Ironically, it’s our imperfections that make our authenticity shine through.
In my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into our Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 2 of BECOMING AN ARTIST: Reinventing Yourself Through Mindful Creativity by Dr. Ellen J. Langer.
In Chapter 2: Becoming Authentic, EL says Mindfulness is important because it allows us to truly experience and, therefore, enjoy our lives.
When we act Mindlessly, we succumb to a zombie-like adherence to rules that shuts off our creativity & ability to remain present with others.
Often because we feel stressed, anxious, and unnecessarily worried about appearing incompetent.
What’s the solution?
Adopt a Beginner’s Mindset
When we allow ourselves to be Beginners, and we give ourselves enough grace to have little to low expectations of ourselves to “do it right,” we become far more capable than we might be otherwise, because we’re able to “plunge in, letting the task, not problematic self-talk, lead us.”
In other words, we adopt a willingness to abandon the ego, and this is what results in better performance.
For example, when EL had to take time off from tennis to heal an injury, she came back performing better than she expected, simply because she got out of her head and focused on simply hitting the ball. The difference? Less pressure to perform or compete a certain way.
Abandoning Our Ego Allows Our Authenticity to Shine Through
Interestingly, abandoning the ego is often what enhances one’s authenticity; and that authenticity plays a large role in the external success of our creative pursuits, as well.
Like authors who write personal prose are apt to do. When they allow us to read about their lives and describe what happens to them, including their unfiltered thoughts, we empathize with them because we can drop much more deeply into the predicaments that they face.
We are given a peek behind their private curtain. We are able to see what’s happening to them and what they’re thinking, as if it’s happening in real time, like we are gaining the same insights at the exact same time they are.
Such “realness” can only be conveyed when one is Mindful and able to convey that Mindfulness in one’s art, in a way that feels unfiltered. This authenticity becomes visible because “There is no pretense, no public to impress.” Through words alone we, as readers, can sense the author’s honest experience, because it is mindfully conveyed.
Problem is: Our Educational System trains us to be Mindless!
“Practicing until perfect,” and practicing via rote memorization that focuses too much on repetition is, in effect, teaching us to be Mindless.
It encourages us to focus too much on the external “Rules Rolebook,” and can result in outcomes that appear “fake.”
In the case of music, EL cites a study showing that it ultimately leads to stifled performances that aren’t as enjoyable to play and are less enjoyable for audiences to listen to.
And, in the case of EL’s painting practice, when she painted a woman in three variations, by the time she painted it for the third time, she noted she’d enjoyed painting it less and less. As she described it, “Knowing just where I needed to go and going there, rather than discovering some new place along the way, meant that I was painting less mindfully than before.” And that Mindlessness showed, not only in her own experience of it, but also in how her friend reacted to it. “Somehow,” EL says, “my diminished interest in the painting was present on the canvas and visible to others.”
Instead of hiding the truth of who we are — by painting over our imperfections — we need to realize that…
Authenticity is the Secret Ingredient for Our Creative Work & Our Entire LIFE!
A life that’s well-lived needs to be authentic not only to ourselves, but in community with others.
Mindlessness impacts others’ perceptions about us.
When we are inattentive, when we are mindlessly going through the motions, and when we just don’t seem to “be here” when we are with others, we appear to be inauthentic, and she cites various scientific studies to demonstrate this effect.
One study demonstrates how children can sense authenticity when adults who are Mindful interact with them, compared to adults who merely pretend to care. And, quite sadly, the kids who encountered the Mindlessly fake adults scored lower in self-esteem.
Something similar happens among adults: Mindful adults appear to be more charismatic and genuine.
I certainly sense when someone’s mind or attention is elsewhere when I am talking to them. Don’t you?
It makes sense. When we see people who aren’t really engaged, they appear to have “checked out.”
Problem is: When we’re anxious, “checking out” by mindlessly following scripts is often what we do.
This brings about precisely what we wish to avoid: Making a bad impression!
As EL puts it, “in situations that make us nervous, we turn to stereotypical behavior for fear of being disapproved of, yet mindlessly following the script…causes the very problem we seek to prevent.”
There’s a social cost to Mindlessness, then.
Not only are we less stimulated ourselves, but we do little to engage or impress others when we follow the script too closely and fall into fake stereotypes.
We look fake. And other people can tell.
And, it seems…
The same can be said for the Animal Kingdom, too.
EL’s animal studies are fascinating. And a funny illustration to show how her Mindfulness — her consistent suspicion that her dog was aware of her moods, etc. — caused her to develop a series of experiments to test if dogs, sea lions, and dolphins preferred Mindful humans over Mindless ones. They found, “It appears that animals such as those we tested are in some way aware of human mindfulness.” And the human participants (like her and the animals’ regular caretakers) did report similar observations to support the belief that even animals pick up on our attentiveness or lack thereof.
Bottom line:
Life is more interesting — and we are more interesting to others — when we are Mindful.
Mindfulness is the “It” Factor for a life well-lived, both as we experience it internally and as others perceive it externally.
When we create Mindfully, no matter how unskilled or skilled we are, if we do the art in a way that is “mindfully engaged,” the outcome can be a positive experience, no matter how much or how little it is recognized by others, because we experience it with all of our senses, curiosity, and engaged interest.
And, most times, when art is made mindfully, it captures others’ attention because our authenticity in the making of it shines through.
So…
Let’s Celebrate the Irony & Embrace Our Imperfection!
As EL states, “[T]he outcomes we seek are more likely to come to our imperfect selves.”
So, let’s remember, there are many benefits to Mindfulness:
- For our creative practice
- For our relationships.
- For a life well-lived!
Now, take a Mindful Minute, to ask yourself:
⭐️Are YOU ready, to join me, to begin being more Mindful in our everyday life?
⭐️ For our journaling this week, let’s do a simple exercise over dinner with a friend or family member.
⭐️ Without changing anything, go about your meal the same as usual and notice the following:
⭐️ Are phones present?
⭐️ Was there any conversation?
⭐️ Have each diner rate the conversation on a scale of 1–10, 1 being non-existent, to 10 being highly engaging.
⭐️ On a scale of 1–10, notice how connected you feel to the other diners.
⭐️ Does any part of you want to transform your dining experience?
⭐️ In what ways could you and/or others improve it?
⭐️ How could you take one step — just one — to make it better this week?
⭐️Are YOU ready, to join me, to begin being more Mindful in our Creative Practice?
⭐️ Last week, I invited you to make a list of potential Creative Practices you might want to try. Are you ready to do it — little by little?
⭐️ How might you do it Mindfully? Without the ego? Without the need to do it perfectly?
🧠🎨The Imperfect, Authentic Me🎨🧠
🧠🎨honors & respects the Imperfect, Authentic You,🎨🧠
Marisa
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