Month: July 2024

Pruning Unhelpful Programs: Combine Positive Self-Talk with Cold Water Therapy

Posted on by marisavictus

Pruning Unhelpful Programs:

Combine Positive Self-Talk with Cold Water Therapy

The power of a somatic practice:

Cold Water, Part 3

Two months ago, I decided to step out of my comfort zone:

I started taking cold showers after reading The Iceman’s book on cold exposure therapy, The Wim Hof Method: Activate Your Full Human Potential.

It’s been quite the journey. I learned about the physical and mental benefits of cold exposure therapy and, emboldened by some major strides I’d made in my somatic yoga practice, I decided to go “all in” and see what freezing cold showers could do for me.

The initial introduction was taxing on my body. It helped to follow the breathing regimen that Wim Hof prescribed.

But, as I began to drop the temperature dial, I found that staying in my body wasn’t the fastest way to do it.

It was much easier to adapt when I used my mind. When I chose Better Words to think as the water drenched me in a relentlessly icy cold, that focus helped me to drop the last ten degrees, from 60 to 50 degrees, in one fell swoop. What had previously taken me weeks to accomplish, I was able to do in just one day!

In the process, I learned far more than I’d ever hoped to learn about myself.

It taught me:

  • I can do hard things.

  • Start your day by doing something hard. By doing what’s hard first, you start the day with a Win, you see yourself as a Winner, and that Winning Mindset will power you up to accomplish much more in a day.

  • It’s easier to do anything when your why is crystal clear.

Better Words — like “love,” “strength,” and “resilience” — helped me to withstand the cold, not once, not twice, but repeatedly, again and again.

And Better Words are a reliable method that I can call upon again — when I’m not in the shower. They’re little verbal cues that remind me, if I can withstand that level of cold and discomfort, of course I can do this comparatively comfortable thing.

Indeed, I regularly remind myself now, I can make anything I choose so familiar, I enjoy and welcome it, for the benefits it brings.

But then…

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Shower

Out of the blue — after many weeks of feeling great — that little inner voice reared its ugly head and said, “You really don’t wanna do that! It’s so incredibly cold and uncomfortable!”

Huh? Are you kidding me?

I couldn’t believe such a negative thought had popped into my head, out of nowhere. Not when I was enjoying the results. Not when I’d proven my dedication to doing cold showers, from here on out.

But, day after day, that little inner voice kept telling me not to.

Hearing it bothered me, so I began to take a closer look.

It wasn’t the hyper-critical Inner Critic I struggled with for most of my life.

It was different. Subdued, with less vitriol, but annoying nonetheless.

It was another type of inner monologue, and its awareness was incomplete. It felt detached, unaware of my lived experience, unable to acknowledge that I’d already amassed weeks of positive benefits — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Cold showers were a massive part of my wellness regimen, now. I’d already decided I wouldn’t stop.

I’d already overcome the initial resistance. I was already telling myself, “Yes, you’re doing it,” each day, so why was this voice bothering me now?

As a long-time meditator, I reminded myself that “I am the observer” of this voice and, “It is not me.”

But it wasn’t the cantankerous Inner Critic, either.

So what was it?

After spending some time just observing it, I realized it was just another thought, a neural program looping in my brain, telling me to not do cold showers, despite all the amazing benefits.

It was trying to stop me. And, apparently, it thought that reminding me of the cold discomfort would be reason enough to stop me in my tracks.

How strange, I thought, with greater curiosity.

I could tell the conscious me wanted to proceed with cold showers — but, I also had to admit, a part of me wanted to listen to it.

In fact, a part of me immediately agreed with it, thinking, Yeah, it IS really uncomfortable. It IS really goddamn cold. In just a few milliseconds, the voice was now making me stop and hesitate.

Luckily, a third reaction — the conscious Self — knocked the doubting voice straight out of my head. I could hear myself thinking quite clearly of all the counterarguments. Loudly reiterating, No, I want to do this. I will do this. Now, watch me do it!

All of this happened in just a few seconds.

And, no — I’m not hearing voices 😂 — it was just my mental chattering.

The point is: I didn’t let my Monkey Mind stop me.

I completed my regular cold shower routine.

And, as always, I basked in the amazing afterglow: the feeling, the knowing, that I was taking better care of myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I gained the win. Another rep locked and loaded. Ready to start the day.

Let’s keep going!

But…

That damned voice kept repeating! Not once, but for the next few days.

It was infuriating, but also rather funny, too.

And when I pressed on and stuck to the routine, it got even funnier. The thinking changed, from “You don’t want to do this!” to “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

I had to laugh, it was so interesting.

The inner voice was changing, like a rambunctious Pygmy Marmoset Monkey testing my boundaries.

Telling me “not to” hadn’t worked, so it resorted to posing it as a question, as if that would allow the doubt to slide in indirectly, like I wouldn’t notice the scheming it was up to.

Again, my immediate subconscious reaction was to agree with it. Yes, it’s cold. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Then, I just ignored it again, and I went ahead with my plan. I took the cold shower.

After many days of this, my annoyance faded away.

I looked at it with more inquisitiveness. I became far more curious.

It keeps happening. How interesting! It kept popping up, posing this question: “Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?” Day after day.

Until it became a game.

Every day, I woke up, wondering with a laugh, “Is it gonna ask me again?”

Until I decided to do…

A Fun Experiment with Pruning

If you’re not familiar with the concept of pruning, it’s the idea that we all have neural networks in our brains that are formed by the thoughts that we think. These neural circuits fire and wire together. They’re the programs that run and loop again and again in our minds.

The more frequently we run these programs by thinking a thought, the more we repeat the program, and the more it becomes wired-in, until it’s so entrenched in our psyche, it runs almost automatically.

Alternatively, we can wire in new or different programs that run counter to the original. When we do that with conscious awareness, we can purposely entrain our brains to wire-in, accept, and strengthen new neural programs that are better and healthier us.

Eventually — with repetition, repetition, repetition — the new neural pathways will become stronger and the brain will prune away the old neural pathways.

Like a Gardener prunes away the stems that are dead, and the weeds that are in the way, to make room for new growth.

But it takes time.

The question was: How much?

I knew it wouldn’t be fast. Even the briefest negative thought would automatically call upon that program to run, and due to the immense speed of our brains, the slightest doubt could pop the question, reinforcing the negative program within a few milliseconds. It wouldn’t take very much.

That’s just how powerful our computer-like brains are. And, like a computer, our unconscious brains do not distinguish between positive and negative.In a brief lapse of momentary negativity, just one negative thought or one negative feeling can make our brain immediately recall any felt or lived experience that’s the same or remotely similar. In seconds, those programs would run, and they’d be wired more firmly in our brain, making them more likely to run in the future.

I decided to try, to see how long it might take, to prune this inner monologue out of me.

Experiment: How long will it take to prune this little nagging doubt?

How long will it take for my mind to realize…

Yes, cold showers are here to stay.

This is what I want do, and

There’s no point in questioning it anymore.

TEST #1: Time

For the first couple of weeks, I literally did nothing on purpose. Nada.

I just did my normal cold shower routine and made no changes, just to see if time could be the deciding factor.

Would my mind just stop it, if I didn’t entertain the question?

If I just ignored it and took a cold shower, as I’d originally planned to do?

Turns out: No.

Time wasn’t enough to make it disappear.

Little Miss Monkey kept asking me the same question day after day, even though I was showing through my actions that I was going to do it anyway.

The following week, I decided to up the ante:

TEST #2: Positive-Self Talk

I practiced Positive Self-Talk, outside of the shower.

In the middle of the day, I made the deliberate choice to select Better Words, to direct my conscious attention to why I was doing what I was doing.

I focused on my wanting to do it, and why I had decided to do it, as a daily part of my mindful, somatic practice, and I deliberately reminded myself of all the positive benefits.

This INTELLECTUAL exercise quelled the intensity of the question, but when the question did not disappear completely, I realized I had to go beyond mere intellectual understanding.

I had to use EMOTION to rewire my brain, to accept it, wholeheartedly. I reminded myself of the emotional benefits it had for my self-confidence and self-esteem.

And I used the same BETTER WORDS that I used in the shower, within my afternoon strategy. The repetition and reinforcement of these Better Words reminded me, like quick cue cards, for all the physical, mental, and emotional shifts I was making.

Lastly, I took a final step further and incorporated it into my devoted practice of finding synergy: to identify what works for me in one area, and translate that to achieve greater success in all areas of my life. I gave myself conscious directives, like, Cold showers allow me to find strength in other areas of my life, in my legal work and my creative work, in my fitness and my mental health.

I started doing this every single day, for just five minutes at a time.

#2 Worked!

My inner monologue morphed.

About a week into doing these Positive Self-Talk sessions, my inner monologue calmed down.

My inner voice was still there, but it was focused on what I needed to do in the moment, like getting my clothes and towel ready, and noting what was happening in a neutral way.

Yes, it acknowledged, you’re getting in the shower.

Yes, it noted, it’s going to be cold.

But all the admonitions and loaded questions disappeared.

No more, “You don’t want to do that!”

No more, “Are you sure you wanna?”

Just, “You’re taking a cold shower now.”

I’d tamed the Monkey.

The harshness disappeared.

And slowly, but surely, it became nothing.

I experienced a peaceful quiet that could only mean one thing…

My Experiment Was a Success + It Took Only 2 Weeks to Prune It Away!

All I had to do was give my mind the Positive Self-Talk that I needed to hear.

That’s it.

That’s all.

Now, it’s quiet.

Even better…

I Have Greater Synergy, because it’s Quieter, Overall.

Taking control of my thinking has made a massive difference.

Practicing Positive Self-Talk has made my brain trust me more.

My amygdala’s not in the same anxious fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn state. Not nearly as much as it was before.

And I have greater self-awareness now: it’s made me realize how often a part of me tries to make me stop before I start many things that are unrelated to this experiment.

So I’m applying the same Positive Self-Talk Practice to other areas, and experiencing promising results there, too.

When I’m deciding to try something new, I’m less hesitant, now. There’s less mental chatter shutting it down. Less questioning. And more willingness to try, to see what happens and evaluate afterwards.

I’ve gained more potential.

I’m excited that I’m feeling more calm.

And I’m hopeful: I know it’ll be hard to prune away more intense feelings that are linked to trauma or limiting beliefs that are emotionally charged. But at least now I’ve got a baseline for what my brain can accomplish. It might take longer, but…

Pruning is doable!

I’ve proven that now, for myself.

How about you?

Have you ever tried to prune a negative program?

Did you do it, with merely the passage of time?

Or did you use a method, like the one I’ve come up with, using Positive Self-Talk?

Did it work?

How long did it take?

And, did you enjoy the same success, in other areas?

If you’ve never tried it, I highly recommend giving Positive Self-Talk a go.

Even without the cold shower, Better Words can do wonders.

It’s Never Too Late to Prune The Weeds in Our Mental Garden

So let’s get our pruning sheers out!

The Mental Gardener in me honors & respects the Mental Gardener in you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

You’re Addicted to Their Story. You Just Don’t Notice It.

Posted on by marisavictus

You’re Addicted to Their Story. You Just Don’t Notice It.

The VICTUS Method:

How to THINK-DO-BE your way to

Writing the Best Story for Your Life.

YOU are a powerful Storyteller.

Don’t believe me?

You are.

From the moment we’re born, we construct a sense of Self. An identity. An ego.

Starting with the name our parents give us.

It’s our father’s name. Or, less likely, our mother’s. Or, maybe neither. Perhaps we’re named after the great World War II veteran we all know as our much beloved grandpa.

Expectations from our caregivers abound. And we develop a certain self-concept, one that tells us we can become the President one day.

Or, we’ll “never amount to anything, but being a ‘Loser’ in life.” That’s usually not whispered, but yelled, repeatedly at us.

Yes, from something as simple as a name or a label, these factors play a role in who we think we can become.

But, what many of us don’t realize is that we’re now the ones holding the pen in our hands.

Long after we’ve gained some distance from the Storytellers in our past, we’re still writing the same story that they’ve told, and we’re retelling it to ourselves, repeating it again and again, using our own ink.

If we’re not careful, that ink becomes permanent. Though they weren’t our words originally, they’re tattooed now, on our hearts and in our minds. There, they continue to write the story of our lives, without our awareness, without our knowing it.

What lies are buried in your storyline?

When we live our lives unaware, we fall prey to the unconscious stories — the negative thought patterns — that are so indelible, they form the dialogue that’s constantly looping in our heads.

We can use methods like “Flipping the Script” and the “THINK-DO-BE” Method that I describe in The VICTUS Method here, here, and many more stories on my Medium profile, but those strategies help us to deal with challenges as they arise on a day-to-day basis.

With patience and skill, we can overcome each obstacle.

But, on a deeper level, far beneath the surface, a hidden script might be playing out on the macro level; and, if we’re not careful, it can direct our lives in profoundly negative ways:

Consider the person who puts everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. She never rests, says “Yes” to every invite, and volunteers to do everything for everyone, except herself. She suppresses what’s best for her, and pays for it — decades later — when an autoimmune disorder “helps” her to say no. She’s incapable of refusing anyone, so her body does the talking by taking her out of commission. With her legs and arms shut down, she can’t. Not even if she wanted to. Because her body can’t get out of bed.

Picture the man who tells himself “Life’s not fair,” not explicitly, but silently — there’s that perpetual Limiting Belief, whispering, in the recesses of his mind. It doesn’t surprise him, then, when he doesn’t get the promotion. It’s “because my Managers are against me.” It’s not due to anything that he’s done or not done. It’s not because of a skill or certification that’s required, but he didn’t have. It’s simply because “people like us don’t get ahead.” At least, that’s what his dad always said.

Or, maybe it’s subtler than that.

Perhaps it’s the person who’s deeply devoted to Therapy. He does all the homework that’s assigned to him. He’s a diligent student of his own psyche. And there’s plenty of “progress”:

• He’s no longer as anxious as he used to be.

• He’s far more social than before.

• He’s forgiven his ex.

• He’s not having PTSD flashbacks anymore.

It’s obvious, there’s forward momentum. There’s movement, in the right direction.

Problem is: the process never ends. He’s been going to Therapy for years, and the same cycle of therapy repeats endlessly.

There’s always more “work” to do, and it keeps him focused on thinking about and remembering the past.

BEWARE the Urge to Constantly Revisit the Past.

The greatest story we tell ourselves answers the question, “Who am I?”

Naturally, we revisit the past to answer that.

But, how much is “too much”?

Truth is: We revisit the past more often than we think we do, often without realizing it.

Our brains are so advanced that, with just one simple thought — like “I can’t remember names” — our brains immediately recall every single event that’s remotely similar.

Our brain recalls all the times we forgot someone’s name, no matter how small.

From the tiniest incident, like meeting a colleague at last week’s networking event. You forgot his name as soon as he said it. “Oh well,” you tell yourself, “I can’t remember names.” And, bam! You’ve reinforced that belief, that fast.

But, it gets worse. You don’t just remember the little incidents. You remember the worst of them. It’s the times you committed some terribly embarrassing faux pas, like calling your boss’ wife by his ex-wife’s name. Eek! The emotions that it brings up. (I cringe, just imagining it.) And, there it is again, the negative thought pattern’s reinforced, much more strongly this time, because of the strong emotions attached to it — and you re-experience it all, just as raw and real as in the past.

Any story — even if it’s a one-liner — has the ability to affect the story we’re telling us about ourselves. No matter how seemingly trivial it may be.

All it takes is a split second and “I can’t remember names,” sprouts far more than one new neural pathway. It recalls every similar neural pathway, and reinforces each and every one of them.

And our brain’s love familiarity — even if what’s familiar is bad. There’s a strong pull, then, for our brains to veer back, to return to that familiarity, even if the status quo doesn’t serve us.

Given that, how can we change any story about ourself?

How can we write a new storyline, when we’re trapped by the stories we’ve told or been told in the past?

Answer: It’s hard. Much harder than it’d be if we gave ourselves permission to let the past go.

Let. It. Go.

Create space for what might be. What can be. If we choose it to be.

Revisiting the Past Keeps It In Your Present

We must be mindful of every thought we think. Especially when it’s based on anything false.

So, yes, examine the past. Understand it. Then, try our best to Let. It. Go.

LET IT GO!

It is hard. I know.

I’ve survived many hardships. Traumas — both Big T and small.

And I’ve worked hard to overcome them. Most certainly, I have.

But, since I’ve decided to live my life with more purpose and passion than I ever have before, I’ve realized with great clarity how dangerous it can be to focus on the past.

The past can make you miserable. All the mistakes. All the terrible things that’ve happened to you. The time that’s slipped away. If only I had… If only that hadn’t happened… If only I could go back…..

No! None of that sort of thinking serves us.

That’s why I decided to write my own story. And chose to name it victus, which is Latin for “living” or “way of life.”

The VICTUS Method: Make the conscious decision to LET THE PAST GO.

Especially any emotionally-charged memories that are negative.

For they hold greater sway and influence on us, psychologically.

They can be triggered, far too easily, if we allow them to come to mind.

And the more we allow them to reappear, the more they cloud our present thoughts in a shroud of negativity and hopelessness, that weakens us.

It doesn’t just dim our light. It robs us of possibility. It narrows our focus.

And it dumbs us down: When we can’t see through the cloud of smoke, or even realize that the smoke is there, we can’t see that the cloud’s based on negative memories, memories that are not a present threat.

Then, we sit there and breathe it in, like a toxic vape that’s killing us. But that, too, becomes familiar. So familiar, it warps our minds, so we sit still, not realizing we could just stand up and walk away.

Just a puff might delay you for a few hours or maybe a day.

But, at its worst, it can rob you blind. Instead of seeing the goodness in front of you, what you have, what you could choose to be, you can only see what’s lacking and what’s wrong. You tell yourself your life could be great, if only you acquired this or accomplished that.

Stay In The Present, Practice Gratitude, and Focus On “The Next Right Step”

The VICTUS Method uses meditation to breathe into the moment. To bring clarity, and give yourself peace of mind.

Realize your suffering can end the second you decide to quit rehashing and remembering the past.

By focusing on the Present. On what you have — now . On what’s right — now.

Then aim your sights on the Positive Future that awaits you.

On the immense open expanse of time that’s still left in the story you choose to write.

Give yourself the gift of a Blank Page.

Think of all the incredible opportunities that are meant for you, that are waiting for you.

All you have to do is focus on taking the “Next Right Step.”

That’s how we conquer our Past: by keeping it there.

Then, ignore your foes.

Use the THINK-DO-BE Method to Discount Any Voice That Tries to Tell You, “Your story’s already written.”

It’s not.

When our emotions are triggered, it’s painful. Fear and shame set in and we forget how much power we have, if we would just take a moment to realize that what people say to us or about us is NOT true all of the time.

Every comment need not be believed or acted upon or even responded to.

No matter who said it to us.

We have to be mindful.

How?

By using the THINK-DO-BE Method:

(1) THINK

Practice The Pause: We must give ourselves time between stimulus and response to raise our level of conscious awareness.

In that beautiful space, we can become our own Inner Counselor, our highest Self that can take a cold, hard, objective look at the comment and its source.

There, we can ask critical questions, like:

  • Does this person know who I am, truly?

  • Do they know me well enough to have an informed opinion at all?

  • Does this person understand my lived experience and have empathy, understanding, and compassion for me?

  • Does this person want what is best for me?

  • What are this person’s motivations? Are their wishes aligned with mine?

  • Does this person have the life — material, emotional, and/or physical — that I aspire to have?

  • Does this person have the experience to even speak on this subject?

  • If I adopt this person’s advice or viewpoint, will it bring me closer to, or take me farther away from, my goals?

  • Did I ask this person for their advice, or are they giving me their unsolicited opinion?

  • Is this person overstepping my boundaries?

  • Is this person prying into my business, when they have no right to?

  • Is this person motivated by a desire to use me for their own gain?

  • Is this person an honest, trustworthy person? Based on my prior experience with them? Or, based on the experience of others, whom I trust?

(2) DO

Answering these questions will help to calm our amygdala, the fear center of our brains, and activate our Pre-Frontal Cortex, so we can use our reason and intellect to put others’ opinions in their place, as opinions to be trusted and followed, or discounted and ignored.

Most of all, never repeat any falsehoods when we talk to ourselves. Don’t imprint their Limiting Beliefs in our own inner dialogue.

Instead, we can tell ourselves what we need to hear, to write the Best Story, one that serves our highest Self and motivates us to keep moving forward.

(3) BE

When we entrain our brains to adopt the right Beliefs, they become our Attitudes, that — with repetition — become our Personalities, and our whole Self improves in a mindful, conscious, self-directed way.

The pen is in our hands. In our hearts. In our minds.

We just have to remember that we are the Authors; we write the dialogue that’s written and eventually tattooed onto our mind and into heart.

So let’s wield our pens with care.

Abandon any story that doesn’t serve us.

And write the Best Story. One that enriches our lives and enlivens us.

Only YOU can write your story.

The one that sets you free.

The Storywriter in me honors & respects the Storywriter in you,

Marisa

 

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, I invite you to Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Here’s My Second Music Post for You and for Me: All I’ve Ever Wanted Take Time To Love Yourself

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-7-17 POST 32 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS_Firefly exploding love for music and yourself 75134

All I’ve Ever Wanted: 

Make Time to Romance YOURSELF!

My 2nd Singing recording’s here! (Recording’s linked at the bottom.)

YASSS!

VICTORY! I beat The Trap!

It took me longer than I’d hoped to get here, but such is life!

I’ve been busy with work, writing fiction + non-fiction, and enjoying extra quality time with my family.

Summertime with the kiddos has been great!

But the time I’d normally dedicate to practicing music has fallen off a cliff.

As the days and weeks have passed, I’ve felt this gnawing feeling in the back of my mind, reminding me, “You made a commitment to practice!”

But, my piano’s barely been played.

Sure, I’ve practiced some note recognition and scales, but devoting time to actually practicing and learning a full piece? Nada! Nope!

I fell into “The Trap” — where if you can’t do it “all out” for at least an hour — you think you can’t do it at all.

“Just not enough time,” I told myself, night after night.

Then one day, I found myself singing along to one of the greatest singers of all time and felt inspired to make this quick 2nd recording.

Having finally started, I could feel my excitement build, to practice and apply what I’d learned about music recording and production when I’d made my 1st recording.

Problem was, it was many weeks — actually, months — ago. And I couldn’t remember all the details for the audio software and plugins.

A split second later and I fell right back into the Trap. More excuses.

Do you ever experience that?

You finally get yourself together, you’ve started, you’re well on your way, but then the slightest doubt creeps in and your brain puts on the brakes, telling you, “Oh, there’s not enough time to do it all, to finish it perfectly, so you might as well give up. Better to stop here. Just do it later, when you’ve got more time.”

I experience this often, more than I’d like.

Which is precisely why I’m a big notetaker.

It’s like an insurance policy for my Put-It-Off-Til-Tomorrow Mindset.

The more detailed and foreign something new is for me, the more I force myself to take detailed notes, the first time around. It’s tedious and sometimes annoying when I just want to go full steam ahead, but I never regret it later — when so much time has passed and I need my notes to quickly relearn everything.

So I retrieved my file. I dove into the details. I reapplied what I’d learned from the many musical gurus I’ve found online.

A half an hour later and there it was…

A lovely state of Flow.

Ahhh….FLOW!

That euphoric feeling when time slips away and you lose yourself in the artistry.

But it wasn’t the software that’d led me there. It wasn’t the production. It wasn’t even the big A-ha! Moment I experienced when I finally understood how to get the software to do something that’d eluded me the last time, with my 1st recording. Figuring it out was satisfying, of course, but I could tell the recording was still far from “perfect.” I still had much to learn. So…

That’s not why this Flow’s happening.

I analyzed what it could be:

Was it some other part of the mixing and mastering process?

It was enjoyable, but it wasn’t that, was it?

I listened to the recording, did a few more takes, then realized something interesting…

It’s the LYRICS & the Subtle Shift in Perspective I was making.

I’d chosen a love song. One of the greatest love songs of all time.

But, as I practiced the verse and chorus, it got me thinking…

How often do we listen to love songs that romanticize this notion that we need to romance other people?

When, really, we should give equal time and attention to this Question:

How often do we try to romance ourselves?

We give plenty of our love to others — to our friends, family and, of course, our significant other…

But, when do we ever take the time to ask ourselves, “How are you romancing your Self?”

How often do we put our needs first?

And how often do we create unnecessary Traps — that stop us from even starting?

We say we care. But, do we — really?

Take today, for example…

How many minutes today, have you spent doing something to love yourself?

If the answer’s none…

Why not start with just one song?

We don’t have to make it complex.

It doesn’t have to be an hour-long endeavor.

Or even a half-an-hour activity.

Just a few minutes can be all that’s needed.

To pick one song — like the song below — and imagine it being sung…not to gain someone else’s love…but to gain the love we can and should give to our Self?

Listen — the 1st time — as it was intended: to love someone else.

Then listen to it — the 2nd time — to see how you feel, if you were singing it to YOU — because the Inner Child inside of you…the True Self you keep hidden is waiting…

Waiting for you to come, to set your Authentic Self free.

🎵❤️🎵

If you only knew

What I feel for you

If you only lived for me

The way I live for you…

I’d be in Heaven.

My dreams…would come true

’Cause all

I’ve ever wanted

Is YOU

And you, alone.

And I love you so

More than words could ever show

All I’ve ever wanted

Is You

All I’ve ever wanted…

Is YOU

Is you…you…you…

YOU.

~ 📝Lyrics from “All I’ve Ever Wanted,” by Mariah Carey

~ 🎤Song performed by Yours Truly:

What an amazing world it would be, if we could all listen — and truly hear — the music that’s inside each of us.

Whether you know it or not, your heart is singing YOUR song.

Are you listening?

The Singer in me honors & respects the Singer in each of you,

Marisa

🎵❤️🎵

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Rewire Your Brain with Cold Water Therapy

Posted on by marisavictus
2024-7-9 POST 31 - MC-FINAL-ART-FOR-MARISA-VICTUS_Firefly swan diving with two outstretched wings into icy cold water splashing with lots of color

The power of a somatic practice:

Cold Water, Part 2

Do you find yourself stuck in rumination, repeatedly worrying about a past that you can’t change and a future you can’t guarantee?

Finding a way out can be hard.

Our brains are imagination machines.

Read, “Pink elephant,” and POOF! There it is.

Maybe it looks like an African elephant straight out of National Geographic, except its skin is pink.

Or, maybe it looks like a Saturday Morning cartoon. And its skin isn’t the only pink you see. It’s wearing a matching tutu. Yeah, it’s a bright bubble-gum pink.

See that?

That’s all it takes to get you picturing two entirely different images, using just a few a simple words:

“Pink elephant.”

Now, try to ERASE the image — completely from your mind.

Try NOT to picture them.

Try your very best.

Feel that resistance?

In the resistance, you can see how hard forgetting them can become.

That’s precisely how hard it can be to force our minds to do our bidding.

And, it’s a million times harder when it’s not some innocuous, silly mental exercise.

When we combine our negative thoughts with powerful, negative EMOTIONS, it supercharges the fear (amygdala) and memory (hippocampus) centers in our brain.

Left unchecked, we’re ruminating, stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of negative feelings, thoughts, and memories.

Cue the suffering. We lose our focus. We lose our joie de vivre. We feel helpless. We want to escape, but we don’t know how.

For years, I used the VICTUS Method (in particular, the THINK-DO-BE practice) to THINK my way out of it.

Because I’m an Attorney and a Writer. I believe wholeheartedly in the amazing power of WORDS.

And I still do.

Using positive Self-Talk, you can CBT-your-way to a fruitful mindset, one that talks down the Inner Critic and gets you from “I can’t” or “It won’t work” to “I CAN!” and “Of course it will!”

But, what if there were a FASTER way to get you there? A way to 10x the power of those WORDS and make them work like MAGIC?

There is!

You can use The VICTUS Method to DO-THINK-BE instead: Reprogram Your Brain, using the POWER of SOMATIC Practice!

Did you know that when you DO first, you can free your mind to THINK differently or THINK less?

Sometimes that makes all the difference.

Case in point:

In these two stories, I describe how I discovered the power of two somatic practices:

• YOGA — to silence rumination, treat migraines, and achieve freedom & flow.

And,

• COLD EXPOSURE THERAPY — to enhance my immune system, reduce inflammation, improve blood circulation, raise dopamine levels, boost energy, reduce stress, and enhance metabolism, among a whole host of other benefits.

(1) For both of these somatic body-based practices, I focused on the DOING first.

With yoga, I forced myself to focus intently on my body: instead of worrying about my migraine, which comes with excessive rumination, I had to listen carefully to my yoga teacher’s instructions and move my body to match.

With cold exposure therapy, I had no choice but to be present in my body, given the frigid cold water; and, I focused on the slow methodical counting, because that signaled how much longer my cold shower would last.

(2) DOING creates space for Better THINKING:

With yoga, my mind entered a state of flow to such a degree that there was no room to ruminate.

And in the cold water, my mind emptied. The initial shock jolted my body, bringing me straight to the present moment. And in that space, I could remind myself, “This is it. It’s not going to get any more uncomfortable than this.” That realization allowed me to relax. At first, mentally. Then physically, when my brown adipose tissue switched on, thermogenesis kicked in, and my body found warmth in the cold.

This DO-then-THINK practice has Reprogrammed the BE of my Brain AND my Mind.

I’ve learned I don’t have to THINK my way out of every difficulty.

I can DO my way to better thinking.

In other words, my body isn’t the only thing that’s gotten stronger.

My mind’s benefited — permanently.

✅The emotional turmoil of my migraines is not the source of fear or pain, like it used to be.

✅ I’ve found a repeatable way to escape my rumination, whenever I sense it starting to get a grip on me.

I was over the moon.

I thought that’d be it.

Then, I discovered something even better:

You Can Reprogram Your Brain: When you Shower, DO the Cold, THINK Better Words, and you can fast-track who you want to BE.

Entrain your brain?

Like, program in new neural networks in the middle of an insanely cold shower?

Yes!

I’m telling you, it’s possible.

You see, when you DO something engrossing, like taking a super Cold Shower, your entire body becomes fully present, your brain becomes laser focused, and your mind has an automatic emotional reaction to it.

This is significant for two reasons:

First, our brains are evolutionarily programmed to attach greater significance to and remember what’s more emotionally charged.

And, second, our brains will give us the strength to do difficult tasks when we have a strong emotional reason for doing them.

When we combine the two, many times, our brains will wire stronger neural pathways because we have an emotionally charged WHY attached to the task or belief.

Apply this to taking a Cold Shower, and you can DO+THINK your way to embodying the BE you want to be, so much faster.

When I first decided to try Cold Exposure Therapy, it took me a while to overcome my resistance to taking cold showers. As I’ve said before, I’m someone who loves to be warm-and-cozy. Hygge’s my jam. So, I had to ease myself into the idea.

In other words, when I first started out, I couldn’t jump into the DOING. I had to THINK my way through it first. Which is no surprise to me, because that’s my default: to take the cerebral approach.

So I reminded myself of all the gains I’d discovered with yoga, my other somatic practice. I researched the physical and mental benefits of cold exposure. And I decided the potential benefits far outweighed the discomfort of a brief 15- to 20- to 30-second bout of cold.

Then I eased myself into the practice. And the DOING was slow, at first. I started my showers at a lower temp, to make the contrast between hot and cold less pronounced to begin with. I reserved my favorite, most luxurious body wash to ease my way down. I gradually dropped from my usual 90+ degree showers, down to crisp, cool 60.

And, two weeks later, the Proof was evident. I could see not only the temperature shift, but the shift inside of me: I was like a swan, arms open wide, my chest rising up, eager to meet the steady stream of icy cold water.

I thought that would be it. I doubted it could get any better than that.

But, then I saw the notches still left on that dial. The water could drop another 10 degrees.

“But how can I do it?” I wondered. Nothing could’ve prepared me for what happened next…

You can DO+THINK your way down those last 10 degrees: My FAST fall from 60 to 50.

I was already confident I could comfortably DO. After all, I’d already dropped my original 90+ temp by 30 degrees.

But, that had taken weeks.

I was curious.

“What if there were a way to combine DO + THINK, to drop those last 10 degrees, faster than before?”

I decided to put my love of Betters Words to the test:

I dropped that temp, turning that dial as far as it would go, not in small incremental steps like I’d done before.

But, in well fell swoop.

And it worked!

I was shocked. That I didn’t do it with my body. There were no tricky breathing tricks. And no quick bodily movements to warm me out of the discomfort.

I did it, using my mind.

Using just the Power of WORDS:

But not in some longwinded pep talk. Not even one of the “Flip the Script” sayings that I love so much. (Apparently, I reserve those longer phrases for warmer moments.)

Because when it’s suddenly that freakin’ cold, something primal takes over.

My brain could barely count those 10-, 20-, 30-, 40-, 50-, 60-Mississippi’s.

I could only think of ONE thought, ONE word.

So I maximized it with a mindful choice. Just one Better Word, like:

  • Love (as in, love for myself);

  • Strength (as in, a stronger body);

  • Youth (as if the cold water’s shocking the skin and blood vessels in my body to tighten, so I’m getting younger, I’m aging backwards).

Other times, wordless aspirations came to me, like:

  • Resilience (the feeling of it, ’cause it was too cold to think of even that level of vocabulary).

And it worked!

Far faster than I ever imagined it could.

Unlike my journey from 90+ to 60-degrees, I didn’t need weeks to nudge my way down, degree by degree, to get from 60- to 50-degrees.

I was able to jump there. To twist the dial as far left as my shower would go.

And, I felt COMFORTABLE doing it!

Invigorated, even.

But, it felt different this time.

As before, I found warmth in the cold.

Except, this time, my mood soared sky-high.

Because my WORDS were my WHY.

My WORDS worked like magic.

And, most importantly…

My WORDS felt like they were hard-wired, embedded deep within my neural circuitry.

Better Words work more efficiently, depending on when you say them to yourself.

And where.

It’s all about the context: not just your mood’s, but also your body’s.

And I can say with certainty that, for me, Better Words that are repeated in multiple Cold Showers are wired better — permanently.

I can tell, these Better Words stay with me, long after the shower’s over.

Not just for the day, but for days, weeks, and — I hope — for many months and years to come.

Cold Showers Are My New Regular Routine

What started out as a little experiment to satisfy my curiosity has morphed into a new way of life for me.

Because the gains are too powerful to let this practice go.

The gains are miraculous.

Because I’ve always had a very pronounced Inner Critic. I’ve always called myself a “Recovering Perfectionist.”

But lately I sense my identity is changing. I’m seeing myself less and less like a “Recovering Perfectionist.” And that Inner Critic’s not piping up like it used to.

It’s all because I can crank that water to 50 — right from the start now! — and when I think that Better Word, I BELIEVE it, wholeheartedly.

It’s given me…

A new level of Confidence that’s spilling out of the shower.

I start out each day, PROVING I can do hard things.

You know what I mean: as many a Productivity Guru will tell you, “Do the Hard Thing, FIRST! It sets you up to win your day!”

So, they say things like, “Set your alarm. Don’t hit snooze!”

And, when you wake up, “Make your bed!”

Why?

Because it’s the little things that show you how much you value your commitment to yourself.

Well, committing to this Cold Shower Experiment has been far more than a quick start or tidying up of my day.

A Cold Shower + A Better Word = The BEST Somatic Practice that’s completely transformed how I see myself.

The benefits are spilling over into every area of my life:

Most notably, it’s helping with my Creative Work.

You see, since I committed to prioritizing my Creative Self, to make space for it in addition to my identity as an Attorney, so much uncertainty and negative feelings have bubbled up to the surface.

It makes sense. Our brains love certainty, and publishing my writing, artwork, music, and videos in public has provided anything but that.

I discovered so much that was new to learn and practice and do.

So, of course, that caused anxiety and self-doubt.

But, since I started this journey, of taking that step into the shower and feeling the immense cold wash over me…I’ve come to realize:

“Yes, there’s discomfort — but only in the beginning.”

And I can reassure myself by saying, “This is it. This is the most uncomfortable it’s going to be. It will pass.”

And I do it Every. Single. Day.

Every shower’s a rep. One more data point that proves, “I CAN do this!”

And there’s plenty of certainty for my brain to relax in that.

I knew it before, theoretically.

But, I think my body needed to experience it, to prove it, somatically.

And that somatic knowledge has broken the floodgates of my mind. The doors are wide open, to all sorts of possibilities.

My Inner Critic’s drowned, in the depths of the water somewhere I can’t see.

Nowadays, I feel far more relaxed, like I’m chilling on the dock, pondering all the ways I could DO-THINK-BE to be happier, more content, and more successful in every area of my life.

What do you think? Trust me, the water’s ability to heal is inviting.

Inviting you to DO the cold plunge, then THINK, “I can do this! So, of course, I can do that!”

Are you intrigued enough to give Cold Showers a try?

If so, I’d love to hear about your experience.

I’m loving my results so far.

Particularly, in my mind:

It’s shown me the power of DO–THINK-BE, especially when it comes to doing the uncomfortable.

There’s strength in DOING what’s hard and THINKING your way to success.

Give it a try. See what your discomfort can do.

The Icewoman in me honors & respects The Icewoman in each of you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.

Compose The BEST Soundtrack for Your Life

Posted on by marisavictus

The BEST Way to “Flip the Script”:

When all else fails, remember THIS!

“You can’t….”

“It won’t work….”

“Why didn’t you do that instead?”

“What’s wrong with you?

“Something bad is going to happen.”

“Oh, it’s just gonna be like last time.”

“See? It’s just not meant for you.”

We all have that inner voice inside of us, that mean Inner Critic that tries to scare us.

It’s a vestige of our past, a part of our evolutionary history. It’s the part that tries to keep us safe from harm.

It thinks that if it scares us into submission, we’ll do nothing and keep the status quo.

Even if the status quo is not good for us.

Because at least “the same” is predictable.

Our brain likes predictability.

Our brain doesn’t want change.

And that’s the problem.

Because any goal that’s worth achieving requires us to strive beyond our current capabilities. A good goal should stretch us to our limit, and require us to transform who we are, to become who we are meant to be.

That automatically triggers our amygdala, the fear center in our brain, and the hippocampus, where our memories are stored.

Then it’s just a few beats down memory lane, to our past when things did not work out, when our fears were once true. Our brains love to remind us of those times we’d much rather forget, to threaten and scare us into thinking that the same thing that went wrong before will go wrong again.

 

What do you do when you find yourself stuck reliving the past, or catastrophizing and imagining your worst possible future?

Over the years, I’ve found many wonderful options to be kinder to myself, to “love my way out” of many a mental mess, or to prove that my fearful thoughts were false — but, sometimes, effort is not the answer.

Sometimes, the BEST way to “Flip the Script” is to remind yourself,

“NOT every thought needs to be entertained and addressed.”

Indeed, many thoughts are just “habit loops” — phrases and patterns of thinking that our minds are used to playing on repeat.

Our minds aren’t “wrong” for playing that record again and again.

It’s just what our minds do.

So, why fight it?

Sometimes, letting go is the easier, faster path.

Of course, we can write a new record, filled with better songs, and entrain our brains to accept the new until it becomes our regular, preferred soundtrack.

But, in the meantime, when that old record starts to play, we can listen. Observe it with curiosity. Let it spin until it plays to completion.

Then enjoy the silence that follows.

 

Silence seems to come easily, when I let the dark, moody music play itself out.

I’ve noticed that my darkest music is just that…a familiar soundtrack that my inner voice sometimes likes to play.

And it’s just noise.

It doesn’t have to have any meaning, if I decide not to assign any meaning to it.

And that seems to make all the difference.

Without meaning, it loses its momentum.

It doesn’t snowball into some magnum opus, like something you’d hear in Star Wars.

Or…maybe it crescendos into something close to that — but it sounds funny, now. I can see the humor in its playing, yet again.

Like, really. “Brain, aren’t you sick of hearing that song…again?”

And it’s that looseness, of not gripping, not holding tightly, not having to solve or address anything, that seems to free up a tremendous amount of energy in me.

When I simply let it play, there’s silence in the after.

It’s where I find peace and space to find Better Words.

 

Entrain your brain to hear Better Words; compose Better Songs; and, eventually, the old record will stop spinning.

It may seem, so far, like I’m talking metaphorically. And, on one level, I am.

But, on another level, I mean it quite literally.

I’ve been writing songs, using Better Words for my lyrics, and I can tell that the more I listen to this music, the more my life has improved.

One day, I will release it, to share it all with you.

Because it’s clear to me now:

When we choose Better Words to tell ourselves,

we can play the BEST record for the soundtrack of our life.

And I believe, more than ever, that if we do it enough times, eventually, our old painful record will stop spinning.

Maybe it’ll stay on the shelf, but it’ll collect dust.

And if we play our new record enough times, maybe one day it’ll disintegrate, ‘til it’s no longer playable.

 

What’s the song that your mind likes to repeat?

I’m writing a new score for myself.

And I hope that you’ll join me.

The Composer in me honors & respects the Composer in each of you,

Marisa

🎤 📺 🎤

If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channel and signup for my free Substack Newsletter.

Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.

We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:

• Enliven our emotions & creativity;

• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;

• Foster a greater depth of Self;

• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,

• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.

I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.

We CAN do this, TOGETHER!

Marisa

Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement. 

Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self. 

Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do? 

Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @ my Contact Page.