Author: marisavictus

[VIDEO] The MAGIC of Making Meaning: Allow Yourself to BE SEEN!

Are you holding yourself back from *being seen* for who YOU truly are? Click the VIDEO to watch!

Are you holding yourself back from being seen for who YOU truly are?

STOP!

In the video I posted last week (linked at bottom), I talked about how I discovered the Magic of Making Meaning when my family and I saw two majestic eagles swooping down to perch on a tree in our backyard on New Year’s Day. It inspired us to look for birds of prey every day, and what started out as a fun family activity transformed into a life-changing Seeing Practice to look intentionally.

Over the course of a year, this practice not only brought magic into our lives, but also taught us the 8 Lessons I described in the video. The entire experience was so profound that I invited you to create your own Seeing Practice to look intentionally.

Because there is so much power in seeing. When you look with intention, you will find and see what you seek.

In today’s video, I talk about the power of BEING SEEN.

To be seen for who we choose to be. For who we truly are.

A long time ago, when I hit rock-bottom, I didn’t think much about “being seen” for who I wanted to be.

I just knew that something was very wrong with my life.

I was an Attorney, practicing law, doing what was expected of me.

Or, at least, what others expected of me.

Meanwhile, hidden in the deepest recesses of my heart, I longed for the days when I was growing up, when I had a daily Creative Writing practice. Not that I labeled it that way.

I just came home from school and rushed to my room to write every day. I journaled. I created stories. I fell in love with the characters in my mind, and in the books that I read.

I wrote poetry. I created artwork, both traditional and digital. I played piano and sang to my heart’s content.

I lived in a world where my dreams came to life. From my imagination, energy flowed from my mind, transmuted, and, through my fingertips, my Creativity breathed into Being.

I not only lived. I truly lived. As a complete and whole embodiment of who I felt I was meant to be.

Those Days Are Gone

“Those days are gone,” I told myself, as — decades later — I turned on my computer and prepared myself to draft another legal brief. Or research memo. Or analyze the risks and opportunities present in every case.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the mental challenge each time. But, it came with significant pressure and stress.

Where was the joy? I searched until I found it: in my clients’ stories.

There, my fingers took flight, typing in a flurry. So eager was I to describe what had happened, through my clients’ eyes.

But, at the end of the day, I often wondered…

What about MY stories — the stories in my mind — that I longed to tell?

“Don’t do it,” the naysayers warned me. “Don’t write science fiction. You’re an Attorney. If you do it, you won’t look serious about law.”

Fear is what drove them. Fear’s what drives them still.

And, for the longest time, I let fear take the wheel. Not their wheel, mind you. My wheel.

I allowed others to set the destination they wanted me to drive to.

I suffered in silence for many years, denying the Creative in me. A massive part of who I am.

I suffered from depression, anxiety, and debilitating migraines because, as they say, “the body keeps the score.”

I listened to “them” for so long, I lost sight of myself. To the point, I knew — in my bones — that I had fractured my very Self.

Until the pain became intolerable.

Until I realized I wasn’t truly living.

Every journey starts with 1 step. My journey began with 1 word.

It took me years to ignore the naysayers, to decide once and for all to honor my truest, most authentic Self.

I vowed to go on this Attorney-to-Creative Journey.

But I didn’t make some grand announcement.

I chose 1 word.

Victus.

It’s Latin for “living” or “way of life.”

“Marisa Victus” became my pen name.

Because I was tired of not living.

I promised to save myself. To get myself out of this mess. To create the life that I wanted.

To become who I was meant to be.

Every day, I signed my name: Marisa Victus. Again and again, onto the page.

Marisa Victus worked its magic like a charm.

With each repetition, I began to see myself as a Creative.

I began to embody the identity that I’d kept hidden for far too long.

And, for the first time in a long time, I felt comfortable in my skin.

Like I was home.

“Vita est pro victus,” I vowed. “Life is for living.” TRULY living.

Not as some husk of who we are. Not based on how others try to define us. But based on who we choose to be, when we are unapologetically our truest, most authentic Self.

I’d been so used to going through the motions. Doing what others expected of me.

I wanted to be who I was.

But how?

How could I do it, when everything in my body and mind screamed, “They won’t accept you this way!”

I felt unsafe.

The sympathetic nervous system in my body was stuck in a state of “fight-flight-or-freeze.”

I wanted to change. But I couldn’t help but hide. I wasn’t quite ready to say anything out loud.

So, I lived like a hermit, holed away in a cave.

In the early morning hours, before anyone else in the house was awake, I’d sit in the darkness with only the computer screen alight.

I started to write the 1st book in my 4-book science fiction series, The Obsidian Chronicles, about the discovery of a new Homo sentient species that can siphon energy from others.
But, I didn’t tell any colleagues or friends.

Then came a shift. The more I got into the meat and bones of my story writing, the more emboldened I became. Not only on the page, but in real life.

I told a friend I loved to do creative writing. Hoping that she’d share my love of books.

Immediately, she shrieked, “Oh, I hate writing!”

Just like that, my mouth snapped shut like a bear trap.

Sharing was not caring. At least not for her. Not with this.

And it hurt.

To have the Creative part of me rejected — again.

I kept my head down.

I wrote, through my characters’ eyes:

The year is 2116. Scientists understand why super-centenarians live to 100, 115, even 125 years old. But, 66 years have passed since Dr. Jai Dean was born and she doesn’t look a day over 21. And, she’s only grown stronger with age. She can see better than a bird of prey, pinpoint the vertical position of any sound, strike a target 600 meters away, and heal wounds that cut straight to the bone. For decades, she’s had no name for it, no label to define what she is, no way to understand her body or understand the power she holds. Jai lives on the run, determined to keep her family and secret safe.

Everything changes when scientists discover the Homo sentient, a new, superior species that can siphon other people’s energy to maintain their youth. For the first time, Jai believes she’s not alone. What will she do, when new friends become family, tensions rise, and humans and sentients are bent on destroying each other?

The world is breaking. A powerful shadow force hunts her family. And, Jai is still evolving. With new skills and buried secrets, Jai’s future may be uncertain, but she knows who she is, and what she stands for.

And that’s what did it. As those words spilled out of my mind and heart and were printed so clearly in black and white, I evolved, too.

Like Jai, I had come to understand who I was. Who I am. And now I knew what I stood for:

I was done hiding the true me.

I realize now how I really was living like a hermit in a cave.

Sure, I was an industrious hermit.

I’d decorated my cave with plenty of pages. Plenty of words to give my creative mind sustenance.

But what about my soul?

My soul was starving. For camaraderie. For understanding. For belonging.

In the past, I’d pushed aside the rocks at the mouth of the cave, to give myself an opening.

Even so, I hadn’t found the courage to venture out.

I’d stayed holed up in there for far too long.

And I was tired of my loneliness.

I wanted out.

I wanted to be seen by other Creatives, like me.

Other readers who enjoyed books like mine.

Other readers who loved books the way I did.

Was there even a place where I’d feel like I “fit”?

And, I wanted to help other people — anyone who’d suffered in silence like I had. Could I help anyone avoid the pain I’d endured? Could I try and shine the light for someone else, who was on their own Journey of becoming who they wanted to be?

I searched and searched until I could finally SEE Creatives like me.

I don’t remember how I found Medium and Substack.

I just remember laughing at myself, thinking, Wow, Marisa. You really were living under a rock!

How could these platforms exist, for years? And I knew nothing about them?

I was so thankful to find a home for all my creativity.

But, thankful didn’t translate to brave.

The first few times I published posts for my VICTUS MINDSET & MEDITATION: Synergy of Science & Self Newsletter, my hands were shaking.

My heart felt like it was bursting out of my chest.

Was I really going to write about my personal life like this? Not in my private journal. But online? So publicly?

I was used to the keyboard warriors I’d seen online. Would I be rejected the same way I’d been in the past?

“Damn the consequences!” I decided. “I’m doing it!”

For the first time, I told my own story.

Of how I’d fractured who I was. I’d betrayed my authentic Self for the belonging I’d thought I had.

But, I had never truly belonged — not to them. Not to the people who flat-out rejected the Creative in me.

They don’t understand me, I finally realized.

So I wrote, feverishly. One book became two. Two became three. And my science fiction books took on a theme: Allowing yourself to be seen. To belong. To be real. To be accepted.

As your true Self.

Without the mask.

And, slowly but surely, the desire to be seen in real life for who I truly was began to take hold.

With each Post, the world didn’t come crashing down.

The fear that held me hostage slowly began to release its grip.

I didn’t get any hateful comments.

Instead…

I found belonging.

My posts resonated with other people.

And the posts that resonated the most ended up being the posts (linked below) that detailed my struggle to “Break Free.”

I described “How to be Happy when Who You Are is NOT Who You are Meant to Be.”

I encouraged others to do like I’d done and am still doing, to “Take Back Your Power” and “Build a Secure Attachment with YOURSELF.”

I was allowing myself to be seen, with all of my faults and flaws. Describing the many mistakes I’d made, and the various methods and mindsets I’d adopted to claw my way back to life.

With each post, I gained strength.

Until, one day, I decided to Break Free from the last shackle:

I decided to serialize my Science Fiction series on Substack.

To the naysayers who’d said again and again, “Don’t do it. Don’t publish science fiction.”

💥I did it, anyway!💥

44 Chapters.

44 Saturdays to tell the naysayers, “I’m doing it — publishing it, no matter what you might think!”

And, boy, does it feel awesome!

Yes, there is tremendous power in BEING SEEN.

I felt reborn.

Like I’d finally stepped out of the cave, and into the light.

I wasn’t ambling through life like it was a waking nightmare anymore.

Being seen had jolted me awake, and I finally felt alive.

Like I was living — truly living — life.

As Avena tells Jai in the 1st book of The Obsidian Chronicles (OBSIDIAN: Birth to Venus):

“When you discover you’re Homo sentient, and you enter the sentient life, that’s your ‘Awakening.’ And, trust me, Jai, awakening can comfort you. If you are sentient, awakening is about being seen (being known as sentient, by another sentient). It has great meaning. That’s why the closer we sentients are, the more likely we’ll greet each other with a bow of the head, a look in the eyes. You’re immediately given a place, a home. So, if you’re one of us, all the better. This can be your community to share.”

What about YOU? Are you “one of us”?

Look at my history. Can you feel my pain? Do you feel the same soul-crushing ache deep in your bones?

Then, watch the Video and look into my eyes, as they are right now. Can you feel my joy?

The Journey’s long. And I am nowhere near accomplishing my ultimate goals. But I’ve begun my ascent up the mountain of my dreams, and I can say with 100% certainty that I am so much happier, because I have taken all the steps that I have taken to get to this point. I know now, I will never give up. I will always walk this creative path for as long as I live.

And I not only plan to do what I love, I plan to be seen doing what I love.

Because I am not willing to sacrifice who I truly am anymore.

I wish the same for you, so…

BE BRAVE: Embracing who you TRULY are is the most Radical Acceptance.

Don’t make the same mistake I did.

Take my hand.

Follow me as we leave the cave.

Step into the light.

I promise there’s magic in you.

All you have to do is breathe life into that one word: Victus.

Discover what living means to you.

Define your own way of life.

Because no one else has the right to write YOUR story.

Remember:

This is YOUR life to live!

And it’s never too late to be true to who you truly are.

Vita est pro victus: Life is for Living — TRULY Living!

The Authentic Self in Me honors & respects the Authentic Self in each of You,

Marisa

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