Month: December 2024

BEWARE! The 2nd Question to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

Posted on by marisavictus

BEWARE! The 2nd Question to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

Your Mindset will Make or Break You

Are YOU ready for a breakthrough?

Let’s revisit the kid who was raised to get the A+ and win at all costs.
Let’s say his favorite Coach got him to win the National Championship using the David Goggins approach, described in PART 1 of this series of MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET Posts (linked at the bottom of this post).
Now that he’s a grown man, it’s no surprise he’s continued with the same “Go Hard” Motivational Mindset. It worked back then, and it’s working now: He’s the top Sales Manager for the Tri-State area, and there’s talk he’ll be promoted to Regional Manager in the next quarter.
Problem is, this endless drive to achieve has made him into a workaholic. And, sorry to say, he’s even less fortunate than Mr. Pitbull (who’s been married four times) because he’s not even close to making his girlfriend his wife.
It’s what he wants more than anything.
He wants to live out the rest of his life with her. She’s everything he’s ever wanted in a woman.
They’re passionate about traveling. It’s their dream to see the world together.
But, temperament-wise, they couldn’t be more unalike.
While he’s all about metrics and scores, she’s all about feelings. She’s an Empath, a deep thinker, and that’s what makes her such an amazing Social Worker.
But, her pros are also cons. Because she’s got it in the back of her mind to “change him.” Which we all know is impossible.
Change is possible, but people only change if they want to and they’re ready to.
Despite her misplaced attempts to get him to open up to her and share more of his feelings, it’s not working.
He’s a brick wall.
They have fun together, going out to dinner, seeing international movies, dreaming of traveling the world together, even learning Spanish to take the next step…
But, she’s not able to salsa her way into his heart.
He tells her, “I love you,” and she believes it, but there’s little emotional depth. Not that she can feel.
And can you blame her? He doesn’t share what he’s thinking with her — not when it comes to his internal thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
He thinks he’s showing her he cares, but he senses it too: she’s already begun to pull away. She seems distant and depressed, and they’re fighting more and more about random, unimportant things.
So, what’s a Wannabe Groom to do?
He can’t force her into believing that they’re meant to be.
He has to show her, to express how he feels so that she can feel and know it, viscerally.
The Problem is: Not understanding or knowing how to “Go Soft.”
“Going Soft” was never modeled for him. Not by his Coach. And not by his parents, who both preferred the “Go Hard” approach.
He’s never had a reason to try “Going Soft.” Going Hard’s always worked for him: in sports and at work.
But that’s not what’s dooming him.
What’s the worst?
He’s not open to TRYING “Going Soft.”
The girlfriend buys him a book about how modern-day men can open up.
But, as soon as he reads it, Wannabe Groom feels queasy. It’s giving him Flower-Child vibes and he doesn’t want to touch it with a ten-foot pole.
So, our couple’s at a crossroads.
If he does nothing and stays stuck to his “Go Hard” approach, they’ll surely break up.
But, he thinks — no, he knows — and tells himself, “This SOFT mushy crap is NOT for me.”
“STOP!”
Isn’t that what you want to scream at him?
I do!
I want to tell him, “You feel that way, NOT because it’s ‘not for you,’ but because it’s unfamiliar.”
That’s all!
We simply forget that fact: that it takes TIME and EFFORT to make something unfamiliar familiar.
What’s the solution?
We MUST be willing to TRY New Motivational Mindsets Before We Write Them Off!
So ask yourself the 2nd most important question to lock in your Motivational Mindset:

Are YOU open to trying New Motivational Mindsets, or have you already written them off?

The Experimenter of Motivational Mindsets honors & respects the Experimenter of Motivational Mindsets in each of you,

Marisa

Stay Tuned for PART 3: The Reminder You Need, to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

Missed PART 1?

Then, read it here: The 1 Question to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

[SONG VIDEO] All I Want for Christmas is SUBSTACK!

Posted on by marisavictus

I’m singing a Special Song just for YOU!

PRESS PLAY to WATCH the YouTube VIDEO linked below!

Sign up for my FREE Newsletter on Substack at marisavictus.substack.com

Merry Christmas, everyone!

In the spirit of Christmas, here’s a special song just for you:

“All I Want for Christmas is SUBSTACK!”

Lyrics for a Substack Christmas by Marisa Victus

Original lyrics & music by Mariah Carey

[Intro]

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
Substack’s what I’ve been searching for
I don’t care for rapid scrolling
Deep thinking’s what I’ve been looking for
I just want the words so true
All the posts to read & share with you,
Make my wish come true
Substack’s the place for a Creative Christmas Day!
[Verse 1]
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need (And I)
Don’t need to get bored or grumpy
Without anything to read
I don’t need to start doom-scrolling
Or get lost in the fake news
There’s no need for for all of that
with all that Substack has to choose
[Chorus]
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you…
Substack, baby!
[Verse 2]
Oh, I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I won’t even wish for snow
I’m just gonna keep on reading
Posts and Notes, yeah, you know!
I don’t need to hope or dream
That one day it will all come true
I don’t need to wait at all!
to get to know the BEST of you!

[Chorus]

’Cause I’ve got you, right here tonight
All those Newsletters read so right
What more can I say???
Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you
Substack, baby!

[Bridge]

All the brightest minds
share so happily over there
And the sound of writers’ typing fills the air
Do you those Truth Bombs blasting?
& friendships everlasting?
Santa won’t you please — listen & bring — another Substack Subscription to me
[Verse 3]
Oh, I don’t want a lot for Christmas
Substack’s got it all for me (Ah)
I just want those Posts and Notes,
Inbox gifts,
a joy to read

[Chorus]

Oh, I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true!
Oh Substack, all I want for Christmas is
YOU!
[Outro music]

Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the warmth of spending time with friends in your creative home, like Substack.

In that spirit, here’s a quick video that I recorded right before my kids came home early from school before Christmas break.
It’s far from perfect, but I plan to redo it every year to slowly improve, year by year.
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, and enjoy a wonderful time with your family & friends!

The Substack Elf in me honors & respects the Substack Elf in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

STOP! The 1 Question to Lock In Your MOTIVATIONAL MINDSET

Posted on by marisavictus

Which Motivational Mindset wins?

Your Mindset will Make or Break you

The 1 Question To Lock In Your Motivational Mindset

 

PART 1 — How to Choose The RIGHT Motivational Mindset

STOP! Don’t waste time.

Here’s the ONE Question you must ask yourself if you want to achieve.

In the rush to achieve, we often jump right in, guns blazing.
Only to stop a short time later, when we feel the first twinge of uncertainty.
A part of us recoils and wonders, “Do I really want to do this?”
Or maybe our reaction’s stronger, like a whiff of Limburger — the world’s stinkiest cheese — that assaults your nose and tells your brain to stop in its tracks.
“Nope!” Your mind discourages you. The Inner Critic lulls you into thinking, “We’re not gonna take action today. At least, not right now….”
Your brain comes up with all sorts of barriers to action. Random fences go up. Like, “It’s got to be perfect before I can post it.”
Or, maybe you don’t even get that far. You think, “Look at all these papers lying around. I have to clean my office before I can get to work.”
Or, your mind wanders, thinking of that new bottle of wine you’d much rather enjoy. After a long hard day, you give up on your side hustle, thinking, “I deserve a nice glass of wine. I need this break.”
Or friends shoot you a text, inviting you to come over for trivia and you think, “I can’t miss that.”
STOP!
No, I don’t mean stop taking action.
I mean the exact opposite.

The very FIRST ACTION you must take is to…

Ask yourself the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: “What’s my motivational mindset — right now?”

See those italics? That’s no accident.
Right now is what’s critical because, let’s face it, our Motivational Mindset changes, depending on our mood, depending on what outer circumstances are affecting us.
Or, more accurately, depending on how we allow or don’t allow those outer circumstances to affect our emotions and change our plan or not.
It’s not our fault.
We’re human. We cannot shut down our feelings as they arise. We are not robots.
So let’s not expect our Motivational Mindset to stay static like a machine.
But…that doesn’t mean we’re not responsible.

It’s not our fault, but it IS our responsibility:

We must choose the RIGHT mindset,
at the RIGHT time,
to take the RIGHT action.
Why the emphasis on the RIGHT mindset, time, and action?
Because we often choose the WRONG mindset.
It’s not that the Mindset is wrong, per se.
It’s just that the Mindset is not effective for us at this moment in time.
Take, for example, the guy or gal who’s a Type A personality. Let’s imagine that they were raised from a young age to kill it in sports. This has instilled a strong drive to attack their personal or work goals in the same way. Their favorite Coach was a David Goggins-type leader.
For the uninitiated, David Goggins is famous for his relentless dressing-down of his Inner Self. He was once obese, but coached himself to not only lose the weight, but become a celebrated Navy SEAL. Did he accomplish this feat by singing kumbaya or looking in a mirror to tell himself, “I love you”?!
No, the great DG is famous for telling himself things like, “You’re a lazy piece of shit!” He became his own Inner Drill Sergeant.
To many people the things that he said to himself would be considered abusive.
But, hey, it worked and continues to work for him. He’s become a massive success, not only within the military, but as an accomplished Author and Speaker.
So, what’s that mean for us?

Naturally, we see how Successful People do it, and we choose to emulate them.

“If it worked for them,” we think, “it will work for me.”
Or, from a young age, we’re taught to achieve in a particular way.
For the David Goggins of the world, I like to call their approach “Going Hard.”
It’s the easy shorthand I use, to identify what it means when people motivate themselves…
To achieve with grit and determination — on one end of the spectrum —
To “put in more hours” and “work harder than the competition” — in the middle —
To abusive self-hatred, like “you’re worthless” — on the farthest, opposite end.
Oh, it’s astounding what humans will say, the pain they’ll willingly inflict upon themselves, to achieve their goals and dreams!

For many years, I aligned myself with the “Go Hard” approach.

Not because “Going Hard” came naturally to me.
But because of how I was raised.
When I think back on my childhood, I believe I was born a natural Introvert.
But, my family raised me with a strong emphasis on education. I was expected to not only get the A, but I better get the A+.
So, naturally, I sensed I ought to be like the high achievers I saw around me.
I learned to practice and master the skills I needed to achieve, so much so that I now consider myself an Ambivert: someone who can pivot to Extrovert when needed to accomplish my goals.
However, I made a mistake.
The mistake wasn’t in acquiring the skills.
My mistake was becoming too RIGID, when choosing my Motivational Mindset.
Again, if you do this, I don’t blame you.
You’re probably like me:
We live in this accomplishment-driven society.
We see the “Go Hard” approach everywhere we look.
We want to do well in school and in life.
So, yes, we’re constantly “Going Hard.”
“Going Hard” works. So why change it?
Because “Going HARD” works…until it doesn’t.
How do I know?
When I became an Attorney and started to practice law, old habits died hard.
I couldn’t help but look at the Partners in the law firm and there was one in particular I’ve written about multiple times because of his relentlessly unsavory behavior (#1, #2, and #3).
Yes, he’d “made it” to a very lucrative position and high status in the firm with a “Go Hard” approach, but it was so Hard that I like to call him Mr. Pitbull Partner. Because that’s what he was. A pitbull.
You see, there are many ways to practice law.
Some Attorneys focus on transactional work.
Some focus on counseling clients.
And some are litigators.
Mr. Pitbull was a “born litigator.”
And he was successful. He got results.
But where?
In the courtroom.
But that was it.
Not in the boardroom.
Not much in meetings.
And certainly not in his personal life. Last I heard, he was on his 4th wife.
In other words, he could never shut the Litigator in him off.
And that’s what changed my mind about how I was approaching my own professional and personal life.
Slowly, I realized that, in the rush to achieve and do well in school since I was young, without realizing it, I had never stopped to consider a SOFTER approach.
I emulated “Going Hard” like the Litigators around me because that’s what appeared to lead to success.

Until I couldn’t help but see how “Going Hard” could lead to failure, too.

Mr. Pitbull was winning in court, but losing in life.
Even in the office, I began to sense it: this subtext beneath every interaction I witnessed him having.
The side-eyes and knowing nods between the other attorneys when he wasn’t looking.
Yes, these attorneys nodded at him, as if they agreed with his blustering, but there was so much being said in the unspoken.
At least the wise attorneys around me didn’t admire him as much as one might think at first glance.
And, the wisest Partner was highly skilled in the art of subtly swaying others to see his position.
Not by strong-arming anyone.
Not by talking louder than Mr. Pitbull.
But, by doing the opposite.
By taking a SOFT Approach.
Utilizing Soft, yet supremely powerful, skills.
This Partner knew how to persuade in a politically effective manner.
He was not a Litigator.
But, he was the lightbulb in my life. Because he shone a light on the road not taken, and I was able to observe him closely. I was able to see that this guy had figured out a different path to success.
One that did NOT require me to transform myself into Ms. Pitbull.
And the Inner Introvert in me let out a massive sigh of relief.
I practiced my SOFT skills — with negotiation, writing, and counseling — with renewed vigor.
It led to wins and awards.
And, ironically, it gave me the strength and confidence to improve my HARD skills in litigation — naturally.
I didn’t have to contort myself to become someone I am NOT.
As the Soft skills grew, the Hard skills grew exponentially.
Yes, I could litigate, yet stay true to my natural temperament.

BEST of all? I did it in a way that honored my Self — not only my temperament, but in my actual body.

You’re probably wondering, “What does that mean, ‘in your body,’ Marisa?”
I mean, when you choose the RIGHT Mindset — whether that’s “Going Hard or Soft” — based on how you actually feel in the present moment, you do NOT throw your nervous system out of whack.
The RIGHT Mindset for you — at any given moment — will feel natural.
You will feel your energy expand and grow.
It will not feel forced.
You will not have to white-knuckle your way into achieving your goals, if you choose the RIGHT Mindset.
What about YOU?
Do you have a preference for Going Hard or Going Soft?
Where do you think you acquired this preference?
From your natural temperament?
From how you were raised?
Or, perhaps you acquired it through sports or on the job?
Have you ever tried the alternative: Going Soft, rather than your default of Going Hard? Or, vice versa?
How did you feel, in your body?
Did it feel natural or strange?
Was it effective? And why?

Stay Tuned for PART 2: The 1 Thing You Might Be Guilty Of

The Motivational Ambivert in me honors & respects the Motivational Ambivert in each of you,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Making the Case for RADICAL VULNERABILITY: To Publish Ch. 18 or Not?

Posted on by marisavictus

Making the Case for RADICAL VULNERABILITY:

To Publish Ch. 18 or Not?

Every Saturday, I post a new Chapter from the 1st Book in my 4-Book science fiction series, THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES, about the discovery of a new species that can siphon energy from others.
Chapters 1–17 are already serialized and available to read, if you follow the link above, and signup for my FREE Substack Newsletter.
That’s 17 weeks — actually, more than 17 weeks — that I have been preparing…no DREADING…the publishing of Chapter 18.
Posting this Chapter is HARD, folks.
The shy girl in me doesn’t want to.
Why?
After the long slow burn of Jai and Sean’s romance in Chapters 1 to 17, this is The SEX Scene.

Yes, folks, I wrote a sex scene.

It’s done tastefully, but — to all the Prudes out there — please BEWARE: It is detailed.
More so than I thought I could ever be…in writing…in public.
Can you hear that?
That’s the sound of me laughing nervously.

This is the 1st time in my entire life I have ever written anything so overtly sexual.

But, part of me knows how strong a woman can become, when she embraces her sexual power in life and, yes, in writing.
So what possessed me to do it?
First, I decided to give myself permission to give voice to the power of sex because there’s beauty in it. In the nakedness of it. In the unabashed willingness to allow others to see you and experience not only your body, but also your emotions, in a safe and loving way, that can be both gentle and fierce, when expressed and enjoyed without any embarrassment or timidity.
Second, it furthered the deep love I wanted to express between my two main characters.
And, third, I was inspired by the author, Anne Rice, who’s famous for her no-holds-barred, completely uninhibited and unapologetically sexual writing. Indeed, she’s published not only one, but multiple books in a series that’s focused on sex, under her pen name, A.N. Roquelaure.
Ms. Rice may be gone, having passed away on Saturday 12–11–2021, but in a strange twist of fate, and through no deliberate planning on my part, this Chapter 18 is being published on Saturday 12–7–2024, almost exactly 3 years after her death.

Is this evidence of some strange, magical synchronicity?

That I find myself thinking of Ms. Rice — her bravery as a writer, her strength as a woman, and her willingness to share her most private sexual thoughts for the entire world to see — on exactly the same day I am debating whether to press the Post button, to publish my sexual writing or not?
Seriously. I was NOT even aware that she’d passed almost 3 years ago, on a Saturday in December, when I started to write this Post.
I just realized it for the first time when I ran a quick search to find the date of her death.
It amazes me how writers can impact other writers, based on the bravery they’ve exhibited in their own lives and creative journey.
And it gives me a sense of awe, to be moved, not only by the words we write, but also by the deliberate actions we choose to take, to pursue our dreams, to live wholeheartedly.

Do I dare?

My Emotions Are All Over The Place

I feel like my heart’s going to burst out of my chest.
I dread the regret that might very well ensue after I hit Post and publish the Chapter.
And I’m laughing at myself, too, because the fact is, I’ve already FULLY PUBLISHED this entire Book!
It’s already copyrighted and on Sale on Amazon in eBook and Hard Copy format.
I mean, come on! The Library of Congress already has my book on its shelves!

So why the hesitation, anxiety, and, let’s be blunt, profuse sweating seeping through my shirt right now?

As I write this, my Inner Critic, which is sadly not one, but more like many wraiths, swooping into and out of my ears, telling my mind all manner of embarrassing and dreadful outcomes that will befall me…
They’re doing their damnedest to scare me to STOP!
The wraiths are yelling at me like flying Rob Zombies,
Don’t do it!
Omit the sex scene!
It can stay hidden, in your Draft folder, never to see the light of day!
Truth be told, they whisper,
Readers won’t even notice.
And a part of me nods my head in agreement.
It’s true: You wouldn’t even know it was missing if I weren’t telling you right now!

Problem is: I would know.

In other words, what would hiding signify to the Author in me?
I remind myself, at the start of 2024, I vowed to go on an Attorney-to-Creative Journey, to honor every aspect of my Creative Self.
My sexuality is a supreme part of my Self.
Indeed, sexuality is an important part of every human being, so a large part of me asks, “What’s the big deal? If it’s natural for humans to be sexual and, if it’s already fully published, for the entire World to read, then why even pause?”
As I write this right now, I realize, it’s because…

My relationship with the Reader has changed.

Before I started writing on Substack and Medium, I felt so alone.
As an Attorney who was told implicitly and explicitly by family, friends, and colleagues to NOT pursue Creative Work, lest I be seen as not a “serious” Attorney, I hardly told a soul that I was writing science fiction, writing about the science of self-improvement, creating artwork, singing or playing piano.
I lived like a hermit.
A miserable, lonely, depressed hermit, who felt like *no one* outside of my husband truly knew me.
Or, if they knew about these parts of my Self, they could not relate to them whatsoever.
I rarely disclosed my creative interests to anyone.
Mostly because it felt like a door being slammed in my face.
Take, for example, the time I told a friend. It had taken a lot of courage to tell her I loved to write but, as soon as I said it, she immediately screamed, “Oh! I hate writing!”
Can you blame me for shutting up real quick?

It’s no surprise that a main theme of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES is the importance of being seen by others, and trusting the *right people* to accept us wholeheartedly.

Over time, being seen for who I actually am became increasingly important in my life.
I wanted to believe in my namesake, inspired by the phrase,

Vita est pro Victus, which means: Life is worth living. 

Not as a shell of who I am.
Not as someone who’s forced to wear a mask.
But as me.
 
It took me years — years and years after writing and publishing my 1st Book — to finally start writing on Substack and Medium, in January 2024, when I vowed to go on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey.
Then it took me 7 months, to be brave enough to start publishing my 1st Book (OBSIDIAN: Birth to Venus) in my Newsletter’s section for serialized fiction.
And now that it’s December, I realize how much I have changed.
After making 1 post each week, it doesn’t feel like I’m writing out into this big black void anymore.
It’s not like I hit Publish and some vague idea of a Reader is reading it.
It’s closer to me now.
I’ve slowly started to find a small circle of Writers and Readers who mean a great deal to me.
And, though we have never met in person, I feel blessed to have “met” them here. Because, now I know, at least these few souls see the True, Authentic me.

In that spirit, I’ve decided to be BRAVE — with balance.

I can be BRAVE — to tell my shyness to shush — and make the highly uncharacteristic decision to publish Chapter 18, with the most sexual writing I have ever written, on the same timeline as Ms. Rice’s death:
On this Saturday of December 2024, 3 years after her passing, to enjoy a taste of the bravery she must have had, to have written so brazenly and freely about the sexuality that was clearly the keystone of what made her her, the great Anne Rice.
But, at the same time, I will honor who I am.
I will be honest with myself: at this time, I do not have plans to publish erotic literature.
And, lastly, the idea of shocking unsuspecting Readers on here, with a detailed sex scene does not sit well with me.
So — in the most balanced way possible — I will honor everything I’m feeling and publish Chapter 18 (the Young Adult, slightly toned-down version that’ll go LIVE tomorrow, at 6 a.m., Saturday morning).
And, any Readers who wish to read the steamiest, sexiest scene I will likely ever write (haha!) can read it in eBook format, by clicking this link.

Can you hear me now?

I’m telling my wraiths,
Be silent.
I’m hitting Publish, come what may.
I’m letting go of what no longer serves me: my long-held shyness.
I’m no longer willing to hide who I am.
I’m determined to bring synergy to every aspect of my Self,
to not only do what I love, but
to honor what I love by allowing myself to be seen doing it.
So, without any further ado, here’s to the Bravest Era of my Attorney-to-Creative Journey, one that I’m heralding as the Passionately-Unapologetic Attorney & Creative Me!
P.S. — This (Saturday) Post is close enough to next week that I’m counting it as my 1 weekly post. Forgive me, but my nerves need to calm after putting myself out there like this! I need a bit of Rest & Relaxation after this one. And I already know how I’ll be celebrating with my family: with All-You-Can-Eat sushi + a great big lychee martini!
SUBSCRIBE to my FREE Substack Newsletter (linked above) to read Chapter 18 when it goes💥Live💥 tomorrow, Saturday morning 12–7–2024 @ 6 a.m., when I am (hopefully and uncharacteristically) sleeping in…so I can’t back out of posting it. 😂

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

EMBRACE Imperfection! [VIDEO]

Posted on by marisavictus

EMBRACE Imperfection!

STOP Your Suffering!

Like everyone, I’m imperfect. Want proof? See my YouTube VIDEO linked below.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Here’s what’s equally true:

Perfectionism is the Thief of Authenticity.

Perfectionism takes away our ability to BE SEEN for who we are.
And that robs us of the opportunity to develop true connection.
Imagine the girl who’s interested in a guy who’s a Football Fanatic.
Since the first time she met him, she’s known he’s into football, his face painted to match the jersey he wears for his favorite team. It’s his lifelong obsession, to worship at the alter of every televised game. He loves it!
She doesn’t.
But she wants him to want her.
So she pretends to love football.
Never mind the fact that she grew up in a house full of men who loved the opposing team. And every time the game played on the tube, she slinked away to her room, to gorge herself on the latest series of historical fiction books.
She couldn’t care less about the score or who was going to the Super Bowl.
But then he came along.
For the first time in her life, the football terms for all the plays she’s learned enter the forefront of her mind.
She’d come to understand football through osmosis, gained purely from breathing the same oxygen in the same rooms, in the same house, as her football-cheering family.
It didn’t take. She was never interested in any of it.
But her longing for him’s motivating her to recall all that subliminal messaging, that Rah rah rah! for the love of The Game.
She puts on a jersey for the same team as her potential beau, and mimics the excited expression her dad and brothers plaster on their faces, when they cheer for their team to win.
What is this?

It’s a form of Masking, and it’s also a form of Perfectionism:

It’s an attempt to look “Perfect” in her (hopefully) soon-to-be boyfriend’s eyes.
But what happens when she does catch his eye. When they do “hit it off”?
She gives him the impression that she loves football just as much as he does.
And, despite the fact that her family loves “the wrong team,” he can forgive that, because she’s not like any of the other girls he’s met before, who don’t enjoy the football he so loves watching.
Week after week, game after game, she puts on a convincing show; and, years later, they get engaged. They get married. They have a son and daughter. All four of them don the jerseys and cheer excitedly on the couch every time.
Except she’s still feigning her excitement. All these years later, what she could once mask, now makes her skin crawl. She can hardly stand football anymore.
Secretly, she wants to save up for the next book conference coming to town, to get her cherished dog-eared books signed by her favorite authors.
No, she wants to tell her husband, I do NOT want to save up to go to the Super Bowl.
But she stays silent.
Hour after hour, she sees her husband watching those plays, his face expertly painted to match the same paint on her kids’ faces…
And hers.
She’s wearing a literal mask now.
And she wants more than anything to claw the mask off.

What do you think?

Do you consider this a minor mistake?

A white lie?
I don’t.
It’s Perfectionism gone horribly awry.
Perfectionism, to appease and appeal to others.
Taken to the extreme, it’s a Mask worn so long, it will be terribly hard to pry off.

Imagine the emotions she’d feel if she finally confesses.

Her embarrassment.
She was once indifferent to football, but now her self-inflicted, “forced” participation in the football festivities has caused her to HATE all things football.
Imagine the shame of realizing one day that she’d pretended to be someone she’s not.
And, imagine his shock, if she decides to finally reveal this.
The disappointment he’d feel upon discovering the truth.
Would it destroy their marriage?
Perhaps not, if he truly loved and accepted her.
But, there’s always the risk that he’d feel he never truly knew her.
There’s the risk that their seeming closeness would dissipate and perhaps disappear in one quick Poof!
Let this be a lesson:

None of us should pretend to be Perfect.

None of us should Mask who we are.

We need to be wary of this tendency.
Because it can start in the smallest of ways.
Like in this story, something small can grow exponentially.
It’s insidious that way.
Uncontrolled, it can expand and make your life a farce.
Especially if we lie to ourselves, about who we truly are, to try to be what we think Perfection means to others, to gain other people’s love and acceptance.
Worst of all…

Trying to appear Perfect prevents us from being seen for who we truly are.

It robs us of the ability to be LOVED by people who can relate to and connect with the REAL, AUTHENTIC US!

And, it’s sadly ironic that our IMPERFECTIONS are often what others find most endearing about us.
Let’s say (to make the story palatable), her husband’s not only a football fanatic, he’s so into football that not loving football would’ve been a deal breaker. And no kids in this variation (lest we all ball our eyes out in a world where her two precious kids don’t exist).
What could have happened if she’d NEVER pretended to be the “Perfect” Football Fanatic of His Dreams?
She may not have lasted past the first date with this guy, but no matter. She was fulfilled attending many a Book Conference and, at the last one, she met a fellow Reader. He’s just as excited for the latest book release, and they’re now part of the same Book Club. Connecting, they could’ve hit it off right away. They could have bonded over many meals discussing what they were reading. He’s kind, gentle, and well-read, and he’s got the Emotional Intelligence we all hope to have. He checks all of the boxes she’s envisioned for herself, since she was a teen. Like a Knight in the historical romance of her dreams.
In this world, she would KNOW what she actually wanted, because she wasn’t wasting time trying to be fake, to “want” what someone else defines “Perfect” to be.
She would’ve saved that energy to use on herself, to focus on getting to know her wants, preferences, desires, hopes, and dreams.

So, EMBRACE Imperfection: Learn Who YOU Are, and You’ll Learn to LOVE YOURSELF!

When you EMBRACE your so-called “Imperfections,” you’ll discover all the foibles and quirks that make you unique.
These “Imperfections” are positives, not negatives.
They only look like negatives because we’re afraid of how they’ll be perceived in someone else’s eyes.
But fear is the Greatest Liar.
So, overcome the bad habit of trying to be Perfect.

Give Imperfection a chance!

You will often find that nothing bad happens!
So all your ruminating, worrying, masking, delayed actions (procrastination) or canceled actions (full-on suppression) are pointless!
Think of all that wasted time! That fruitless suffering!

That’s why it pays to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!

For example, take my most recent Thanksgiving SONG + VIDEO:
Publishing this is so unlike the Old Perfectionist Me.
  • It’s not pre-planned.
  • It’s off the cuff.
  • It’s rushed, done right before my kids came home early for Thanksgiving break.
  • There’s no background music to accompany my singing.
  • I didn’t use any special equipment to record it, just my iPhone, and there was so much feedback that I had to whisper-sing it.
  • As a result, some notes sound flat! The Old Perfectionist Me is absolutely MORTIFIED!
  • The video lacks any transitions.
  • It falls short compared to all of the other YouTubers out there.
  • It’s soooooooo very NOT Perfect!
Guess what?

I posted it anyway, as IMperfect as it is!

Because I mean what I’m saying here: it’s better to Be Imperfect, ON PURPOSE!
Take it from me, someone who was imprisoned for years trying to be a “super serious Attorney,” following the “advice” — both implicit and explicit — from family, friends, and colleagues telling me to NOT pursue Creative Work.
I tell you now, after years of suffering mentally, emotionally, and physically, with sky-high stress, anxiety, and depression, PERFECTIONISM was KILLING ME from the inside out.
Do not make the same mistake I did.
Pursuing what other people defined as “Perfect” not only put me in a cage…

I fractured my very Self by SUPPRESSING my Creative Dreams!

To hell with that!
I’m now choosing TO HONOR MYSELF and will be the perceived Imperfect Me, ON PURPOSE!

This does not mean that I allow myself to lack high standards.

This does not mean that I do not try my best, based on my current capabilities.
This does not mean that I will release videos that are terrible, replete with 10 minutes of um’s, because I value your time.
But it does mean that…

I will honor my Authentic Imperfect Self by NOT contorting myself into someone I am not.

Not again. Not now. Not ever.
And you can see, in this video, I don’t wear a Mask or fake what my Inner Critic thinks a Perfect “YouTuber” has to be: A person who never says any um’s and never pauses at all. There’s no perfectly manicured image, no hair in a perfect blowout or nails done. Nor speaking from a pedestal. I’m not a guru. I’m not trying to use vocabulary straight from the SATs.

No, my goal is to be Authentically Imperfect and “Real.”

To show my true Self and feel what it feels like to be accepted for who I truly am.
With all the honest mistakes I might make.
Because I am finally brave enough to show my real Self — in public.
Because I am done rejecting who I am.
And I will no longer hide my true Self.

That Video is PROOF.

It’s up on my YouTube page for all to see.
Like a handprint plastered onto an ancient cave, I’ve dared to not only post it, but keep it there for years to come. To prove to myself I was once brave enough.
And it taught me a wonderful lesson:

Being Imperfect ON PURPOSE lets you BREAK FREE!

  • Of other people’s expectations
  • Of rigid self-imposed Limiting Beliefs
It gives you the freedom to be human.
To give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn, grow, and evolve.
And the more I take actions to choose myself, as imperfect as I am, I’ve learned, I don’t have to be trapped in a life not worth living.
I don’t have to go through life like a zombie to appease other people. To make them like or love me.
I can give myself the permission to simply BE WHO I AM.
I can give myself the love that I seek.

Will you join me and do the same?

EMBRACE whatever you perceive to be “Imperfect” — ON PURPOSE!

and you’ll find it’s not Imperfect after all.
It’s the first step on the path to Self-Love and Self-Acceptance.
To discovering your Truest, Most Authentic Self.
That’s a world full of promise and potential.
It’s my greatest hope for the World I’m envisioning.
It’s the WHY behind my writing about Self-Improvement: because I truly believe the world would be a far happier and safer place if we could all stop pretending to be Perfect, to stop trying to be who we are not, to be who we are meant to be, to learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly.

Being brave enough to show the world our True, Authentic Self is not only how we find the *right people* who are meant for us…

It’s how we find out WHO WE ARE, for OURSELVES.

The Bravest Imperfect Me honors & respects the (I Hope) Brave-Enough-to-Be Imperfect You,

Marisa

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

 

Are you serious about self-improvement
& want to have unstoppable self-belief?
Then SUBSCRIBE TO MY FREE SUBSTACK and entrain your brain the quick & easy way, with my daily Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice. To learn how, click this link.
Every day, I write & share 1 handwritten M&M if you want to grow with me.

 

In addition, new Chapters for my serialized science fiction series (THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES) are released every weekend on Substack. Substack Subscribers can read the 1st Book in the series for FREE! Just click here to opt-in + receive my Fiction writing!

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.