BREAK FREE: Break the Mask Other People Made You Wear
Craft Your Own Mask to Master Your Own Mountain
To prepare for his role in the autobiographical movie, Man on the Moon, Jim Carrey utilized Method Acting to completely embody Andy Kaufman.
Throughout the four month shoot, he lived, breathed, and acted like Andy. And he was relentless. He didn’t quit when the cameras stopped rolling. He kept at it, even when shooting was done for the day. Even when no one else was around.
He became Andy to such a degree that even those who personally knew the real Andy have said that Jim Carrey was indistinguishable from the late, great Andy Kaufman himself.
That — in and of itself — is an impressive feat.
But, what’s even more astonishing is, when production ended, Jim found he couldn’t even remember who he was anymore. Who was “Jim Carrey”? What did “Jim Carrey” like or dislike? He hadn’t a clue. He simply forgot who “Jim Carrey” was!
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t recall what he once liked or thought, and he’d lost his particular quirks and preferences, too.
For the first time in his life, he realized that “Jim Carrey” was just a character he was playing.
Being “Jim Carrey” was just another mask.
Indeed, we’re all wearing “Masks” that we call our “Identity.”
Does that scare you?
It shouldn’t.
That realization can set you FREE!
It means we can all just as easily choose to wear a different mask — indeed, a more empowering mask — if we so choose.
What Mask do you wear?
As a teen, I fell in love with Creative Writing.
But, over the years, I was pulled in a different direction, and took one of the prescribed “safe and secure” routes: I became an Attorney.
This allowed me to blend my love of writing with my oral advocacy skills.
But, my desire to write fiction as a Creative Writer and devote myself to art, music, and non-legal journalism, never left.
Worse, the more I tried to ignore that burning desire, the unhappier it made me.
Everything changed in 2024.
That January, I vowed to embark on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey.
To don a new Mask.
To try every Creative endeavor I wished to explore, and see where the path might lead.
Now that I’m ten months into it, I realize that this has been a gradual, somewhat painful, and certainly eye-opening experience.
Donning a new mask is worth it, but it’s far from easy.
Just getting started required me to overcome a massive emotional hurdle, so large it can’t even be described as a “hurdle.” This is no lil bump.
Why?
Because I had so many people tell me — implicitly and explicitly — to NOT do it. To focus only on my role as an Attorney. Lest I be seen as “not serious enough about my job.”
Others saw my creative writing, music, and art as mere “hobbies,” not to be taken seriously.
And, before I found refuge in a community of amazingly creative Writers and Readers on Medium and Substack, these negative false beliefs reigned supreme in the vacuum of my mind.
It’s like the naysayers held power over the entire universe, rather than being what they are: a mere subset of society.
Suffice it to say, the emotional block I had to overcome was no mere “hurdle.” These negative limiting beliefs were like massive, sharp crags, threatening to impale me at the base of a Mountain I couldn’t even begin to climb until I survived the crags first.
Outsiders may think nothing of this. And I understand — intellectually — that it makes no sense to give so much weight to other people’s opinions.
But…
Emotional cuts can fester into life-altering wounds if we let them; and, sometimes, the earlier we’re cut, the more deeply they’re etched into the Masks that we wear.
In fact, it’s no surprise to me. Aside from the few blissful years I had in my early childhood, when I was allowed to just be and explore everything that inspired me, I quickly learned that there was a so-called “successful” way to be.
And, as I entered Middle School, shit got real. I was raised to meet expectations that were beyond Perfectionism. Achievement was drilled into my head from a young age.
Eventually, it seeped into my being, until it became too closely tied to my sense of worthiness — not just academically, but personally, too.
I felt I had to have a certain temperament, to behave in a particular way, and perform at the highest, Perfect level.
No one told me — explicitly — that I had to do this, to deserve love.
But, the praise that was heaped on me when I did achieve felt too amazing to make the distinction in my young little mind.
There was always the fear that, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be worthy. If I didn’t, I’d be “not that good.” If I didn’t, I’d be loved less, wouldn’t I? No one said that to me. But, that fear was there, just the same.
And it didn’t leave. It couldn’t. Not even after I’d practiced law for many years. Not when the naysayers said, “Don’t” when it came to Creative work.
The wounds in my Mask had never healed.
So, emotionally, the idea of pursuing a Creative career generated real fear.
Not a “primal fear” that risks death, like a lion about to pounce.
But an “intellectual fear” that risked my being cast out from the tribe. Taking the risk would mean risking not being accepted, not being loved.
Escaping this predicament seemed insurmountable, so much so it impacted my health.
For years, I tried to deny my Creative interests, to do “what was expected” of me. I didn’t want to disappoint my family or colleagues, and I let their definition of “success” define what success meant for me.
I kept quiet about my creative longings, and I donned the mask that they wanted me to wear.
For days, weeks, and years on end.
But my body kept the score.
My body punished me with terrible emotions — this endlessly aching, sinking feeling that I was not allowing myself to be who I was, or become who I was meant to be.
This restlessness was my Inner Knowing.
And a war was being waged between my Inner Knowing and my Inner Critic, who sounded exactly like all the naysayers around me.
I tried to ignore it. To focus on my legal work, and make peace with that.
But, my Inner Knowing took control of my body. It gave me horrible migraines with endless rumination and restless sleep.
Until I couldn’t take it anymore.
My Inner Knowing rejected the Mask.
Perhaps it had to be so painful; otherwise, I wouldn’t have listened.
Ultimately, the pain served me well:
The pain of DENYING my Authentic Self became WORSE than the pain of wearing the Mask that everyone else wanted me to wear.
So, I forged my own Mask, one that honored *everything* that I wanted to do.
A Mask that merged and synergized all the best in me.
It’s a work in progress. But, I’m the Artist who’s crafting it.
And other people’s Limiting Beliefs are NOT part of the design.
Those Limiting Beliefs belong to the Naysayers — and, like any mask, we can choose to “take them off,” too.
Then came the greatest Mindset Reset, that gave me the courage to abandon their Mask permanently:
I became a mom.
And that gave me the biggest WHY to do what I’ve set out to do.
When I see my two beautiful kids, I realize that they look to me to guide them in life, and I do not take that responsibility lightly.
It’s my duty — not just to me, but to them — to not only tell them, but show them how important it is to value and honor your truest authentic Self and pursue ALL that interests us in life.
And it’s lit a fire under my ass.
I’ve taken a sledgehammer to the old Mask that’s marred by all those Limiting Words that cut me so deep.
It’ll stay cracked and broken, in the trash.
I’m never going to tell my kids to wear it.
Instead, I’ll show them that the naysayers are wrong: You CAN pursue more than one career! Indeed, you might pursue many careers in your lifetime. And that doesn’t make you “less than.”
It makes you MORE.
It makes you whole.
It makes you special.
It allows you to blend all the skills and talents that you have, and that should be celebrated. Because everyone should let their uniqueness shine.
Becoming a parent has allowed me to fully embody this Mindset.
And, it’s taught me to treat myself with much more kindness than ever. My kids have taught me that.
Indeed, the Greatest Lesson I’ve learned, since wearing my most treasured “Mom Mask” is: HONOR Your Self.
Be true to who you are.
It’s the ultimate kindness. The best act of self-compassion.
And it’s NOT some platitude or hippy dippy shit.
It cures the internal pain that we all feel.
And, take it easy on yourself.
When I judge myself for learning this lesson so late in my life, for not being as far along as I would like, for thinking — mistakenly — that “I am late” — I’ve learned to be gentle with myself.
This did not come naturally to me, but as a result of observing the radical difference between how I was toward myself (too harsh, critical, and demanding), but I was gentle when guiding my children to learn and try again if they made mistakes.
For the first time, when I became a mom, I truly saw the stark contrast between my gentleness and patience with them, and the relentless and unforgiving Perfectionism I applied to myself.
I realized then that no good comes from being a Taskmaster, from being so stern with myself.
Just as I do not treat my kids that way and expect them to be intrinsically motivated to improve.
Parenting my children taught me to treat myself in a more balanced and loving way and, slowly but surely, I began to be more kind and gentle with myself.
I also learned to forgive myself for what I did not know before.
And, I remind myself, there’s plenty of time, when we give ourselves patience to learn, make mistakes, pivot, and focus on making 1% improvements, one step at a time.
What about you?
Have you ever done something for yourself, despite other people telling you NOT to?
In what ways have you been led astray by other people’s Limiting Beliefs?
Did you BREAK FREE?
Did you trash Their Mask?
I did. And I am far happier for it.
I’m nowhere near the top of the Mountain.
But I’m past the crags.
And I’m beginning my ascent.
There’s so much to learn and so many challenges ahead, but
It’s ***MY CHOICE*** to climb this Mountain.
And it’s the Mask that *I* designed that’s oxygenating my life.
That’s what’s motivating and propelling me forward.
And I’m gonna keep climbing with all of my might.
The Mask-Breaking Mountaineer in me honors & respects The Mask-Breaking Mountaineer in each of you,
Marisa
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Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
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We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
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Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
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