeling when inspiration suddenly strikes, with a great writing idea for another Cold Shower post!

• 8am — While the rest of my family enjoyed sleeping in, I entered the gym, for an intense lifting workout. I did my heavier sets on the weight machines. Then, attended my favorite Sunday lifting class. I love this instructor. She varies the routine from week to week. It gives me the muscle confusion that my body needs, so I never have to worry about a plateau.

As I drive back home, it’s not even lunchtime, and I’ve already accomplished so much.

And I feel BETTER than if I’d just gone through the motions, moving from one part of my routine to the next.

And it only took a few seconds to feel awesome.

To just see and acknowledge what I did, and count my wins.

In the present.

In the moment.

In an immediately beneficial way.

It’s built a stronger “Secure Attachment” to my Self and to my Family.

The more I do this, the more I can tell my Self-Esteem has grown. I see myself more accurately now. And, when I think of my shortcomings, I have more confidence to improve and grow.

Best of all, when I’m with my family, I’m able to focus on them.

I enjoy my time with them more.

More, because I took the time to take care of my own mindset first.

More, because I practiced mindfulness.

More, because I made having realistic Self-Esteem an integral part of my routine.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? Do you take the time to slow down, to give yourself the credit you deserve?

If not, why not?

Too many people get bogged down in their routines and the weekly grind of their jobs that they don’t slow down to truly nurture themselves, to really acknowledge their wins and build their Self-Esteem and confidence.

Society places so much importance on building our children up, on raising them to reach for the stars.

But, we shouldn’t forget that we deserve that, too — no matter what age we are.

Be your own cheerleader.

See and celebrate your each and every win.

Even when no one’s there to witness it, acknowledge your gains, always.

That’s how we can make the goodness last longer.

By practicing gratitude — for our Self.

 

You Are Worth It!

If you do nothing else for your mental health but this one little practice, you will be a much happier, healthier, more exuberant person.

Someone who’s enthusiastic about their life.

I feel better when I do this.

I hope you take the time to celebrate you, too.

Have a wonderful week filled with many moments, acknowledging all of the awesome things that you do!

The Self-Esteem in me honors & respects the Self-Esteem in each of you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Pruning Unhelpful Programs: Combine Positive Self-Talk with Cold Water Therapy

Posted on by marisavictus

Pruning Unhelpful Programs:

Combine Positive Self-Talk with Cold Water Therapy

The power of a somatic practice:

Cold Water, Part 3

Two months ago, I decided to step out of my comfort zone:

I started taking cold showers after reading The Iceman’s book on cold exposure therapy, The Wim Hof Method: Activate Your Full Human Potential.

It’s been quite the journey. I learned about the physical and mental benefits of cold exposure therapy and, emboldened by some major strides I’d made in my somatic yoga practice, I decided to go “all in” and see what freezing cold showers could do for me.

The initial introduction was taxing on my body. It helped to follow the breathing regimen that Wim Hof prescribed.

But, as I began to drop the temperature dial, I found that staying in my body wasn’t the fastest way to do it.

It was much easier to adapt when I used my mind. When I chose Better Words to think as the water drenched me in a relentlessly icy cold, that focus helped me to drop the last ten degrees, from 60 to 50 degrees, in one fell swoop. What had previously taken me weeks to accomplish, I was able to do in just one day!

In the process, I learned far more than I’d ever hoped to learn about myself.

It taught me:

  • I can do hard things.

  • Start your day by doing something hard. By doing what’s hard first, you start the day with a Win, you see yourself as a Winner, and that Winning Mindset will power you up to accomplish much more in a day.

  • It’s easier to do anything when your why is crystal clear.

Better Words — like “love,” “strength,” and “resilience” — helped me to withstand the cold, not once, not twice, but repeatedly, again and again.

And Better Words are a reliable method that I can call upon again — when I’m not in the shower. They’re little verbal cues that remind me, if I can withstand that level of cold and discomfort, of course I can do this comparatively comfortable thing.

Indeed, I regularly remind myself now, I can make anything I choose so familiar, I enjoy and welcome it, for the benefits it brings.

But then…

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Shower

Out of the blue — after many weeks of feeling great — that little inner voice reared its ugly head and said, “You really don’t wanna do that! It’s so incredibly cold and uncomfortable!”

Huh? Are you kidding me?

I couldn’t believe such a negative thought had popped into my head, out of nowhere. Not when I was enjoying the results. Not when I’d proven my dedication to doing cold showers, from here on out.

But, day after day, that little inner voice kept telling me not to.

Hearing it bothered me, so I began to take a closer look.

It wasn’t the hyper-critical Inner Critic I struggled with for most of my life.

It was different. Subdued, with less vitriol, but annoying nonetheless.

It was another type of inner monologue, and its awareness was incomplete. It felt detached, unaware of my lived experience, unable to acknowledge that I’d already amassed weeks of positive benefits — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Cold showers were a massive part of my wellness regimen, now. I’d already decided I wouldn’t stop.

I’d already overcome the initial resistance. I was already telling myself, “Yes, you’re doing it,” each day, so why was this voice bothering me now?

As a long-time meditator, I reminded myself that “I am the observer” of this voice and, “It is not me.”

But it wasn’t the cantankerous Inner Critic, either.

So what was it?

After spending some time just observing it, I realized it was just another thought, a neural program looping in my brain, telling me to not do cold showers, despite all the amazing benefits.

It was trying to stop me. And, apparently, it thought that reminding me of the cold discomfort would be reason enough to stop me in my tracks.

How strange, I thought, with greater curiosity.

I could tell the conscious me wanted to proceed with cold showers — but, I also had to admit, a part of me wanted to listen to it.

In fact, a part of me immediately agreed with it, thinking, Yeah, it IS really uncomfortable. It IS really goddamn cold. In just a few milliseconds, the voice was now making me stop and hesitate.

Luckily, a third reaction — the conscious Self — knocked the doubting voice straight out of my head. I could hear myself thinking quite clearly of all the counterarguments. Loudly reiterating, No, I want to do this. I will do this. Now, watch me do it!

All of this happened in just a few seconds.

And, no — I’m not hearing voices 😂 — it was just my mental chattering.

The point is: I didn’t let my Monkey Mind stop me.

I completed my regular cold shower routine.

And, as always, I basked in the amazing afterglow: the feeling, the knowing, that I was taking better care of myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I gained the win. Another rep locked and loaded. Ready to start the day.

Let’s keep going!

But…

That damned voice kept repeating! Not once, but for the next few days.

It was infuriating, but also rather funny, too.

And when I pressed on and stuck to the routine, it got even funnier. The thinking changed, from “You don’t want to do this!” to “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

I had to laugh, it was so interesting.

The inner voice was changing, like a rambunctious Pygmy Marmoset Monkey testing my boundaries.

Telling me “not to” hadn’t worked, so it resorted to posing it as a question, as if that would allow the doubt to slide in indirectly, like I wouldn’t notice the scheming it was up to.

Again, my immediate subconscious reaction was to agree with it. Yes, it’s cold. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Then, I just ignored it again, and I went ahead with my plan. I took the cold shower.

After many days of this, my annoyance faded away.

I looked at it with more inquisitiveness. I became far more curious.

It keeps happening. How interesting! It kept popping up, posing this question: “Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?” Day after day.

Until it became a game.

Every day, I woke up, wondering with a laugh, “Is it gonna ask me again?”

Until I decided to do…

A Fun Experiment with Pruning

If you’re not familiar with the concept of pruning, it’s the idea that we all have neural networks in our brains that are formed by the thoughts that we think. These neural circuits fire and wire together. They’re the programs that run and loop again and again in our minds.

The more frequently we run these programs by thinking a thought, the more we repeat the program, and the more it becomes wired-in, until it’s so entrenched in our psyche, it runs almost automatically.

Alternatively, we can wire in new or different programs that run counter to the original. When we do that with conscious awareness, we can purposely entrain our brains to wire-in, accept, and strengthen new neural programs that are better and healthier us.

Eventually — with repetition, repetition, repetition — the new neural pathways will become stronger and the brain will prune away the old neural pathways.

Like a Gardener prunes away the stems that are dead, and the weeds that are in the way, to make room for new growth.

But it takes time.

The question was: How much?

I knew it wouldn’t be fast. Even the briefest negative thought would automatically call upon that program to run, and due to the immense speed of our brains, the slightest doubt could pop the question, reinforcing the negative program within a few milliseconds. It wouldn’t take very much.

That’s just how powerful our computer-like brains are. And, like a computer, our unconscious brains do not distinguish between positive and negative.In a brief lapse of momentary negativity, just one negative thought or one negative feeling can make our brain immediately recall any felt or lived experience that’s the same or remotely similar. In seconds, those programs would run, and they’d be wired more firmly in our brain, making them more likely to run in the future.

I decided to try, to see how long it might take, to prune this inner monologue out of me.

Experiment: How long will it take to prune this little nagging doubt?

How long will it take for my mind to realize…

Yes, cold showers are here to stay.

This is what I want do, and

There’s no point in questioning it anymore.

TEST #1: Time

For the first couple of weeks, I literally did nothing on purpose. Nada.

I just did my normal cold shower routine and made no changes, just to see if time could be the deciding factor.

Would my mind just stop it, if I didn’t entertain the question?

If I just ignored it and took a cold shower, as I’d originally planned to do?

Turns out: No.

Time wasn’t enough to make it disappear.

Little Miss Monkey kept asking me the same question day after day, even though I was showing through my actions that I was going to do it anyway.

The following week, I decided to up the ante:

TEST #2: Positive-Self Talk

I practiced Positive Self-Talk, outside of the shower.

In the middle of the day, I made the deliberate choice to select Better Words, to direct my conscious attention to why I was doing what I was doing.

I focused on my wanting to do it, and why I had decided to do it, as a daily part of my mindful, somatic practice, and I deliberately reminded myself of all the positive benefits.

This INTELLECTUAL exercise quelled the intensity of the question, but when the question did not disappear completely, I realized I had to go beyond mere intellectual understanding.

I had to use EMOTION to rewire my brain, to accept it, wholeheartedly. I reminded myself of the emotional benefits it had for my self-confidence and self-esteem.

And I used the same BETTER WORDS that I used in the shower, within my afternoon strategy. The repetition and reinforcement of these Better Words reminded me, like quick cue cards, for all the physical, mental, and emotional shifts I was making.

Lastly, I took a final step further and incorporated it into my devoted practice of finding synergy: to identify what works for me in one area, and translate that to achieve greater success in all areas of my life. I gave myself conscious directives, like, Cold showers allow me to find strength in other areas of my life, in my legal work and my creative work, in my fitness and my mental health.

I started doing this every single day, for just five minutes at a time.

#2 Worked!

My inner monologue morphed.

About a week into doing these Positive Self-Talk sessions, my inner monologue calmed down.

My inner voice was still there, but it was focused on what I needed to do in the moment, like getting my clothes and towel ready, and noting what was happening in a neutral way.

Yes, it acknowledged, you’re getting in the shower.

Yes, it noted, it’s going to be cold.

But all the admonitions and loaded questions disappeared.

No more, “You don’t want to do that!”

No more, “Are you sure you wanna?”

Just, “You’re taking a cold shower now.”

I’d tamed the Monkey.

The harshness disappeared.

And slowly, but surely, it became nothing.

I experienced a peaceful quiet that could only mean one thing…

My Experiment Was a Success + It Took Only 2 Weeks to Prune It Away!

All I had to do was give my mind the Positive Self-Talk that I needed to hear.

That’s it.

That’s all.

Now, it’s quiet.

Even better…

I Have Greater Synergy, because it’s Quieter, Overall.

Taking control of my thinking has made a massive difference.

Practicing Positive Self-Talk has made my brain trust me more.

My amygdala’s not in the same anxious fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn state. Not nearly as much as it was before.

And I have greater self-awareness now: it’s made me realize how often a part of me tries to make me stop before I start many things that are unrelated to this experiment.

So I’m applying the same Positive Self-Talk Practice to other areas, and experiencing promising results there, too.

When I’m deciding to try something new, I’m less hesitant, now. There’s less mental chatter shutting it down. Less questioning. And more willingness to try, to see what happens and evaluate afterwards.

I’ve gained more potential.

I’m excited that I’m feeling more calm.

And I’m hopeful: I know it’ll be hard to prune away more intense feelings that are linked to trauma or limiting beliefs that are emotionally charged. But at least now I’ve got a baseline for what my brain can accomplish. It might take longer, but…

Pruning is doable!

I’ve proven that now, for myself.

How about you?

Have you ever tried to prune a negative program?

Did you do it, with merely the passage of time?

Or did you use a method, like the one I’ve come up with, using Positive Self-Talk?

Did it work?

How long did it take?

And, did you enjoy the same success, in other areas?

If you’ve never tried it, I highly recommend giving Positive Self-Talk a go.

Even without the cold shower, Better Words can do wonders.

It’s Never Too Late to Prune The Weeds in Our Mental Garden

So let’s get our pruning sheers out!

The Mental Gardener in me honors & respects the Mental Gardener in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

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Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

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