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STOP! The 1 Question to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

Posted on by marisavictus

Which Motivational Mindset wins?

Your Mindset will Make or Break you

The 1 Question To Lock In Your Motivational Mindset

 

PART 1 — How to Choose The RIGHT Motivational Mindset

STOP! Don’t waste time.

Here’s the ONE Question you must ask yourself if you want to achieve.

In the rush to achieve, we often jump right in, guns blazing.
Only to stop a short time later, when we feel the first twinge of uncertainty.
A part of us recoils and wonders, “Do I really want to do this?”
Or maybe our reaction’s stronger, like a whiff of Limburger — the world’s stinkiest cheese — that assaults your nose and tells your brain to stop in its tracks.
“Nope!” Your mind discourages you. The Inner Critic lulls you into thinking, “We’re not gonna take action today. At least, not right now….”
Your brain comes up with all sorts of barriers to action. Random fences go up. Like, “It’s got to be perfect before I can post it.”
Or, maybe you don’t even get that far. You think, “Look at all these papers lying around. I have to clean my office before I can get to work.”
Or, your mind wanders, thinking of that new bottle of wine you’d much rather enjoy. After a long hard day, you give up on your side hustle, thinking, “I deserve a nice glass of wine. I need this break.”
Or friends shoot you a text, inviting you to come over for trivia and you think, “I can’t miss that.”
STOP!
No, I don’t mean stop taking action.
I mean the exact opposite.

The very FIRST ACTION you must take is to…

Ask yourself the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: “What’s my motivational mindset — right now?”

See those italics? That’s no accident.
Right now is what’s critical because, let’s face it, our Motivational Mindset changes, depending on our mood, depending on what outer circumstances are affecting us.
Or, more accurately, depending on how we allow or don’t allow those outer circumstances to affect our emotions and change our plan or not.
It’s not our fault.
We’re human. We cannot shut down our feelings as they arise. We are not robots.
So let’s not expect our Motivational Mindset to stay static like a machine.
But…that doesn’t mean we’re not responsible.

It’s not our fault, but it IS our responsibility:

We must choose the RIGHT mindset,
at the RIGHT time,
to take the RIGHT action.
Why the emphasis on the RIGHT mindset, time, and action?
Because we often choose the WRONG mindset.
It’s not that the Mindset is wrong, per se.
It’s just that the Mindset is not effective for us at this moment in time.
Take, for example, the guy or gal who’s a Type A personality. Let’s imagine that they were raised from a young age to kill it in sports. This has instilled a strong drive to attack their personal or work goals in the same way. Their favorite Coach was a David Goggins-type leader.
For the uninitiated, David Goggins is famous for his relentless dressing-down of his Inner Self. He was once obese, but coached himself to not only lose the weight, but become a celebrated Navy SEAL. Did he accomplish this feat by singing kumbaya or looking in a mirror to tell himself, “I love you”?!
No, the great DG is famous for telling himself things like, “You’re a lazy piece of shit!” He became his own Inner Drill Sergeant.
To many people the things that he said to himself would be considered abusive.
But, hey, it worked and continues to work for him. He’s become a massive success, not only within the military, but as an accomplished Author and Speaker.
So, what’s that mean for us?

Naturally, we see how Successful People do it, and we choose to emulate them.

“If it worked for them,” we think, “it will work for me.”
Or, from a young age, we’re taught to achieve in a particular way.
For the David Goggins of the world, I like to call their approach “Going Hard.”
It’s the easy shorthand I use, to identify what it means when people motivate themselves…
To achieve with grit and determination — on one end of the spectrum —
To “put in more hours” and “work harder than the competition” — in the middle —
To abusive self-hatred, like “you’re worthless” — on the farthest, opposite end.
Oh, it’s astounding what humans will say, the pain they’ll willingly inflict upon themselves, to achieve their goals and dreams!

For many years, I aligned myself with the “Go Hard” approach.

Not because “Going Hard” came naturally to me.
But because of how I was raised.
When I think back on my childhood, I believe I was born a natural Introvert.
But, my family raised me with a strong emphasis on education. I was expected to not only get the A, but I better get the A+.
So, naturally, I sensed I ought to be like the high achievers I saw around me.
I learned to practice and master the skills I needed to achieve, so much so that I now consider myself an Ambivert: someone who can pivot to Extrovert when needed to accomplish my goals.
However, I made a mistake.
The mistake wasn’t in acquiring the skills.
My mistake was becoming too RIGID, when choosing my Motivational Mindset.
Again, if you do this, I don’t blame you.
You’re probably like me:
We live in this accomplishment-driven society.
We see the “Go Hard” approach everywhere we look.
We want to do well in school and in life.
So, yes, we’re constantly “Going Hard.”
“Going Hard” works. So why change it?
Because “Going HARD” works…until it doesn’t.
How do I know?
When I became an Attorney and started to practice law, old habits died hard.
I couldn’t help but look at the Partners in the law firm and there was one in particular I’ve written about multiple times because of his relentlessly unsavory behavior (#1, #2, and #3).
Yes, he’d “made it” to a very lucrative position and high status in the firm with a “Go Hard” approach, but it was so Hard that I like to call him Mr. Pitbull Partner. Because that’s what he was. A pitbull.
You see, there are many ways to practice law.
Some Attorneys focus on transactional work.
Some focus on counseling clients.
And some are litigators.
Mr. Pitbull was a “born litigator.”
And he was successful. He got results.
But where?
In the courtroom.
But that was it.
Not in the boardroom.
Not much in meetings.
And certainly not in his personal life. Last I heard, he was on his 4th wife.
In other words, he could never shut the Litigator in him off.
And that’s what changed my mind about how I was approaching my own professional and personal life.
Slowly, I realized that, in the rush to achieve and do well in school since I was young, without realizing it, I had never stopped to consider a SOFTER approach.
I emulated “Going Hard” like the Litigators around me because that’s what appeared to lead to success.

Until I couldn’t help but see how “Going Hard” could lead to failure, too.

Mr. Pitbull was winning in court, but losing in life.
Even in the office, I began to sense it: this subtext beneath every interaction I witnessed him having.
The side-eyes and knowing nods between the other attorneys when he wasn’t looking.
Yes, these attorneys nodded at him, as if they agreed with his blustering, but there was so much being said in the unspoken.
At least the wise attorneys around me didn’t admire him as much as one might think at first glance.
And, the wisest Partner was highly skilled in the art of subtly swaying others to see his position.
Not by strong-arming anyone.
Not by talking louder than Mr. Pitbull.
But, by doing the opposite.
By taking a SOFT Approach.
Utilizing Soft, yet supremely powerful, skills.
This Partner knew how to persuade in a politically effective manner.
He was not a Litigator.
But, he was the lightbulb in my life. Because he shone a light on the road not taken, and I was able to observe him closely. I was able to see that this guy had figured out a different path to success.
One that did NOT require me to transform myself into Ms. Pitbull.
And the Inner Introvert in me let out a massive sigh of relief.
I practiced my SOFT skills — with negotiation, writing, and counseling — with renewed vigor.
It led to wins and awards.
And, ironically, it gave me the strength and confidence to improve my HARD skills in litigation — naturally.
I didn’t have to contort myself to become someone I am NOT.
As the Soft skills grew, the Hard skills grew exponentially.
Yes, I could litigate, yet stay true to my natural temperament.

BEST of all? I did it in a way that honored my Self — not only my temperament, but in my actual body.

You’re probably wondering, “What does that mean, ‘in your body,’ Marisa?”
I mean, when you choose the RIGHT Mindset — whether that’s “Going Hard or Soft” — based on how you actually feel in the present moment, you do NOT throw your nervous system out of whack.
The RIGHT Mindset for you — at any given moment — will feel natural.
You will feel your energy expand and grow.
It will not feel forced.
You will not have to white-knuckle your way into achieving your goals, if you choose the RIGHT Mindset.
What about YOU?
Do you have a preference for Going Hard or Going Soft?
Where do you think you acquired this preference?
From your natural temperament?
From how you were raised?
Or, perhaps you acquired it through sports or on the job?
Have you ever tried the alternative: Going Soft, rather than your default of Going Hard? Or, vice versa?
How did you feel, in your body?
Did it feel natural or strange?
Was it effective? And why?

Stay Tuned for PART 2: The 1 Thing You Might Be Guilty Of

The Motivational Ambivert in me honors & respects the Motivational Ambivert in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Making the Case for RADICAL VULNERABILITY: To Publish Ch. 18 or Not?

Posted on by marisavictus

Making the Case for RADICAL VULNERABILITY:

To Publish Ch. 18 or Not?

Every Saturday, I post a new Chapter from the 1st Book in my 4-Book science fiction series, THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES, about the discovery of a new species that can siphon energy from others.
Chapters 1–17 are already serialized and available to read, if you follow the link above, and signup for my FREE Substack Newsletter.
That’s 17 weeks — actually, more than 17 weeks — that I have been preparing…no DREADING…the publishing of Chapter 18.
Posting this Chapter is HARD, folks.
The shy girl in me doesn’t want to.
Why?
After the long slow burn of Jai and Sean’s romance in Chapters 1 to 17, this is The SEX Scene.

Yes, folks, I wrote a sex scene.

It’s done tastefully, but — to all the Prudes out there — please BEWARE: It is detailed.
More so than I thought I could ever be…in writing…in public.
Can you hear that?
That’s the sound of me laughing nervously.

This is the 1st time in my entire life I have ever written anything so overtly sexual.

But, part of me knows how strong a woman can become, when she embraces her sexual power in life and, yes, in writing.
So what possessed me to do it?
First, I decided to give myself permission to give voice to the power of sex because there’s beauty in it. In the nakedness of it. In the unabashed willingness to allow others to see you and experience not only your body, but also your emotions, in a safe and loving way, that can be both gentle and fierce, when expressed and enjoyed without any embarrassment or timidity.
Second, it furthered the deep love I wanted to express between my two main characters.
And, third, I was inspired by the author, Anne Rice, who’s famous for her no-holds-barred, completely uninhibited and unapologetically sexual writing. Indeed, she’s published not only one, but multiple books in a series that’s focused on sex, under her pen name, A.N. Roquelaure.
Ms. Rice may be gone, having passed away on Saturday 12–11–2021, but in a strange twist of fate, and through no deliberate planning on my part, this Chapter 18 is being published on Saturday 12–7–2024, almost exactly 3 years after her death.

Is this evidence of some strange, magical synchronicity?

That I find myself thinking of Ms. Rice — her bravery as a writer, her strength as a woman, and her willingness to share her most private sexual thoughts for the entire world to see — on exactly the same day I am debating whether to press the Post button, to publish my sexual writing or not?
Seriously. I was NOT even aware that she’d passed almost 3 years ago, on a Saturday in December, when I started to write this Post.
I just realized it for the first time when I ran a quick search to find the date of her death.
It amazes me how writers can impact other writers, based on the bravery they’ve exhibited in their own lives and creative journey.
And it gives me a sense of awe, to be moved, not only by the words we write, but also by the deliberate actions we choose to take, to pursue our dreams, to live wholeheartedly.

Do I dare?

My Emotions Are All Over The Place

I feel like my heart’s going to burst out of my chest.
I dread the regret that might very well ensue after I hit Post and publish the Chapter.
And I’m laughing at myself, too, because the fact is, I’ve already FULLY PUBLISHED this entire Book!
It’s already copyrighted and on Sale on Amazon in eBook and Hard Copy format.
I mean, come on! The Library of Congress already has my book on its shelves!

So why the hesitation, anxiety, and, let’s be blunt, profuse sweating seeping through my shirt right now?

As I write this, my Inner Critic, which is sadly not one, but more like many wraiths, swooping into and out of my ears, telling my mind all manner of embarrassing and dreadful outcomes that will befall me…
They’re doing their damnedest to scare me to STOP!
The wraiths are yelling at me like flying Rob Zombies,
Don’t do it!
Omit the sex scene!
It can stay hidden, in your Draft folder, never to see the light of day!
Truth be told, they whisper,
Readers won’t even notice.
And a part of me nods my head in agreement.
It’s true: You wouldn’t even know it was missing if I weren’t telling you right now!

Problem is: I would know.

In other words, what would hiding signify to the Author in me?
I remind myself, at the start of 2024, I vowed to go on an Attorney-to-Creative Journey, to honor every aspect of my Creative Self.
My sexuality is a supreme part of my Self.
Indeed, sexuality is an important part of every human being, so a large part of me asks, “What’s the big deal? If it’s natural for humans to be sexual and, if it’s already fully published, for the entire World to read, then why even pause?”
As I write this right now, I realize, it’s because…

My relationship with the Reader has changed.

Before I started writing on Substack and Medium, I felt so alone.
As an Attorney who was told implicitly and explicitly by family, friends, and colleagues to NOT pursue Creative Work, lest I be seen as not a “serious” Attorney, I hardly told a soul that I was writing science fiction, writing about the science of self-improvement, creating artwork, singing or playing piano.
I lived like a hermit.
A miserable, lonely, depressed hermit, who felt like *no one* outside of my husband truly knew me.
Or, if they knew about these parts of my Self, they could not relate to them whatsoever.
I rarely disclosed my creative interests to anyone.
Mostly because it felt like a door being slammed in my face.
Take, for example, the time I told a friend. It had taken a lot of courage to tell her I loved to write but, as soon as I said it, she immediately screamed, “Oh! I hate writing!”
Can you blame me for shutting up real quick?

It’s no surprise that a main theme of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES is the importance of being seen by others, and trusting the *right people* to accept us wholeheartedly.

Over time, being seen for who I actually am became increasingly important in my life.
I wanted to believe in my namesake, inspired by the phrase,

Vita est pro Victus, which means: Life is worth living. 

Not as a shell of who I am.
Not as someone who’s forced to wear a mask.
But as me.
 
It took me years — years and years after writing and publishing my 1st Book — to finally start writing on Substack and Medium, in January 2024, when I vowed to go on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey.
Then it took me 7 months, to be brave enough to start publishing my 1st Book (OBSIDIAN: Birth to Venus) in my Newsletter’s section for serialized fiction.
And now that it’s December, I realize how much I have changed.
After making 1 post each week, it doesn’t feel like I’m writing out into this big black void anymore.
It’s not like I hit Publish and some vague idea of a Reader is reading it.
It’s closer to me now.
I’ve slowly started to find a small circle of Writers and Readers who mean a great deal to me.
And, though we have never met in person, I feel blessed to have “met” them here. Because, now I know, at least these few souls see the True, Authentic me.

In that spirit, I’ve decided to be BRAVE — with balance.

I can be BRAVE — to tell my shyness to shush — and make the highly uncharacteristic decision to publish Chapter 18, with the most sexual writing I have ever written, on the same timeline as Ms. Rice’s death:
On this Saturday of December 2024, 3 years after her passing, to enjoy a taste of the bravery she must have had, to have written so brazenly and freely about the sexuality that was clearly the keystone of what made her her, the great Anne Rice.
But, at the same time, I will honor who I am.
I will be honest with myself: at this time, I do not have plans to publish erotic literature.
And, lastly, the idea of shocking unsuspecting Readers on here, with a detailed sex scene does not sit well with me.
So — in the most balanced way possible — I will honor everything I’m feeling and publish Chapter 18 (the Young Adult, slightly toned-down version that’ll go LIVE tomorrow, at 6 a.m., Saturday morning).
And, any Readers who wish to read the steamiest, sexiest scene I will likely ever write (haha!) can read it in eBook format, by clicking this link.

Can you hear me now?

I’m telling my wraiths,
Be silent.
I’m hitting Publish, come what may.
I’m letting go of what no longer serves me: my long-held shyness.
I’m no longer willing to hide who I am.
I’m determined to bring synergy to every aspect of my Self,
to not only do what I love, but
to honor what I love by allowing myself to be seen doing it.
So, without any further ado, here’s to the Bravest Era of my Attorney-to-Creative Journey, one that I’m heralding as the Passionately-Unapologetic Attorney & Creative Me!
P.S. — This (Saturday) Post is close enough to next week that I’m counting it as my 1 weekly post. Forgive me, but my nerves need to calm after putting myself out there like this! I need a bit of Rest & Relaxation after this one. And I already know how I’ll be celebrating with my family: with All-You-Can-Eat sushi + a great big lychee martini!
SUBSCRIBE to my FREE Substack Newsletter (linked above) to read Chapter 18 when it goes💥Live💥 tomorrow, Saturday morning 12–7–2024 @ 6 a.m., when I am (hopefully and uncharacteristically) sleeping in…so I can’t back out of posting it. 😂

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

EMBRACE Imperfection! [VIDEO]

Posted on by marisavictus

EMBRACE Imperfection!

STOP Your Suffering!

Like everyone, I’m imperfect. Want proof? See my YouTube VIDEO linked below.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Here’s what’s equally true:

Perfectionism is the Thief of Authenticity.

Perfectionism takes away our ability to BE SEEN for who we are.
And that robs us of the opportunity to develop true connection.
Imagine the girl who’s interested in a guy who’s a Football Fanatic.
Since the first time she met him, she’s known he’s into football, his face painted to match the jersey he wears for his favorite team. It’s his lifelong obsession, to worship at the alter of every televised game. He loves it!
She doesn’t.
But she wants him to want her.
So she pretends to love football.
Never mind the fact that she grew up in a house full of men who loved the opposing team. And every time the game played on the tube, she slinked away to her room, to gorge herself on the latest series of historical fiction books.
She couldn’t care less about the score or who was going to the Super Bowl.
But then he came along.
For the first time in her life, the football terms for all the plays she’s learned enter the forefront of her mind.
She’d come to understand football through osmosis, gained purely from breathing the same oxygen in the same rooms, in the same house, as her football-cheering family.
It didn’t take. She was never interested in any of it.
But her longing for him’s motivating her to recall all that subliminal messaging, that Rah rah rah! for the love of The Game.
She puts on a jersey for the same team as her potential beau, and mimics the excited expression her dad and brothers plaster on their faces, when they cheer for their team to win.
What is this?

It’s a form of Masking, and it’s also a form of Perfectionism:

It’s an attempt to look “Perfect” in her (hopefully) soon-to-be boyfriend’s eyes.
But what happens when she does catch his eye. When they do “hit it off”?
She gives him the impression that she loves football just as much as he does.
And, despite the fact that her family loves “the wrong team,” he can forgive that, because she’s not like any of the other girls he’s met before, who don’t enjoy the football he so loves watching.
Week after week, game after game, she puts on a convincing show; and, years later, they get engaged. They get married. They have a son and daughter. All four of them don the jerseys and cheer excitedly on the couch every time.
Except she’s still feigning her excitement. All these years later, what she could once mask, now makes her skin crawl. She can hardly stand football anymore.
Secretly, she wants to save up for the next book conference coming to town, to get her cherished dog-eared books signed by her favorite authors.
No, she wants to tell her husband, I do NOT want to save up to go to the Super Bowl.
But she stays silent.
Hour after hour, she sees her husband watching those plays, his face expertly painted to match the same paint on her kids’ faces…
And hers.
She’s wearing a literal mask now.
And she wants more than anything to claw the mask off.

What do you think?

Do you consider this a minor mistake?

A white lie?
I don’t.
It’s Perfectionism gone horribly awry.
Perfectionism, to appease and appeal to others.
Taken to the extreme, it’s a Mask worn so long, it will be terribly hard to pry off.

Imagine the emotions she’d feel if she finally confesses.

Her embarrassment.
She was once indifferent to football, but now her self-inflicted, “forced” participation in the football festivities has caused her to HATE all things football.
Imagine the shame of realizing one day that she’d pretended to be someone she’s not.
And, imagine his shock, if she decides to finally reveal this.
The disappointment he’d feel upon discovering the truth.
Would it destroy their marriage?
Perhaps not, if he truly loved and accepted her.
But, there’s always the risk that he’d feel he never truly knew her.
There’s the risk that their seeming closeness would dissipate and perhaps disappear in one quick Poof!
Let this be a lesson:

None of us should pretend to be Perfect.

None of us should Mask who we are.

We need to be wary of this tendency.
Because it can start in the smallest of ways.
Like in this story, something small can grow exponentially.
It’s insidious that way.
Uncontrolled, it can expand and make your life a farce.
Especially if we lie to ourselves, about who we truly are, to try to be what we think Perfection means to others, to gain other people’s love and acceptance.
Worst of all…

Trying to appear Perfect prevents us from being seen for who we truly are.

It robs us of the ability to be LOVED by people who can relate to and connect with the REAL, AUTHENTIC US!

And, it’s sadly ironic that our IMPERFECTIONS are often what others find most endearing about us.
Let’s say (to make the story palatable), her husband’s not only a football fanatic, he’s so into football that not loving football would’ve been a deal breaker. And no kids in this variation (lest we all ball our eyes out in a world where her two precious kids don’t exist).
What could have happened if she’d NEVER pretended to be the “Perfect” Football Fanatic of His Dreams?
She may not have lasted past the first date with this guy, but no matter. She was fulfilled attending many a Book Conference and, at the last one, she met a fellow Reader. He’s just as excited for the latest book release, and they’re now part of the same Book Club. Connecting, they could’ve hit it off right away. They could have bonded over many meals discussing what they were reading. He’s kind, gentle, and well-read, and he’s got the Emotional Intelligence we all hope to have. He checks all of the boxes she’s envisioned for herself, since she was a teen. Like a Knight in the historical romance of her dreams.
In this world, she would KNOW what she actually wanted, because she wasn’t wasting time trying to be fake, to “want” what someone else defines “Perfect” to be.
She would’ve saved that energy to use on herself, to focus on getting to know her wants, preferences, desires, hopes, and dreams.

So, EMBRACE Imperfection: Learn Who YOU Are, and You’ll Learn to LOVE YOURSELF!

When you EMBRACE your so-called “Imperfections,” you’ll discover all the foibles and quirks that make you unique.
These “Imperfections” are positives, not negatives.
They only look like negatives because we’re afraid of how they’ll be perceived in someone else’s eyes.
But fear is the Greatest Liar.
So, overcome the bad habit of trying to be Perfect.

Give Imperfection a chance!

You will often find that nothing bad happens!
So all your ruminating, worrying, masking, delayed actions (procrastination) or canceled actions (full-on suppression) are pointless!
Think of all that wasted time! That fruitless suffering!

That’s why it pays to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!

For example, take my most recent Thanksgiving SONG + VIDEO:
Publishing this is so unlike the Old Perfectionist Me.
  • It’s not pre-planned.
  • It’s off the cuff.
  • It’s rushed, done right before my kids came home early for Thanksgiving break.
  • There’s no background music to accompany my singing.
  • I didn’t use any special equipment to record it, just my iPhone, and there was so much feedback that I had to whisper-sing it.
  • As a result, some notes sound flat! The Old Perfectionist Me is absolutely MORTIFIED!
  • The video lacks any transitions.
  • It falls short compared to all of the other YouTubers out there.
  • It’s soooooooo very NOT Perfect!
Guess what?

I posted it anyway, as IMperfect as it is!

Because I mean what I’m saying here: it’s better to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!
Take it from me, someone who was imprisoned for years trying to be a “super serious Attorney,” following the “advice” — both implicit and explicit — from family, friends, and colleagues telling me to NOT pursue Creative Work.
I tell you now, after years of suffering mentally, emotionally, and physically, with sky-high stress, anxiety, and depression, PERFECTIONISM was KILLING ME from the inside out.
Do not make the same mistake I did.
Pursuing what other people defined as “Perfect” not only put me in a cage…

I fractured my very Self by SUPPRESSING my Creative Dreams!

To hell with that!
I’m now choosing TO HONOR MYSELF and will be the perceived Imperfect Me, ON PURPOSE!

This does not mean that I allow myself to lack high standards.

This does not mean that I do not try my best, based on my current capabilities.
This does not mean that I will release videos that are terrible, replete with 10 minutes of um’s, because I value your time.
But it does mean that…

I will honor my Authentic Imperfect Self by NOT contorting myself into someone I am not.

Not again. Not now. Not ever.
And you can see, in this video, I don’t wear a Mask or fake what my Inner Critic thinks a Perfect “YouTuber” has to be: A person who never says any um’s and never pauses at all. There’s no perfectly manicured image, no hair in a perfect blowout or nails done. Nor speaking from a pedestal. I’m not a guru. I’m not trying to use vocabulary straight from the SATs.

No, my goal is to be Authentically Imperfect and “Real.”

To show my true Self and feel what it feels like to be accepted for who I truly am.
With all the honest mistakes I might make.
Because I am finally brave enough to show my real Self — in public.
Because I am done rejecting who I am.
And I will no longer hide my true Self.

That Video is PROOF.

It’s up on my YouTube page for all to see.
Like a handprint plastered onto an ancient cave, I’ve dared to not only post it, but keep it there for years to come. To prove to myself I was once brave enough.
And it taught me a wonderful lesson:

Being Imperfect ON PURPOSE lets you BREAK FREE!

  • Of other people’s expectations
  • Of rigid self-imposed Limiting Beliefs
It gives you the freedom to be human.
To give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn, grow, and evolve.
And the more I take actions to choose myself, as imperfect as I am, I’ve learned, I don’t have to be trapped in a life not worth living.
I don’t have to go through life like a zombie to appease other people. To make them like or love me.
I can give myself the permission to simply BE WHO I AM.
I can give myself the love that I seek.

Will you join me and do the same?

EMBRACE whatever you perceive to be “Imperfect” — ON PURPOSE!

and you’ll find it’s not Imperfect after all.
It’s the first step on the path to Self-Love and Self-Acceptance.
To discovering your Truest, Most Authentic Self.
That’s a world full of promise and potential.
It’s my greatest hope for the World I’m envisioning.
It’s the WHY behind my writing about Self-Improvement: because I truly believe the world would be a far happier and safer place if we could all stop pretending to be Perfect, to stop trying to be who we are not, to be who we are meant to be, to learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly.

Being brave enough to show the world our True, Authentic Self is not only how we find the *right people* who are meant for us…

It’s how we find out WHO WE ARE, for OURSELVES.

The Bravest Imperfect Me honors & respects the (I Hope) Brave-Enough-to-Be Imperfect You,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Who are you, REALLY?! Be Brave + BREAK FREE!

Posted on by marisavictus

Who Are You, REALLY?!

Be Brave + BREAK FREE!

Imagine you’re ten years old, playing with Play-doh at the kitchen table.
You hear the sound of keys turning in the door. Your father’s coming in through the garage. You can tell from the sound of his boots that he’s knocking them together, to keep the dust from coming in from the construction site. He hangs his keys and reflective vest on the hooks in the laundry room, and walks inside to take a peek at what you’re up to.
He expects you’re playing with the new trucks he got you last month, and seems surprised to find you sculpting small teacups and bowls using the blue and purple Play-doh that’s soft and squishy in your hands.
You invite him to sit down for a cup of tea, but he shakes his head wearily and walks away, to take a hot shower, without another word.
Months pass. It’s Christmas and you eagerly open the gift he places in your hands. It’s wrapped quite clumsily in bright red paper, and you know Dad wrapped this himself. You grin, but can’t seem to shake the feeling that you’ll be disappointed again, when you can already see your little sister’s got the big art kit you’ve been asking for, for weeks.
Your father clears his throat as he looks at you with palpable anticipation. You can already feel the weight of the wheels in the palms of your hands, and you can tell from the sharp angle of the paper that it’s got an extendable scooping arm.
“It moves, just like the real ones!” Dad exclaims, as you pull off the last piece of paper on the side of the Excavator. Like one of the many trucks and tools that Dad uses at his job every day.
That night, you walk by your sister’s room and see her painting a cat on the easel opposite her door. You know exactly how you would angle the head to show a bit of playfulness in the cat’s expression, to make it look more like your family’s 8-year-old tabby, Cotton Socks.
You sigh momentarily, when you remember what your dad had said earlier that night, when he’d found you looking a little too long at her art set. “Girls just love art, don’t they? They’re not into building,” he’d said with a chuckle, “not like us guys.”
At bedtime, you close the door to your room and pull the covers up over your chest and nestle in. As you turn to rest your head on the pillow, your gaze falls to the side table, and you see them there: the Play-doh teacups that you’d made months before. You’d left them out on purpose, to harden, so you could put them here, on display. You remember the feel of the soft supple clay as you’d rolled and carefully shaped them into a matching set of saucers and cups.
As your eyes grow heavy, you fall asleep, wondering, Didn’t Santa get my letter? Why didn’t he know what I wanted?
And you dream a wonderful dream, of a studio filled with your art.
A decade later, those dreams have faded.
You walk into your apartment after a long day at the work site, managed by the same company your dad’s worked for, all these years. Your hair’s damp with sweat and your legs ache, but you don’t feel that same sense of satisfaction your dad always seemed to enjoy.
Something’s missing.
It’s always there, that ache in your stomach. But you can’t quite pin down what it is.
All you know is you thought you’d be fine by now. When he’d told you in your late teens to join him at the same company, you’d looked in his excited eyes and told yourself, It’s okay. I can do construction. You’d figured, At least I won’t be in a cubicle.
But, seven years later, you’ve grown weary of the days spent moving materials. Constructing, yes, but not making, not creating excitedly with your hands, the way you remembered it.
And the loud noises — the jackhammering, the traffic rushing by the site, and the loud and boisterous banter of the workers that surrounds you endlessly, makes you wish you were anywhere but here. You’re part of the crew, yes, they’ve accepted you wholeheartedly as one of the guys, but you long for the solitude you remember, when you had the freedom to do art. You remember it fondly, that time when the minute hand of the clock seemed to stop, when all you felt was a miraculous state of Flow.
How long has it been since I’ve felt that free? When was it? you wonder. You walk to the fridge, crack open a beer, then another, chugging em down in quick successive gulps and start to drift off, your neck curved against the back of the couch. Your eyes close as your thoughts begin to fade. I think it was sometime when I was still young, in grade school…When I was …when….
You fall asleep never quite remembering.
It’s the part of you that you’ve forgotten. It’s the side of you, you’d intentionally blocked.
Days later, you’re at the new job downtown. On a break, you walk down the street to gain some respite from the noise and find yourself confronted. Stopped in your tracks.
It’s an art store.
You wonder, When was the last time I was in one? You can’t remember if it was a JoAnn’s Fabrics or a Michael’s your mom took you to, but you must’ve been around 12, when your sister’s class project required her to create a diorama made out of popsicle sticks, glitter, and those fuzzy twistable pipes that come in all those colors. You remember your mom and sis’ stopping in an aisle to pick some up, when you snuck away to check out the paints and clay.
There were so many types and colors. There were canvases, large and small. You ran your hand along the kits. You wished you could have them all. In the blink of an eye, you imagined the entire aisle was your very own art studio.
Suddenly, the jackhammering restarts and you’re whisked back to reality, looking through the window of Blick’s Art Supply.
In your reflection, you see the man you are, dressed in head to toe construction gear, hard hat still on, but you can barely see him. The memory of your imagined studio’s all you see through the glass, as if those paint sets are yours, as if those canvases are beckoning you to become one with your past — to return to that time — and you feel it suddenly, that long-forgotten urge to create.
The last four hours of your shift fly by. You go through the motions, but your mind is elsewhere, on how many canvases and sets of paints you want to buy, in what colors, and what to paint? You don’t know. You just know that’s where you’ll be before the day ends. Standing at that register. Hauling your goods home.
That night as you make multiple trips from your truck to your apartment, the living room floor’s covered with so many materials, you can barely see the carpet anymore.
It’s a blur. You toss the open pizza boxes off the table and onto the kitchen floor. You set up the easel and you start to paint feverishly. You feel like an animal unleashed. Like there’s some type of creative creature bursting out of you.
By 3 AM, you’ve painted five pastoral scenes. You don’t know these places. They’ve entered your vision from some magical place. You don’t know from where, but you know you’re not stopping. You don’t even realize what time it is until it’s 7 AM and your boss is calling you wondering where the hell you are. But you let it go to voicemail because there’s no stopping this. There’s just you, and the canvas, and the brush in your hand, and this wonderful limitless sense of expression.
It’s freedom!
In your body, you feel it, this unwavering confidence. That you’ve finally found him: the boy you’d long forgotten.
And you realize, this is who you actually are.

Who are you?

Are you the boy?
Or are you the man?
If you’re the man, which one are you?
The man lulled into a false sense of security, who thinks It’ll be alright to make concessions and bargain with your life?
Or, are you the man who’s determined to be FREE, to become who you are truly MEANT to be?

Today, I dare you…

To remember.
To be brave.
To BREAK FREE.

The Bravery in me honors & respects the Bravery in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

STRESS: Is it Real or merely a Myth?

Posted on by marisavictus

STRESS: Is it Real or merely Myth?

Let’s take a walk down memory lane

Did you know that Stress is DEBATABLE?

It is!
You’re probably wondering, How could that be? Everyone on Earth is stressed out — now more so than ever.
You tell me, “Of course stress exists! It’s existence cannot be questioned. The only people who don’t experience stress are either brain dead or buried six feet under the ground.”
Well, I thought so, too, until I started to look into the history behind the scientific study of stress.
And guess what?

Stress was once a hotly debated topic!

Indeed, in his book The Myth of Stress, Andrew Bernstein provides a fascinating overview of this decades-long debate.
In the 1930’s, one of the earliest pioneers of stress, Physiologist Walter Cannon at Harvard Medical School, recommended that the medical community pay attention to stress and its effect on the body.
It did, with great interest after World War II, when stress consumed the United States. The military wanted to know the best way to train soldiers to handle stress and, of course, there was an influx of returning soldiers suffering from what we now know to be PTSD.
One researcher in particular — Hans Selye, at Montreal’s McGill University — made great strides in the field of stress research, by studying the effect of physiological stress on rats. By exposing them to heat and depriving them of food, among many other experiments, Selye found that all stress generated three symptoms, commonly referred to as the “Triad”:

1.) The adrenal glands, that sit on top of the kidneys and produce epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline), became enlarged;

2.) The immune system (specifically, the thymus, spleen, and lymph nodes) shrank in size; and,

3.) The stomach and intestines suffered from ulceration (bleeding ulcers).

Unlike situations where a specific stress response was produced via specific pathways — like shivering in response to cold, or sweating in response to heat — Selye believed that, underneath those specific responses, there was always this nonspecific physiological response.
As a result, Selye defined stress as “the nonspecific response to the body to any demand placed upon it,” because the type of stress did not matter. As long as an outside stressor was present, a physiological stress response would follow.
As a result of his work, including more than 30 books about it, Selye popularized the idea of stress.
To this day, we’re familiar with this concept of stress.
So much so, we’re all guilty of blaming outside events and people for “stressing us out.”
As if it’s an open and shut case; stressing’s inevitable; and the best thing to do is to find a way to accept the stress and cope with it, using different techniques, like relaxation.
Indeed, “Stress Management” became a popular movement in the 1950s and 60s, but then something shifted in the mid-1970s, when another research scientist, Dr. John Mason of the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, and later, the West Haven VA Medical Center, and Yale University, decided to challenge Selye’s theory by modifying Selye’s experiments.
Instead of subjecting the animals to acute stressors like a sudden blast of heat, Mason increased the temperature very slowly and subtly, little by little.
Likewise, in experiments where Selye had completely deprived rats of food at meal times as the acute stressor, Mason provided the rats with food that lacked nutrition, but still allowed the rats to maintain social contact and eat non-nutritive food at the same time as the other rats.
Using these and other experiments, Mason was able to demonstrate that the physiological stress response did not occur.
This flew in the face of Selye’s theory. According to Selye, because the external stressor was applied, the rats should have had a physiological stress response.
But, Mason demonstrated that stress did not result. Why? Because he’d controlled the rats’ psychological response, resulting in little to no stress response.
Ultimately, Mason wrote a series of published articles explaining why Selye’s physiological theory of stress did not work, but a psychological theory did.

So there you have it!

We may be subject to many stress-inducing scenarios in our lives, but STRESSING OUT is entirely optional!
Contrary to what we might have believed, when something bad happens to us, we don’t have to be victims.
We don’t have to lay down and succumb to an inescapable physiological Triad.
Instead, we can take…

PRACTICAL STEPS: Let’s Apply this understanding to our lives!

When something goes wrong at work or something negative happens in our personal life, let’s remember to control our psychological emotional response.

1. We can realize that external stressors need not stress us out.

But how?
We can’t stop outside factors from butting into our lives. And we cannot change other people, either.
The only thing we can control is our own thinking…

2. We can change our interpretation of the external event or person.

This may not be easy but, changing our interpretation is the only way we can prevent our minds, emotions, and bodies from suffering needlessly.

3. This will strengthen our emotional muscle and, perhaps, over time, it will raise our immunity to outside stressors.

Is this achievable?

It is.

Just imagine the difference between two individuals:

When Mr. A was a young lad, he was nicknamed throughout the neighborhood as Mr. Politician. He loved to chat people up and was able to befriend anyone in 5 minutes. As an adult, he’s much the same. His boss asks him to make a presentation to 25 colleagues, and he’s immediately revved up and ready to go. He’s excited to show ’em what he’s got. There’s absolutely no nervousness, no fear. Yes, Mr. A’s someone who sees public speaking as an opportunity to shine, not a stressor that would generate a negative internal reaction — emotionally or physically.
Then you’ve got Mr. B. He’s always been the shy, quiet type. An introvert and deep thinker who doesn’t like to be in the spotlight. When his boss asks him to stand up and give a speech next week, he pictures all 25 colleagues staring him down and his throat immediately seizes up. It’s so jarring to his body and brain that the next morning, he’s got a terrible case of diarrhea, and he doesn’t report to work that day.
The only difference between these two individuals is the way that they interpreted the external scenario.
While Mr. B is clearly upset at the prospect of having to present, Mr. A is beyond excited. Mr. A eagerly counts down the days and, when the big day comes, he hits it out of the park.

What would the Experts say?

According to Selye, the mere presence of the external stressor (the presentation) should have produced a stress response in both Mr. A and Mr. B.
But, Mason’s research demonstrates that because Mr. A was able to control for his psychological response, the physiological stress did not follow. Sure, his heart rate may have increased, but he felt excited, and Mr. A’s body suffered no deleterious effects. He just had a great time and enjoyed presenting to his colleagues.

This is great news!

Because it means Mr. B has the power to change his story.
Let’s say the presentation’s not actually scheduled to occur until a conference, 6 months later.
What if Mr. B signed himself up for public speaking classes or joined a local Toastmaster Chapter?
He could slowly increase his comfort zone and, little by little, begin to see that he is capable of speaking eloquently in front of 25 people.
Perhaps a month before the conference, he’s gained so much experience, he’s spoken in front of a hundred people. In fact, his coach invited him to attend a Regional Toastmasters event, and he was selected as one of the best among the group!
Mr. B looks at his calendar. Sees the conference date circled in red and, for the first time, he’s not seeing red. Or brown in the toilet bowl…lol. Suddenly, the prospect of speaking to 25 colleagues is a piece of cake.
All because Mr. B took practical steps to control for his psychological response.
And it pays off! He comes back from the conference having changed a lot of people’s impression of him. He’s demonstrated that even though he’s introverted, he can speak eloquently at work. And, he’s done such an impressive job, his boss invites him to chair a series of future talks.
He may be a lil fictionalized man, but aren’t you proud of Mr. B?!
I’m even prouder of Mr. B than I am of Mr. A!

What does this mean for us?

It means there’s HOPE!

Be the HEROIC Rat you’ve always known you can be!
We can be our own hero!
We can remind ourselves that it’s extremely important for us to do whatever we can to change our psychological response to any outside stressor.
The next time we’re the ones giving a presentation…
Or asking someone out…
Or putting ourselves out there, to showcase our latest artwork…
No matter the scenario, we can completely change the dynamic in our minds and bodies when we reframe our interpretation.
We can remind ourselves:

It’s not what’s happening to us…

It’s what’s happening FOR US.

And we can do it, no matter how big or small the potential stressor might be.
Let’s try it this week, the next time we’re stuck in traffic.
Instead of allowing ourselves to be so pissed off by all the cars around us, wondering why people are slow to move when the light turns green or the turn signal changes, we can control our emotional, psychological reaction by doing things like listening to audiobooks to pass the time.

All in all, our stress-induced suffering depends on the STORY we’re telling ourselves about it.

So, let’s make sure it’s the best story we can tell, no matter the situation.
The Say-NO-to-Stress Storyteller in me honors & respects the Say-NO-to-Stress Storyteller in each of you,
Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

You DON’T have low self-esteem!

Posted on by marisavictus

SUBSCRIBE to my Free Substack, linked below.

Every day, I share 1 FREE M&M (Mindset & Meditation) Post to build Unstoppable Self-Belief.

You tell me, “I have low self-esteem.”
I say, “NOPE!”
You give me the stink eye and probably want to cuss me out. You think, What does Marisa know about me anyway?! We’re strangers. She doesn’t know what I go through, mentally or emotionally.
I nod my head as if I know what you must be thinking, and admit, “I don’t know you. I don’t know what you think when you’re down on yourself. But,” I say, quite confidently, “I’d bet a million dollars you’re just like me…and we all suffer from the false belief that we’ve got a pretty good memory.”
You balk at this, too. You do think you have a good memory.
You tell me, “If I’d planned to make dinner tonight, I’d be able to go to the grocery store and get everything I needed for one of my go-to recipes. No need for a grocery list. My memory’s reliable.”
“Sure, sure,” I agree. “But that’s when your emotions aren’t running high. That’s not when you’re feeling fearful or anxious. And again, I’d be willing to bet, that whenever you’ve felt bad about yourself, whenever you’ve felt like you have low self-esteem, it’s not actually true.”

You don’t suffer from Low Self-Esteem. You’ve simply forgotten who you are.

Just think about it.
Let’s say you’re about to go to a party. There will be people there you do not know.
All of a sudden, your palms start to sweat. You imagine saying Hello and choking up.
You picture yourself needing some liquid courage to get the words out.
You’re reminded of those times that you were excluded back in grade school.
Then you start telling yourself a story — maybe it’s your longtime Limiting Belief that says, I have capital S, capital A, “Social Anxiety.”
Now you’ve only got about an hour until you have to leave for this party, and you’re coming up with excuses for how you’re going to get out of it.
Would that serve you?
Of course not.
Not only will you be telling your brain that there really is something wrong with you, you will be subconsciously reinforcing the belief that you suffer from a serious mental impairment.
If you do skip the party, you will absolutely keep your comfort zone small. You will never grow beyond that, and the next time you’re invited to a party, you’re going to be just as afraid to go, if not more so.
But what if all of this is completely avoidable?
What if a simple Mindset Reset could solve it all?
What if you didn’t need any liquid courage to get you from point A to point B, from holing up at home, to driving over to that party?

Tell yourself the TRUTH: You do not have low self-esteem! You simply have AMNESIA!

The truth is, you do not have social anxiety.
Unless you have seen a psychiatrist and been formally diagnosed with a severe chronic fear that is debilitating, you do not have “social anxiety,” so stop telling yourself that!
The story you need to tell yourself is clear and simple:
The truth is, you simply need to develop ACCURATE self-esteem.
How do we define “self-esteem”?
Self-Esteem is what we think about ourselves.
But — to be ACCURATE — we need to have a clear assessment of who we actually are.
We need to see and actually remember our strengths when we need to. Not only when we’re already in a positive mood, but especially when we’re afraid and fearful, when our nervous system is dysregulated.
Does that mean that we need to artificially inflate our egos?
No.
In this example, having positive self-esteem doesn’t mean you believe you’re going to enter the room like some movie star or Mr. 007, all suave, like everyone’s going to be hanging on your every word at this party. No, you don’t have to take it that far, obviously.
But, you do need to force yourself to make an accurate self-assessment.
No matter who you are, no matter what level of anxiety you may feel in social situations, there has to have been at least a handful of times in your life when you felt comfortable among other people.
Maybe it was with your family. Or your best friend.
Times when you might have been able to tell stories that were entertaining.
When you got other people to laugh.
When you got other people to smile.
When you supported other people and were a great listener.
These are all instances that you need to force yourself to remember when you’re feeling afraid.

Build Your Arsenal of Accurate Self-Esteem!

The easiest way to do that is to stop telling yourself a false story, and to start collecting evidence.
Simply think of at least five times in the past that you have succeeded socially.
Remind yourself that you have the capability to do it again.
Then get yourself to that party.
And just be open to seeing where it might lead.
Even if you utter only a few words, or say hi to just a few people before you leave, that’s still better than sitting around at home and expecting yourself to get better by keeping your comfort zone small.
When you go to that party and you have even the smallest positive reaction — maybe it’s just a simple smile — that is a WIN.
That is evidence that you can use to Build Your Arsenal of Positive Self-Belief and actively change the false narrative, the false story, that you are telling yourself about yourself.

Apply the same process, no matter the scenario.

The next time you think, Oh I feel so bad about myself, and you sense that horrible feeling of low self-esteem, STOP it immediately.
Use the Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice that I explained in this separate post, and apply it to this M&M that I wrote (handwritten, just for you):

Every time I am down on myself,

I give myself a reality check:

I list five things I am good at.

I remember my strengths.

I see who I actually am, and who I choose to be:

A person who protects my Positive Mindset.

A person who maintains Accurate Self-Esteem.


And commit to this M&M practice.
Every single time you are down on yourself, give yourself a reality check.
List five things you are good at.
Remember your strengths.
Remember who you actually are, and who you choose to be:
Tell yourself,
I am a person who protects my positive mindset.
I am a person who maintains accurate self-esteem.
Then repeat, repeat, repeat, until it’s second nature and you don’t feel the need to repeat it anymore.

It’s that simple.

You don’t need to over complicate it.
You CAN coach yourself to success.
All it takes is repetition to develop Accurate Self-Esteem.

The Coach inside of me honors & respects the Coach in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Vanquish the Nightmare

Posted on by marisavictus

Vanquish the Nightmare

Awaken the Superhero in You

The clock strikes 6 and your alarm assaults your ears.
You got an extra hour of sleep (the only silver lining you can see to the annual falling back of time, when Daylight Savings ends). But, it’s not enough to make up for the bad dream you’d been having.
You can still picture the nightmare: Your white-knuckling the syllabus in your hand. You can’t find your way to the class you’ve been assigned to. And the bell’s ringing. First Period’s starting.
And you’re naked.
Of course.
You force yourself up out of bed and wipe away the sleep from your eyes, wishing you can wipe away the dread you’d felt just moments ago, trapped in your recurring dream.
You could let this nightmare persist. You could let it impact your day. You could tell yourself to call off from work, and take a “Mental Health Day.”
Or, you could…

Take Control of Your Mindset

Is there anyone on our big beautiful Earth who hasn’t had this experience?
Nope.
All of us have been there. You go to bed thinking all’s well. Maybe you even read something hopeful the night before. Or watched a comedy that’d put you in a great mood.
You could’ve been the type to lay out your workout clothes, too. Yup. You’re a Go-Getter who already prepped your running shoes.
Everything should’ve been great when — BAM!
The nightmare from Hell sends your entire body out of whack.
You feel terrible now. The stress hormone, cortisol, has flooded your veins. You have a headache. And you don’t want to do anything, much less go for a run.
Hardly a person would blame you for taking it easy. For skipping the run.
I’m here to tell you what I’ve done to take back control: the EXACT OPPOSITE.

When your mood’s derailed, it’s more important than ever to STICK TO YOUR ROUTINE!

Here’s 4 reasons why:

1. Exercise Boosts Your Mood

No matter what you’d planned to do (whether the jog was part of your original plan or not), you must do everything in your power to elevate your mood.
Exercise does that. The rush of endorphins will automatically counteract the cortisol in your veins.
So, play the tunes you love the most. And get moving! FAST!
If you’re anything like me, it’ll only take 5 minutes — TOPS — and you’ll be feeling a million times better.
You can focus on the physical exertion and the music, and that dream will dissipate from your short term memory.
2. You Can’t Trust Your Brain: Bad Feelings Can Cloud Your Judgment
Are you serious about achieving your Goals?
Then don’t let some bad feelings cloud your thinking.
No matter what’s happening in our lives, our lives will never be perfect.
We might be killin’ it in one area, and barely surviving in the next.
So, don’t let your emotions sway you from taking the actions you need to take to achieve what you’ve set out to do.
Whenever bad feelings arise, trust that they’ll pass.
Then remind yourself: you KNOW what to do —
Now, DO IT!

3. Your Actions Are PROOF that YOU Are IN Control

Your brain is ALWAYS listening, ALWAYS watching your every move.
You say, “I care”?
You say, “I want this?”
You say, “I’ll do that?”
Well, your brain’s always paying attention to whether or not you actually FOLLOW THROUGH.
And, when your actions are inconsistent with what you’ve said, your brain knows on a subconscious level that you don’t really mean it.
Which boosts the likelihood you won’t do it the next time you need to.
But when your ACTIONS ARE CONSISTENT with your words?
Well, then, your brain sees that YOU are its Master. YOU are in control.
No matter how you feel, your brain trusts that you will do what has to be done.
And the neural program that reinforces that positive behavior-emotion-loop will strengthen, and be more likely to repeat, the next time that bad dream comes around.

4. You learn to TRUST Yourself

The more you take the right Action regardless of your emotional state, the more you will learn to trust yourself.
You got over the nightmare this morning.
You know you can get over it again.
And, before long, that nightmare will stop recurring.
You’ll be standing there nekkid when, suddenly, you’ll remember, That’s right…I’m naked ‘cause I’m changing.
You look down at your hands, and there you see it: your bright red, Superhero cape.
The Superhero in me honors & respects the Superhero in each of you,
Marisa

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Are you serious about self-improvement & want to have unstoppable self-belief?

Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice.

Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M in my “Notes” if you want to grow with me.

To learn how, click this link.

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend, and Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here (or visit https://marisavictus.substack.com/account) to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Want to save your SOUL??!!!

Posted on by marisavictus

Want to save your SOUL??!!

Then read today’s M&M above.

Carving & Calligraphy ART by yours truly! a.k.a. the WITCH of HALLOWEEN!

Read this Story…if you DARE! Mwha-ha-ha!

&

SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK!

Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

Entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with this Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

HALLOWEEN WHISPERS: An Invitation from the Depths of Your Soul

Posted on by marisavictus

HALLOWEEN WHISPERS:

An Invitation from the Depths of Your Soul 

Mwah-ha-ha!

In my post, The Beauty of Fall: How to Hygge & Savor Your Life, I reminded us of the many ways we can soften, rest, and recover.
It is equally important to enjoy each other’s company, to strike an air of conviviality with our friends and family — and, perhaps, most of all, children.

Including the Inner Child in each of us.

But how?
As you may recall, one of my absolute favorite fall activities is Trick-or-Treating to celebrate Halloween with my kids. My kiddos wear their favorite costumes that change year-after-year.
And, guess what? I get into it, too!

First, I get dressed up.

Using black eyeliner, I bring out the artist in me. I paint on a lil cat nose and whiskers, and I don a pair of fluffy cat ears.
We walk the entire neighborhood, and we’re blessed to have a neighborhood where everyone gets into the Halloween spirit. Even if our neighbors don’t have kids, they set up firepits, enjoy drinks, and hand out candy. They decorate their homes — inside and out — with all sorts of spooky and not-so-spooky sights. Families from all over drive to our neighborhood to enjoy the night out.
When we get home from exploring and trick-or-treating, with my kids’ bags full of candies, my kids are just as excited to hand candies out to the other children who visit our home.
The entire process reminds me of what it was like, to be a kid, so excited to hand out all of the candies I’d prepared for my friends.
I don’t see myself stopping, not even when my kids are older. Like my neighbors, I’ll be getting into the Halloween spirit forever! It’ll keep me young, because there’ll never come a day when I consider myself “too old.”

Second, I participate in the pumpkin carving.

My kids each get their own pumpkins to carve. I help them to carve their chosen designs, and then I turn my attention to a pumpkin devoted just for me.
Yes, you read that right! I buy my very own pumpkin, and I dive into a detailed pumpkin carving.
Over the years, I’ve done so many. They’ve gotten more intricate over time. Morphing from the black cat with its arched back, to Elsa & Olaf one year, to Harry Potter and a Dragon next.
Like this:
I’ve gotten so into it and become attached to some of the designs that I’ve even started buying Foam Pumpkins so my carvings don’t have to rot away come November.
Like that:

Now, some people might laugh at me and think, “She’s a grown adult! She must be so childish” to be into Halloween like this.

But, these simple, traditional activities have brought me so much joy!
And quite a challenge, as well!
Because pumpkin carving’s NOT so easy.
You have to create a design that’s essentially backward, because the areas that you sketch in black need to be the pumpkin you LEAVE ALONE. And the paper that you’ve left white needs to be the pumpkin you CARVE AWAY. You also have to be careful that you leave the pumpkin that’s left ATTACHED to the rest of the pumpkin! (Believe me, if you make a mistake, it can be quite a challenge to correct an overzealous knife!)
It’s a little exercise in mental gymnastics that I’ve gotten better at year after year. And, yet, so much time passes between Halloweens that it does take me a few minutes to grow accustomed to it each time I start the carving process.
I’ve also created some tricks to be able to tell what the final carving will look like when it’s lit up. And I find it quite funny when you compare and contrast the ugly look of a fully-carved pumpkin under the glare of kitchen lights, versus how it looks at night, when it’s lit from the inside, by candlelight. Sometimes, your brain can hardly believe it transforms from something so hideous and unrecognizable into something that resembles what you’ve chosen it to be once it’s lit up. Yet again, it’s the mental exercise that’s so interesting and fun to me.
Most of all, it’s the emotional feeling it gives to me that makes it all worthwhile.
Whether it’s trick-or-treating, carving a pumpkin, or decorating the house for Halloween or fall, I absolutely love the sense of freedom it gives me to PLAY!

Play must be an extremely important part of everyone’s life — whether we’re children or adults.

It allows our brains to maintain flexibility. It reminds us to stop pursuing Perfectionism. It opens us to trying and being willing to fail at new things. It prevents us from taking ourselves or life too seriously. It feels absolutely amazing in our bodies. And, especially for me, it heals my Inner Child, who was raised to pursue the “A” so much that she believed we have to be serious all of the time to be successful.
No! How wrong I was!
It’s when we play that our brains love to learn.
It’s when we play that our spirit’s able to soar. 
It’s when we play that we have the freedom to be who we truly wish to be.
So, as Halloween rears its spooky head tomorrow, please do yourself a favor…

Ghost your tendency to button down!

Dress up. Get silly. Eat some yummy candy. Now, go out and have yourself a blast!

The Sally (& Jack) Skellington in me honors & respects the Sally or Jack Skellington in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement & want to have unstoppable self-belief?

Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.

Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

VICTUS MINDSET MEDITATION: Enjoy a Victus M&M every day!

Posted on by marisavictus

Handwritten by me, just for you!

VICTUS MINDSET MEDITATION:

Enjoy a Victus M&M every day!

This is the 5-STAR System to Attain Unstoppable Self-Belief!

The sweet, quick ‘n easy way to entrain your brain!

Are you merely interested — or DEDICATED — to improving yourself?

Do you simply dabble in self-improvement, or are you willing to do whatever it takes to reach your goals?

Do you want to be dragged or propelled to greatness?

Do you ever wonder, “What could I do if I had unstoppable self-belief?”

If the answer’s yes, I hope you take me up on this invitation, to give yourself what’s best: a fully-realized, deeply-embodied sense of Self.

If you’re serious about being the absolute BEST YOU, I want to share the daily practice that’s made all the difference for me.

Multiple times a day, I enjoy a Victus M&M treat that centers & strengthens me all day long.

I used to torture myself. To put myself down. I demanded perfection. It was impossible. But, I faulted myself just the same. I really made myself miserable.

Not anymore!

When the pain became unbearable, I came up with the VICTUS Mindset.

Victus is Latin for “way of life.”

© Marisa Victus

It reminds me to BE INTENTIONAL about how I live my life, starting with the words and thoughts I choose to think.

Every day, I entrain my brain with a Victus Mindset Meditation.

It only takes a few minutes a day, but it’s a life-changing practice: I’m happier, more motivated, able to take action, and expand my comfort zone — with significantly less fear, anxiety, or stress.

I’m using it now to pursue all of my passions. Gone are the days of denying who I am. I’m pursuing all of my dreams, without the shackles of old Limiting Beliefs.

I want the same for you.

So, I will start sharing my Daily VICTUS Mindset Meditations on Substack.

Subscribe to my FREE Substack Newsletter to get a new one every day.

Then commit to reading it multiple times.

You can do it whenever it suits you.

Or, if you’re serious about maximizing your reps, use all your senses.

Make it sparkle in your mind, like a 5-point Star ⭐️:

(1) See: Read it silently to yourself. This cultivates the Inner Voice (wisdom & intuition) inside of you.

(2) Hear: Read it out loud. Hear yourself saying it in your own voice. Your Outer Voice (confidence & expression) will grow stronger, the more that you do.

(3) Feel Your Feelings While you Meditate: Close your eyes. Take 10 deep, steady, calming breaths, and focus your attention inward. Allow yourself to completely embody the message. Imagine how it feels in your body to believe it, wholeheartedly. Imagine what you will be able to do when it becomes one with you. Feel the joy you’ll have when you truly believe in yourself and trust the most important person in your life: YOU.

(4) Touch — Electrify Your Intention to Heal with the Power of Kinesthesia: With your hands on your heart, lock in the goodness of this healing practice. Acknowledge the immense power of taking the time to honor yourself today. Welcome the love you have for yourself. It’s always there, waiting and ready for you.

(5) Speak — Express Yourself to Maximize Your Dopamine Reward System: I like to think of this 5th Step as the tip of my 5-Point Star.

For the first 4 points, you’ve looked inward.

For the 5th point, you’re sending your message out into the world, like you’re shooting your own unique star into the Universe.

You can hit the “Like” button to affirm the message and/or Comment.

You can keep it simple with a heart emoji.

Or, 10x your intention by sharing the Action you’re doing or have already taken — today — to actively align yourself with the message.

It can be as simple as, “I took 10 deeply calming breaths today.”

Or, hitting “Like” on another person’s comment, like a virtual high-five from you to them.

Whether it’s a detailed comment, or a simple “Like” or thumbs-up emoji, do what feels right for you, to affirm the message to yourself and share this goodness with the world outside of you.

That’s precisely what I’m doing.

When I post my M&M every day, I’m affirming the message I’ve posted.

And when you see me in the comments, posting a heart, you’ll know I’m thinking of what I’ve handwritten for you, here:

The Science

The first 4 points of our Star work together to regulate our body’s nervous system. To shift ourselves out of the Sympathetic Nervous System, and any state of fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn that we might be in during the chaos of our regular day.

When we take the time to enjoy the M&M and go inward, the 4 points center us, and activate our Parasympathetic Nervous System, so we can rest-and-digest. This will center us and give us greater focus and clarity of thought, so we can take intentional, yet relaxed, action. The more reps we do, the more steps we’ll take toward our goals.

The 5th point is the tip on our Star, and it packs a powerful punch because it actively rewires your brain when you engage with the material. Your brain sees you taking ACTION. You’re no longer a passive consumer. The act of engaging counts as a quick & easy “First Win.” And, the more action you take, the more Stars you shoot throughout the day, the more progress you’ll make to win with your emotions, goals, and life.

What’s more, when you set the intention to celebrate the sincere effort you’re making to embody the message and adopt it as an integral part of you, you get an immediate hit of the dopamine that’s part of the Seek-and-Reward cycle.

Most importantly, you’re giving yourself this hit of dopamine now, to celebrate the process, rather than reserving it for some distant future, when your ultimate goal is finally achieved.

There are 6 Bonuses to celebrating this way:

  1. By not delaying your pride and joy until after you’ve reached your long-term goal, you avoid a drastic drop of dopamine, known as “post achievement depression.”

  2. By celebrating now, your brain notes how much it matters to you. It won’t be long before the Reticular Activating System in your brain looks for more ways to make the message one with you.

  3. When you participate in the comments, you’re supercharging your entrainment with the power of community. The old adage, “Sharing is caring,” is true. When you “Like” someone else’s comment, it’s like a virtual high-five. We’re cheering each other on, as we’re all overcoming our obstacles. And, when you share your thoughts with others, you see you’re not alone. You’re climbing your Everest, just like the other climbers around you. You have the same insecurities and obstacles to overcome as others. Whatever you write might inspire someone else to do the same. It’s a dopamine-boosting act of altruism that helps others, not only you.

  4. You learn once and for all to stop postponing your happiness. This is how we generate a never-ending cycle of dopamine to motivate us. We must celebrate the steps as we climb, not the Summit only.

  5. If you’re like me, the chemical rewards in your body and the surrounding sense of community will feel so good, you’ll want to repeat this transformational practice day after day.

  6. Your dedication and determination will grow exponentially, when you notice your thinking and emotions are more positive, overall, and you take more action in your day-to-day life.

Just Remember: To truly benefit from this, you MUST repeat the 5-Star practice many times a day!

Generate as many stars as you can each day. Launch them into the sky, and watch the best of you sparkle and shine!

But — a word of caution — don’t be surprised if you don’t feel like repeating the 5-Star process.

In the beginning, a part of you might not want to repeat the process. In our instant-gratification-obsessed society, so many posts and messages compete for our attention every second.

But remember, this is a mindfulness practice.

So make mindfulness a top priority.

Personally, I love to use humor to motivate me to stick to my routines. When I picture an M&M, I think, Ooh, I’d never turn one down. I’d always want to eat it, no matter how many times a day an M&M was offered to me. So picturing an M&M makes me laugh. When I picture it in my hand, it’s a cue that reminds my mind to “eat” it, and I launch into my 5-Star M&M routine.

But, in all seriousness, the “M&M” is no joke.

That & is intentional. It requires you to commit to both practices:

(1) Focused training for your MINDSET;

AND,

(2) Focused MEDITATION to entrain and reprogram your brain multiple times a day.

If you are serious about improving yourself and actually reaching your goals, you have to be dedicated to repetition.

You have to train your Monkey Mind to not jump to the next post or message. You do not want to just scroll your life away.

The purpose is to be still and engage with this one message at least five times a day if you are serious about making real change in your life.

And I do mean real change. Not just how you feel. But the physiological changes that you can actually produce in your brain with the power of neuroplasticity.

So, yes, repetition is required.

It’s the repetition that rewires our neural circuitry and prunes away older, unhelpful neural programs.

It’s the repetition that entrains our brains to make any Mindset practice a permanent “way of life.”

But, you can RELAX: Repetition can be easy.

Repetition needn’t be complicated.

We can enhance our neuroplasticity by folding it into our regular routine.

I like to do it ⭐️5 times a day⭐️.

It’s easy to remember, when:

1⭐️I wake.

2⭐️I start my work.

3⭐️I take a break.

4⭐️I eat a meal.

5⭐️I go to bed at night.

That’s at least five times a day to be mindful. To take control of who I am, in the present moment.

It’s the best treat I can give to myself.

These M&Ms have transformed my life!

My results speak for themselves:

With the right Mindset, I take the right Action.

Plus, I feel happy and excited, imagining how much farther along I will be, the longer I keep this practice up.

So, I’ll practice in public.

Day after day, I’ll think of these posts as a great big bag of M&Ms. I’ll pick my favorites to add to the bag and share them with you.

So, for your benefit & mine, let’s put our minds where our mouths are! Let’s repeat our M&M for today:

“What I give to the world comes back, ten-fold. When I follow my dreams, I know you can, too.”

And, let’s entrain our brains to remember WHY we’re doing what we do:

These M&Ms bring synergy to Positive Self-Talk and Meditation, merging them into a fast, easy, and practical 5-Star System for unstoppable self-belief!

You do NOT have to live an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

I know, because I was depressed and anxious for many years.

Trying to wear the Mask that others wished me to wear.

But that’s not me.

And these M&M’s have shown me it’s okay to be who I am, and grow into who I choose to be.

I only wish I’d created the VICTUS Method earlier.

This M&M practice is what I wish I had when I was growing up, and trying to figure out how to live my life.

Now that I have it, I’ll continue to practice it until the day I die. Because I know the process of self-improvement and self-acceptance never ends.

And now I know the process doesn’t have to be painful.

It takes me only a few minutes.

I feel amazing when I do it.

And I feel confident when I take action. I feel energized, instead of fearful — like I can take on anything.

That’s what keeps me coming back for another handful of M&Ms.

I’ve got plenty to share.

Want some?

It’s never too late!

To live life to the fullest.

To enjoy the beautiful process of Becoming who we so deeply wish to be.

To savor life’s richness, by sharing the goodness in all of us.

Try it & see how sweet life can be.

Enjoy an M&M, one day at a time.

Give yourself the very best: a truly authentic YOU.

Mmm! 😂

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.