How Thinking “I Know” Keeps Us Trapped
In my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, we’re doing a deep-dive into our Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 8 of BECOMING AN ARTIST: Reinventing Yourself Through Mindful Creativity by Dr. Ellen J. Langer.
In Chapter 8: The Blindness of Knowing, EL tells us that Gertrude Stein’s wrong when she says “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
To the contrary, EL says, a rose is not a rose is not a rose.
My MINDFUL Conclusion: Generalizations are necessary for us to process our environment, to succeed in our lives, but distinctions matter.
As EL warns, when “[w]e distinguish a rose by observing how it is like the other flowers we call roses, we mindlessly react to it much the same way each time.”
And she cites scientific studies to demonstrate that that apparent “sameness” — that blindness to differences — has real-world consequences.
Like engaging less when getting to know other people. Because we assume other people are pretty much all “the same.”
And, sadly, we can make the same wrong assumption about ourselves, too.
For example…
My MINDLESS Mistake: I mistakenly assumed the best way for me to study piano was to learn it the way most people study it:
The rote memorization of notes.
The mechanical practicing of scales.
Building finger strength and dexterity with drills like Hanon.
And, especially, the focus on traditional Classical music.
Like the saying goes, “A rose is a rose is a rose.”
I assumed I am like all other roses.
So I did all of the above.
Problem was: my Classically-minded piano teacher only chose pieces SHE wanted to play.
She never ventured to discover what kind of music intrigued me as her student: music I could sing to, musical scores in films, pop music, even some blues or jazz.
This may not have deterred other kids.
But, it deterred me.
As a child, I held onto this False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.), that there were no other acceptable ways to study piano.
In my naïveté, I simply accepted, “This is the way it is.”
As if there were no other Ways of Being.
And, yet, I knew that other options existed. I’d go to the music store and buy musical scores for Disney’s Beauty & the Beast. Or buy songbooks for Sarah McLachlan or Jewel or Fiona Apple.
I even put myself out there and asked my piano teacher if I could choose one of these works to practice next.
She allowed me to. But then never asked if I wanted to choose another one.
She saw the excitement in my eyes, my eagerness to try this popular style of piano, and met it with a luke-warm reaction that felt, not quite like disappointment, but a subtle judgment that wilted me nonetheless.
Now, I Lament What Could Have Been
How different my piano practice could have been, had I been encouraged to play pop songs or even the majestic musical scores that are used as the thematic backdrops for cinematically-enlivening Video Games like Final Fantasy!
(By the way, I am not a gamer. I’ve never even played games like that. But, if you’re familiar with these highly-immersive games, you know: the scores used to accompany their storylines are amazing!)
They’re imbued with a sense of magic, discovery, longing, and love. You don’t have to play these games to hear and feel the adventure embodied in their music.
Now, it saddens me to realize, looking back, that my piano teacher never saw me as a student who only needed a spark of inspiration to keep going.
She never asked what kind of music might excite me.
And, though her eyes were open and able to see what did enliven my musicianship, she did not welcome it into my usual repertoire.
And, though I was young, I sensed that.
Not as an overt rejection. She never said anything that was out-right mean.
But, it hurt nonetheless.
Because it gave me the sense that I lacked agency. That I merely played the role of a lower-case “student.”
She was the upper-case “Teacher,” and she determined not only the instruction, but the entire content.
To the point that my participation as an individual hardly mattered.
This is how I can understand and articulate it now, as an adult, looking back.
But, back then, as a child, it’s not how I saw it. I was used to going along with what the adults in my life directed me to do.
So, again, I thought, “This is just the way it is,” and I asked my mom if I could quit.
It wasn’t the first time I had asked to quit.
This time, she finally let me.
Sadly, there was no conversation to determine why I wanted to quit.
There was no further inquiry, to determine how I might want to keep studying piano.
In that regard, I don’t blame my mother for that. She’s not a musician. She doesn’t play the piano or any other instrument.
She didn’t know the conflict I was feeling inside.
But, was she interested in exploring what I wanted?
Because of the way I was raised, I was used to the idea that what sparked my Creativity could never be my career.
So, I “knew” I would never be a professional musician.
Singing pop songs like Taylor Swift was never presented as a potential future for me.
Even though I had performed and sung with a band before. Even though I was praised for it.
I always knew (because I was led to believe), that music could never be the focal point of any career for me.
So, when I was faced with a piano teacher like I had, and I felt music could never be an acceptable path in my future, I slipped into a sort of learned helplessness.
I gave up.
Now is the time to correct that wrong.
Now that I am older and wiser, and I’ve studied books like those we’ve selected for my STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT☕️🍵, I’ve incorporated them into the THINK portion of my VICTUS Method, to Think-Do-&-Be my way to who I’m meant to be.
I’ve learned to study & savor:
- Julia Cameron’s endlessly-motivating belief in our capacity to embrace and honor our Creative Self in her book, THE ARTIST’S WAY: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy.
- Dr. Martha Beck’s unapologetic argument in her book — BEYOND ANXIETY: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose — that a part of us dies when we sacrifice the truth of who we are, to adhere to society’s “Roles Rulebook,” and we deserve to create and live the life we want instead.
- And, Dr. Ellen J. Langer’s warning in this book, ON BECOMING AN ARTIST: Reinventing Yourself Through Mindful Creativity, that there are serious consequences to Mindlessly thinking “we know”; it leads to Mindlessly ignoring the details, especially when it comes to us as individuals, when we learn and adopt generalities that aren’t suited to us.
All of these ways to THINK have one thing in common:
They’ve shown me far Better Ways of Being.
They’re proof that I need to RE-THINK what I thought I knew as a kid.
I needed to do that RE-THINKING, right now.
And, most of all…
It’s time to move onto the next step in the VICTUS Method: DO.
But…
DOING’s The Hardest Part
It’s the most necessary part, too.
Because it’s not enough to THINK and RE-THINK.
Knowing is not the same as Doing.
And, like everyone else, I have to do all 3 — to Think and Do and Be — to become the person I am meant to be, the person I choose to be.
Yes, DOING is the only way we can heal all the broken parts inside of ourselves.
The forgotten parts.
The parts we push away and avoid.
Because it hurts too much to imagine…What if?
Are you like me?
I want more than anything to heal. To be at peace. To forgive.
Especially the tender Inner Child that got used to prioritizing “the way it is” because that’s what other people told me.
Because now I can clearly see that’s NOT “the way it has to be.”
There are other, Better Ways of Being.
Now, take a Mindful Minute, to ask yourself:
⭐️ Are there other, Better Ways of Being that you want to explore?
⭐️ Do YOU have an Inner Child who needs to heal?
⭐️ Are you ready to repeat after me, to proclaim this wholeheartedly?
- ♥️ “I deserve to explore Better Ways of Being.”
- ♥️ “I deserve to be happy.”
- ♥️ “I am ready to champion my Creative Self.”
I hope that you will join me. Because we’re about to get messy.
We’re going to embrace our “Messy Middle.”
We’re going to do “the DO.”
Because we deserve it.
And we deserve to do it in a well-regulated way, too.
Because our Nervous Systems don’t need to be traumatized to grow.
And, stepping into a new Creative YOU can bring up a lot of feelings — like self-doubt, uncertainty about technique, the dreaded Imposter Syndrome, the heinous Inner Critic, and — of course — REGRET!
Regret’s a big one for me. ’Cause I know: if I’d had the benefit of the musical scores I liked, with an enthusiastic teacher for that style, I never would’ve quit piano in the first place!
No matter what we’re feeling…
We Deserve to Honor Our Emotions & Take Better Care of Ourselves
Which is why I’ll be using the power of Music to help us do precisely that.
To entrain our brains to DO our way to the Creative Life we all deserve:
So, get ready:
- Choose a creative activity to pursue alongside me. Not necessarily the same creative practice as I’m choosing. But, the creative practice that YOU choose.
- Together, we will experiment and PLAY.
And, to make it extra fun, I’m going to couple it with something BIG that I’m almost ready to LAUNCH.
So STAY TUNED!
🧠🎨 The Healing Creative in Me 🎨🧠
🧠🎨 honors & respects 🎨🧠
🧠🎨 the Healing Creative in Each of You, 🎨🧠
Marisa
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