Or, do you tend to use force?

In my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into our newest Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 2 of BEYOND ANXIETY: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck.
Why don’t we get scared & return to a state of calm, the way prey can do — in minutes — after they escape a lion in the Savanna?
We’re human. We’re supposed to be smart. Yet, returning to a state of “rest & digest” isn’t what we do. When our version of a lion gives up, walks away, and disappears into the tall grass, the left-hemisphere of our brains can still send us into an Anxiety Spiral, locking us in a state of perpetual fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn, with its endless rumination and list of what-ifs.
It’s not our fault, though.
It’s society.
In Chapter 2: Anxious Creatures in an Anxious Culture, MB lets us off the hook…ALMOST.
Yes, Homo sapiens are intelligent, but our society’s conditioned us all to be stressed out, to have a Scarcity Mindset, and to worry (as if worrying could ever keep us safe).
Worse, our society and culture is heavily biased toward left-hemisphere thinking. So much so, “[We’ve] been trained to believe that thinking is superior to experiencing.”
Beyond that, anxiety’s contagious. Other people’s anxiety has the ability to launch us into an anxiety spiral, too.
Yup, our entire society’s drowning in anxiety. Because our lives are unnatural.
Our lives aren’t shaped by the rhythms and cycles of nature.
Our work culture tells us in implicit and explicit ways that we have to be anxious to be productive and successful.
Whether we want to or not, many of us have a pyramid model of success where we have to scramble and fight to be one of the few at the top.
No wonder we fall prey to the false fears (the False Evidence Appearing Real) that our left-hemispheres concoct.
The only way out is to remember: Anxiety lies! Contrary to what it tells us, we will NOT be any safer if we worry about everything endlessly.
But, how can we back away?
Is it possible to not-engage, when our society romanticizes “The Way of the Warrior”?
And our left-hemisphere loves to “fight” both real and imagined threats in these two ways: “(1) [coming] up with explanations that justify our feeling of fear, and (2) [figuring] out ways we might take control of the situation.”
That warrior mentality’s built into our minds.
And, if we look closely, society also encourages left-brained methods to fix our anxiety. Like therapy that focuses on describing our trauma, dissecting and analyzing it, again and again, instead of calming or soothing our frightened inner self. Which — surprise, surprise — only makes us more anxious.
Ultimately, trying to fight our anxiety does not work, and making us “wrong” doesn’t either.
Reframing’s helpful.
As MB clearly states, “When you feel anxious, the primal creature at the core of your brain is working exactly as nature intended. “
YES, our brain’s doing precisely what it’s supposed to do!
But, how can we make peace with its existence, when its being there can feel downright terrible?
Acceptance is the answer.
It helps to make friends with it. To see our frightened inner self like the anxious animal that it is.
And MB’s got the perfect name for this part of us that needs our love and care: The Creature.
It’s the fearful, often wounded, inner part of us that needs to be held, nurtured, and soothed.
Not backed into a corner. Doing that can make it (over)react with its claws out, growling loudly, not quieting down.
MB invites us to take the far kinder — and more effective — approach:
To become our very own Amygdala-Whisperer.
Like a Horse Whisperer who can understand, embrace, and utilize the subtle and gentle language that horses prefer, we need to use the language our anxious inner Creature prefers, to tame the fear center of our brains, the amygdala.
By using these 6 Amygdala-Whispering Skills:
1️⃣ SIGH — breathing out with a long exhale slows our heartbeat.
2️⃣ SOFTEN THE FOCUS OF YOUR EYES — when we soften our eyes, we let our amygdala know it’s okay to relax.
3️⃣ LET YOUR ANXIETY CREATURE MOVE — sometimes the worst thing we can do for our anxious minds is to try to force stillness in our bodies. Letting it out, physically, helps.
4️⃣ ACCEPT YOUR ANXIETY CREATURE — trying to force ourselves to not be anxious increases our reactivity. Letting ourselves be, no matter what we’re feeling, gives our emotions room to breathe and allows the anxiety to pass.
5️⃣ MURMUR, HUM, SING, OR CHANT — ever felt your throat tighten or your voice go up in pitch? Both are signs of anxiety. Allowing our voice to embody a calmer, lower pitch helps to relax the throat and the mind.
6️⃣ DEPLOY KIND INTERNAL SELF-TALK (KIST) — talking yourself down from the proverbial cliff is easier when you embody your wiser, Higher Self. Give yourself reassurances like, “You’re okay”; “It’s all right”; “This too shall pass”; and feel better fast.
The beauty of these 6 methods is that we get to drop into our bodies in an accepting and relaxing way, which automatically allows our minds to rest — without having to force our way out of an Anxiety Spiral using left-brained methods.
GOT ANXIETY?
Activate the right-hemisphere of your brain, to toggle the left-hemisphere off.
Experiencing peace in a state of right-hemisphere bliss is all we have to do.
Now, take a Mindful Minute to reflect on your life:
️⭐️ Do you want to commit to trying one of the 6 Amygdala-Whispering Methods above? Set aside any preconceived notions you might have before giving them a try, and note what happens.
⭐️ ️For our Journaling, let’s describe an Anxiety Spiral this week. Describe how we’d usually handle it, using a left-brained method (like CBT, perhaps)?
️⭐️ Then become the Amygdala-Whisperer you know you can be. Use an Amygdala-Whispering Method instead of your go-to method. Was it just as effective as your left-brained approach, or maybe more so?
️⭐️ How do the two approaches (L-brained or R-brained) feel in your body? Which is better at reactivating your Parasympathetic Nervous System, so you can get back to enjoying a state of calming “rest & digest”?
👭 Do you want to enlist the help of a Fellow Creative, to help keep you accountable?
Together, we can nudge ourselves away from the left-hemisphere, and whisper our way into the right.
👭 If so, in the Comments or in the CHAT, tell us what you’d like to accomplish this upcoming week so we can all support & cheer you on.
Are you ready to conquer your Anxiety, by being CREATIVE with me?
Then,
Let’s TRUST in the Right-Brained, Amygdala Whisperer inside all of us.
The Creative Amygdala-Whisperer in me honors & respects the Creative Amygdala-Whisperer in each of you,
Marisa
⭐️ Remember, we don’t have to figure everything out, all alone. ⭐️
We can find solutions, together!
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