
In our STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHATâď¸đľ, weâre doing a deep-dive into our Book Club selection! This week is Chapter 5 of REWIRED: The Breakthrough Tapping Method to Stop Overthinking, Calm Your Body, and Finally Feel at Ease by Nick, Jessica, & Alex Ortner.
In Chapter 5, the Ortners describe a predicament we know all too well and experience almost everyday: When Your Mind Wonât Shut Up!
Itâs the Inner Critic, voicing its âopinionâ about everything youâre thinking, doing, or feeling, whether itâs already happened, is likely to happen, or youâre worried will happen, non-stop.
Most people try to stop this incessantly cruel inner dialogue, but trying to silence it just doesnât work. Itâs like trying to not-think about a pink elephant. The second you try, your mind conjures an entire circus full of them.
And this isnât some inconsequential mental phenomenon occurring in your mind.
No, when our minds get trapped in this mental loop of reactivity, our amygdala interprets our strong desire to stop the Inner Critic as yet another threat.
I love how the Ortners summarize this dilemma withâŚ
The Quicksand Rule
âWhen dealing with the nervous system, the harder you fight the deeper you sink.â
The more we use our willpower to try to force ourselves from stopping, the more we activate our sympathetic nervous system to have a fight-flight-freeze-fawn-or-flop reaction.
The Solution: Tapping to Calm
The only way to escape the quicksand is to stop our straining, struggling, and forcing.
Instead, we can do EFT tapping to send a cascade of piezoelectric signals to our nervous system, to foster the state of calm our bodies need to recognize itâs safe to enter a Parasympathetic Nervous System state of rest-and-digest.
My MINDFUL Reflection
I find the more I lean into the final phrasing of the tapping script, the more easily I am able to feel calmer: âEven though I feel X, I completely love and accept myself.â
When you think about it, this makes perfect sense to anyone who has ever tried to comfort a young child who is upset.
The solution is not to force them to stop crying or ignore the way that they feel.
Personally, when my young kids are upset, it always helps to come close, give them a snuggle, and talk to them about their emotions. Whether their feelings are positive or negative, it always helps to acknowledge how they feel, because all feelings are welcome, and then reassure them that I love them anyway, no matter what they are feeling. Then, after theyâre calm, I help them to come up with a solution, one that they will be much more open to hearing when their bodies and brains are calm and relaxed.
Iâve found, being patient enough to wait for the calm before addressing any issue is critical.
If youâve ever tried to reason with a tantruming toddler, you know it doesnât work. Theyâre too caught up in their upset â sometimes kicking and screaming or literally going limp in your arms â that their thinking brains simply go off-line.
When thatâs happening, no amount of logic will get through to them.
And the solution is not to try to force them into listening.
The solution is to hold space for them, so they can feel safe feeling exactly as they do. And, once theyâve calmed down, their bodies and brains will naturally release their upset.
Of course, itâs never an excuse to behave badly, like hurting other people or property, no matter what age we are. So, I like to tell my kids, âAll emotions are welcome â even the so-called negative ones, like anger. They all serve a purpose. But, inappropriate behaviors are not allowed.â
I also remind them, âI care how you feel. Tell me what happened, and Iâll help you to come up with a solution.â
As I raise them, I see how amazingly effective this has been. The tantrums have faded. They come to me when theyâre upset and automatically explain what they feel, what happened, and ask for my help solving it.
Why not extend the same loving-kindness to ourselves?
I love how EFT tapping does precisely that, with its endlessly-modifiable EFT tapping script. No matter what stress we may be going through, or negative thought we may be having, it follows the same pattern: âEven though I feel X, I completely love and accept myself.â
(And, if we feel uncomfortable saying that particular statement, we can choose something that is true for us, like âEven though I feel X, I am here to listen to and support myself.â)
Whatever words we choose, theyâre like a verbal snuggle we get to give ourselves. Instead of plowing through our upsets, EFT introduces the pause between the upsetting stimulus and our response. To take a break. To go inward. To listen to and validate our emotions. To give our hearts and minds a cuddle.
That may sound trite or silly. But, as we know from science, hugging sends a strong signal to our brains and bodies to give us powerful soothing hormones, like oxytocin. EFT may use tapping instead of a warm embrace but, in essence, itâs generating the same effect, to bond with our Highest Self.
And, like many do in psychotherapy to honor our Inner Child, the more we do EFT, the more we can teach our Inner Child to trust our Highest Self, to help us get through anything, no matter what weâre facing externally in our lives.
As Dr. Ellen J. Langerâs shown in her Counterclockwise Experiments, the thoughts we think matter. So, I am setting the intention to see my EFT Tapping as an oxytocin-boosting, Inner-Child-Healing practice that it can be, to nurture and parent my Highest Self into a state of calm, clear Parasympathetic way of thinking about my lifeâs trials and tribulations, whether theyâre big or small.
Now, Take a Mindful Moment, to ask yourself:
âď¸ What do you think about The Quicksand Rule? Do you think itâs accurate?
âď¸ Now that weâve had some experience trying EFT, do you think itâs helping you to stop fighting, to allow your emotions to be as they are, so you can feel calm first, without so much internal resistance?
âď¸ If you have a so-called ânegativeâ emotion like anger or jealousy, might EFT Tapping help you to broaden your mindset? When youâre calm, might you see how that these emotions can serve a positive purpose, like signaling your right to have your concerns addressed?
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Could anger help you see that you need to set a boundary with someone else?
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Or, maybe jealousyâs a sign that you want to experience what someone else has or does for yourself?
âď¸ How might EFT Tapping help you to stop fighting what you think or feel?
âď¸ Imagine: wouldnât it feel better to trust that your feelings matter, no matter what they are?
âď¸ Interestingly, the Ortners say that many people who try EFT for the first time struggle to say âI completely love and accept myself.â I can relate. I think, if I had tried EFT before having kids, it would have been harder for me to go that far and say âI completely love and accept myself.â Now that I have had kids, I know Iâd have no problem at all saying that to help my kids get through their upset. I think thatâs a huge reason why I can say it to myself without my mind resisting it. đ¤ Isnât that interesting? Iâm noticing itâs much easier for me to be compassionate to my kids than it is for me to be compassionate to myself. I hope that self-compassion becomes my new default, the longer I go on the lifelong journey of learning to love myself. đ¤
âď¸ This week, letâs experiment with EFT, see if we feel more relaxed, and notice if weâre cultivating more Loving-Kindness for ourselves & others.
đ§ đĽ°The Lifelong Learner in MeđĽ°đ§
đhonors & respectsđ
đ§ đĽ°The Lifelong Learner in Each of You, đĽ°đ§
Marisa
STAY TUNED!
Coming up, I have a surprise for you inside our 𼳠đ Mindful VICTUS Playscape! đ 𼳠on Skool, so join if you havenât already!
đĽ Letâs Play! đĽ
Join us inside The Mindful VICTUS Playscape
A Private, Members-Only Safe Space,
where Music helps us to heal & come alive!
𼳠đ đ Mindful VICTUS Playscape! đ đ đĽł
âď¸Click to join on Skool.comâď¸
I strongly believe that we are stronger together. Thatâs why Iâm encouraging us to âdo the DOâ as a community, in a safe & private space for members-only, where we can embrace Becoming in all of its messy glory. So, letâs BREAK FREE, together!
Simply join The Mindful VICTUS Playscape to step into a đĄCreative HomeđĄ thatâs sometimes cozy, sometimes crazy, and always creative!
Weâll be using the science-backed Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to TAP into the power of MUSIC to regulate our Nervous System.
In The Mindful VICTUS Playscape, our motto is
Vita est pro victus!
which means
âLife is for LIVING â Truly Living!â
Not as some shell of who we should be. But as our truest, most Authentic Self.
Here, we PLAY our way to success, using The VICTUS Method: the science-backed practice for us to THINK+DO+BE who weâre meant to be, by cultivating MINDFUL Creativity in Music, Art, Fitness, & Somatic Exercises to experience peace, joy, & flow.
Together, we will deactivate the Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn-or-Flop response of our Sympathetic Nervous System; and activate the Rest-&-Digest response of our Parasympathetic Nervous System, so we can all see how wonderful it feels to experience safety in our body, mind, and heart. đ Relax into our âMessy Middleâ đ Celebrate our Becoming đ Champion our Highest Self đ Honor our Inner Child; and, remember that, when we are Mindful, we have the power to CHOOSE whatâs best for us: To drop the mask đ Abandon perfectionism
Letâs co-create the world we wish to live in, so we can all LIVE our lives, wholeheartedly.
Inside The Mindful VICTUS Playscape,
we can be who we CHOOSE to be.
Who weâre MEANT to be:
âžď¸ Happy & Healthy âžď¸
âžď¸ Creating a life we LOVE âžď¸
âžď¸ Full of Hope, Passion, & Purpose âžď¸
Are YOU ready to use EFT to step into the new Creative YOU, in a well-regulated way with me?
Then join The Mindful VICTUS Playscape so we can
EFT-our-way-to-Freedom this day & every day!
Iâll never promise perfection. Only Authenticity.
As I tap the keys on my pianoâŚ
so we can EFT-Tap our way to wholeness.
Together, weâllâŚ
Like/Comment/Share our creative work, so ALL of us can grow as Creatives.
âď¸ Until we can all proclaim this wholeheartedly:
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âĽď¸ âI deserve to explore Better Ways of Being.â
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âĽď¸ âI champion my Creative Self.â
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âĽď¸ âNo matter what Iâm feeling, I can love & accept myself.â
See you inside!
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Choose a creative activity to pursue alongside me. Not necessarily the same creative practice as Iâm choosing (music). But, the creative practice that YOU choose.
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Together, we will experiment and PLAY.
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P.S. No worries if you donât have a Creative Practice yet. Iâm planning fun ways to listen-to-learn piano, by going back to basics, so beginners will be right on time!
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Together, we can support each other on our healing journeys, to be the Creatives we are meant to be.
Together, we can BREAK FREE.
We can find solutions, together! Please join us in my
This is a special group for Writers, Artists, & Creatives like us, to have deep conversations about the Books that we choose, so we can implement what we learn, and unearth our truest, most Authentic Selves.
Itâs the perfect way to
Share Our Recipes for Happiness:
đŽ Have fun together;
đŽ Share our triumphs;
đŽ Vent from time to time â weâre human after all!
đŽ Take a lighthearted approach to private journaling & Artistâs Dates; and,
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When you SUBSCRIBE TO MY SUBSTACK, youâll gain access to these 2 resources:
(1) Every week, youâll get my free Non-Fiction Newsletter on Substack, entitled Marisa VICTUS: Science of Synergy & Self; and,
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(4) JOIN our private, members-only community in The Mindful VICTUS Playscape, where we come together to Share our creative work ⢠Celebrate our âMessy Middleâ ⢠Silence our Inner Critic ⢠Elevate our State ⢠Experience safety in our body by regulating our nervous system ⢠Motivate ourselves with creative carrots, not punishing sticks ⢠Entrain our brains to adopt unstoppable self-belief ⢠Practice loving ourselves ⢠Stop taking ourselves so seriously ⢠Lower our stress ⢠ENJOY a Life thatâs full of abundance & creativity!


























