Month: May 2024

How to Find Synergy: Transform Your Flow in Food, to Flow in Mood

Posted on by agenttest2

 

 

 

 

 

 

How the 3 M’s in the VICTUS Method merge into a delicious recipe for your mental health! MMM!

If you’ve read my prior posts, you’ll notice this overarching theme:

The desire to unify our Self, to be whole and bring synergy and success to everything that we do.

But what is synergy?

In this story, I describe how my definition of synergy extends beyond what’s in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

To me, finding synergy’s a practice.

And it’s worth it. When you apply what works for you in one area of life to another, you can achieve success in everything you do.

But, finding synergy is not always concrete or easy to spot.

Still, sometimes you HAVE TO.

Because, if you don’t, you suffer.

Emotionally.

Professionally.

Spiritually.

It doesn’t have to be that way, though.

You Can Transform Your Flow in Food, to Flow in Mood

Do you have a baseline mood?

Are you a naturally chipper, upbeat and happy person?

If you are, you’re lucky.

Very lucky.

I’m not.

Which I think would surprise most everyone I know.

Because in the past decade, I’ve transformed myself from someone who loved to sleep in, to a certifiable “Morning Person.”

I’m now a lark, who wakes up eager to start the day.

I wake up every morning at 5 a.m., ready to write and start working.

And I’m the first person to greet other people. Friends. Strangers, who are really just friends-in-waiting. Wherever, whenever.

But, that’s a relatively new development.

I was NOT born that way.

As a child, I was naturally shy.

“Reserved,” some might call it.

But, really, I was just not familiar with socializing.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve made the unfamiliar familiar.

I love to socialize now.

But it has to be with the right people:

Kind people. People who make me feel better when I am with them.

People who make me feel so comfortable, I can be the real me, and enjoy supporting them, too.

At this stage in my life, I simply have no time or space for anyone who’s going to bring me down. Or, worse, for anyone who’s toxic, narcissistic, or unnecessarily competitive, no matter the context.

For people like that? Buh-bye!

I crave deep, fulfilling conversations about topics that matter.

And, fun!

But, I digress…

The point is, I’m NOT a naturally positive person, because my thoughts are not naturally positive.

Perhaps it’s because I’m a recovering Perfectionist.

Because achievement was stressed to me as a child.

And when you couple achievement with gains — both professional and monetary — it’s a potent combination.

Problem is: When your mental dialogue’s continually scrutinizing how you do things, and assessing how you could do them better, your emotional bandwidth starts to give way.

Your mindset begins to suffer.

Which is precisely why I guard my morning routine like my life depends on it.

Because I’ve structured my mornings to not only achieve my writing, art, music, and other lifelong goals outside of work, but also to lift my mood with the right mindset.

It’s become the CURE to ensuring my moods have a more even-keeled, steady state.

It saves me from getting seasick, from the tumultuous waves of a fluctuating mood.

A Steady Diet of HEALTHY EMOTION is Critical to Happiness and Success

But what’s the recipe for “Healthy Emotion”?

There are many recipes to choose from.

Today’s recipe has only 3 ingredients:

INGREDIENT #1: Mindset

INGREDIENT #2: Meditation

INGREDIENT #3: Measurements

How the 3 M’s in the VICTUS Method merge into a delicious recipe for your mental health! MMM!

INGREDIENT #1: Mindset

Before I begin my day writing, I start with a Mindset Reset.

Since I see myself as a Lifelong Learner, and life’s filled with so many wonderful experts in every imaginable field, I curate my curriculum, and I watch and read a daily dose of something inspiring.

Without fail, I find something new to learn or uplift, and that Daily Mindset Reset is what gives me the fuel to push forward in whatever I am working on for the day.

INGREDIENT #2: Meditation

Meditation is the bedrock of my life.

I was raised to meditate from a very young age, but I never restrict myself to sitting lotus style on a cushion.

Meditation’s the ever-present companion in everything I do, no matter what I am doing.

I meditate while I work. While I exercise. While I clean. While I do any number of things. It’s an ever-present awareness that’s become one with me.

But, it’s done so much more than help me calm myself. Or help me to rev up when I need to.

It’s made me acutely aware of the ebb and flow of my emotions, not just in some ephemeral, felt sense — like the literal sensation of the emotions passing through my body — but also the pattern of my emotions, across time.

Meditation made me realize…

THE MIND + BODY ACT AND REACT TO EACH OTHER LIKE A CLOSED LOOP

Mindset (Emotions) ➡️ Action (Eating)

We’re all familiar with the concept of Emotional Eating.

You work a long day at a stressful job, so you have a bottle of beer.

You got stood up by that asshole, who didn’t even have the courtesy to call, so you pig out on some decadent chocolate cake.

It’s the opening scene to many a comedy and we all make light of it and, at its worst, it can lead to serious disordered eating, like anorexia or bulimia.

But, even for those of us who do NOT suffer from disordered eating…

What we eat affects us more than we realize, because the food we eat affects our gut.

And that impacts more than our digestion.

Every day, there’s more and more evidence that the microbes in our intestines — the “gut microbiome” — interacts with our mind.

Yes, gut bacteria’s been linked to any number of mental ailments, including depression and anxiety.

And, there’s also the “gut-brain axis” — which is near, but separate from the gut microbiome, because the gut itself has its own sensory cells that can detect what’s coming through the digestive tract and communicate that information directly with the brain. There are also gut endocrine (“enteroendocrine”) cells, that release hormones, when they sense the chemicals in the food that’s passing through and being broken down inside the digestive tract.

For a long time, scientists believed that this is how the gut would indirectly interact with our body’s nervous system via these hormones. The hormones would be released into our blood stream, and impact other organs and the brain through the endocrine system.

But, since 2015, scientists realized that the gut can contact the nervous system directly, as well. It turns out, there are some enteroendocrine cells that have an arm-like extension called a “neuropod” that’s capable of forging a direct connection to pass information to the nervous system.

What’s the practical impact?

What I eat has a direct impact on how I feel emotionally.

But how did I discover this to be true, for myself?

Did I know the science to support this already?

No.

I discovered this gut-brain connection inadvertently, via…

INGREDIENT #3: Measurements

Why take measurements?

As Management Consultant Peter F. Druker said in his book “The Effective Executive,” you can’t improve what you don’t measure.

And, one day, I realized that if I ever wanted to reach my fitness goals, I had to take measurements.

Why?

Because my fitness journey’s been marked by many trials and errors.

I didn’t grow up seeing myself as someone “athletic,” although I loved to dance.

I didn’t lift.

I wasn’t a sports star.

I liked karate but, aside from a few classes here and there, I hadn’t done it regularly since I was a teen.

But then, I changed.

I began a weekly mix of lifting, karate, pilates, barre, yoga, and dance, and kept it up for the past decade.

Even so, I couldn’t maintain the set point I wanted for my weight.

And, I had two kids.

Going through two pregnancies does a doozy on any woman’s body.

And after the birth of my second child, who had to be delivered via emergency c-section, I ended up with significant diastases recti (ab separation) and an umbilical hernia that required surgery (and, no, the doctors couldn’t repair the ab separation while they were in there anyway — trust me, I asked).

Enter Physical Therapy. About half a year of it.

With 0 results.

And lackluster “advice” from the Doctor of Physical Therapy, who rather plainly suggested that I “just accept” the mom-bod facing me in the mirror.

Uh, no. No, thank you.

I could see where she was coming from. She was a mom herself and she had the “mommy pooch.”

I know, I know. All bodies are beautiful.

But I’m young. I didn’t want to live out the rest of my years…with that.

So I refused to think that there was nothing I could do to rectify the situation.

And, thankfully, I didn’t give up.

I created my own protocol for ab exercises and figured out a way to repair the ab separation.

And I’m happy to report I’ve got defined abs now. Not a six-pack by any means, but I can rock a bikini if I want to. And, back then, that would have been a long-gone impossibility to me.

So, I got myself out of the pickle I was in, and now I weigh the same as I did in high school. But, it’s not “skinny fat.” It’s way better because I have muscle tone and I’m strong. It’s the real deal in fitness, the way I envisioned it to be.

But, it wasn’t only because of the many ab exercises I tried, or the favorites I found.

It was through nutrition.

And understanding the effect that certain foods had on me.

So what measurements did I take?

I didn’t figure it out by counting calories or macros. (I tried that once and I absolutely hated the tedium and time it took to do.)

So, instead, I decided to practice the VICTUS Method, adopt the Identity of a “Scientist of my Self” (I’m the N=1), and committed myself to taking 2 Daily Measurements:

1.) Logging my weight — I weigh myself every day (yes, Every. Single. Day.) Since I see myself as a Scientist now, the scale’s no longer something I dread because of the insights I’ve gained, below.

2.) Logging my meals — I make a simple list of what I eat.

These 2 simple measurements have made me realize some wonderfully insightful things:

On the Macro: My Overall Eating Habits

• I feel great (in my body and my mind) when I eat a lot of protein and vegetables.

• Eating food types in a certain order helps to regulate my blood glucose level and avoid glucose spikes.

• I can feel free to let loose on occasion and enjoy less-than-healthy food because I know exactly what to eat to lose any weight gained, all in just a day or two.

• Eating Buffet is a great way to avoid a diet that’s too restrictive. It prevents me from lowering my metabolism. And, I can enjoy all my favorite food, without going backward, if I focus on protein, steer clear of the carbs, and I can enjoy my favorite desserts, as well.

• Ultimately, the daily weigh-ins help me to tweak my meal choices so it’s easy to maintain the set point I want for my body type and fitness needs.

• Hallelujah! There is a path to a fun, flexible eating routine! What gets measured does get improved!

On the Micro: My Specific Meal Choices

• I can LOSE WEIGHT even while I eat carbs. (In moderation.)

• I can actually drink milk and enjoy cheese. (I’m not lactose intolerant, after all!)

• I can even lose or maintain my weight while eating Popeyes fried chicken! (I love the drums! If you hear me ordering, it’s all drums for me!)

I was particularly excited about this last one: a sustainable way to enjoy Fast Food, without affecting my weight?!

It sounds awesome! (And it tasted awesome, too!)

But, is it — really?

’Cause I’ve recently noticed something even more important to me:

The Mind-Body Is a Closed Circuit, and When It Loops Back, What I Eat Affects Me Emotionally

Action (Eating) ➡️Mindset (Emotions)

Take this week, for example. I had a great day.

I didn’t wake up feeling fantastic, but my Daily Mindset Reset and Morning Routine got me there, to that wonderful, productive feeling.

And I’d had a few days of my normal healthy eating — with lots of protein and baby spinach — so I decided to enjoy a dinner of not-so-healthy eats:

• Popeyes fried chicken

• Mashed potatoes with gravy

And the kiddos wanted Taco Bell, so we went and, when I saw it on the menu, I had to have it:

• Mexican Pizza! They finally brought it back!

And, last but not least, the meal ended with:

• A gloriously puffy, flaky cinnamon apple pie!

By now you’re probably thinking, “My god, Marisa, that’s a LOT!” It was…and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

And, the next morning, I was surprised to see that I’d managed to lose weight after eating all that, too.

What wasn’t so pleasant was this:

My Tummy Might’ve Enjoyed It, But My Mind — Not So Much

That same morning, I’d woken up about two hours too early.

That’s unusual for me. And I had a hard time going back to sleep.

But, most interesting of all, I felt worse — WAY WORSE — than usual, even on a less than stellar day.

And it wasn’t an ick in my body that bothered me.

It was the ick in my brain.

I felt down.

Not to the level of “depressed.”

But feeling like, “Oh, I can’t” do this or that.

Or thinking, “It won’t work.”

And it’s been SO LONG since I’ve had any thoughts like that.

So I researched. And learned all about the gut microbiome and gut-brain axis.

It’s not a lot of data to go by, and I don’t know precisely which hormones were released to impact my mood, but I do know I’ve noticed this pattern a few times in the past.

And it makes sense. On some level, fast food is Frankenfood. It’s not the real deal. Not whole food. Not nutritious. Not what nature intended.

Fast food is delicious, but it seems I do pay a price.

Is it worth it?

Maybe. Nothing beats the crispiness of freshly fried chicken.

And, I have a super sweet tooth, so there’s no escaping that.

I just don’t think I want to get into the habit of eating highly-processed food frequently.

My mind (and gut) would probably thank me.

What about you?

Have you ever noticed that a particular food has an effect on on your thoughts and emotions?

I wish you well on your own health and fitness journey.

The Mind-&-Gut Health Nut in me honors and respects the Mind-&-Gut Health Nut in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

How to Find Synergy: Transform Your Flow in Fitness, to Flow in Work

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-5-24 POST 24 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS_Adobe Firefly Buff Turtle standing and flexing

How to Find Synergy: Transform Your Flow in Fitness, to Flow in Work

From my new publication series:

“Lessons Learned on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey”

If you’ve read my prior posts, you’ll notice an overarching theme in most everything I write:

The desire to unify our Self, to be whole and bring synergy and success to everything that we do.

I’m putting this into practice in my new publication series: “Lessons Learned on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey.”

And, in my last post — The Art of the Professional Pivot: 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Creative Self — I described how we can use our emotions to bring synergy to what we do.

In particular, Mindset Reset #7: Be Mindful of Your Feelings, recommends this:

“While you’re creating, note how you feel at each step of the process.

Don’t let yourself get so stressed out that you fail to see what you’re enjoying (or not).

Most of all, pay attention to when you’ve entered a state of Flow, where time seems to slip away because you’re so engrossed in what you’re learning or doing.”

In other words, when we’re trying to achieve the goals we’ve set, let’s not RUSH to speed through our tasks.

When we do that, we can get lost in seeking the goal, and lose sight of our why.

So much so, we may not even realize that, somewhere down the road, we don’t actually want what we’re trying to achieve.

So, beware the RUSH!

Lest we forget to ask ourselves:

• Why do we want to achieve this goal?
• Do we actually enjoy what’s necessary to achieve the goal?
• Is it even any fun?
• What are the obstacles that are in our way, and are we willing to do the work that’s necessary to overcome them?
• How does it make us feel?

Which brings me to today’s observation:


There’s Power In a SLOW Move

Have you ever been to the gym and watched as many a bodybuilder will pick up the biggest weights that they can lift and proceed to rush through all their reps, as fast as possible?

Well, it’s not necessarily a sign of strength.

And it can result in injury due to poor form.

In actuality, there’s significant power in a SLOW move.

A deliberately SLOW move.

In fact, you’ll find that when you lift much more slowly, or vary the tempo with which you lift and/or lower (known as “time under tension”), it can become harder to lift a lower amount of weight, but you will make great gains in your strength, endurance, muscle definition, and weight loss.

I find this to be true for me, and it’s one of the reasons why I have made steady gains when I lift at the gym, without lifting insane amounts of weight.

It’s also why I do my Vinyasa Yoga very, very slowly, like I’m moving through honey, as I move from plank position, down to the floor, and lift myself back up, through push-up position, to a slow, full cobra.

Yes, there’s a lot you can do with just your body weight.

There’s so much power in a slow move.

Likewise…

 

Finding Synergy’s a Slow, Deliberate Practice

Take What You Know from the Gym, and Bring It to Work with You

In this story, I describe how my definition synergy extends beyond what’s in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

To me, finding synergy’s a practice.

And it’s worth it. When you apply what works for you in one area of life to another, you can achieve success in everything you do.

But, finding synergy can be hard sometimes.

It’s not always concrete or something that’s easy to spot.

I usually find synergy in moments of contemplation.

Like when I’m journaling. Or meditating.

It’s in those moments when I can look inward, to reflect on what’s working and what’s not.

Those moments are the fountain of great epiphanies.

But, the gym’s slightly different.

At the gym, my body’s very active, as I do a weekly mix of lifting, kickboxing, dance, yoga, pilates, and barre ballet.

But, I love to meditate while I’m exercising.

I think that’s why, when it comes to my fitness routine, the lessons I’ve learned are so obvious to me, because of the compound effect:

I have years of data and observation to look at.

 

Finding Synergy: Flowing from Fitness, to Flowing in Work

Now, I find myself applying so much of what I’ve learned about fitness — about the power of reps, proper form, grit, finding Flow, and fun — to my work.

To my legal work.

And, now, to my YouTube Channel. 

I’m deliberately SLOWING DOWN as I learn how to record, edit, and publish each YouTube video for my writing and music.

And I find myself not only able to focus more easily on the practical task at hand, but also on my emotions.

I’m realizing what I enjoy:
• The anticipation of doing it was worse than doing it.
• Doing it was actually a lot of fun.
• I discovered my favorite part was when I learned how to apply  what I’d learned from studying many experienced YouTubers.

And I learned what I don’t like about the process:
• I can’t say for sure, because I haven’t had to do much editing so far, but I suspect I will not want to do much of the post-production work down the road.
• Many YouTubers hire others to do their post-production, and I may want to do that, as well.

Time will tell, but the point is:

I’ve only been able to notice these things about myself because I slowed down, to take regular breaks to pause and reflect, to notice how each step of the process was making me feel.

The focus wasn’t just on meeting a deadline.

And that’s actually hard for me to do.

Because I have a long list of to-do’s for work and my family.

So, there’s a strong urge to “get it done” and get it done FAST.

But, I’m reminding myself that the Turtle wins the race.

And what’s worked for me in the gym — a slow, deliberate practice — will give me similar gains in my Attorney-to-Creative journey.

 

What about you?

Are there areas in your life, where you’ve benefited from a SLOW practice?

Do you find ways to apply that knowledge, to achieve synergy in other things that you do?

The Turtle in me honors and respects the Turtle in each of you,
Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

The Art of the Professional Pivot: 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Creative Self

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-5-17 POST 23 pt 2 of 2 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS_FINAL Glowing Road with MC's Mile Markers

The Art of the Professional Pivot: 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Creative Self

From my new publication series:

“Lessons Learned on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey”

Mindset Reset #1: Just Get Started

You’ve done some preliminary research.

You’ve got a lay of the land and a goal in sight.

You’ve identified one simple task you can complete to publicize your awesome, Creative Self.

Like producing and publishing your very 1st video or audio recording.

Now, just do the damn thing.

Stop researching.

Stop adding more to your to-do list.

You know the destination you ultimately want to reach.

But, trust me, you’re not going to get there in one, two, maybe even hundreds of audio/video posts.

That doesn’t matter.

Because getting there fast is not your goal.

You’re just gunning for a 1% gain.

So aim for the next respectable mile-marker: a place where you can honestly say you pushed yourself beyond your current capability. Without throwing your nervous system out of whack.

Once you’ve identified that mile-marker, then you’ve got to start the car and get going.

Why?

It helps to start ASAP.

Because the longer you take to think about it, the more time you have to think of even better ways to do it.

Or, worse: You give yourself time to ruminate and second-guess what you’re doing, to the point that you start to look in the rear-view mirror and wonder if you should just turn around and drive home. AKA: forget the whole trip. Put on your pajamas. Climb into bed and binge watch the new docu-series you don’t really care about, but are suddenly dying to watch.

Lesson I Learned #1:

I launched into 2024, promising to honor the Creative in me, after spending far too long focusing on me just as an Attorney.

I wanted an outlet to share my non-fiction and fiction writing, and I also wanted to write and sing music, as well.

I decided to launch a YouTube Channel to house all these loves of my life.

But, that raised a bunch of…feelings.

To put it mildly, I felt uncomfortable.

So, I took comfort, first, in the cerebral:

I researched. A lot.

For months.

While writing on Medium and Substack.

Then, I realized, I’m wasting too much time.

Hiding in research.

When I already know enough to start.

So, I gave myself the kick in the ass I needed with Mindset Reset #1:

I told myself, “Start your engine! Just drive!”

Mindset Reset #2: Lower the Bar

Yes, you read that right! Lower the bar.

Your aim is NOT to create some magnum opus that will go down in cinematic or audiophile history as the best-of-the-best.

Your goal is just to release a song/video. Of you. Showing your face. And perhaps opening your mouth to say something, anything, without stuttering.

It’s about overcoming the initial resistance or fear you might have.

That’s it.

Lesson I Learned #2:

I’m a Type A, go-getter type of person.

But, I’ve also learned to apply the VICTUS Method to recalibrate my mindset so it aligns with what my body needs, which is a well-regulated Nervous System.

That’s why I wrote this story to honor my feelings, to NOT push myself beyond my initial capacity.

The truth was, I was too scared to jump straight into making a video.

So, instead, I decided to release an audio recording of my singing instead.

I did, and you can listen to it here on Soundcloud and Substack. 

Mindset Reset #3: Identify your Minimum Viable Product

Ever heard of this term? When launching a start-up, entrepreneurs identify the MVP — the minimum product that they can produce fast, at a small cost, that customers would be willing to buy.

They don’t have any illusions about it.

They’re not expecting their first product to take down their competitors’ more-established products in their niche.

Entrepreneurs just want to get going. To begin with something respectable, that will allow them to see what might work and what doesn’t, for as little cost to them as possible.

Now apply the same mindset when it comes to producing your first audio/video recording.

Find a topic that interests you, that you can discuss relatively well.

It does not need to be something grand like “This is The Solution to World Hunger.”

It can be something incredibly simple when you’re starting out: like, “The Top 10 Tools Every Gardener Needs,” assuming, of course, that it aligns with your overarching vision for your Channel.

Lesson I Learned #3:

My MVP was easy to identify: a simple video to introduce my YouTube Channel.

I recorded it on Friday 5-10-24.

I planned to post it on Monday, 5-13-24, because that was the perfect day to launch my Channel: 5-13-24.

Can you see why?

5-13-24 = 5-4-3-2-1🚀

Plus, I had a MASSIVE why for doing it on that date, but I’ll save that for Mindset Reset #8, below.

 

Mindset Reset #4: Be Open to Failure

Borrow the entrepreneurial, start-up mindset: Failure’s expected.

Failure’s required, like a necessary ingredient in any recipe for Success. 

And you want to fail fast.

In fact, it’s awesome if you start recording and immediately realize, “I absolutely hate being on camera.”

It will lead you to what you actually love to do.

Maybe you’re better off producing the content off-screen.

Or, maybe you enjoy script-writing, but editing makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

Whatever you hate, move away from that.

Focus your time and attention on what you love.

Because LOVE brings PASSION.

And that translates to RESILIENCE. The willingness to persist, despite setbacks and disappointment.

It’s the ENERGY we all need, to be brave enough to pursue our dreams.

Lesson I Learned #4:

Failure arrived fast.

On Monday, 5-13-24, just as I was about to complete the form that’s required before you publish a video on YouTube, I realized, “Wait, you don’t have a Thumbnail!”

“Or, a Title!”

Ugh. That meant another hour or so fiddling with Photoshop, to create a cutout of my image.

I used a still from my video.

Without the “oh my gosh,” shocked face, or finger-pointing-at-the-title stance that seems to be all the rage in most of the Thumbnails that the top YouTubers create.

(Perhaps I’ll try a good pointer finger in my next video. Might be hard to do while keeping a straight face, but I promise to try.)

Still, I found it surprisingly hard to make a cutout of my image, or colored outline around my figure.

Luckily, the title and layout weren’t too bad to figure out.

I managed to do it!

On schedule: 5-13-24 = 5-4-3-2-1🚀

DONE. 

Mindset Reset #5: Remember, It’s a Marathon, NOT a Sprint

One of the worst parts of learning how to use any new platform, software, or process is the massive amount of information you’ll get from running just a quick search.

At the top, there’s always a TON of posts or videos devoted to “going viral” or “how to make X dollars” doing it.

Hundreds, thousands, if not tens of thousands of results like that pop up.

IGNORE all of them!

You are a newb. Accept it.

Then, repeat this mantra: “Run your race, at your own pace.”

Don’t be delusional and think that you can run to the front of the pack, easy-peasy.

It’s going to take a LOT to get there, and worrying about getting there NOW is not only premature, it’ll make you stress out unnecessarily.

Your job is to identify the “next right step.” For YOU.

That’s all.

Lesson I Learned #5:

“Run your race, at your pace” saved me more than once.

‘Cause I’m a Recovering Perfectionist.

But, with a lot of effort, in the past few years, I’ve developed a Secure Attachment to me. Why? Parenting my two little kids has helped me to see the importance of doing that.

So, I’m happy to report, I remembered to use this mantra and it worked.

I told myself to run my own race again and again, whenever I doubted what I was doing.

Was it “good enough”?

It was good enough for me. Based on what I’ve learned to do so far.

And, the mantra didn’t curb my drive or determination.

Instead, my desire to keep going grew.

I’m not looking back in the rearview mirror.

I’ve got my shades on, and I’m ready to hit the pedal, to go for another drive.

Mindset Reset #6: You Can Relax When You Remind Yourself, “You Will Iterate.”

With each video, identify one, JUST ONE, improvement you can make.

Then, RELAX and trust the process, because remember: you WILL iterate!

You’re just starting out. It’s just the first few videos.

There’s no need to worry, because you’re going to do it again and again and again.

You’re going to repeat and refine your process over time, by making many, many videos.

Lesson I Learned #6:

“You will iterate,” I reminded myself, and I could feel my stress dissipate.

It made me realize: RELAXING is so underrated.

Relaxing is incredibly important to me.

More than I ever thought before.

Yes, in the past, I used to push myself beyond what was healthy.

But not anymore.

Throughout this audio/video recording process, I took regular breaks and reset my expectations:

about what I hoped to accomplish for this audio/video, and reminded myself that I could improve on the next one if I didn’t get it right with this opportunity.

This helped me to feel so much better, no matter what I was doing: recording, editing, creating, or uploading.

Mindset Reset #7: Be Mindful of Your Feelings.

While you’re creating, note how you feel at each step of the process. 

Don’t let yourself get so stressed out that you fail to see what you’re enjoying (or not).

Most of all, pay attention to when you’ve entered a state of Flow, where time seems to slip away, because you’re so engrossed in what you’re learning or doing.

Lesson I Learned #7:

As explained in my this post, when I was learning how to produce my 1st audio recording of me singing, I had an epiphany: I discovered I entered a state of flow when I was learning.

I really got “in the zone” when I was learning how to mix and master the recording with audio production technology.

I knew I was in a state of flow because any worry I’d had about putting myself out there, about posting in public, had disappeared.

And, I’m relieved to say, I achieved the same Flow state when I was learning how to record, edit, and produce my 1st video, too.

It’s clear to me now that I can enter flow when I’m learning something new and learning how to apply it.

I have so much fun.

I get lost in learning things and applying them. That’s when it’s the most fun for me.

And, like it was the last time I hit publish for my audio, when it came time to hit publish for my video, I wasn’t scared anymore.

The anticipation of doing it was worse than doing it.

 

Mindset Reset #8: Find Your Why

If you’ve never tried journaling, start.

Leather-bound journal.

Digital program for the iPad.

Composition book from the local office store.

It doesn’t matter what you use, but find a way to write about why you even want to do this.

Launching a video or audio Channel takes a lot of time and effort, and there’s a learning curve, as we’ve already established.

So, don’t waste your time if you’re not in it for the long-haul.

If you don’t have a clear vision for why you want to do it, then stop to take the time to identify your why first.

Lesson I Learned #8: 

My why is too big to relegate to a subset in a 10-point listicle.

My why’s so big, it goes to the core of my identity, not just as a person, but as a mother, too.

That’s why I’ll delve into my why in a separate story.

I’ve been journaling about it for a long time.

And I’m sure I’ll be journaling a lot more about my why as I encounter more inner resistance, outer roadblocks, and probably a lot of keyboard-warrior-trolls throughout my Attorney-to-Creative journey.

I’ll need to remind myself why I’m doing it, the harder it gets.

 

Mindset Reset #9: Schedule Your Way to Success

If you don’t schedule the time — literally, add it to your schedule — it will NOT get done.

Especially if it’s a side hustle that doesn’t earn you any money (yet).

That invite to chips & margaritas will sound all-too-enticing after a full day’s work and, before you know it, weeks will have passed where you’re NOT doing what you deeply wanted to do.

So pencil in the time.

Calendar it.

Do the damn work!

Lesson I Learned #9: 

Emotionally, creating audio or video content as a Creative feels very different from working as an Attorney.

In most non-creator jobs, you’ve got a boss or manager or, in my situation, a literal case, with tasks that you can easily identify, to do.

There’s a lot less autonomy, in that regard.

But, there’s a benefit to a typical 9-5, too:

You know, generally, how much time it will take to do something. Because you’re familiar with it. You’ve done it before.

Or have someone or some resource that’s close enough to guide you.

In contrast, creating audio and video as a Creative felt like The Big Unknown. And that made it far too difficult to determine how much time it would take me to do each and every thing.

So, it was good I had taken so much time to research before diving in.

But that mile-marker had passed.

What I really needed this time was to schedule STOPPING.

As in, no more research.

No more trying to decipher how to make it “perfect,” as if perfection’s even possible.

No more ways to improve upon anything, before starting.

Just get started.

That’s what I needed to pencil in.

A Start Date!

I added it to my calendar.

Then I got out of my head and I did it:

✅published my 1st audio recording on Soundcloud and Substack on 🎤5-3-24.

✅published my 1st video recording on YouTube on 📺 5-13-24.

Mindset Reset #10: Have Fun & Celebrate Every 1% Win!

You get to be your own boss.

No one is making you do it.

You’re doing it because you choose to do it.

So, find every way that you can to make it FUN!

And, celebrate every GAIN you achieve. Every mile-marker you reach.

Because, it’s NOT the final destination that guarantees that you get that hit of dopamine.

No, as I detailed in this post, the science of dopamine can help you to regulate your emotions when pursuing goals, when you understand that it’s common to  feel “post-achievement depression,” a sort of “success hangover,” after we’ve experienced the dopamine surge of a monumental win.

You don’t want that.

You don’t want to fall off a cliff.

Instead, create a never-ending cycle of dopamine hits for every 1% improvement you make on your journey.

And, if you find ways to reward yourself Every. Single. Time. your cycle of seeking-and-rewarding will never cease.

You’ll climb to ever-greater heights and actually enjoy the hike, every step of the way.

Lesson I Learned #10:

As soon as I hit publish, I felt fantastic!

I reminded myself, “You honored the commitment you’d made to yourself. You did what you promised yourself you would do.”

And I celebrated: “You got over your initial fear! You let the real you be SEEN!”

One fear was conquered. Not forever. But this time. With the audio. And the next time. With the video.

It’s no guarantee that the fear won’t be there again. Of course, it will be.

But, I got in my first two reps.

And that made it worth it to me.

And had a blast celebrating with my family.

 

Use these 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Way to Success!

Here I am now: writing, to take stock of the lessons I’ve learned and am still learning.

Best of all, I’m looking forward to the “next right step,” the next mile-marker, that looks and feels right. 

I’ve got my shades back on.

Looking out the windshield,

Scanning the horizon for the next step, the next mile-marker, that looks and feels right.

Not for someone else, but for me.

🎤 📺 🎤

What about you?

Are you interested in giving audio/video posting a shot?

Give it a try.

Join me.

Let’s see where the road leads.

The Driver in me honors and respects the Driver in each of you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

My very 1st YouTube Video!

Posted on by marisavictus

I *finally* did it!

Click the red YOUTUBE Play Button below to watch the video.

I *finally* ‘freakin DID IT!

Lessons I learned will appear in my post later this week, but for now I’m SPENT! LOL

I’m just so relieved to have DONE it. After all the ramping and revving up I had to do, all the technology and steps to figure out.

The video’s finally dropped on 5–13–24…exactly as planned!

5–13–24 = 5–4–3–2–1 🚀!

The Dreamer in me honors & respects the Dreamer in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

How the Science of Dopamine Can Help You to Regulate Your Emotions

Posted on by marisavictus
Human brain in hand with emphasis on neurotransmitters, dopamine receptors on dark background with neon lights.

How the Science of Dopamine Can Help You to Regulate Your Emotions

Lessons Learned from Pursuing Goals, publicly

In my prior posts, I described these parts of the VICTUS Method and described how we can utilize them to achieve our Goals:

#1 Synergy

#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self

#3 Identity: Scientist + Lifelong Learner 

These are like spheres intersecting on a Venn diagram.

When we adopt the identity of being a Scientist (#3), we test what works (or not) for ourselves, and we look for how we can apply what works to multiple areas of our life, to be successful (#1 Synergy).

When we adopt the identity of a Lifelong Learner (#3), we grant ourselves the time to grow and pursue goals at our own pace, in a way that honors our feelings (#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self).

Combined, we can achieve our goals and feel good while doing it, despite any discomfort we might feel when doing new, unfamiliar, and sometimes scary things.

Like my recent experience publishing my very 1st Music post. 

Here’s 3 lessons I learned:

 

Lesson BEFORE: The anticipation was scarier than doing it.

Since I promised myself to prioritize the Creative side of me, I knew I was going to begin recording myself in audio and video format. But, I felt uneasy. So, I decided to take it in stages, just one step at a time. I started with just singing. 

Before I started the recording process, I was nervous.

Not about the song itself. I picked great lyrics to sing, based on the message I wanted to convey.

But, I was worried:

I didn’t know how to record it.

I didn’t have the equipment.

I had no idea how to use the recording software.

And zero knowledge about the “mixing” or “mastering” process. (Confession: I thought they were both the same. Wrong!)

Performance anxiety was the least of my worries.

I felt lost.

 

Lesson DURING: I loved learning and applying new knowledge.

Once I got started, though, I loved learning about the music production process.

I spent a long time studying some great YouTubers who shared their extensive knowledge online.

And, it was so much fun to apply the knowledge to my work.

I felt energized.

Learning about technology I had never explored before.

Listening to differences in tone and frequency I had never considered.

Understanding music production terms and concepts I had not previously studied.

Ultimately, the anticipation of doing it was a lot scarier than the actual act of doing it.

It was the seeking & the doing that brought me joy.

And when I hit PUBLISH, I was surprised:

I wasn’t afraid.

The fear that I’d felt before — in anticipation of doing it — had vanished.

 

Lesson AFTER: Dopamine peaks and falls, and that’s perfectly normal.

When I finally hit PUBLISH, I was happy I’d kept my promise. To the Creative in me.

I rewarded myself with an incredibly fun weekend with my family.

And I enjoyed positive feedback from readers/listeners that’s encouraged me to keep going.

Which brings me to the 4th circle in the VICTUS Method Venn diagram:

 

#4 Life’s like University: Learn, Revisit, Discover Something New

When you go to college, you plan your syllabus.

You see all the courses you could possibly take.

You’re thinking about credits and how you’re going to graduate with a degree.

But learning never stops.

In my case, after college, I went to law school. Passed the bar exam. Practiced law.

But, there’s still so much I want to learn.

victus means “living, way of life.”

That’s why I named this practice the VICTUS Method: because I’m choosing to live like I’m the student and life’s the school that never ends.

So, let’s curate the curriculum of our lives.

Let’s choose the people, principles, and knowledge that benefits us, and apply what we learn to improve our lives.

 

Especially when we’re suffering.

You see, after I published my singing audio and accompanying story on Medium and Substack, I noticed something I’ve experienced many times before:

After the joy of doing it,

After the fun of publishing and interacting with readers/listeners,

After the fun family weekend,

I felt what I can only describe as…blah. More than blah.

At first, I boiled it down to the hum-drum of a Monday morning.

But then, the Inner Critic in me began to catastrophize a bit.

I wondered, “Am I suffering from ‘capital D’ Depression? Shouldn’t I be on Cloud 9 right now? After all, I had fun learning and doing it. I did keep that promise to myself.”

And I still intended to launch my YouTube Channel next.

The Plan hadn’t changed. So why did it feel like I had?

 

I ❤️ Science.

I’m so passionate about the science of self-improvement because I don’t just want to find a life hack that works for x, y, z.

It goes beyond that.

I want to understand the mechanisms for why a particular method works, based on our biology and/or psychology.

I find it fascinating and inspiring, and it motivates me to continue applying what’s worked.

 

Scientific Knowledge Helps with Self-Regulation.

So instead of thinking something was simply “wrong” with me, I decided to revisit the science of dopamine and stumbled upon something new.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone that helps to regulate many functions in our bodies and brains, and it plays a major role in our desire to seek reward.

I was familiar with dopamine already, but one of the things I’ve learned from my synergy practice is, you should revisit the same concepts multiple times, from multiple sources.

Because sometimes the way it’s explained highlights something you’ve never learned before.

Or, it’s explained in such a way that you gain some new insight.

Dr. Andrew Huberman did that for me.

Dr. Huberman’s a Neuroscientist and Associate Professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.

His insights changed everything:

(1) When an animal’s foraging for food or water and gets a whiff of it in the distance, that is when dopamine is released (upon seeking); not when the animal finally obtains the food or water (upon reward).

(2) People tend to celebrate when they finally achieve a goal, but that can lead to a bigger let down. It’s more beneficial to attach the reward to the seeking process by celebrating incremental gains (like each 1% improvement), rather than the Goal’s ultimate achievement.

(3) Why? Because it’s normal to feel “post-achievement depression,” a sort of “success hangover,” after we’ve experienced the dopamine surge. Dopamine rises and falls, and that’s normal.

Eureka!

I absolutely love when I discover a practice that works for me, and then I find that it actually makes sense scientifically, based on our physiology and/or psychology.

After listening to Dr. Huberman, it all made sense.

(1) explained why I enjoyed the seeking process so much. The most enjoyable part was when I was learning new skills and applying them. Even more than hitting publish.

(2) tells me how I can apply this knowledge moving forward. I plan to break down my goals into smaller achievable steps that I can deliberately savor and celebrate when I achieve 1% gains with each step. Doing that transforms it into a dopamine cycle that never ends.

(3) tells me I don’t have to make myself wrong for feeling the let-down that followed. Indeed, as Dr. Huberman explains, that dip in emotion spurs humans to take new action toward a new goal. In other words, it can be considered a good sign that we’re about to embark on another seeking journey.

 

Knowing that is the key to self-regulating.

I’m going to use it to maintain a Secure Attachment to myself.

I just have to remind myself:

• The down I felt was perfectly natural.

• I don’t have to worry that I’m depressed.

• I don’t have to feel depressed about feeling depressed.

• Because it’s not depression.

• It’s me, revving up to go seeking.

* * *

Are you a Seeker?

What are you seeking?

Is it something new and, perhaps, a little scary to do?

What emotions does it bring up for you?

How do you cope?

* * *

The Seeker in me honors and respects the Seeker in each of you,

Marisa

♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Here’s My First Music Post: I’M SINGING A SONG FOR YOU & FOR ME! 

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-5-3 Post 21 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS-MY-FIRST-MUSIC-POST-SINGING-FOR-YOU_1ST_PHOTO_COMPOSITE_ADDING_MUSIC_TO_MY_20POST_FOR_MY_21POST

Here’s My First Music Post: I’M SINGING A SONG FOR YOU & FOR ME!

This is how parenting my kids has taught me to build a Secure Attachment with MYSELF, and you can, too.

Even if you’re afraid, when you’re Securely Attached to YOU, there’s nothing you can’t do.

🎤🎵🎤

Please find a link to listen my music

at the bottom of this story.

🎤🎵🎤

Here’s How Co-Regulation with my Kids helped me to learn better Self-Regulation with Myself

Co-Regulation: Lessons learned from Parenting My Kids

One of the most important things I’ve learned since becoming a mom to my two young kids, is how important it is to build a Secure Attachment with them.

This means that I am physically present with them, and I am attuned to their feelings, when they’re positive and, especially when, they’re negative.

It’s so important because children do not have the ability to self-regulate as well as adults.

Adults who are emotionally mature can act as a mirror, not necessarily to agree with or share the emotion itself, but to simply help the child to witness, acknowledge, and process the emotion until the emotion can pass.

As I like to tell my kids, “ALL of your emotions are welcome, even your anger, your fear, or any of the other so-called ‘negative’ feelings. Emotions will come and they go, but they’re all helpful. All emotions can communicate what matters to us.”

• Anger might show us when a boundary between “me” and “them” has been violated. It can signal a lack of respect. It can demonstrate a need for us to speak up and protect ourselves.

• Fear might show us when we’re unsure of ourselves. Perhaps we lack experience in something new that we’re about to try. But that’s okay. We’ve all got to start somewhere.

• Excitement might give us the burst of energy that we need when we’re getting ready to do something spectacular. It might lead us to find our calling in life, to find precisely what we love and are meant to do.

All our emotions are there for us, and we mustn’t push them away.

Instead, we can let them flow through us like waves. Or pass in the sky of our awareness, like the ephemeral clouds that they are.

But, before we can do this as parents, let’s remember to read the Warning Label:

It can be SO HARD to do this in real life.

As any parent will tell you, when you’re dealing with a kid who’s inconsolable, who’s crying at the top of his lungs, or flailing her legs and pounding her fists in the temper tantrum to end all tantrums, it is freakin’ hard sometimes to stay the Zen Mom/Dad we all aspire to be.

Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult to just bear witness.

To stay in the room. To watch. Without telling them “no.” Without announcing, “Please, stop!”

Another part of us wants to end their suffering. To solve the problem. To tell them, it’s really “no big deal” that their brother wants to take a turn with their new favorite toy. They’ve been playing with it non-stop for the past two days, anyway. Do we really have to cry and whine about it for, what’s it going on now, 25 minutes? With shrieks so shrill that you swear the inner recesses of your brain are shaking to near-earthquake level?

But, stating the so-called “Facts” at your little Mini Me will do nothing to help him or her “get over it.”

And, lest you don’t have any kids of your own yet, trust me: Never, ever tell your kid to “get over it.” That’s the absolute LAST THING you want to do. PSA: It’s also the LAST THING you want to do to your spouse or significant other (if you didn’t know that already).

It’s so important to remember: All of their seemingly out-sized feelings ARE legitimate.

They are precisely the feelings that they must feel. Because they feel them. That’s the reality. Accept it. They’re human. Just like me. Just like you.

So, be there. Empathize. Be present, alongside your babies, no matter what age they are, no matter how old they become, or how much they grow alongside you.

By staying present, we SHOW with our actions that we’re capable of handling whatever horrible upset they are experiencing. And we’ll stay with them, to weather the storm with them, no matter what may come.

By just BEING present, we demonstrate that we’re there for them. We care. We love them.

And the more we do it well, the more we come to enjoy it when:

• Our children come to us, to express all their emotions.

• They trust us, to be available and willing to know and understand who they are.

• They believe we’ll never try to force them into feeling something different, into being someone they’re not.

• They stop fearing their emotions, the more they can see that all of them — even the scariest ones — will eventually pass.

• They trust that they’re loved, no matter what!

This is the transformation I’ve been so blessed to witness in our family.

 

SELF-REGULATION: Parenting My Kids showed me what’s possible, and made me realize, I need to give the gift of a Secure Attachment to MYSELF.

The more I was there for my kids emotionally, the more I realized, I didn’t have a Secure Attachment to me.

I was raised in a loving family but, in many ways, attempts were made to motivate me with the stick. Not the carrot.

And, knowing myself better now, the carrot’s what I need.

The stick can get you only so far.

Achievement can do only so much.

After a while, the carrot of closeness to oneself is the medicine that we ALL need.

Because, let’s face it: All adults struggle to self-regulate sometimes.

It’s certainly been true for me.

I doubt there’s a single adult on this planet who has never struggled with the Inner Critic that resides, like a wraith, whispering insidiously in our head.

And, when we don’t take the time to build a Secure Attachment with ourselves, and the negative emotions compound, we start to believe whatever the Inner Critic is saying.

• That Imposter Syndrome? It keeps you from going for that promotion.

• That Perfectionist? It makes you rewrite that memo for the zillionth time.

• That “I’m Not Creative” Limiting Belief? It makes you hide your creative potential, in stacks and stacks of blank pages. Pages you’ve left untouched because the fear’s become so massive, you’re too afraid to even try.

 

Build a Secure Attachment with YOURSELF and you can do anything, no matter what emotions you feel.

Even if you’re feeling a negative emotion like fear, it doesn’t stop you. When you have a Secure Attachment with yourself, you know you’ve got your own back.

You can allow yourself to feel the feeling. Without commanding yourself to just “get over it.”

You can stay with it, label it for what it is, and examine it with curiosity.

You have space to ask, “What’s this emotion trying to tell me?”

You can experiment.

You’re willing to admit, “I can’t go all-out, I’m not ready yet. But,” you can ask yourself, “What can I do? What action can feel comfortable to take, right now?”

THAT’s the gift of Secure Attachment that my children have given to me.

Yes, I might have given birth to them; but, they’ve helped me to give birth to the potential in me.

My kids have taught me that I can do what I’ve done for them, for MYSELF.

I can help myself to self-regulate in the same ways that have been effective for my children.

I can honor my own emotional response.

No matter what’s happening.

“What I’m feeling matters,” I can tell myself.

And, so many times before having kids, I couldn’t tell myself that.

Because I was too focused on doing everything “the right way.” I let myself feel wrong for feeling whatever I felt.

If a feeling didn’t serve a purpose, or allow me to make progress toward a goal, I wanted to be rid of it. To shove it out of the way, and will my way to success.

Or I just stayed there, motionless, too paralyzed to do anything.

But, now that I’m a mom, I understand the importance of NOT doing that.

I know, deep in my bones, how crucial it is to honor and respect every emotion I ever feel.

And, now that I’ve been doing it for years, I am FREE.

Not because bad emotions never come. (No one can ever experience that.)

I’m FREE because I can TRUST myself to handle my emotions now.

 

My Inner Child TRUSTS me.

She knows I’m not going to try to change her emotional response if she’s upset.

I’m not going to negate her.

I’m going to acknowledge that she’s upset and understand why she’s upset, even if the adult in me doesn’t agree.

I validate her.

And, in doing so, I’ve found strength in MYSELF.

 

That’s the Secret Ingredient: The more TRUST you have in YOURSELF, the MORE strength you have to actually DO.

Ironically, the MORE you can acknowledge your fears — of weakness, of imposter syndrome, of imperfection, and on an on — the MORE you can actually TRUST that you can handle them.

Because that’s all they are: Fears. Thoughts. Perceptions that can change, over time.

And, if you HONOR your fears, if you don’t over-step, and you give yourself just a tiny push to take only the “next right step” that you need to take, you can actually accomplish the Goal you set out to achieve.

You can be your own parent. You can give your mind, body, and spirit the love that you need.

Headphone and vivid color powder. Creative music and festival c

I’m practicing this Every. Single. Day. And today, I’m publishing my first audio recording!

Fear is ever-so-slowly becoming “just fear.”

It’s not that I want to feel the fear flickering, like an arrhythmia in my heart.

But, I’m also not trying to chase my fear away, like it’s some Capital F monster haunting my dreams.

Instead, I’m making room to honor its presence:

• I’m NOT telling myself I have to perform a whole entire song with music to accompany it.

• I’m NOT telling myself that I have to figure out how to do complex things, like music licensing.

• I’m NOT beating myself with a stick, to get myself to comply with the Gold Standard of Audio-Video Recording.

Instead, I’m easing myself into it.

I’m feeding myself a carrot in mini-bites, because I recognize that is what I need.

So, I invite you to listen to me here, where I’m singing these lyrics, not to a lover (as in the original song), but to MYSELF & to YOU, to the Inner Child in both of us:

Love will lead you back.

Someday, I just know that

Love will lead you back to my arms

Where you belong

I’m sure, sure as stars are shining

One day you will find me again

It won’t be long

One of these days

Our love will lead you back

With these words, I’m regulating my own emotions, the way the Mother In Me knows how.

I invite you to listen to the Child that’s inside of you, too.

Because that’s the meaning of love: to listen.

The love in me honors and respects the love in each of you,

Marisa

♫

If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear more of my music, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and, 

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.