We are not 1 Self, but many. Are you ready to feel peace, to experience life as a Unified Whole?
In my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into our Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 4 of BEYOND ANXIETY: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck.
In Chapter 4: The Creature, United, I loved learning about the multitude of “Yous” inside of us.
And, thankfully, how normal it is for the different parts of us to be at odds with each other most, if not all, of the time.
As usual, MB made me laugh at her anxious “if I do,” anxious “if I don’t” self. I’m all too familiar with that whiplash.
Lucky for us, there is a pathway to freedom:
MB invites us to integrate all the various parts of ourselves using parts psychology — specifically the “Internal Family Systems” model of therapy created by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s.
In IFS, we can understand our psyche as a resourceful conglomeration of distinct identities inside of us that can be divided into 3 categories:
- Exiles,
- Managers, and
- Firefighters.
Exiles are the “pain containers” that our psyche’s banished, to protect us from being overwhelmed by our psychological pain. Often, Exiles resemble our younger self, or selves, that are frozen in time, stuck at the ages when we experienced pronounced emotional pain or trauma in our lives.
Managers keep us on track by being virtuous, telling us to be good boys and girls, to obey cultural rules. To work hard, be kind, and do what society expects of us.
Firefighters care most about stopping our Exiles from experiencing pain, even if it’s accomplished with maladaptive means, like avoidance, distraction, addiction, and tantrums. Firefighters do whatever they can to give our Exiles a momentary semblance of peace. No matter how temporary that band-aid might be. No matter how much it might derail our lives in the long run.
Ultimately, our Managers and Firefighters are stuck in Anxiety Spirals that keep our Exiles in hiding. Which prevents us from being able to give our Exiles the comfort they need, so we can reintegrate them and experience peace as a unified whole.
What’s so great about IFS Therapy?
I see IFS as a promising methodology for understanding ourselves because it does not pathologize our often competing internal interests.
The solution isn’t to malign our Managers or Firefighters that only want to keep us safe.
Instead, we can get curious. We can ask our Managers and Firefighters to step aside, so we can get to know our Exiles, and find ways to show all our parts the compassion, understanding, and empathy they need to feel safe, freeing us to live a happy, healthy, and successful life.
Now, take a Mindful Minute to reflect on your life:
⭐️ What are your thoughts about the IFS approach?
- I’d heard of IFS in the past, but I’d never tried it before.
⭐️ For our Journaling this week, do you want to give IFS a try?
- I tried it. Journaling IFS is eye opening and also kinda funny to put words to paper in different voices. Thankfully, no one gets to read our private Journaling (unless we want them to)!
⭐️ Can you use one of the Amygdala-Whispering Methods (see the list of AWMs from Ch. 2) to help you feel calmer?
- To regulate my nervous system, and bring me back to a state of calm, I used:
- MB’s AWM (the “Sigh”): my go-to method (meditation)
- MB’s AWM (“Move”) specifically, I chose: Yoga with pranayama breathing.
- Plus, my faves: Dancing & Singing.
Overall, the combination worked wonders and showed me —
Yes, IFS works well, to heal the most anxious, fearful, and protective parts of me.
Are YOU ready to listen to the many Selves inside of you,
to experience peace, as a Unified Whole?
Do you have a “safe place” and/or a “safe person”
who can help you to realize that every part of us
— all of our Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles —
want & need to be soothed, nurtured, & loved?
👭 If you want to enlist the help of a Fellow Creative, to be a safe person to help you…
Our CHAT can be a safe place to tell us what you’d like to accomplish, so we can all support & cheer you on.
👭 If you’re comfortable doing so, feel free to tell us what surfaces, what worked, what didn’t, what you’d recommend and, maybe, what you don’t want to try again.
Let’s TRUST in our ability to create safe places & be safe people.
Together, we can support each other on our healing journeys.
Together, we can sooth, nurture, & love every Self inside of us.
The Whole Self in me honors & respects the Whole Self in each of you,
Marisa
⭐️ Remember, we don’t have to figure everything out, all alone. ⭐️
We can find solutions, together!
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