Promote yourself from Homeowner to Architect
Unpopular Opinion:
Be miserable.
Be disgruntled.
Hate your life.
REALLY truly let that discomfort and dis-ease sink in.
Then use that discontent to your advantage.
💥 Use it to fortify your resolve to CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
💥 To never give up on finding your Purpose.
💥 To search — relentlessly — until you find what you LOVE.
💥 To align your work with YOUR passion.
💥 To spend time the way YOU want to spend it.
💥 To focus on doing what YOU want to do.
💥 To live the life YOU want to live.
💥 To be who YOU want to be.
Oh, how I love this practice!
At first, it seems confronting. Offensive, almost.
Because I’m encouraging you (and me) to welcome our negative emotions.
But I’m not a sadist (or a masochist).
I’m a friend who cares. And so is your negativity.
Our emotions — especially the negative ones — are messengers. And they bear us no ill will.
They’re like neighbors who come to visit us.
When we like them, when we enjoy their company, we open the door and let them right in. Joy? Happiness? Excitement? “Come on in!” we exclaim, as we swing that door wide open.
But when they’re sad. When they’re angry. When they’re depressed or disappointed. They press that doorbell, their emotion rings and reverberates in our bodies, hearts, and minds, and we keep that door shut. We flip those deadbolts to make sure they can’t get inside. We pull down the shades, close the curtains, and start whispering, “Go away!” hoping that they’ll just give up and leave us the hell alone.
But, they’re friends — not foes.
They’re here to warn us.
They ring that doorbell again and again — not to harass us — but to let us know that something is wrong in our life.
It could be someone or something. But something is definitely amiss.
At the slightest hint of danger, they’re there, letting us know.
They tell us it’s too dry and hot outside; the leaves and brush are beginning to pile and they pose a risk.
When it hasn’t rained for months, there’s more than risk.
Suddenly, the fire’s here, and it’s beginning to spread across your lawn.
The piles of brush you hadn’t swept away are smoking, about to burst into bright red orange flames.
Why not listen to their negativity?
Listening to them won’t kill us.
Listening to them will save us.
Besides, what choice do we have?
When we try to avoid uncomfortable or painful emotions, we’re trapped, thinking we’re safe inside, but that’s just denial. Or fear that’s masked in avoidant behavior. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously at the very least.
And ignoring negative emotions doesn’t work.
Like good neighbors, they won’t stop ringing our door.
Fervently, they keep pressing our doorbell, with more and more pressure.
Do you hear them? They’re sounding the alarm, trying to save you!
They refuse to give up. You need saving!
So their finger’s no longer pointing. They’re pounding their fists, like a jackhammer.
Their force makes cracks form, along the edge of our foundation.
They can’t help it, when we let the fire climb up our walls. Until it’s so bad, the front door falls, and our entire house comes falling down.
I don’t know about you, but I do not want to fall apart.
So let’s welcome our negative neighbors in. Let’s invite them inside.
There’s no need to be afraid when we are the architect.
And they’ve got the information we need to build a sanctuary — a sanctuary where all our emotions can be housed.
Do we want a house made of straw?
No. We need one that’s strong, with pillars built to withstand any threat.
We need emotional resilience.
So, we invite all our emotional neighbors in. They tell us:
• Sadness can build the pillar to honor ourselves.
• Regret can build the pillar to make better plans.
• Anger can build the pillars for healthy boundaries & self-respect.
• Loneliness can build the pillars for community & connection.
• Depression can build the pillar for happier days ahead.
• Feeling lost can build the pillar for us to be our most Authentic Self.
I’m ready to listen to their opinions. Aren’t you?
Just think, what hope do we have if we’re constantly trying to keep our emotions as far away from us as possible?
If we’re too afraid to open the door, until a gentle ring of the doorbell transforms into a battering ram?
Does it make sense to be weak, too afraid to examine the cracks until they’ve completely broken us apart and torn us down?
Better to look at them now, while they’re small.
Better to investigate why they’ve formed in the first place.
Better to realize that the pain we’re experiencing now is protecting us and preventing us from having unnecessary pain in the future.
So let’s answer the door. Let them inside!
Even if it’s misery. Or longing. Really feel that dis-ease!
Ask them why they’re there. What are they trying to tell us?
If our life’s not working for us,
if our jobs aren’t making our lives better,
if people aren’t elevating our lives, but sucking the life out of us,
then let’s listen!
Even if a lot of time has passed — even if we’ve tried to turn off the lights and board up the house, but it hasn’t worked, and that ding-dong of a doorbell’s become a siren wailing, desperately for us to listen — it’s not too late!
Hate that blaring alarm so much that it spurs us to take action & put the fire out!
Allow the anger, pain, stress, and overwhelm inside, and they’ll build the pillars we need to strengthen our resolve.
Yes, sometimes your negative neighbors are precisely the friends that you need.
To change your life.
To remove everything that doesn’t serve you.
Until all that’s left is a sanctuary, with pillars and walls that support you.
Making friends with all your emotions will strengthen your capacity to not only feel — but to feel, deeply — so you can stop denying who’s at the door.
Because that emotional friend is who you are.
And they’re here to tell you, you can choose who you want to be.
So you can live the fulfilling life that you deserve.
Now, take a Mindful Minute to reflect on your life:
In what ways do you deny your feelings?
Do you tend to avoid negative emotions?
What are you afraid to feel?
Are you guilty of toxic positivity?
In what ways can negative emotions serve a purpose?
Are you ready for a promotion, from Homeowner to Architect?
I am.
I’m telling myself, again and again,
“You can build a sanctuary to protect the most tender parts of you.”
“You can have a home filled with happiness, joy, and peace.”
“With pillars so strong, you can weather any storm.”
“It’s always possible, when you make room for every part of you.”
The Sanctuary in me honors & respects the Sanctuary in each of you,
Marisa
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