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Whose Mountain Are You Climbing, Anyway? Choose the Right Goals!

Posted on by marisavictus

Whose Mountain Are You Climbing, Anyway? Choose the Right Goals!

Unleash YOUR Power with The VICTUS Method to 10x your life!

 “YOU are the Expert at being You. No one else.”

— The VICTUS Method

You are the only person who knows all of the ups and deepest, darkest downs you’ve gone through.

You are the only one who can get yourself from who you are to who you want to be.

So make sure that YOU are the one who’s directing YOUR LIFE!

No one else!

Not even if they love you.

Not even if they want what’s best for you.

And certainly not, if they don’t have your best interest at heart.

Do not be swayed by what the World says you should want.

Let your Inner Wisdom — YOUR truest, most authentic voice — guide you.

Follow the Energy that rises when you do what YOU want to do.

What you choose to do.

For that is the path that is meant for you.

That is the Mountain YOU ARE MEANT to climb.

That is the destiny that’s waiting for you.

You can already glimpse the view that’s waiting there, just for YOU to see.

It’s the brightest, most expansive vista, with all the paths you could have gone, but chose not to take.

Trust yourself and you will stand where YOU are meant to be.

If not, remember: You can change direction.

Because you are the Compass, the Guide who’s moving you forward. 

And today is the day.

You’re determined to walk yourself up.

To where you’ve never dared to go.

And the Energy inside, it’s growing, propelling you forward.

You can see the precipice. It’s already in your sights.

It’s the grandest height, above the most hallowed of places.

Because it’s not outside of you, where you’re looking.

No, your vision reaches from the highest of heights to the very depths of your Soul.

To the very heart of you.

To everything you wished you could be.

To the person you thought you could never become.

To the parts of you you once left blowing aimlessly in the wind.

Like strings, the severed strips of you streamed, whipping this way and that.

No more!

Your hands are steady. Self-assured.

Your fingers weave the strings into a strand, a rope, to unify all of your forgotten, one-wayward parts.

You’re tethered now, to your Self.

You’re ready.

Holding tight.

To the self-belief that’s grown inside of you.

All of you’s becoming one.

You banish the whispers of self-doubt.

You grow.

You learn to trust yourself.

You thank yourself for believing,

in who you are & who you’re meant to be.

One foot in front of the other, you walk.

One step. Another step. You climb.

It may be slow going but, damn it, you’ll get there, because this Mountain’s not meant for anyone else but you.

It’s YOUR MOUNTAIN.

You’re ready to claim it.

It’s waiting for your flag.

Put a stake in it. It’s YOURS.

All you have to do is ACT.

Do it.

Move forward.

One step. Another step.

A step for each and every breath.

One Moment. Just one.

Listen

To YOU

And you’ll get there:

To the Mountaintop YOU are meant to climb.

Are you listening to the most important person in your life: 

YOU?  

— The VICTUS Method

 

“My Dear Friends,

If you feel lost and alone, you’re not.

Clap if you know we’re in this together.

Follow if you see the light I’m shining for you.

And, if you’re ready to change your life, join me.

The path’s mapped out in my Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Sign up to get my posts as soon as they’re posted.

Why?

Because you don’t want the Algorithm to get in the way of all the goodies I’ve prepared for you.

Each week, we’ll explore not only where we’ve been, but where we’re going, and most importantly why.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple practices that will enliven our emotions and foster a greater depth of Self.

Because the VICTUS Method is more than a mindset. It’s a practice we’ll actively DO to 10x our Goals and achieve them! And it’s fully customizable, so you can tailor it to bring imagination, synergy, and freedom to everything you do. ”

— Marisa Victus

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

How to Be Happy When Who You Are Is NOT Who You Are Meant To Be

Posted on by marisavictus
Children swinging on swing

How to Be Happy When Who You Are Is NOT Who You Are Meant To Be

Practice the VICTUS Method to create Synergy in your Self & 10x the happiness in your life!

 “Who are YOU?

Be brave.

Question who you are.

Then, ask who you are meant to be.”

— The VICTUS Method

From the moment you’re born, so many voices start to whisper in your ear.

As soon as you’re old enough to express yourself, you’re asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Perhaps you wanted to be a teacher, a policeman, a writer, a gardener, a programmer, an artist, a doctor, a firefighter, a lawyer, an engineer, an astronaut, or a chef.

Once upon a time, you might have loved learning all of the different names for the dinosaurs. Or become obsessed with identifying the stars and constellations twinkling across the night sky. Maybe you loved art and its free-flowing messiness, or the feel of soft supple clay, squeezed between your fingers. Perhaps baking pies and decorating cakes were your favorite, and you loved to roll the dough across your kitchen counter top.

Early on, you likely considered many options, like clothes, easy to change, different from day to day. Because there was time to think and explore and reflect. You probably spent many afternoons, letting your mind wander, watching the clouds drift along the horizon, as the sun kissed your small, round face.

Maybe you picked a favorite when you were in grade school, but you went through another three options by the time high school came around because, most likely, your interests had changed.

Then somewhere along the line, someone — perhaps a parent, teacher, or college advisor — told you, in no uncertain terms, that you had to choose. You had to make the monumental decision to finally decide, once and for all, what you wanted to be. Time was up. And the time to grow up was now.


“What do you want to be?”

Who actually answered that question?

Was it really YOU?

Or was it your mom or dad?

Were you parroting what someone else told you to say?

Or mimicking what your friends wanted to do?

Looking back as an adult, can you honestly say, “I got it right”?

Did your expectations align with your experience?

Or, was reality nothing like what you expected?

Did you choose one profession? Or many?

Did you stay within the confines of your education and training?

Or did you venture out, to embark on a different path?

Did you switch gears to explore something new?

Did you listen to the voice within, urging you to go for your dreams?

Or did you lose your voice?

Were there other voices drowning yours out?

Perhaps the loudest voices told you to do the sensible thing, to choose a profession that would earn a substantial income and offer you stability and respect.

In the pursuit of that, maybe certain opportunities weren’t recommended.

Maybe they didn’t want you to be a starving artist, so they dissuaded you from spending so much time doing art.

Maybe they were acutely aware that doctors were well-respected and highly-paid, so they pushed you to go into medicine.

Or they enjoyed watching you perform, but being an actor would be untenable, so they guided you away from the stage, and urged you to apply to journalism school instead.

Or maybe none of these were options, because you were expected to run the family business. There was no other option than that.


Whatever the path, what was the result — for YOU?

A fragmented Self.

A Self where only certain aspects of ourselves were valued. Just the parts that gave you money. Prestige. The ooh’s and ah’s of approval that’s given by society and our families.

And everything else falls by the wayside. The artist in you fades. The singer who loves to perform disappears into the shadows. The writer merely dabbles in the margins.

We think the path’s already been chosen. So, like zombies, we walk, only half-alive. We find it easy to slip into silence. To let ourselves go mute.

“It’s better this way,” we tell ourselves.

We didn’t (and still don’t) want to disappoint anyone.

So we devote all our time to it. Hour after hour. Day after day. Doing the tasks that are assigned, that are required, by everyone else.

Tasks pile up and, with the pressure to perform, to be accepted to college, to get the job, to earn that promotion, to rise up the ranks and build that nest egg, it becomes increasingly difficult to center oneself, to hear the voice that’s inside.


How often do you ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?”

Maybe you don’t entertain the thought.

Maybe you’re just too busy. There are simply too many things to do.
Not only career-wise, but you’re dating, or you’re getting engaged, or you just got married.
You’re renting, then trying to buy a house. Then you got that mortgage, signed on the dotted line, and rushed to fill that house with stuff.

You’re having kids. Carpooling to games. Making sure to raise them right. To teach them more than their words and numbers. To instill proper values. To teach them how to be successful.

And there we are. It begins again.

The cycle is never-ending.

I don’t say this to fault our loved ones or to make anyone “wrong.”

For the lucky, their advice might have been a subtle, gentle invitation to explore our strengths and discover what career best suited us.

But, for others, the “advice” might have been compulsory, an order, with the direct or subliminal message: “You will do this, or I won’t love you. This is the only way you can earn my love.”

The wrong path might’ve been mapped out for us from the beginning.

Or, it could’ve gone sideways when we were older, when we joined the rat race and our employers became the loudest voice in our ears.

And when everyone else is climbing the ladder, we do it too, because that’s what’s expected. “That’s just what you do.”

Regardless of how we got here, for our own sake, it’s worth asking the question:


Are you doing what’s best for YOU?

That can be tough to answer.

When other people’s voices clutter our mind, we lose the ability to hear our Self.

We lose our connection to the deepest parts of ourselves.

We compartmentalize.

We shatter. 

We separate from our Self.

Until we can no longer tell who we are.

We forget that we matter.

We don’t give ourselves the time to answer questions like:
• Am I fulfilling my purpose?
• If I do this, am I on the path to my dreams?

Nor do we give ourselves time to just play.

We don’t wonder:
• Does doing this bring me joy?
• What creative activities do I want to explore?

Even if something doesn’t make us loads of money or make us famous or well-regarded among our peers, do we make time to do it anyway, for the joy and happiness it brings to us?


We can’t afford to ignore these questions.

If we do, we’ll all end up in the same place: Living a life that’s inferior, where we’re less than what we could have been. Doing what we were not meant to do.

And, one day, we’ll all be dead, never having lived. Not truly.

But it’s not too late!


There was once, and still is, you.

Just you.

The little girl or boy that you once were, playing with toys in the sandbox, swinging on the swings, watching the blades of grass waving in the afternoon breeze.

We just have to realize: as long as we are alive, we still have time.

For swinging without a purpose.
For hiking to see where the path leads.
For watching the birds and imagining where they might be coming from or flying to.
For making things with our hands.
And dreaming with our hearts.


Let’s be brave.

Let’s pose the right question:

Are you listening to the most important person in your life: 

YOU?  

— The VICTUS Method

If the answer’s “no”…


What’s the Solution? The VICTUS Method.

Victus is the pen name I chose for my writing.

But, more than that, it’s a way of life.

Yes, read that again, slowly this time: Vita est pro victus.

Now, repeat after me: 

Life is for living.

The way YOU want to. 

The way YOU choose to. 

Without denying entire parts of yourself. 

Without accepting the boxes people put you in. 

That’s why the VICTUS Method works.

Because you tailor it based on your preferences, and what works specifically for you.

 

Just imagine: SYNERGY in every aspect of your life. 

Not just in your job, but in your heart, body, and soul.

 

Every week, I will be writing, describing the practices and systems that have helped me, and exploring new methods, to see if they’re effective, too.

If you, too, want to enjoy more joy, flow, and creativity in your life, then sign up for my signup for my Newsletter on my Contact page.  

Together, we’ll apply the science-backed methods we can use to create more Synergy in our lives. 

Because we can all be happier. 

We just have to look back at our younger selves and say, “I see you.” 

 Let’s invite them to become one with who we are, and who we’re still growing up to be.

Happiness is Found In Synergy. 

Happiness is the Wholeness That’s Inside of You. 

— The VICTUS Method

If you enjoyed this post, show your support with a Clap & Follow on Medium.com!

And if you want to receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, signup for my Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

To Care, or Not to Care (About Metrics), That is the Question. 

Posted on by marisavictus

To Care, or Not to Care (About Metrics), That is the Question. 

In my last post, I described the roller coaster of emotions I experienced as a Writer who’s new to blogging on Medium (or anywhere else, for that matter), and I explained the THINK-DO-BE process I used to overcome the Limiting Belief that I “have to blog the right way.”

It all started when I made the decision to start down the rabbit hole of reading many of the thousands of Medium posts espousing the Top 10 tips & tricks you should do as a Writer to appease the Almighty Algorithm. If you, too, are a Writer, and you just paused to say a silent prayer, I don’t blame you.

Well, this morning, it’s as if Medium’s god-like algorithm knew I was going through the push and pull of caring-but-not-wanting-to, because today the platform suggested multiple posts for me to read, all centered around the question:

Should metrics matter?

Point A: Of course they do, dummy!

At the start, there was the fellow blogger who took the position that Readers should support Writers by giving them the full 50 Claps per post to show their support, and Readers shouldn’t even bother to Clap if they weren’t staying on the Post to read it for at least 30 seconds, to ensure the Writer earned something for their publishing efforts. Clearly, my fellow blogger cared a LOT about metrics.

As someone new to Medium, I was honestly surprised to read what he’d written about Claps. I had no idea you could even Clap more than once! Haha… My frame of reference was just Facebook, and it’s not like you can Like a post on Facebook multiple times (at least, not without looking like a crazed stalker).

But, I digress…getting back to my fellow blogger’s post:

Just reading his words, his entreaty for Readers to show their sincere support for Writers, to give them many Claps, a Follow, and a genuine Read with (one can hope) a thoughtful Comment?

I can completely understand where he was coming from. As someone who’s just starting to write here, I’ve quickly learned the importance of these metrics. From what I’ve read practically everywhere, such numbers can make or break a Writer’s ability to have their posts be shown to Readers, much less monetized.


Point B: The Nirvana of Not-Caring

On the other end, Medium reached into its November 2023 archive and directed me to a post that’s the polar opposite: Ryan Holiday’s post, entitled “The Longer I Do This, The Less I Care About Results.” 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I’ve been a fan of Ryan Holiday’s work for years and I own his books on Stoicism. So, of course, I read his post immediately. 

In it, he describes how he no longer focuses on the outcomes, the metrics, that he achieves from his blogging or book writing, and he makes a beautiful metaphor about his favorite moment in baseball, the quintessential moment we’re all familiar with from many famous photographs, when the baseball player’s swung the bat and his bat makes contact with the ball. This is the image Ryan pictures in his mind as he’s working.

What’s fascinating is how his interpretation of the image has changed as he’s changed. You see, in that snapshot of time, we don’t know where the ball’s going. We don’t know if it’s a home run or not. We don’t know the results. Ryan used to care. But now he doesn’t. It’s just that one moment — the present — that’s become the most important point in time.

Ryan’s matured from Point A to Point B.

How? Well, first, he acknowledges there are certainly moments when metrics do matter, like Quarterly Earnings for a business. But, as a Writer, he’s come a long way from caring about making the Best Sellers Lists. Now, he focuses on the creative work itself, and not the outcome, because he can’t control how his writing is received. Only the work is in his exclusive control. The positive outcome, if any, is just a bonus.

Ah, what a beautiful concept!

As Writers, one can only hope that we all make it to Point B one day, when we can write and publish and have it be read and validated by others, without needing the validation. It would be a dream come true to be in that position as a Writer, because then all that brain power and energy is freed up, to care only about the craft of writing, when you can appreciate the validation, but you don’t feel like you need it.

Right?

At first glance, it seemed so dreamy to me, and it got me thinking, If that’s what Enlightenment means in the publishing world…


Is there a Shortcut? 

What if there were a way to reach the Nirvana of Not-Caring right now, rather than waiting the YEARS and multiple BOOKS it took for such an esteemed Writer to make it to that point, both mentally and (perhaps even more profound for the Writer) emotionally?

Setting aside the fact that such thoughts aren’t very Zen of me (haha), a part of me finds it hard to even consider the possibility of Not-Caring about metrics. Because Metrics = Results!

And I’ve been conditioned to care as an attorney. Attorneys are trained to get results. Some aren’t even paid if they don’t achieve a positive outcome. And, attorneys are used to seeing results relatively fast. Attorneys know if they’ve won or lost a case when it concludes. They know if they’ve won a motion or not. And they can see the immediate expressions of support or (hopefully not) disdain on a juror’s or judge’s face.

But, like I said in my last post, in the realm of Writing, on my publishing journey, I’m deliberately choosing to NOT take a Got-to-Win, A+ Perfectionistic approach.

Instead, I’m purposely adopting a more balanced, exploratory mindset. Like an Experimenter who’s allowed to make mistakes. I’m striving to be a Lifelong Learner, to perfect my skills and develop the craft of writing, as a practice, as a calling.

And, yet…

A part of me has to care about metrics! As an author who’s new to writing on a blog, trying to gain Views, Reads, and Follows, to build an audience that enjoys my work, such feedback is critical. I need metrics to point my writing in the right direction, to give value to the audience I want to serve.

I can make peace with that when I think of all the lessons I can learn.


The journey from Point A to Point B is worth it for the Wisdom gained along the way.

The trip from Point A to Point B is not a straight line. It’s probably a path you have to walk many times, circling back occasionally, caring about metrics for days or weeks, then not caring for months afterwards. Back and forth, again and again, changing you the more steps you take, the more lessons you learn along the way.

At least, that’s what I’m guessing. As you know, I’ve just barely started walking the blogging path. What I do know for sure is I’m willing to let the journey change me. I’m ready to learn and grow.

And Ryan’s post has opened my mind. There’s something magical in Ryan’s thinking, the way he envisions the baseball bat making contact with the ball. There’s the CRACK! and he remembers,

“…the truth of one of the basic principles of Stoicism–the part about how some things are in your control and some things aren’t. Doing the work. That’s up to me.” — Ryan Holiday


The VICTUS Method: Transformation through Experimentation

You have to try things with an open mind, to see what resonates with you. 

— The VICTUS Method

So I’m jumping in. I’m closing my eyes, to give Ryan’s imagery a go, to see where it might lead me.

What comes to mind? I find myself drawn to a different sports analogy: gymnastics.

Not because I’m a gymnast (I’m not and have never tried the sport). It’s because I grew up watching the Women’s Gymnastic Teams competing at the Olympics. I loved watching their amazing display of athleticism, strength, and graceful beauty. And, of course, seeing them stick the landing. That was always satisfying to see.

But, the part that really touched me was when the camera cut to all of the teammates, cheering and clapping and rooting for their friends, as they gave it their all, out on the floor.

It’s the camaraderie that I found so incredibly inspiring.

So what does that tell me?

Between Point A and Point B, where am I on the path?

I can see I’ve got a long way to go. A long journey ahead of me.

I’m far away from the Nirvana of Not-Caring, but you know what’s amazing?


It’s the MEANING Behind the Metrics that Matters

I don’t have to wait until I’ve achieved massive blogging success to experience a touch of peace in the present moment.

I’m feeling good, already. Even though I’m closer to Point A than Point B.

Why? Because of the community.

In the past 19 days, I’ve made just 3 posts.

Do you see it?

22 Followers.

That double-digit metric probably doesn’t mean much to the vast majority of people on Medium. But, the Readers and Writers who’ve taken the time to Follow, Clap, and/or leave a kind, thoughtful Comment mean a great deal to me.

Because they’re the people who decided to show up now, like teammates who are watching me train from the start. These people are showing up, even when I’ve got nothing. When I’m just a Beginner at blogging. When I’m just starting.

There’s no huge number of Followers. No monstrously large Newsletter Subscriber List. No YouTube Following.

But, here they are, taking the time to encourage and cheer me on, from the sidelines and in the stands.

And, for that, I’m truly grateful.

They’re not just Metrics to me.

 

If you enjoyed this post, please give me a Clap & Follow (haha)!

And if you want to receive my posts as soon as they’re posted, sign up for my Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

To learn more, visit www.marisavictus.com and sign-up for the Newsletter @ my Newsletter Contact Page.

The VICTUS Method Kills Perfectionism: Here’s How I Banish the Limiting Belief “I have to do everything right.”

Posted on by marisavictus

The VICTUS Method Kills Perfectionism:

Here’s How I Banish the Limiting Belief

“I have to do everything right.”

It’s time to get real with you. Perfectionism is the Limiting Belief I’m fighting right now.

And the timing is terrible. Because I already had today’s post written. All I had to do was one more edit and create the picture to post with it.

But, I’ve got to confess: This past weekend was a doozy.

You see, blogging is new to me. And it’s a completely different style from writing legal briefs or an academic article for The Law Review. It also requires an entirely different style than I use in my fiction writing. (I’m polishing Books 2 and 3 of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES right now. Book 1’s here on Kindle Unlimited, if you enjoy reading fast-paced fiction with covert ops and a new Homo sentient species that’s knocked us off the top of the food chain.)

So, I knew going in that there’d be a learning curve to this “blogging” thing, and I set the intention to start at the source. I read a bunch of peoples’ posts on Medium to learn the in’s and out’s and, boy, there was a LOT of information to take in!

I don’t know how many posts I read, how deep in the rabbit hole I went, but somewhere along the line, after reading so many posts, I noticed myself beginning to feel…uneasy.

I think it might’ve been the fifth or sixth “Top 10 tips to do” (or “not do”) that did it. I got the distinct impression that there were specific ways you’re “supposed to” work the algorithm to give yourself a fighting chance, to get your posts some views; and, if you failed to follow those tips and tricks, the algorithm would shun you completely. For all intents and purposes, you’d cease to exist in the Great Big Blogosphere and your posts would never see the light of day.  There were just too many to-do’s, too many things to learn to “make it,” or dare I say “Go viral.”

And somehow I had to do all this, amidst everything else on my plate. With all my other personal and professional obligations?!

The more I read, the more I noticed my energy starting to shift. A growing sense of dis-ease began to settle in. I noticed my breath going shallow, my shoulders tensing up, and that damn left trapezius muscle starting to pinch, which always signals a migraine coming my way.

Ugh, I started to feel something negative stirring inside of me. Not because I expected blogging to be easy, but because I felt inundated with the message:

There’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” to do this.

Why, Hello There!

That’s when it happened: the good ole Perfectionist in me started to rear its ugly head. It’s no where near the incessant Inner Critic I used to have. Thank goodness, no, it’s not that! It’s not saying something extreme, like “You have to be Perfect to be loved.”

But, still, I sensed it, this subtle pricking, tiny pinch, whispering, again and again, “You’ve got to do it right.”

Will that annoying whisper ever disappear?

I don’t think so. Because I was raised to go for the A, and if extra credit was there for the taking, I’d better get it. I’d better get that A+.

Now, in many ways that go get ’em drive to do my best has served me well. It allowed me to graduate from college early, to start law school a few weeks before I turned 21, and to win cases for clients and give them the results that they deserve. 

But, ultimately, the “A+ Ms./Mr. Perfect” is a hard mentality no one can maintain. It’s impossible to do non-stop, given life’s ups and downs. It’s unforgiving and simply unrealistic when so much of life is simply not up to us.

Plus, it makes you feel like crap.

The mere whisper of it — that I’ve “got to do it right” —  whips the wind right out of my sails, because I know where that wind will take me, if I relinquish control over the steering wheel on my ship. It’ll grow from a whisper to a Wraith and it will take me to the graveyard of shipwrecked dreams. I won’t let it take me there.

So, what did I do when I started to feel bad? I took some time to pause and reflect on what I truly wanted.

What do you truly want?

Trying to be perfect is not what I want for myself, not anymore.

What do you want your blog posts to be?

I want my blogging posts to be a safe space where I can create and share, a haven for me to write to you. To expose how I’m truly feeling. To let myself be seen, for real, sun spots and all. And to get to know you, for who you truly are, as well.

I don’t want to be perfect. Because I’m not perfect. And, I realize I don’t have to be, to make this blogging thing work. To be a part of this community.

Plus, perfect’s boring. It’s stagnant. Do I enjoy stories that only go up and up, with just one trajectory? What about the downs that make all stories interesting?

What do I want for the Blogging Chapter of my life?

I want the time I spend here to be all about learning and making mistakes. To not be perfect, on purpose. To just be me. 

Which brought me back to where I started: to the post I had originally penned. It was just waiting there, for me to finalize and hit “Publish.”

My finger paused over the button. There was an opportunity here, to post this instead. To describe what I was really going through, behind the scenes. To be open and vulnerable. Real and raw.

So, here it is. Here’s how I work the Think-Do-Be part of my VICTUS Method routine.

1) THINK: “Flip the Script” with Better Words.

Don’t wait until later to address your feelings. Don’t avoid them. You can’t ignore your way out of a Limiting Belief. Because it’s going to affect you subconsciously. Or it’s going to get louder and really get in your way.

If you want to be free of it, to give yourself the chance to banish it once and for all, you need to give yourself the time to feel your feelings. In your body. Notice them. See them. Label them. But be careful to do this with compassion, with love and respect for yourself.

Because you can’t feel or do better by shaming yourself, at least not easily or efficiently. Eventually, hating yourself will bite you in the ass.

So, instead of making my thoughts the Enemy or something I had to fight hard to overcome, I reminded myself to relax into the bad feeling, to feel it in my body, and watch it pass.

How? By changing my thoughts with Better Words. Not later. Now.

I mean, think about it. If you’re in the middle of a Battle, fighting for your very life, are you going to keep the sword sheathed on your side? Or are you going to start swinging it immediately?

If you want to live, you’re going to do it right away. And, like I said in my last post, WORDS are our greatest weapon against Limiting Beliefs.

So, I “Flip the Script” with Better Words:

  1. A Limiting Belief is just a thought.

  2. I can stop each Limiting Belief from turning into more.

  3. When I feel better, I do better.

  4. My mind is just driven by fear right now. It’s trying to protect me with this thought. It’s trying to keep me safe.

  5. My mind’s not wrong, it’s just misguided. It’s following a past pattern (a neural pathway of thoughts) that’s just not helpful. It’s a pattern of thinking I just have to break.

  6. My mind loves me. I just need to give it better directions and better instructions by using Better Words.

  7. You’ve overcome other Limiting Beliefs. You can overcome this one, too.

  8. I do NOT need to be perfect.

  9. I’m a Beginner who’s learning and that’s okay.

  10. I can get better at this.

  11. When I grow, I can help others, too.

I wrote these Better Words and read them a few times, then went to bed.

What do you think? Do any of them resonate with you?


2) DO.

Pay particular attention to the word here. It’s DO.

It’s NOT “think.”

It’s just “do.”

There’s no more Thinking now. When we DO, we stop Thinking.

And that’s precisely what I did the next morning. I woke up at 5, like I usually do, to write. But I felt totally different. And because I’ve made THINK-DO-BE a daily part of the VICTUS Method I use to manage my life, I was able to stop Thinking and just DO it: writing. The Limiting Belief wasn’t whispering anymore, and I just relaxed into my routine.

To write.

I wrote a sentence. Then a paragraph. One after another, and I found myself feeling more and more inspired.

I started to write with so much energy, I barely noticed I hadn’t had my morning coffee and, if you knew anything about me, you’d know that’s an insane thing to say!

My energy soared through the roof. What once felt constricting, now felt expansive. The tightness in my shoulders was gone. And I felt jitters in my stomach, but it wasn’t fear or anxiety. It was excitement. It was the thrill of leaving that Limiting Belief behind.

And, most importantly, it was real.


3) BE.

Proof is in the experience. Not mine. YOURS. Because YOU are the Expert when it comes to what works for you. 

So it’s critical to see precisely what’s happening inside of you. That requires mindfulness and the willingness to ask yourself what happened.

How did I banish my Limiting Belief?

Not by accepting the Limiting Belief. I didn’t think I was going to be perfect. In fact, I rejected that option outright.

I also didn’t trick my mind into thinking fake, positive thoughts, either. I used Better Words that were realistic, and those Better Words prompted me to DO, to take Better Action.

But, most importantly, it reinforced the neural circuitry for the Empowering Belief I’ve entrained in my brain and body to not only believe, but experience, time and time again:

All thoughts can pass and fade, even Limiting Beliefs!

Bad emotions will pass! And I can steer my mind in the direction I want. I just have to apply the same methodology to every Limiting Belief. It’s how I tell it, “Shush! Take a seat in the corner, ‘cause I’m not letting you gain any momentum. I refuse to let you morph into a nasty Wraith.” 

So, what’s next?

Repetition.

To truly BE, to truly become the person I want to BE, I have to repeat, repeat, and repeat. Because this won’t be the last time I hear that whisper, trying to grow louder, in my ear.

That’s why, moving forward, each and every time I post, I’m going to press that “Publish” button and see it as a rep, a step in the right direction.

And, I hope, by sharing what I’ve been going through, that you can see: You can do it, too. No matter what your Limiting Beliefs are.

You just have to THINK. DO. BE.

Join me.

Together, we can train our eyes upward.

We can summit the Mountain of our Dreams.

To get my Newsletter, join the Mailing List @ my Newsletter Contact Page.

 

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

To learn more, visit www.marisavictus.com and sign-up for the Newsletter @ my Newsletter Contact Page.

Why Most New Year’s Resolutions Fail & How to Guarantee YOUR SUCCESS

Posted on by marisavictus

Why Most New Year’s Resolutions Fail & How to Guarantee YOUR SUCCESS

In my last post, I challenged you to be the HERO of your own story, to transform yourself from who you are now to who you want to be, and I described how we are all on our own Quest, to journey from wherever we’re starting, to the top of the Mountain of our most-deeply desired dreams. 

Well, like any good book, obstacles will most certainly get in our way. We’ve all encountered them before. From the lead that didn’t materialize, to the pitch that didn’t land, to the friend who turned out to be a frenemy, to the new diet or fitness plan that was derailed by our Thanksgiving/Christmas feast.

These obstacles all seem to come from outside of us, and a lot of times we cannot help but face one obstacle after another, due to no fault of our own. But, we have more agency than we might think. We may not be able to choose what happens to us all of the time, but we can choose our attitude in any given situation. And much of time, how well we tackle and bounce back from an obstacle depends entirely on the thoughts we think.

Problem is: Our thinking’s often clouded by Limiting Beliefs.

  • I’m not good enough.

  • I just can’t do it.

  • I always make mistakes.

  • There I go again.

  • When will I learn to stop doing that?!

  • I wish I were more like them.

  • I’m too shy. I just don’t know what to say.

  • I’m too extroverted. I don’t have a filter. I just blurt whatever out.

  • Ugh, I’m a failure!

  • I’ll never find someone.

  • I have to be perfect.

  • I have to achieve to be worthy.

  • I’m just not lovable.

  • S/he’s too good for me.

  • I just have too much baggage.

  • Money’s the root of all evil. 

  • I’ll be set when I have $1 million.

  • If only I had that house/car/gadget, then I’d be complete.

  • I’m too young and inexperienced.

  • I’m too old. I’m past my prime.

  • I don’t have time to go to the gym. Might as well eat a bag of Oreos and binge that new series on Netflix.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? (Let me know in the comments.)

These thoughts might be mere whispers, or they might run so rampant they’re shrieking like a banshee in your ear. Either way, they stop you from doing the things you most desperately want to do.

Maybe they halt you from applying for that promotion. Maybe they stop you from giving that sweet barista your number, no matter how many times s/he smiles at you. Maybe they tell you to eat the last donut, because you’ve eaten this much and you wouldn’t want them to “go to waste”; after all, Mom and Dad always told you to clean your plate. Or maybe they make you postpone a task until next Monday, when it’s only Thursday, because that makes the most sense “to get a fresh start.”

If any of these resonate with you, or you can think of many others off the top of your head…

 

Nothing’s Wrong with You! You are HUMAN!

You’re just like me and, while what limits me might not limit you, and vice versa, it’s perfectly NORMAL for us to have a myriad of Limiting Beliefs.

But normal doesn’t meant optimal or even efficient.

Normal doesn’t mean we want to keep the status quo, and allow our minds to run amok that way.

Why should we? When we can vanquish these thoughts and step into our power?

 

The Problem is, Limiting Thoughts are Sneaky *uckers

Limiting Thoughts shift us off the path on our Quest. But they don’t always move us away from our Goals like the obvious obstacles that they are.

Since they don’t appear outside of us, like a Dragon or a Demogorgon (if you love Stranger Things like I do), Limiting Thoughts are harder to identify as something separate from us. So it can be easy for us to slip into over-identifying with them. We simply listen to their whispers too easily, accepting what they’re saying without questioning if they’re true.

That can be fatal. It can spell death for our Goals. Because Limiting Beliefs that go unchecked can gain momentum. They can make us give up far too soon, or even stop us from trying.

They’re insidious that way, because our thoughts and beliefs are always with us, in our minds, affecting and changing us.

And when Limiting Beliefs compile one on top of another, they can morph into more than a vague sense of dis-ease. They can give rise to anxiety, depression, and numerous diagnosable mental and physical ailments and illnesses, that manifest throughout our bodies.

In other words, Limiting Beliefs aren’t just some ephemeral, weakly whisper that can’t bend or break us. No, if we don’t dispense with false beliefs as soon as they arise, each and every time they begin to take shape, they can derail us, like Wraiths blocking our way to the Mountain, sucking away our power, stealing the energy and life force inside of us. Not head-on, but from the shadows, deep in the recesses of our brain.

That’s why…

 

The Mountain You’re Climbing is Mostly in Your MIND!

The Mountain you’re climbing to reach your goals isn’t just ahead of you on the horizon. No, the Mountain you’re climbing is mostly in your mind!

And, you’re not alone. For years and maybe even decades, Limiting Beliefs have cast a spell on all of us, whether we’re aware of them or not.

Indeed, we are all operating on Limiting Beliefs, both conscious and subconscious — no matter how far along the journey we are on — and that’s how it will be, likely no matter how enlightened we become, because that’s what we are (human) and that’s the nature of life (obstacles will come and go, and the only thing that’s constant is that nothing is).

What makes one person a HERO and another person not, is simply the decision to FIGHT.

What are the weapons we can use to stop our Limiting Beliefs, before they shape-shift into soul-sucking, disease-inducing Wraiths? How can we banish them, one by one?

WORDS.

 

WORDS are Our SUPERPOWER.

Now you might be thinking, “What the hell, Marisa! You just finished telling me what a formidable foe these Wraiths can be, and you want me to slay them with some measly WORDS?!”

My answer to you is, “YES!”

As an Author and Attorney, I believe and trust wholeheartedly in the power of words. Words have the power to shape the mind, to birth revolutionary ideas, and to change the world.

On the micro, they can express love, belonging, and camaraderie; or, they can forcefully shun, ostracize, and reject.

On the macro, they shape the very constructs of society, defining precisely who deserves to have rights and protection, and those who do not.

In other words (pun intended), the way in which we wield our words can transform them into our armor, shield, or blade.

That’s why WORDS are our greatest weapon; they’re the ammo that can stop Limiting Beliefs before they gain momentum, before they become Wraiths. 

Words can blow the smoke out of our eyes, to clear our vision and see each and every Wraith for what it truly is: JUST A THOUGHT!

 

“Wraiths” Are Just Thoughts We Can Reject & Reframe

In a world full of people struggling to overcome the Limiting Beliefs in our heads, we must remember the power of words to shape, dispel, and repel any thought.

Indeed, words are so powerful, they affect absolutely everything in your life. The words and thoughts you think shape exactly who you are, because they define what you THINK you deserve.

Which affects precisely what you will DO.

Which, when repeated enough, ultimately defines who you can actually BE.

 

The VICTUS Solution: Think. Do. Be.

The solution is simple, but not easy.

1) We must use Better Words to challenge what we THINK.

2) We must change what we DO.

3) We must make the choice, for each and every Limiting Thought we think, to use the most powerful words in our arsenal to reframe them as they arise. Right away. Then, repeat, repeat, repeat. And, with enough repetition, it’s GUARANTEED: we will change who we can BE.

That’s why, each week, we will be putting this into PRACTICE. Because THINK-DO-BE is a critical component of the VICTUS Method, and we’re not interested in a one-time win. No, we want long-term success. Our goal is not only to get to the top of the Mountain, but to stay there, build a Castle, and make it our home. We’re in it for the long haul.

And the VICTUS Method is more than a one-time practice, it’s a sustainable LIFESTYLE we can use to achieve all of our Goals, as we shift and change through all the seasons of our life.

So let’s learn the science behind it all, and actually put it into PRACTICE.

Because we have to walk the walk to fix our talk.

So grab your gear and lace up those boots. In my next post, we’ll be diving deep into the science. Let’s…

THINK. DO. BE.

Together, I know we can beat the Wraiths. Into the void, we’ll banish them.

Get ready to cast them out!

 

To get my Newsletter, join the Mailing List @ my Newsletter Contact Page.

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

To learn more, visit www.marisavictus.com and sign-up for the Newsletter @ my Newsletter Contact Page.