When we strive to achieve our Goals, we often forget ourselves.
Why?
Because our Inner Critic can give us the wrong impression: that other people “have what it takes.”
When we see someone who’s achieved massive success, a part of us thinks, “That’s just how winners are.”
We forget that people who are successful at what they do were not born with the same personality, determination, or grit that they now have.
They’re human, just like us.
And we are not beings with immutable traits.
From the moment we’re born, we slowly mirror, practice, learn, and adopt the skills that we have now.
Let’s not forget that that process never stops.
Let’s not hold the false belief that others have what it takes while we do not.
We can become who we truly wish to be.
We can identify, practice, and learn the skills that we need.
And one day, we will have the skillset, temperament, and resilience to achieve the success that we want.
So the next time your Inner Critic begins to compare “you” to “them”…
Flip the Script:
from “I can’t” to “Of course, I CAN.”
Remind yourself:
“Skills are not traits.”
“Skills can be learned.”
“Other people have learned these skills.”
“I can learn them, too.”
Shift your mindset.
Which skills are you opening to learning, today?
The Learner in me honors & respects the Learner in each of you,
Marisa
🎤 📺🎤
If you love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
When I took a challenging class and was forced to focus intently on my yoga teacher’s instructions, I completely escaped my rumination. I found myself FREE, and it was such a relief! To want to stay present in my body, in this positive way, when usually migraines make me want to escape my body the most. This was the power of a somatic practice! I’ve been on a mission to explore other somatic practices, ever since.
Two weeks ago, I decided to try Cold Exposure Therapy.
Cold Exposure Therapy, a.k.a. cryotherapy, has been around for decades.
Many professional athletes submerge themselves in ice-baths to soothe their sore bodies and reduce inflammation.
And I’ve discovered other doctors and scientists, including a fave Neuroscientist, who take cold showers and praise the powerful effects, too.
It’s no wonder then, that in recent years, the practice has exploded in popularity.
One of the most well-known proponents is none other than “The Iceman” himself, Wim Hof.
If you’re not familiar with Mr. Hof, you can easily take a gander at his approach to cold exposure by reading his book on Kindle Unlimited.
Reading a book about it…that, I could do.
But was I willing to give it a try?
I had to overcome my resistance.
We’re human. We all want to avoid pain and discomfort.
Still, I think I took more convincing than most.
You see, I’m one of those people who hates the cold.
I love to be warm and cozy.
You know, the concept of hygge, where you’ve got layers upon layers of soft fuzzy clothes on, a bowl of hot soup, and soft candles flickering in the corner of the room?
That’s my idea of heaven.
A super cold shower’s NOT my cup of tea — not by a long shot.
But letting such a promising somatic practice go unexplored just didn’t jive with my new identity:
To be a “Scientist of Self,” you have to give new thoughts and experiences a try, to be the N of 1, and examine your unique results for yourself.
These past few years, I’ve devoted myself to finding synergy, to identify what works for me in one area, and translate that to achieve greater success in all areas of my life.
Sometimes, the goal is:
• to maximize my work.
• to reach my creative potential.
• to relax into peace and flow.
In other words, sometimes the goal is aspirational.
But, other times, it’s a matter of survival.
Sometimes, I have to find synergy, to alleviate my physical or emotional pain.
Whatever the goal might be, I decided a few years ago to adopt a mindful mindset when it comes to reaching my goals. But, I had to get over my resistance. And the identity of a Scientist helped to do that for me.
By seeing myself as that N=1, I was able to loosen the hold that my old Identity (a Perfectionist) had on me.
Even if I wasn’t great at it, even if my experiment “failed,” I could see that “failure” as helpful data.
So what did I have to lose?
On the heels of my miraculous mind-body transformation with yoga, I figured I had much to gain.
It wasn’t long before I warmed up to the idea and thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I test it for myself, and cold showers actually help me? Wouldn’t it be awesome, if it’s as beneficial as Mr. Hof claims?”
Benefits like:
1. Fortified immune system
2. Reduced inflammation
3. Improved blood circulation
4. Boost in energy
5. Rise in dopamine levels
6. Reduced stress response
7. Enhanced metabolism
Now, Mr. Hof espouses a particular breathing method in tandem with cold exposure, both in and out of the water. To many, it’s an extreme practice that most would not want to endure.
But, we don’t have to go that far if we don’t want to.
Cold exposure can be beneficial at a far lower threshold.
Take a COLD shower.
When we enter the cold, our circulatory system gets a total body workout.
This is no small feat.
Your circulatory system is 70,000 miles long; that’s like going around the world 3x.
The cold acts as a positive stressor. It trains our body’s cardiovascular system to contract and dilate, improving the elasticity of our blood vessels.
Our blood’s rerouted, away from our extremities and towards our core.
And that benefits our body long after the shower’s over.
Better circulation means a stronger delivery system for the oxygen and nutrients in our body.
The immune system also produces more white blood cells, which bolsters our protection against infection and disease.
And, the benefits aren’t limited to the physical.
It also improves our mental health, by releasing the “feel-good” hormones (endorphins) that reduce our stress. Cortisol drops and the result is a natural high, a state of calm that can last for hours, if not the entire day.
What’s more, we’ll accelerate our metabolic rate when our bodies generate heat to maintain our core temperature, a process known as “thermogenesis.” The end result? Burning more calories, all of the time.
Sounds good to me!
The only catch?
We’ve got to get a little…uncomfortable.
What do we have to lose?
Only 15- to 20- to 30-seconds of our warm and cozy comfort.
“It’s just a short amount of time,” I reminded myself.
Yes, even The Iceman recommends easing into it for just fifteen to thirty seconds at a time.
The immediate goal’s not to plunge into an icy cold sea.
Instead, he recommends taking a warm shower, as usual; then, end it with a steady stream of cold water. For gradually longer periods of time.
Let’s Get Personal: Here’s How I Prepped for My Experiment:
I decided it wouldn’t make any sense for me to make the contrast between hot and cold more pronounced than it had to be. ’Cause that would make it more painful.
So, my standard 90+ degree showers had to go.
I settled on 80 degrees as a reasonable starting point.
And, I confess, even that took some getting used to.
Then the mental gymnastics started. Every morning, my brain got a workout, as I told myself, “You’re going to drop that dial down to 60 degrees.”
In the beginning, just the idea of it made me hyperventilate. Like most anything difficult, the anticipation of it was something I had to overcome.
But, I stayed the course, grabbed hold of that dial and eased my way down.
I shampooed my hair.
80 dropped to 75, and I started to take deeper, slower breaths.
Conditioner went in. 75 dropped to 70.
I soaped and, as the bubbles streamed down, my breaths became steadier.
Then came the hardest part:
The drop from 70 to 60.
I decided the most painful part had to be paired with the greatest reward, to make this process as painless and as enjoyable as possible:
For that, I reserved my favorite, most luxurious body wash.
I turned the dial those last 10 degrees and Breathed.
Breathe!
“Damn it, that is so freakin’ COLD!”
That’s literally all I could think.
1 Mississippi. 2 Mississippi. 3 Mississippi.
On and on.
Until 1 Mississippi became 15.
15 became 30.
30 became 40.
40 became 50.
50 became 60.
And on and on….
The hilariously awkward shuffling of my legs and vigorous rubbing of my goosebump-covered arms transformed into something I absolutely NEVER envisioned for myself:
Two weeks later and I’m like a swan, arms open wide, my chest rising up to meet the steady stream of icy COLD water.
I’ve graduated. From bracing myself against the painfully cold water, to welcoming it, like it’s bringing me my very first breath.
Just like The Iceman said would happen, I’ve noticed a shift in me:
I’m able to control my body to receive the cold.
It’s not to the point that I feel no reaction whatsoever. I’m not there yet.
But, the cold’s not frightening to me anymore. I’m strangely eager to experience it now.
And, something even odder has happened: I’ve found warmth in the cold.
I don’t know how to explain it.
After the first few moments of sensing cold, something else happens:
It’s like the temperature dial in my shower’s been moved up, even though it hasn’t changed.
It’s still set to 60 degrees.
But, it feels like it’s warm.
And, best of all, I feel fantastic. Highly energized.
And, long after the shower’s over, I find a better sense of Self:
My breathing is steadier. I am more aware of my breath, whether I’m meditating or not.
And I feel more regulated — emotionally — throughout the entire day.
What do you think? Are you intrigued? Does it sound like something you’d like to try?
If you do, I’d love to hear about your experience.
I’m loving my results so far.
Not just in my body, but in my mind:
It’s shown me the power behind what a little discomfort can do.
As the cold water’s streaming down on me, I can tell myself, “There’s hygge in the cold. There’s magic inside of you.”
The Iceman in me honors & respects The Iceman in each of you,
Marisa
🎤📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
I used to think the best way to save myself — to avoid the migraine — was to think my way out of it.
To use better thoughts.
To Flip the Script.
It was a very cerebral thinking vs. better thinking approach.
It’s worked before, and it’ll work again.
But, I found an even better solution:
Yoga’s taught me the Power of a Somatic Practice: SOMETIMES, Entering the Body’s a Better Method
I didn’t come to this realization on purpose.
It happened after I decided to add yoga to my schedule as a form of self-care.
As a way to show myself, “Even if you don’t feel like you have the time, even if it feels like there’s still too much to do, you deserve to take time for yourself.”
In other words, I saw it as a form of self-love.
And that’s precisely what it’s become for me.
Every week, I carve out that hour for myself. And I feel so much more relaxed and energized because of it. Not just for the hour, but for the entire day afterward.
And sometimes days before, too. Because I can look forward to giving that time to myself.
It’s lessened my stress. It’s enhanced my balance. It’s strengthened my body.
Most importantly…
Yoga’s refocused my mind.
One morning, I was feeling the beginning of a migraine coming on.
A part of me wanted to skip yoga.
To grab my migraine mask (this too-embarrassing-to-be-seen-in-public, but highly-effective neoprene sleeve) that covers the entire top of your head, from the crown of your head, over your eyes, to the tip of your nose.
That’s the Total Blackout I wanted. To sleep it off in bed.
But, I didn’t.
I remembered the calm bliss I felt after an hour spent focusing on my breath.
That slow and subtle shift out of the Sympathetic Nervous System, and into the Parasympathetic Nervous System that lets your body relax and rest.
So I drove myself to the gym, doubting it would be enough to ward off the migraine.
Still, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.
And, some time in the middle of class, in the midst of following the teacher’s instructions, to repeat the somewhat complex vinyasa — but faster, this time, on the opposite side — it dawned on me:
By focusing on following my Yoga teacher’s instructions, I had no option but to ignore any ruminating thoughts.
Which is a big deal. Because my rumination’s not your run-of-the-mill rumination when I’m having a migraine.
It’s far worse, the worse the migraine gets.
And this is where yoga surprised me.
Of all the benefits to yoga,
I love the focus on the breath.
I love the benefits of going inward.
I love the enhanced flexibility and tone it’s giving my body.
I love the better balance I can sustain.
And, most of all, I love the introspective space it gives, to heal yourself, to give yourself the time and grace that everyone needs to see their body and their Self as the fallible and sometimes frail or fragile human beings that we are.
But what I never expected was the sudden realization, as I focused intently on how to twist out of a move and into the next — in a way that we had never done before, at faster than ever speed — that I had completely escaped my rumination.
I suddenly found myself: FREE.
It was such a relief!
To want to stay present in my body, in this positive way, when usually a migraine makes me want to escape my body the most.
Yoga’s inspired me to pursue more somatic practices.
Ever since this happened, I’ve been exploring other somatic methodologies.
To see what other somatic practices could help me do.
And I haven’t found this level of freedom in other forms of movement.
I think it’s because this particular Yoga Teacher does a new routine every week. And since I only take her class once a week, I might be familiar with the poses, but the specific combinations are fresh and new.
And her vinyasas move quickly, from one pose to the next, like a sophisticated game of Twister. Where you have to listen carefully. To focus. To follow.
I think that’s what keeps my mind so attuned to my body, from the neck down, instead of my own internal thoughts.
Give it a try!
The next time you’re over-stressed, or you can’t escape a bad bout of rumination, find a challenging Yoga class. And if your local gym doesn’t have one, look for one on YouTube.
If you’re anything like me, focusing into your body just might be the faster path out of your pain.
Not just physically, but mentally.
And if you’re thinking, “I don’t have the time”….
Well, that’s precisely the time you might need to go.
The Flow in me honors & respects the Flow in each of you,
Marisa
🎤📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
And as I sit here, rewatching it in silence, I feel a greater sense of strength, not in my voice, but deep in my core.Yes, there is power in SILENCE.Have you experienced it, too?
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
When You Lose Your Voice (literally or figuratively), Harness the Power of SILENCE + You Can Use Your Voice In a BETTER Way!
From my series: How to “Flip The Script” with the VICTUS Method.
I was feeling a bit under the weather this week.
I was still able to follow my routine, but the more I talked when working or socializing, the more I discovered I was losing my voice.
Literally.
But, that wasn’t what worried me.
The worst part was, it felt like I was losing my voice emotionally.
I know precisely why:
Because losing my voice was impacting my productivity.
It wasn’t the end of the world, though.
I was able to shift my schedule and reorganize some of my plans.
All should’ve been well.
But, pretty soon, I felt this sense of sinking, of falling behind.
Of stress.
And, unfortunately, I know that when I get stressed, the likelihood of a horrendous migraine starts to rear its ugly head.
So I had to perform a Mindset Reset. To lessen the stress, not only in my mind, but also in my body.
Because I’ve learned this the hard way: If I don’t get a handle on my stress levels, my body will keep the score. The throbbing will start to set in my head, and there’ll be hours of pain, and worse — rumination — to endure.
Here’s the Mindset Reset I used to avoid that:
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
1. I remembered, Now is not the time to strive. Instead of using FORCE: Relax. Let go. Accept.
2. I asked, “How can this actually serve me?”
My mind quickly railed against the question: “How could your voicelessness help you?! You barely have enough time as it is to do your work and creative activities, not to mention what’s most important of all: the need to tend to your family! And, that long list of To Do’s!”
But…
3. I pushed back, telling myself “Nothing good will come from focusing on what you’ve lost, on what you lack.”
4. I told myself, “You have to focus on what you HAVE.”
And, when I finally got my mind to cooperate, I found 7 BLESSINGS, significantly more than a stressed-out-state would ever let me know:
BLESSING #1:
To save my voice, I whispered. And my two young kids whispered so gently, right back at me.
Even though I had never asked them to. They just did it naturally.
My daughter pat me gently on the back, and mirrored what I’ve often done for her.
In the gentlest voice, she comforted me. She helped me to relax into and accept my current reality — not in a complex, intellectual way, but in the simplest, most important way: by helping me feel better. So, so quietly, she whispered, “Aww, it’s okay, Mommy. We’ll play together quietly while you rest.”
And my younger son did the same. He gave me hugs and read a book — a quiet activity — that’s the opposite of his usual rambunctious, bouncing-off-the-walls self. And, that softened me, too, to see how even a child with his age and temperament wants to show his love and concern.
I realized, “These are gifts that the silence has given me.”
It gave me the opportunity to witness how kind, caring, and loving my children are.
BLESSING #2:
So we decided to make reading a quiet activity to do together as a family.
While snuggling in bed.
I had embraced the silence by then, and it brought me an unexpected serenity.
And as my children nestled in close to me, I realized — with some sadness — how precious these moments are.
Yes, all our days are numbered, given our frail human condition, but then it dawned on me:
So, too, are the years, weeks, and (dare I think it) days when my children will allow me to cuddle them like this.
They’re at that tender age when they still depend on me.
But, the day will come when (if we’ve raised them right) they will want to spread their wings and soar all on their own.
One day, my kiddos won’t want to hold my hand, anymore.
Or, they might shy away when I go in for that kiss.
But — for now — in this blissful silence, they are here, together with me, cuddling close, where my lips can peck them on the cheek and tell them everything they need to know, silently.
And they’re meeting me where I am: kissing me back with so much tenderness.
It was lovely.
And it brought me to my next epiphany:
BLESSING #3:
Love is always the best path forward, to deal with any difficult feeling.
So, I relied on the 2 C’s that always re-center me:
C #1’s INWARD = Compassion for my Self &
C #2’s OUTWARD = reaching out to likeminded Community.
For #1 = I gave myself the best self-care I could, by relaxing into the belief that this Silence could serve me.
For #2 = I allowed myself to rest into the Power of SILENCE, and found a BETTER way to use my Voice:
❤️🙋🏻♀️Writing / Creating = How to Love your Self🙋🏻♀️❤️
💕👫Sharing Other People’s Writing / Creations = How to Love Others👫💕
💜🔮Either way, your Love expands. The Love you give comes back to you.🔮💜
And, I kid you not, it did:
BLESSING #5:
One of the very first writers who ever supported me on Substack wrote me the most kind and uplifting message, to let me know that he wishes me well, he appreciates our conversations as we comment on each others’ work, and he encouraged me to keep going.
And I received such a thoughtful comment from a new Subscriber as well. It was in response to a post I had made about a difficult experience in my life, after spending many years practicing law as an Attorney, and how it gave me the courage to pursue the Creative side of me. He let me know I wasn’t alone in feeling that way, and also encouraged me to keep going.
It really lifted my spirits.
I may not know them in real life, but their reaching out meant a great deal.
Because I felt supported. And I haven’t always had that.
As I told them,
“I feel like I am finally giving myself the permission and space I have needed for far too long to become who I truly wish to be.
And it has been such a long and isolating road.
Because no one around me ‘gets it.’
I hardly know anyone who loves the things I do — creative writing, making art and music, and creating videos.
And, unfortunately, I’ve received so many messages (both explicit and implicit) to not pursue these things.
It’s taken more courage than I ever anticipated to do these things anyway.”
Their kind comments meant more to me than they might realize.
So I did keep going. I didn’t give up.
I asked myself, “How can I use my voice, even in silence?”
I started to think outside the box.
BLESSING #6:
I decided I could, in fact, use my voice, if I edited my latest video recording.
I had recorded it last week, when my voice was just fine, but I hadn’t had time to do the post-production.
I realized, “This is the perfect opportunity to try to make the message better — not by using more words, but by using more of my creativity.”
I used silent magic:
• I learned how to layer better imagery (“B roll”) on to the video, to hopefully convey the message in a way that was more entertaining.
• I added animation, to hopefully keep the viewers’ interest.
• And, I created a new Logo, to highlight
What I hope to accomplish with the VICTUS Method:
To help others find more peace and serenity, by accepting and becoming more of who they want to be, as I try to do the same.
In other words, I tried harder to serve others.
And, with each subtle shift, I proved that I could still use my voice.
Ultimately, by not speaking, I found a deeper understanding inside of me.
BLESSING #7:
This was, perhaps, the most surprising revelation of all:
By talking less, and delving inward, the fear of posting another video slowly began to fade.
I posted my 2nd Video here:
And as I sit here, rewatching it in silence, I feel a greater sense of strength, not in my voice, but deep in my core.
Yes, there is power in SILENCE.
Have you experienced it, too?
If not, give it a try.
Ask yourself:
What’s in your world, without words?
May you find the silent magic, some time today.
The Silence in me honors & respects the Silence in each of you,
Marisa
🎤 📺🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life— mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
In particular, Mindset Reset #7: Be Mindful of Your Feelings, recommends this:
“While you’re creating, note how you feel at each step of the process.
Don’t let yourself get so stressed out that you fail to see what you’re enjoying (or not).
Most of all, pay attention to when you’ve entered a state of Flow, where time seems to slip away because you’re so engrossed in what you’re learning or doing.”
In other words, when we’re trying to achieve the goals we’ve set, let’s not RUSH to speed through our tasks.
When we do that, we can get lost in seeking the goal, and lose sight of our why.
So much so, we may not even realize that, somewhere down the road, we don’t actually want what we’re trying to achieve.
So, beware the RUSH!
Lest we forget to ask ourselves:
• Why do we want to achieve this goal? • Do we actually enjoy what’s necessary to achieve the goal? • Is it even any fun? • What are the obstacles that are in our way, and are we willing to do the work that’s necessary to overcome them? • How does it make us feel?
Which brings me to today’s observation:
There’s Power In a SLOW Move
Have you ever been to the gym and watched as many a bodybuilder will pick up the biggest weights that they can lift and proceed to rush through all their reps, as fast as possible?
Well, it’s not necessarily a sign of strength.
And it can result in injury due to poor form.
In actuality, there’s significant power in a SLOW move.
A deliberately SLOW move.
In fact, you’ll find that when you lift much more slowly, or vary the tempo with which you lift and/or lower (known as “time under tension”), it can become harder to lift a lower amount of weight, but you will make great gains in your strength, endurance, muscle definition, and weight loss.
I find this to be true for me, and it’s one of the reasons why I have made steady gains when I lift at the gym, without lifting insane amounts of weight.
It’s also why I do my Vinyasa Yoga very, very slowly, like I’m moving through honey, as I move from plank position, down to the floor, and lift myself back up, through push-up position, to a slow, full cobra.
Yes, there’s a lot you can do with just your body weight.
There’s so much power in a slow move.
Likewise…
Finding Synergy’s a Slow, Deliberate Practice
Take What You Know from the Gym, and Bring It to Work with You
In this story, I describe how my definition synergy extends beyond what’s in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. To me, finding synergy’s a practice.
And it’s worth it. When you apply what works for you in one area of life to another, you can achieve success in everything you do.
But, finding synergy can be hard sometimes.
It’s not always concrete or something that’s easy to spot.
I usually find synergy in moments of contemplation.
Like when I’m journaling. Or meditating.
It’s in those moments when I can look inward, to reflect on what’s working and what’s not.
Those moments are the fountain of great epiphanies.
But, the gym’s slightly different.
At the gym, my body’s very active, as I do a weekly mix of lifting, kickboxing, dance, yoga, pilates, and barre ballet.
But, I love to meditate while I’m exercising.
I think that’s why, when it comes to my fitness routine, the lessons I’ve learned are so obvious to me, because of the compound effect:
I have years of data and observation to look at.
Finding Synergy: Flowing from Fitness, to Flowing in Work
Now, I find myself applying so much of what I’ve learned about fitness — about the power of reps, proper form, grit, finding Flow, and fun — to my work.
I’m deliberately SLOWING DOWN as I learn how to record, edit, and publish each YouTube video for my writing and music.
And I find myself not only able to focus more easily on the practical task at hand, but also on my emotions.
I’m realizing what I enjoy: • The anticipation of doing it was worse than doing it. • Doing it was actually a lot of fun. • I discovered my favorite part was when I learned how to applywhat I’d learned from studying many experienced YouTubers.
And I learned what I don’t like about the process: • I can’t say for sure, because I haven’t had to do much editing so far, but I suspect I will not want to do much of the post-production work down the road. • Many YouTubers hire others to do their post-production, and I may want to do that, as well.
Time will tell, but the point is:
I’ve only been able to notice these things about myself because I slowed down, to take regular breaks to pause and reflect, to notice how each step of the process was making me feel.
The focus wasn’t just on meeting a deadline.
And that’s actually hard for me to do.
Because I have a long list of to-do’s for work and my family.
So, there’s a strong urge to “get it done” and get it done FAST.
But, I’m reminding myself that the Turtle wins the race.
And what’s worked for me in the gym — a slow, deliberate practice — will give me similar gains in my Attorney-to-Creative journey.
What about you?
Are there areas in your life, where you’ve benefited from a SLOW practice?
Do you find ways to apply that knowledge, to achieve synergy in other things that you do?
The Turtle in me honors and respects the Turtle in each of you, Marisa
🎤 📺 🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
The Art of the Professional Pivot: 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Creative Self
From my new publication series:
“Lessons Learned on my Attorney-to-Creative Journey”
Mindset Reset #1: Just Get Started
You’ve done some preliminary research.
You’ve got a lay of the land and a goal in sight.
You’ve identified one simple task you can complete to publicize your awesome, Creative Self.
Like producing and publishing your very 1st video or audio recording.
Now, just do the damn thing.
Stop researching.
Stop adding more to your to-do list.
You know the destination you ultimately want to reach.
But, trust me, you’re not going to get there in one, two, maybe even hundreds of audio/video posts.
That doesn’t matter.
Because getting there fast is not your goal.
You’re just gunning for a 1% gain.
So aim for the next respectable mile-marker: a place where you can honestly say you pushed yourself beyond your current capability. Without throwing your nervous system out of whack.
Once you’ve identified that mile-marker, then you’ve got to start the car and get going.
Why?
It helps to start ASAP.
Because the longer you take to think about it, the more time you have to think of even better ways to do it.
Or, worse: You give yourself time to ruminate and second-guess what you’re doing, to the point that you start to look in the rear-view mirror and wonder if you should just turn around and drive home. AKA: forget the whole trip. Put on your pajamas. Climb into bed and binge watch the new docu-series you don’t really care about, but are suddenly dying to watch.
Lesson I Learned #1:
I launched into 2024, promising to honor the Creative in me, after spending far too long focusing on me just as an Attorney.
I wanted an outlet to share my non-fiction and fiction writing, and I also wanted to write and sing music, as well.
I decided to launch a YouTube Channel to house all these loves of my life.
So, I gave myself the kick in the ass I needed with Mindset Reset #1:
I told myself, “Start your engine! Just drive!”
Mindset Reset #2: Lower the Bar
Yes, you read that right! Lower the bar.
Your aim is NOT to create some magnum opus that will go down in cinematic or audiophile history as the best-of-the-best.
Your goal is just to release a song/video. Of you. Showing your face. And perhaps opening your mouth to say something, anything, without stuttering.
It’s about overcoming the initial resistance or fear you might have.
That’s it.
Lesson I Learned #2:
I’m a Type A, go-getter type of person.
But, I’ve also learned to apply the VICTUS Method to recalibrate my mindset so it aligns with what my body needs, which is a well-regulated Nervous System.
That’s why I wrote this storyto honor my feelings, to NOT push myself beyond my initial capacity.
The truth was, I was too scared to jump straight into making a video.
So, instead, I decided to release an audio recording of my singing instead.
Mindset Reset #3: Identify your Minimum Viable Product
Ever heard of this term? When launching a start-up, entrepreneurs identify the MVP — the minimum product that they can produce fast, at a small cost, that customers would be willing to buy.
They don’t have any illusions about it.
They’re not expecting their first product to take down their competitors’ more-established products in their niche.
Entrepreneurs just want to get going. To begin with something respectable, that will allow them to see what might work and what doesn’t, for as little cost to them as possible.
Now apply the same mindset when it comes to producing your first audio/video recording.
Find a topic that interests you, that you can discuss relatively well.
It does not need to be something grand like “This is The Solution to World Hunger.”
It can be something incredibly simple when you’re starting out: like, “The Top 10 Tools Every Gardener Needs,” assuming, of course, that it aligns with your overarching vision for your Channel.
Lesson I Learned #3:
My MVP was easy to identify: a simple video to introduce my YouTube Channel.
I recorded it on Friday 5-10-24.
I planned to post it on Monday, 5-13-24, because that was the perfect day to launch my Channel: 5-13-24.
Can you see why?
5-13-24 = 5-4-3-2-1🚀
Plus, I had a MASSIVE whyfor doing it on that date, but I’ll save that for Mindset Reset #8, below.
Mindset Reset #4: Be Open to Failure
Borrow the entrepreneurial, start-up mindset: Failure’s expected.
Failure’s required, like a necessary ingredient in any recipe for Success.
And you want to fail fast.
In fact, it’s awesome if you start recording and immediately realize, “I absolutely hate being on camera.”
It will lead you to what you actually love to do.
Maybe you’re better off producing the content off-screen.
Or, maybe you enjoy script-writing, but editing makes you want to gouge your eyes out.
Whatever you hate, move away from that.
Focus your time and attention on what you love.
Because LOVE brings PASSION.
And that translates to RESILIENCE. The willingness to persist, despite setbacks and disappointment.
It’s the ENERGY we all need, to be brave enough to pursue our dreams.
Lesson I Learned #4:
Failure arrived fast.
On Monday, 5-13-24, just as I was about to complete the form that’s required before you publish a video on YouTube, I realized, “Wait, you don’t have a Thumbnail!”
“Or, a Title!”
Ugh. That meant another hour or so fiddling with Photoshop, to create a cutout of my image.
I used a still from my video.
Without the “oh my gosh,” shocked face, or finger-pointing-at-the-title stance that seems to be all the rage in most of the Thumbnails that the top YouTubers create.
(Perhaps I’ll try a good pointer finger in my next video. Might be hard to do while keeping a straight face, but I promise to try.)
Still, I found it surprisingly hard to make a cutout of my image, or colored outline around my figure.
Luckily, the title and layout weren’t too bad to figure out.
I managed to do it!
On schedule: 5-13-24 = 5-4-3-2-1🚀
DONE.
Mindset Reset #5: Remember, It’s a Marathon, NOT a Sprint
One of the worst parts of learning how to use any new platform, software, or process is the massive amount of information you’ll get from running just a quick search.
At the top, there’s always a TON of posts or videos devoted to “going viral” or “how to make X dollars” doing it.
Hundreds, thousands, if not tens of thousands of results like that pop up.
IGNORE all of them!
You are a newb. Accept it.
Then, repeat this mantra: “Run your race, at your own pace.”
Don’t be delusional and think that you can run to the front of the pack, easy-peasy.
It’s going to take a LOT to get there, and worrying about getting there NOW is not only premature, it’ll make you stress out unnecessarily.
Your job is to identify the “next right step.” For YOU.
That’s all.
Lesson I Learned #5:
“Run your race, at your pace” saved me more than once.
So, I’m happy to report, I remembered to use this mantra and it worked.
I told myself to run my own race again and again, whenever I doubted what I was doing.
Was it “good enough”?
It was good enough for me. Based on what I’ve learned to do so far.
And, the mantra didn’t curb my drive or determination.
Instead, my desire to keep going grew.
I’m not looking back in the rearview mirror.
I’ve got my shades on, and I’m ready to hit the pedal, to go for another drive.
Mindset Reset #6: You Can Relax When You Remind Yourself, “You Will Iterate.”
With each video, identify one, JUST ONE, improvement you can make.
Then, RELAX and trust the process, because remember: you WILL iterate!
You’re just starting out. It’s just the first few videos.
There’s no need to worry, because you’re going to do it again and again and again.
You’re going to repeat and refine your process over time, by making many, many videos.
Lesson I Learned #6:
“You will iterate,” I reminded myself, and I could feel my stress dissipate.
It made me realize: RELAXING is so underrated.
Relaxing is incredibly important to me.
More than I ever thought before.
Yes, in the past, I used to push myself beyond what was healthy.
But not anymore.
Throughout this audio/video recording process, I took regular breaks and reset my expectations:
about what I hoped to accomplish for this audio/video, and reminded myself that I could improve on the next one if I didn’t get it right with this opportunity.
This helped me to feel so much better, no matter what I was doing: recording, editing, creating, or uploading.
Mindset Reset #7: Be Mindful of Your Feelings.
While you’re creating, note how you feel at each step of the process.
Don’t let yourself get so stressed out that you fail to see what you’re enjoying (or not).
Most of all, pay attention to when you’ve entered a state of Flow, where time seems to slip away, because you’re so engrossed in what you’re learning or doing.
Lesson I Learned #7:
As explained in my this post, when I was learning how to produce my 1st audio recording of me singing, I had an epiphany: I discovered I entered a state of flow when I was learning.
I really got “in the zone” when I was learning how to mix and master the recording with audio production technology.
I knew I was in a state of flow because any worry I’d had about putting myself out there, about posting in public, had disappeared.
And, I’m relieved to say, I achieved the same Flow state when I was learning how to record, edit, and produce my 1st video, too.
It’s clear to me now that I can enter flow when I’m learning something new and learning how to apply it.
I have so much fun.
I get lost in learning things and applying them. That’s when it’s the most fun for me.
And, like it was the last time I hit publish for my audio, when it came time to hit publish for my video, I wasn’t scared anymore.
The anticipation of doing it was worse than doing it.
Mindset Reset #8: Find Your Why
If you’ve never tried journaling, start.
Leather-bound journal.
Digital program for the iPad.
Composition book from the local office store.
It doesn’t matter what you use, but find a way to write about why you even want to do this.
Launching a video or audio Channel takes a lot of time and effort, and there’s a learning curve, as we’ve already established.
So, don’t waste your time if you’re not in it for the long-haul.
If you don’t have a clear vision for why you want to do it, then stop to take the time to identify your why first.
Lesson I Learned #8:
My why is too big to relegate to a subset in a 10-point listicle.
My why’s so big, it goes to the core of my identity, not just as a person, but as a mother, too.
That’s why I’ll delve into my why in a separate story.
I’ve been journaling about it for a long time.
And I’m sure I’ll be journaling a lot more about my why as I encounter more inner resistance, outer roadblocks, and probably a lot of keyboard-warrior-trolls throughout my Attorney-to-Creative journey.
I’ll need to remind myself why I’m doing it, the harder it gets.
Mindset Reset #9: Schedule Your Way to Success
If you don’t schedule the time — literally, add it to your schedule — it will NOT get done.
Especially if it’s a side hustle that doesn’t earn you any money (yet).
That invite to chips & margaritas will sound all-too-enticing after a full day’s work and, before you know it, weeks will have passed where you’re NOT doing what you deeply wanted to do.
So pencil in the time.
Calendar it.
Do the damn work!
Lesson I Learned #9:
Emotionally, creating audio or video content as a Creative feels very different from working as an Attorney.
In most non-creator jobs, you’ve got a boss or manager or, in my situation, a literal case, with tasks that you can easily identify, to do.
There’s a lot less autonomy, in that regard.
But, there’s a benefit to a typical 9-5, too:
You know, generally, how much time it will take to do something. Because you’re familiar with it. You’ve done it before.
Or have someone or some resource that’s close enough to guide you.
In contrast, creating audio and video as a Creative felt like The Big Unknown. And that made it far too difficult to determine how much time it would take me to do each and every thing.
So, it was good I had taken so much time to research before diving in.
But that mile-marker had passed.
What I really needed this time was to schedule STOPPING.
As in, no more research.
No more trying to decipher how to make it “perfect,” as if perfection’s even possible.
No more ways to improve upon anything, before starting.
Just get started.
That’s what I needed to pencil in.
A Start Date!
I added it to my calendar.
Then I got out of my head and I did it:
✅published my 1st audio recording on Soundcloud and Substack on 🎤5-3-24.
✅published my1st video recording on YouTube on 📺 5-13-24.
Mindset Reset #10: Have Fun & Celebrate Every 1% Win!
You get to be your own boss.
No one is making you do it.
You’re doing it because you choose to do it.
So, find every way that you can to make it FUN!
And, celebrate every GAIN you achieve. Every mile-marker you reach.
Because, it’s NOT the final destination that guarantees that you get that hit of dopamine.
Instead, create a never-ending cycle of dopamine hits for every 1% improvement you make on your journey.
And, if you find ways to reward yourself Every. Single. Time. your cycle of seeking-and-rewarding will never cease.
You’ll climb to ever-greater heights and actually enjoy the hike, every step of the way.
Lesson I Learned #10:
As soon as I hit publish, I felt fantastic!
I reminded myself, “You honored the commitment you’d made to yourself. You did what you promised yourself you would do.”
And I celebrated: “You got over your initial fear! You let the real you be SEEN!”
One fear was conquered. Not forever. But this time. With the audio. And the next time. With the video.
It’s no guarantee that the fear won’t be there again. Of course, it will be.
But, I got in my first two reps.
And that made it worth it to me.
And had a blast celebrating with my family.
Use these 10 Mindset Resets to Publicize Your Way to Success!
Here I am now: writing, to take stock of the lessons I’ve learned and am still learning.
Best of all, I’m looking forward to the “next right step,” the next mile-marker, that looks and feels right.
I’ve got my shades back on.
Looking out the windshield,
Scanning the horizon for the next step, the next mile-marker, that looks and feels right.
Not for someone else, but for me.
🎤 📺 🎤
What about you?
Are you interested in giving audio/video posting a shot?
Give it a try.
Join me.
Let’s see where the road leads.
The Driver in me honors and respects the Driver in each of you,
Marisa
🎤 📺 🎤
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
Click the red YOUTUBE Play Button below to watch the video.
I *finally* ‘freakin DID IT!
Lessons I learned will appear in my post later this week, but for now I’m SPENT! LOL
I’m just so relieved to have DONE it. After all the ramping and revving up I had to do, all the technology and steps to figure out.
The video’s finally dropped on 5–13–24…exactly as planned!
5–13–24 = 5–4–3–2–1 🚀!
The Dreamer in me honors & respects the Dreamer in each of you,
Marisa
If you would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please Subscribe to my new YouTube Channeland signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER! Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
These are like spheres intersecting on a Venn diagram.
When we adopt the identity of being a Scientist (#3), we test what works (or not) for ourselves, and we look for how we can apply what works to multiple areas of our life, to be successful (#1 Synergy).
When we adopt the identity of a Lifelong Learner (#3), we grant ourselves the time to grow and pursue goals at our own pace, in a way that honors our feelings (#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self).
Combined, we can achieve our goals and feel good while doing it, despite any discomfort we might feel when doing new, unfamiliar, and sometimes scary things.
Lesson BEFORE: Theanticipation was scarier than doing it.
Since I promised myself to prioritize the Creative side of me, I knew I was going to begin recording myself in audio and video format. But, I felt uneasy. So, I decided to take it in stages, just one step at a time. I started with just singing.
BeforeI started the recording process, I was nervous.
Not about the song itself. I picked great lyrics to sing, based on the message I wanted to convey.
But, I was worried:
I didn’t know how to record it.
I didn’t have the equipment.
I had no idea how to use the recording software.
And zero knowledge about the “mixing” or “mastering” process. (Confession: I thought they were both the same. Wrong!)
Performance anxiety was the least of my worries.
I felt lost.
Lesson DURING: I loved learning and applying new knowledge.
Once I got started, though, I loved learning about the music production process.
I spent a long time studying some great YouTubers who shared their extensive knowledge online.
And, it was so much fun to apply the knowledge to my work.
I felt energized.
Learning about technology I had never explored before.
Listening to differences in tone and frequency I had never considered.
Understanding music production terms and concepts I had not previously studied.
Ultimately, the anticipation of doing it was a lot scarier than the actual act of doing it.
It was the seeking & the doing that brought me joy.
And when I hit PUBLISH, I was surprised:
I wasn’t afraid.
The fear that I’d felt before — in anticipation of doing it — had vanished.
Lesson AFTER: Dopamine peaks and falls, and that’s perfectly normal.
When I finally hit PUBLISH, I was happy I’d kept my promise. To the Creative in me.
I rewarded myself with an incredibly fun weekend with my family.
And I enjoyed positive feedback from readers/listeners that’s encouraged me to keep going.
Which brings me to the 4th circle in the VICTUS Method Venn diagram:
#4 Life’s like University: Learn, Revisit, Discover Something New
When you go to college, you plan your syllabus.
You see all the courses you could possibly take.
You’re thinking about credits and how you’re going to graduate with a degree.
But learning never stops.
In my case, after college, I went to law school. Passed the bar exam. Practiced law.
But, there’s still so much I want to learn.
victus means “living, way of life.”
That’s why I named this practice the VICTUS Method: because I’m choosing to live like I’m the student and life’s the school that never ends.
So, let’s curate the curriculum of our lives.
Let’s choose the people, principles, and knowledge that benefits us, and apply what we learn to improve our lives.
Especially when we’re suffering.
You see, after I published my singing audio and accompanying story on Medium and Substack, I noticed something I’ve experienced many times before:
After the joy of doing it,
After the fun of publishing and interacting with readers/listeners,
After the fun family weekend,
I felt what I can only describe as…blah. More than blah.
At first, I boiled it down to the hum-drum of a Monday morning.
But then, the Inner Critic in me began to catastrophize a bit.
I wondered, “Am I suffering from ‘capital D’ Depression? Shouldn’t I be on Cloud 9 right now? After all, I had fun learning and doing it. I did keep that promise to myself.”
And I still intended to launch my YouTube Channel next.
The Plan hadn’t changed. So why did it feel like I had?
I ❤️ Science.
I’m so passionate about the science of self-improvement because I don’t just want to find a life hack that works for x, y, z.
It goes beyond that.
I want to understand the mechanisms for why a particular method works, based on our biology and/or psychology.
I find it fascinating and inspiring, and it motivates me to continue applying what’s worked.
Scientific Knowledge Helps with Self-Regulation.
So instead of thinking something was simply “wrong” with me, I decided to revisit the science of dopamine and stumbled upon something new.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone that helps to regulate many functions in our bodies and brains, and it plays a major role in our desire to seek reward.
I was familiar with dopamine already, but one of the things I’ve learned from my synergy practiceis, you should revisit the same concepts multiple times, from multiple sources.
Because sometimes the way it’s explained highlights something you’ve never learned before.
Or, it’s explained in such a way that you gain some new insight.
Dr. Andrew Huberman did that for me.
Dr. Huberman’s a Neuroscientist and Associate Professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.
His insights changed everything:
(1) When an animal’s foraging for food or water and gets a whiff of it in the distance, that is when dopamine is released (upon seeking); not when the animal finally obtains the food or water (upon reward).
(2) People tend to celebrate when they finally achieve a goal, but that can lead to a bigger let down. It’s more beneficial to attach the reward to the seeking process by celebrating incremental gains (like each 1% improvement), rather than the Goal’s ultimate achievement.
(3) Why? Because it’s normal to feel “post-achievement depression,” a sort of “success hangover,” after we’ve experienced the dopamine surge. Dopamine rises and falls, and that’s normal.
Eureka!
I absolutely love when I discover a practice that works for me, and then I find that it actually makes sense scientifically, based on our physiology and/or psychology.
After listening to Dr. Huberman, it all made sense.
(1) explained why I enjoyed the seeking process so much. The most enjoyable part was when I was learning new skills and applying them. Even more than hitting publish.
(2) tells me how I can apply this knowledge moving forward. I plan to break down my goals into smaller achievable steps that I can deliberately savor and celebrate when I achieve 1% gains with each step. Doing that transforms it into a dopamine cycle that never ends.
(3) tells me I don’t have to make myself wrong for feeling the let-down that followed. Indeed, as Dr. Huberman explains, that dip in emotion spurs humans to take new action toward a new goal. In other words, it can be considered a good sign that we’re about to embark on another seeking journey.
Knowing that is the key to self-regulating.
I’m going to use it to maintain a Secure Attachment to myself.
I just have to remind myself:
• The down I felt was perfectly natural.
• I don’t have to worry that I’m depressed.
• I don’t have to feel depressed about feeling depressed.
• Because it’s not depression.
• It’s me, revving up to go seeking.
* * *
Are you a Seeker?
What are you seeking?
Is it something new and, perhaps, a little scary to do?
What emotions does it bring up for you?
How do you cope?
* * *
The Seeker in me honors and respects the Seeker in each of you,
Marisa
♫
If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
Here’s My First Music Post: I’M SINGING A SONG FOR YOU & FOR ME!
This is how parenting my kids has taught me to build a Secure Attachment with MYSELF, and you can, too.
Even if you’re afraid, when you’re Securely Attached to YOU, there’s nothing you can’t do.
🎤🎵🎤
Please find a link to listen my music
at the bottom of this story.
🎤🎵🎤
Here’s How Co-Regulation with my Kids helped me to learn better Self-Regulation with Myself
Co-Regulation: Lessons learned from Parenting My Kids
One of the most important things I’ve learned since becoming a mom to my two young kids, is how important it is to build a Secure Attachment with them.
This means that I am physically present with them, and I am attuned to their feelings, when they’re positive and, especially when, they’re negative.
It’s so important because children do not have the ability to self-regulate as well as adults.
Adults who are emotionally mature can act as a mirror, not necessarily to agree with or share the emotion itself, but to simply help the child to witness, acknowledge, and process the emotion until the emotion can pass.
As I like to tell my kids, “ALL of your emotions are welcome, even your anger, your fear, or any of the other so-called ‘negative’ feelings. Emotions will come and they go, but they’re all helpful. All emotions can communicate what matters to us.”
• Anger might show us when a boundary between “me” and “them” has been violated. It can signal a lack of respect. It can demonstrate a need for us to speak up and protect ourselves.
• Fear might show us when we’re unsure of ourselves. Perhaps we lack experience in something new that we’re about to try. But that’s okay. We’ve all got to start somewhere.
• Excitement might give us the burst of energy that we need when we’re getting ready to do something spectacular. It might lead us to find our calling in life, to find precisely what we love and are meant to do.
All our emotions are there for us, and we mustn’t push them away.
Instead, we can let them flow through us like waves. Or pass in the sky of our awareness, like the ephemeral clouds that they are.
But, before we can do this as parents, let’s remember to read the Warning Label:
It can be SO HARD to do this in real life.
As any parent will tell you, when you’re dealing with a kid who’s inconsolable, who’s crying at the top of his lungs, or flailing her legs and pounding her fists in the temper tantrum to end all tantrums, it is freakin’ hard sometimes to stay the Zen Mom/Dad we all aspire to be.
Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult to just bear witness.
To stay in the room. To watch. Without telling them “no.” Without announcing, “Please, stop!”
Another part of us wants to end their suffering. To solve the problem. To tell them, it’s really “no big deal” that their brother wants to take a turn with their new favorite toy. They’ve been playing with it non-stop for the past two days, anyway. Do we really have to cry and whine about it for, what’s it going on now, 25 minutes? With shrieks so shrill that you swear the inner recesses of your brain are shaking to near-earthquake level?
But, stating the so-called “Facts” at your little Mini Me will do nothing to help him or her “get over it.”
And, lest you don’t have any kids of your own yet, trust me: Never, ever tell your kid to “get over it.” That’s the absolute LAST THING you want to do. PSA: It’s also the LAST THING you want to do to your spouse or significant other (if you didn’t know that already).
It’s so important to remember: All of their seemingly out-sized feelings ARE legitimate.
They are precisely the feelings that they must feel. Because they feel them. That’s the reality. Accept it. They’re human. Just like me. Just like you.
So, be there. Empathize. Be present, alongside your babies, no matter what age they are, no matter how old they become, or how much they grow alongside you.
By staying present, we SHOW with our actions that we’re capable of handling whatever horrible upset they are experiencing. And we’ll stay with them, to weather the storm with them, no matter what may come.
By just BEING present, we demonstrate that we’re there for them. We care. We love them.
And the more we do it well, the more we come to enjoy it when:
• Our children come to us, to express all their emotions.
• They trust us, to be available and willing to know and understand who they are.
• They believe we’ll never try to force them into feeling something different, into being someone they’re not.
• They stop fearing their emotions, the more they can see that all of them — even the scariest ones — will eventually pass.
• They trust that they’re loved, no matter what!
This is the transformation I’ve been so blessed to witness in our family.
SELF-REGULATION: Parenting My Kids showed me what’s possible, and made me realize, I need to give the gift of a Secure Attachment to MYSELF.
The more I was there for my kids emotionally, the more I realized, I didn’t have a Secure Attachment to me.
I was raised in a loving family but, in many ways, attempts were made to motivate me with the stick. Not the carrot.
And, knowing myself better now, the carrot’s what I need.
The stick can get you only so far.
Achievement can do only so much.
After a while, the carrot of closeness to oneself is the medicine that we ALL need.
Because, let’s face it: All adults struggle to self-regulate sometimes.
It’s certainly been true for me.
I doubt there’s a single adult on this planet who has never struggled with the Inner Critic that resides, like a wraith, whispering insidiously in our head.
And, when we don’t take the time to build a Secure Attachment with ourselves, and the negative emotions compound, we start to believe whatever the Inner Critic is saying.
• That Imposter Syndrome? It keeps you from going for that promotion.
• That Perfectionist? It makes you rewrite that memo for the zillionth time.
• That “I’m Not Creative” Limiting Belief? It makes you hide your creative potential, in stacks and stacks of blank pages. Pages you’ve left untouched because the fear’s become so massive, you’re too afraid to even try.
Build a Secure Attachment with YOURSELF and you can do anything, no matter what emotions you feel.
Even if you’re feeling a negative emotion like fear, it doesn’t stop you. When you have a Secure Attachment with yourself, you know you’ve got your own back.
You can allow yourself to feel the feeling. Without commanding yourself to just “get over it.”
You can stay with it, label it for what it is, and examine it with curiosity.
You have space to ask, “What’s this emotion trying to tell me?”
You can experiment.
You’re willing to admit, “I can’t go all-out, I’m not ready yet. But,” you can ask yourself, “What can I do? What action can feel comfortable to take, right now?”
THAT’s the gift of Secure Attachment that my children have given to me.
Yes, I might have given birth to them; but, they’ve helped me to give birth to the potential in me.
My kids have taught me that I can do what I’ve done for them, for MYSELF.
I can help myself to self-regulate in the same ways that have been effective for my children.
I can honor my own emotional response.
No matter what’s happening.
“What I’m feeling matters,” I can tell myself.
And, so many times before having kids, I couldn’t tell myself that.
Because I was too focused on doing everything “the right way.” I let myself feel wrong for feeling whatever I felt.
If a feeling didn’t serve a purpose, or allow me to make progress toward a goal, I wanted to be rid of it. To shove it out of the way, and will my way to success.
Or I just stayed there, motionless, too paralyzed to do anything.
But, now that I’m a mom, I understand the importance of NOT doing that.
I know, deep in my bones, how crucial it is to honor and respect every emotion I ever feel.
And, now that I’ve been doing it for years, I am FREE.
Not because bad emotions never come. (No one can ever experience that.)
I’m FREE because I can TRUST myself to handle my emotions now.
My Inner Child TRUSTS me.
She knows I’m not going to try to change her emotional response if she’s upset.
I’m not going to negate her.
I’m going to acknowledge that she’s upset and understand why she’s upset, even if the adult in me doesn’t agree.
I validate her.
And, in doing so, I’ve found strength in MYSELF.
That’s the Secret Ingredient: The more TRUST you have in YOURSELF, the MORE strength you have to actually DO.
Ironically, the MORE you can acknowledge your fears — of weakness, of imposter syndrome, of imperfection, and on an on — the MORE you can actually TRUST that you can handle them.
Because that’s all they are: Fears. Thoughts. Perceptions that can change, over time.
And, if you HONOR your fears, if you don’t over-step, and you give yourself just a tiny push to take only the “next right step” that you need to take, you can actually accomplish the Goal you set out to achieve.
You can be your own parent. You can give your mind, body, and spirit the love that you need.
I’m practicing this Every. Single. Day. And today, I’m publishing my first audio recording!
Fear is ever-so-slowly becoming “just fear.”
It’s not that I want to feel the fear flickering, like an arrhythmia in my heart.
But, I’m also not trying to chase my fear away, like it’s some Capital F monster haunting my dreams.
Instead, I’m making room to honor its presence:
• I’m NOT telling myself I have to perform a whole entire song with music to accompany it.
• I’m NOT telling myself that I have to figure out how to do complex things, like music licensing.
• I’m NOT beating myself with a stick, to get myself to comply with the Gold Standard of Audio-Video Recording.
Instead, I’m easing myself into it.
I’m feeding myself a carrot in mini-bites, because I recognize that is what I need.
So, I invite you to listen to me here, where I’m singing these lyrics, not to a lover (as in the original song), but to MYSELF & to YOU, to the Inner Child in both of us:
Love will lead you back.
Someday, I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
I’m sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
It won’t be long
One of these days
Our love will lead you back
With these words, I’m regulating my own emotions, the way the Mother In Me knows how.
I invite you to listen to the Child that’s inside of you, too.
Because that’s the meaning of love: to listen.
The love in me honors and respects the love in each of you,
Marisa
♫
If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear more of my music, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
Captain, BEWARE: That Compass May Not Guide You When You Go Ashore!
You must use the RIGHT Inner Compass to navigate your life, to become the person you’re MEANT TO BE!
If you’re going to Captain the grandest vessel — the Ship that is YOUR LIFE — you need to use your Inner Compass to detect what you’re going through, and point yourself in the right direction.
Be aware of what’s happening around you, not just in your environment, but — perhaps even more importantly — mentally and emotionally.
You need to be aware of what is going on in the turbulent ocean of your life!
You cannot close your eyes at the wheel and hope, through sheer luck, that if you stay quiet, keep your head down, and ignore everything going on around you, your ship will end up where you want it to be.
No, you must use your Inner Compass to guide you.
That requires more than intuition. More than “just a hunch.”
It requires experience tested and wisdom gained, forged through the hardships that you encounter, not when you’re moored, but when you’re sailing, out in the open sea.
Grit. You take it with you. The determination to be an Explorer, willing to explore life. Sometimes afraid, but undeterred, you’re ready to journey into uncharted territory.
But, BEWARE: We all think we’ve got a map for our lives — a general sense of where we’re expected to go — but when the landscape begins to change…
Like a slow subtle creep, or a drastic shift that carries your ship away against your will, threatening to pull you under the fast flow of currents swirling around, you have to have your wits about you.
“Sea legs,” they call them.
Though, on land, you might call it “self-awareness.”
There ought to be a warning, though, BEFORE you set sail: You may come across a Distant Land, a place too enticing to be left unexplored.
Let your Inner Compass guide you to new heights, to become the person that you’re meant to be.
– The VICTUS Method
I chose the title The VICTUS Method: Synergy of Science & Self because “victus” means “way of life,” and the VICTUS Method combines many different modalities to calibrate the Inner Compass I’ve used to survive the sea change I’ve experienced in each season of my life.
At its core, my Inner Compass is supported by the Meditation I’ve practiced since I was a child. But, I didn’t stick to sitting lotus style, eyes closed.
I meditate, like a Captain checking my Compass, no matter what activity I am doing.
But recently, it’s led me to a discovery that’s quite startling:
My Inner Compass — that’s been tuned to the open sea — isn’t calibrated to the new environment I find myself in:
I’m not out at sea anymore.
My gaze has brought me to the shore, to a path that’s unstable and rocky beneath my feat, as I find myself walking, climbing upward, toward the Summit of a Mountaintop I hadn’t imagined climbing since I was young.
I find the Compass I’ve carried in my breast-pocket, held so closely to my chest, no longer serves me.
The measurements it takes are of no use in this new Quest.
All is not lost, though.
There’s a new Compass, glittering in the distance.
But, it’s not whole — not yet.
It exists in tiny, shimmering parts.
Small, intricate, moving pieces that glisten in the sun.
I search for them daily, by following the energy that rises and falls as my inspiration guides me, like a magnet to each tiny piece.
Little by little, they reveal themselves to me: A gauge. A gear. A spinning set of instruments.
By day, I collect.
By night, I piece them together, under the starry, moonlit sky.
They fit, like tiny puzzle pieces I’ve just barely begun to find, hidden here and there, nestled in the nooks and crannies of the Nature that surrounds me.
I look ahead, to the path I must climb, and see how it’s winding upward, on a steep incline.
The terrain’s not clear.
And, I realize, I have to be bold.
I take a step, then another. I strain and brace my legs.
I stumble under the weight of the boulder, invisible, but always there; it’s my past, that weighs heavy upon my shoulders.
But, I trudge along, buoyed by what I imagine is waiting up there, at the Summit, for me to see.
Days pass and, still, I cannot yet see it from where I stand, but I imagine the view at the peak.
I imagine the grandeur.
More magnificent than the brightest sunset I have ever seen at sea.
Where, once I reach the top, I can see, not only the valley down below, but the ocean I’m so familiar with, glittering in the distance.
Except now, I can see the water with new eyes, from a new vantage point.
The 30-foot waves that crashed against my ship won’t appear so severe, so life-threatening.
The salt won’t crack my lips, the way it did, many times before.
That day, when I reach the pinnacle,
I’ll see how far I’ve come, having traveled the path I never dared to walk,
to climb a Mountain I never dared to climb,
to become the person I never dared to be.
And I will know it then:
It was worth it.
To dare.
To dream.
To do.
To become who I was meant to be.
The Explorer in me honors and respects the Explorer in you,
Marisa
This story is based on what it feels like for me to pivot from practicing law as an Attorney, to prioritizing more of my Creative Self as I get ready to publish my first audio singing and plan to launch my YouTube Channel.
If you enjoyed this story and would like to hear or see me succeed (or flop 😂) as I practice in public, and you’d love to learn about the science of self-improvement, please signup for my freeSubstack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share with you (in addition to music!) and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
Attorney, Artist, and Author of THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. Writer who believes in the power of words. Life-long learner who’s passionate about the science and art of self-improvement.
Join me, as we explore the science and skills behind VICTUS, the path and practice that can silence our inner critic and free us to be our truest, authentic self.
Want to Live a Happier Life, Filled with Synergy, Flow, and Freedom in Everything You Do?
Then Sign-Up for The VICTUS Method Newsletter @my Contact Page.
