Let’s EXPERIMENT, Together

In my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into our Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 6 of BECOMING AN ARTIST: Reinventing Yourself Through Mindful Creativity by Dr. Ellen J. Langer.
In Chapter 6: The Mindlessness of Social Comparison, EL says psychologists have studied how our tendency to engage in social comparison (SC) affects us, and found that SCs can either
- inspire us to take action, or
- demoralize and therefore inhibit us from acting.
In particular, they found that “when the accomplishments of others seem attainable, they will inspire us; when they seem unattainable, they may be undermining.”
This may sound like a downer, but it’s not. Because…
We are In Control
As long as we do not allow our Monkey Minds to trick us into believing its F.E.A.R.s (False Evidence Appearing Real), we get to decide whether the accomplishments of others are attainable or not.
We simply have to pay mindful attention to our THINKING, especially “how we talk to ourselves about [other people’s] behavior.”
We Control Our Filter
Personally, I find it’s easier to engage in SC when we view those we admire from their past: that’s where we can see how they’ve struggled and overcome many of the same or similar obstacles and challenges we might be facing.
It can help to make a far-away goal feel attainable, after all.
And, slowly but surely, it can shift our Mindset. Until our default becomes the empowering type of SC, not the undermining kind.
Where’s Your Mindset Now?
One of the best ways to measure where our Mindset falls on the spectrum between undermining and empowering is to ask ourselves the following question:
Are “successful people” successful because they’re naturally talented, or are they successful because they put in the effort?
I consider this one of the ultimate “Half-Glass Full vs. Half-Glass Empty” questions in life.
Intellectually, I believe the “correct” answer is that it’s the effort that ultimately determines whether someone will be successful or not.
Emotionally, I feel that’s the “correct” answer most of the time. When I’m feeling great. When I’m positive. When I feel self-confident and full of personal power.
But, I must admit that, when my emotions are down, or I’m off in some other way — like I’m super tired or hangry — my Inner Critic starts screaming like a banshee and its F.E.A.R. says that their success is attributable to talent.
What if our Highest Self has the BEST Answer?
My Highest Self balances the two, so that it’s not only (1) or only (2), but BOTH:
- Talent, alone, cannot guarantee success; and,
- Through effort, one can cultivate talent.
But, how does one do that?
The VICTUS Method: We can THINK-DO-&-BE our way to our Highest Self!
I strongly believe that, to transform ourselves to become who we CHOOSE to be, to reach who we are MEANT to be, we need to THINK-DO-&-BE our way to our Highest Self.
Like a Venn Diagram, I imagine three circles intersecting in the middle, and remind myself — often — that I need all three to effect long-lasting change.
And repetition matters.
So much so, I’d go so far as to say that…
The Routine of Repetition is The Secret to Our Success
And it’s also the secret behind our failure.
By that I mean, whatever Repetition Routine we happen to have at any given time in our life, we will either be going in the direction of succeeding or failing, of empowering ourselves or undermining ourselves.
PROBLEM IS: Our Repetition Routine is often not “chosen,” but comes to be in an absent-minded, mindless way, with little to no thought behind it.
Often because “that’s just the way it’s done,” according to some unwritten “Roles Rulebook” that society tells us to follow, explicitly or implicitly.
Most of us have a Repetition Routine where we engage in Non-Stop Social Comparison.
Let’s break it down, shall we?
THINK:
Looking back, I know from where my Inner Critic’s F.E.A.R. originates: it’s from my nascent Self, who first learned to compare during childhood.
Don’t we all?
It happens whether we want it to or not.
As we go through our educational system, grades are doled out in a curve, and there are only so many As and Bs.
DO:
So, of course, we compare, to position ourselves as best we can, to get the best grades we can, to get the best jobs we can, to get the best homes/cars/things as we can.
BE:
Which brings us back to the beginning: the research. As we crane our necks to see what our Dear Neighbors are doing, we feel the same way the research participants felt…This is our sense of BEING:
“If we attribute their success to their efforts, we are more likely to think that if we put in the effort we can achieve the result. If we attribute their success to talent we are lacking, we become demoralized.”
⭐️ WHAT IF…there’s a BETTER WAY of BEING?
EL suggests, “we can give up making these mindless evaluations which only make it more difficult to begin any new creative endeavor.”
Wow.
Do you think that’s possible?
Is it possible to completely GIVE UP the habit of Social Comparison?
Don’t worry if you don’t think that it is.
Even EL says, “Is there research evidence that we can be completely non-evaluative in this way? I don’t know of any. Perhaps Buddha and other spiritual leaders achieved such a state, but most of us have not.”
🤣
Even so, I find the idea of relinquishing this urge to draw social comparisons freeing.
If we cannot get rid of SC entirely, might we at least loosen our grip on this tendency, and be more at peace as a result?
I believe we can.
Because, time and time again, I’ve been able to negate my F.E.A.R.s, through a combination of identifying and changing my hidden Limiting Beliefs (THINK), solidifying better, more Empowering Beliefs through action (DO), and doing it repeatedly until they’re my default, hard-wired beliefs (BE).
Let’s Reframe Social Comparison & Empower Ourselves toward Success!
It’s not that we need to shut our eyes to reality.
We shouldn’t stick our heads in the sand.
Instead, let’s look to others for suggestions only — to show us that possibility and opportunity exists — and make sure that what they do can and will work for us as individuals, in a context-specific way that applies uniquely to us.
It’s worked for me. Might it work for you, too?
For example, in the past, I described how the “SELL, SELL, SELL” Model of Marketing didn’t align with me, so I exposed myself to new ideas, broadened my perspective to see that Other Ways of BEING a “Marketer” existed, and discovered a new way to do Marketing that was soul-centered & connection-centric.
But that knowledge, alone, was not enough.
I had to go beyond that thinking to doing, to actually experience that kind of soul-centered & connection-centric Marketing.
To my amazement, it was such a wonderful experience that I feel ready & willing to do it again!
Now, I’m at the point in my journey where I just need to repeat it, again and again, to BE the soul-centered, connection-centric “Marketer” I now know & trust I can be.
And, how blissful it is, to do Marketing in this aligned way.
It’s allowed me to realize how much peace can be gained when I’m mindfully aware of the costs of Social Comparison, let go of my need to control, and look for “possibility and opportunity” instead.
My curiosity’s peaked.
My imagination’s revved up.
I’m wondering what other Creative Practices I could apply this Mindful awareness to.
I’m ready to do my own series of experiments. Aren’t you?
It sounds like a grand adventure to try, and it’s the perfect opportunity to have some FUN!
Why not? Experiencing more peace sounds like a wonderfully promising reward to me.
Now, take a Mindful Minute, to ask yourself:
⭐️ Do YOU want to LET GOof Social Comparison, too?
⭐️ Then here’s my invitation to you: JOIN ME IN AN EXPERIMENT!
Choose a creative activity to pursue.
One that will allow you to practice the empowering kind of SC we all hope to do.
I look forward to hearing what YOU choose.
⭐️ But, before you do, consider lowering the stakes.
You might be like, “Huh?”
I know, I know. You might be a Type A person like me, too.
But, don’t get me wrong. There’s a reason why I’m suggesting we lower the stakes:
It’s because we don’t want to trigger our Sympathetic Nervous System to launch into a fight-flight-freeze-fawn-or-flop response.
Instead, we want to encourage our Parasympathetic Nervous System to stay engaged. Not to the point that we’re in “rest-or-digest,” but to the point that we’re relaxed enough to PLAY.
If we choose a creative endeavor that is too closely tied to our sense of identity, it will be that much harder for us to NOT engage in the undermining type of social comparison that we’re trying to avoid, because the stakes will be too high.
Instead, try to choose a creative activity where if we succeed or fail, it will not trigger any type of over-identification with the Self.
I can’t wait to hear what you choose…and look forward to sharing my choice next week!
To make it extra fun, I’m going to couple it with something BIG that I’ve been planning for a while now…
So STAY TUNED!
And, in the meantime, let your imagination wonder…
⭐️ What Creative Practice could YOU try, to THINK-DO-&-BE your way to becoming who you are MEANT to be?
⭐️ Can you imagine, how amazing it will feel, to step into your Higher Self & PLAY your way to Success?
🧠🎨The VICTUS Player in Me🎨🧠
🧠🎨honors & respects the VICTUS Player in Each of You,🎨🧠
Marisa

If you enjoy reading it, please consider leaving me a rating & review on Amazon & Goodreads! It’s the the easiest way to support Indie Authors like me.
Your kind contribution can be the greatly-appreciated rocket fuel that inspires me to keep living according to My Motto: Vita est pro victus! which means “Life is for Living — Truly Living!” Not as some shell of who we should be. But as our truest, most Authentic Self.
That’s MY MISSION in life: to encourage myself & others to BREAK FREE, to Be Our Truest, Most Authentic Self!
Join me! Together, we can be who we CHOOSE to be. Who we’re MEANT to be:
Happy & Healthy ♾️ Creating a life we LOVE ♾️ Full of Hope, Passion, & Purpose
© Marisa Victus
👭 Do you want to enlist the help of a Fellow Creative, to help you experience your own Creative Renaissance?
Our CHAT can be a safe place to tell safe people what you’d like to accomplish, so we can all support & cheer you on.
Let’s TRUST in our ability to be at peace.
Together, we can support each other on our healing journeys, to be the Creatives we are meant to be.
Together, we can BREAK FREE.
We can find solutions, together! Please join us in my

This is a special group for Writers, Artists, & Creatives like us, to have deep conversations about the Books that we choose, so we can implement what we learn, and unearth our truest, most Authentic Selves.
It’s the perfect way to
Share Our Recipes for Happiness:
🔮 Have fun together;
🔮 Share our triumphs;
🔮 Vent from time to time — we’re human after all!
🔮 Take a lighthearted approach to private journaling & Artist’s Dates; and,
🔮 Grow the CREATIVE GENIUS inside all of us! 💐🌺🌷🌸🌹🌻🌼
Share Our Work (allow our True Self to be Seen):
🚀 With Notes Boost Challenges (NBC), we can share our favorite Notes of the week.
🚀 And, when we’d like, we can share our Works In Progress (WIP) and/or Final Posts, Music, & Art…whatever we’re proud of!
🚀 So we can Like, Comment, and/or Restack each others’ work to…
Share Our Joy (experience Connection):
🙌 This is how we can come together, to grow through our own individual efforts, and feel the support of a kind & supportive Creative Community, too.
🤗 If that sounds good to you, then join us & say hello!
Join Marisa Victus’s subscriber chat
Subscribe if you want to see where this Creative Journey can take us!
When you SUBSCRIBE TO MY SUBSTACK, you’ll gain access to these 2 resources:
(1) Every week, you’ll get my free Non-Fiction Newsletter on Substack, entitled Marisa VICTUS: Science of Synergy & Self; and,
(2) You’ll be able to entrain your brain — the quick & easy way — with my Mindset & Meditation (M&M) practice.
Plus, if you’d like to see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public,
(3) SUBSCRIBE to my free YouTube Channel!











